Morning Mayham !

Hi M.,

I work for the American Diabetes Assoc. here in Jax and would love to communicate with you privately about your daughter and the resources we can provide for you and her to make your lives easier and get you the support you need. We have an incredible Family Resource Network who can give you loads of advice on everything from meals to morning routines and just give you an ear when you need it or a shoulder if you need that too! :)

Please e-mail me and I'll put you in touch with our program director who can call or e-mail you with information on meetings, hook you up with another family who is managing their child's diabetes well, etc.

We have so much to offer... I hope we will have the chance to help you!

K.

I can't give advice on the diabetes issue, but I can tell you how I was able to get our mornings under control. My oldest kids are 9 (almost 10) boy and 8 yr old girl. We sat down together and talked about how it's no fun for anyone to start our days with me yelling at them. They hate it and so do I, so we decided together that we need to work together to have happier, more productive mornings. We had a family meeting about it so we could all agree on what to do instead of me dictating stuff to them. We made a list of all of the things that need to be done in the morning. This lead to also making a list of what needs to be done before bed, because things like making sure your homeowrk is back in your backpack and your shoes are by the front door BEFORE you go to bed makes for a much easier morning. Running around looking for things as you are trying to get out the door is a stress trigger for everyone! We ended up with a list broken into 3 categories of expectations... what they need to do when they come home on school days, what they need to do before bed (including times for some of the things, like teeth are to be brushed at 8:00, which means at 7:55 you can not decide you are hungry and want a snack!), and what needs to be done in the morning. I gave no rewards for doing what they need to do-- they just have logical/natural consequences when things aren't done. At their age, they soon got it that things needed to be done and that's that-- they took control of it on their own by checking with the list on the fridge and they were floored by how much they were able to get done on their own instead of me shouting at them!!

This is our routine...
On school days, I wake the kids up a full hour before we need to be in the car (luckily their school doesn't start too early, so we get up at 7AM, in the car by 8/8:15ish and they aren't "tardy" until something like 8:40... I know some schools start much earlier), and tell them I'm getting in the shower and expect them to be dressed by the time I am out. I walk away for a minute and then come back and rewake them in case they have started to fall back to sleep. When I get out of the shower, I go and check to see if they are dressed. I basically say "Are you dressed??!!" and they POP out of bed if they aren't, but fortunatley we've built that extra time in, just in case they're having a slow morning. Then they have the rest of the morning to eat breakfast, brush teeth and hair, get shoes and socks on, and make sure they have backpacks and anything else they need for school. They are not allowed to sit on the couch unless everything is done. If I catch them sitting, I just run through the list- or sometimes I just ask if everything is done and they go check the list themselves.
After school, they are allowed to have a snack first if they want one, and then RIGHT to homework- period. No TV, no computer, no outside play-- nothing until homework is done. We started that in kindergarten. My feelings on this is that they get it done and out of the way and then they have the rest of the evening to play and be kids. If I allowed play first, then it would be dinner and bath and suddenly bed time would be sneaking up on them and when would the hoemwork get done?? Not as big an issue with kindergarten homework, but I wanted to start great habits right out fo the gate because now my 4th grader has over an hour of homework some nights and I wouldn't want him starting that 15 minutes before bedtime! Plus, my kids like to watch a couple of the 8:00 shows (like Kid Nation and Survivor)and they are allowed to since homework is done. Sometimes my daughter whips through her homework and wants to play outside (I don't let them play outside without me) so I check on my son-- sometimes we wait for him until most of his homework is done and I allow him to save one part (like his dreaded writing) for after he gets some outside time, and then he does the rest while I make dinner.

For bed time, they have to have an evening snack overwith before 8:00 or they don't get one. When they forget, I follow through, they whine about how hungry they are as if they hadn't eaten in days, and I stand my ground. The next night, they are sure to watch that clock and eat earlier!! My son needs asthma medicine and it's on the checklist so there is no fight about it.

Good luck! I know it's aweful trying to get out the door! But I no longer scream or stress.

Oh, one more thing. If your daughter still refuses to do homework... a)she is not allowed to do anything else until it's done, and b)find out what her teacher's consequence is. My son had a cub scout meeting once and forgot he still had part of his homework to do and was too tired to stay up and do it. I told him he could wake up early and do it or take the teacher's consequence. He said the consequence was at recess he had to walk the track instead of play with his friends, plus he had to still do the homework the next night. He decided it wasn;t worth it and woke early to do it the next morning. I actually woke him at regular time, but since we have a whole hour to get ready in the morning, he popped right out of bed that day and got it done.

Dibetes is not a death sentence!!We have 3 type ones and 2 type 2 in our family. Go take a class in diabetes and sugar management.She is 1 with homework?? Do a behavior chart,for every morning and bed time with out a fuss put a sticker on a calendar. After a predetermined amount they get a prize. No food, if the boy gets it ,that is a tease to the girl. See if your parents will let you runa low sugar household. Diabetics are known to be pure Bitches when their sugar is too high or too low. For fun try two diabetics with low sugar and PMS. When she is in a public school , she'll need a federal 504 plan. It will let the teachers know what she needs,they hav toprovide correct food, and extra water breaks and rest room breaks and extra eating. be sure she has everything she needs that is different from regular kids written in the plan.
And by all means do ever think the teacher knows about dabetex except shots and no sugar. Check sugar when she is fussy tobe sure it is not the sugar ad she will figure out get fussy get a stick.

Hey girl - hang in there!! Is there anything you can do to 'simplify' the routine - like simplify breakfast, do things the night before (pack backpacks, lay out clothes, take baths)? *I even have a friend that lets her kindergartener sleep in his clothes!!! I've never gone that far* That way, only the essential things, brushing, medical,eating things would have to be accomplished? Also have you tried to build in rewards for hitting target times - like if we make the bus - then a treat - if we've eaten & cleaned up by such a time - then a reward. Eight years old is a difficult time anyway, my daughter is 7 and she drags her feet, too. I can understand why she would rebel against a shot (!!) Considering all you're going through, cut yourself a break and take a deep breath! Try to gain some perspective from it's only a season. In a couple of years, she'll be setting her alarm at 5:30 so she can get up and get ready for school - makeup, hairdo and all! And you'll be yelling to keep her from waking you all up with the hairdryer!! Also, do you have a chance to get up before them and get centered before you enter the fray? It helps me when I can.

Well, you are not alone! It's hard on everybody to get out on time, and to get kids up so early. At least you're getting them to bed at a reasonable hour. I find that the secret to mornings is preparation and good habits. For example, get EVERYTHING ready the night before, backpacks, snack, homework, school clothes, etc., and put by the door or in the car. And give them their baths at night. Then, in the morning, get up before they do and be completely showered and dressed with breakfast ready if at all possible! That way you can pay attention to them to get them out of bed and dressed and fed. We're all more cheerful after we've eaten, too. But stick with your schedule...you're doing the right thing. Kids their age need 10-11 hours of sleep, so you may even want to get them into bed earlier!!!! Routine, routine. Of course, no TV at night, just read books and go to bed. I do all this sometimes...the trick is to do it consistently! But every day is a new opportunity! Good luck.

I don't know what time you have to leave in the morning but you may not be allowing your kids enough time to wake up in the morning. I would suggest giving them 15 - 30 minutes just to wake up and then start to get them ready. My daughter was not a morning person and if I rushed her around it was mayham as you stated. I would have to wake her up and let her lay in bed for a bit, make sure you have a few minutes of playing/loving on them. Then get her to sit and eat breakfast at her pace. Sending them to bed earlier is great but make sure to allow enough time for them in the morning.

Hello M.,

I do not know the age of your daughter because it did not show up on your post, but your son is 5. They are old enough to listen to you. So i think that you should take them for a walk and talk to them. Remind them about how you are and that your health is not GREAT and that you are not feeling well and that you really need them to listen to you and to help as a family and that the fighting and that the whinning HAS TO STOP!! Tell them that you 3 are a family and that you 3 need to stick together and help each other out.

Then PRAY together as a family so that GOD can help you all get along and to help you all love, respect and enjoy each other. Ask the LORD for GOOD HEALTH for you and your family.

I hope that you all can find a way to have better mornings.

God Bless and take care.

From one mother to another.

How old is your daughter? Is the diabetes under control?
How much homework do they receive and how much playtime or break are they receiving before bedtime comes, with dinner, baths and chores not included? Do they have any other after school activities? Could you be the one to give her the shot when it is needed to take away the guess work of when and if she received the medication?

B.

Hi M.,

I'm not dismissing the behavior issue by any means but I could ALWAYS recognize when my father's blood sugar was high just by his behavior. (He was angrier and more aggressive) Monitoring it may lead to some solutions for you.

I do recommend that you talk to Kimberly that wrote you and look into the Glycemic index diet (google and Amazon.com). It is truly the diet to best control issues with diabetes and is good for the rest of the family as well. I am still controlling my father's diet in the nursing home on a feeding tube with the Glycemic index.

The GI diet also has helped keep the weight off the rest of the family, lol!

Hang in there!

Regards,

M.

It could be that your children a just a stressed as you are. May be a little time along just talking with them and letting them explain to you why they are acting the way they are may help. My 6 year old daughter was doing that about a year ago, so I sat down and talked to her about it, and since then she's been better. Don't get me wrong she still acts up and gets into trouble but now she knows that she can come talk to me when something is really bothering her. Hope it helps!!

Wow-you have your hands full!

Sounds like you need a set schedule for your family for mornings and nights. Plan one out for everyone with the times alloted for each major event and task--wake up time, get dressed, breakfast, brush teeth, get diabetes shot, out the door etc. and night time too--dinner, homework, bath, bedtime. Get it on a big piece of poster board in a common area and go over it with your kids.
And then STICK to it!--Keep bedtimes and wakeup times the same on weekends AND weekdays for consistency. Kids need a lot of sleep (11-12 hours a night) so 7 or 7:30 bedtime with a 6:30 wakeup time should work. Consistency is something kids really need so there are no real surprises, they will expect certain things to happen at certain times--and with this they will resist much less after they get used to it. It means that you too have to have a more organized and consistent day, but trust me you will ALL benefit from it.
Another thing you can do is implement a sticker reward chart where they get a sticker for doing specific things (especially things you have problems with them doing) like homework, cleaning room, etc. Have it up also so they can see the progress and once they "earn" so many stickers, they get a reward. It doesn't have to be elaborate--but something that each one likes likes--a hot wheels car for the boy, a coloring book, a trip to the park, etc. This concept also works well with magnets and and magnet board....which will be a bigger investment at first, but you can reuse it endlessly.

Wow Tammi F! You've got it under control. I have the hardest time with my seven year old girl in the morning. It's chaos sometimes. I'll have to steal some of your ideas:)

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

K.:)