A friend of mine just found out she is pregnant. Surprise. One heck of an early April Fools as she found out late Thursday. She is worried because she is 42, has 3 kids already (10, 8, and 4) and she and her husband work full-time. I have 4 kids and told her she will manage but she is still worried, plus about her age and the risks, etc. She also says she thinks about the nursing and diapers and gets very overwhelmed. She will not think about ending it even though she is pro-choice because she doesn't think she could emotionally handle that. She and her husband know they will love this baby should she carry to term but she is still in her words "shocked to the end" and "what the..". Like me she had infertility problems and had help with her first 2, 3rd was what she considers a special gift. Anyone have any similar I can share with her to maybe help her feel better and maybe more confident about it?
Well, she had her appt last Friday and she is about 8 weeks along according to the ultrasound. Everything looks great but she still worries how on earth she will handle 4 kids.
There is no real risk because of her age. That is one of the many lies OB's have thought up to get women to buy more tests. Ever notice how advanced maternal age the number keeps getting lower and lower. Pretty soon 25 will be considered advanced maternal age.
I am a midwife and have clients all the time that are over 40. None of them have had any problems.
She will be fine. Tired, but fine.
I had son #1 at age 39. I nursed him for 2.5 years.
We adopted son #2 when I was 45...and we realized I was a month pregnant within 2 weeks of bringing him Forever Home.
SO - I had son #3 a month before I turned 46. He is 14 months old now; I am still nursing him.
My boys are all reasonably healthy and though I am exhausted, it's all good. I am, by the way, the working parent in my family, so I don't get to nap...and son #3 still night nurses. What helps is for me to get a sleep day on the week-end - on Saturday, I theoretically get to sleep as much as I want (with husband's support) and I usually take a nap with the baby on Sunday.
It took a LONG time to get this from DH, so if she enlists/gets his support now, she'll be fine.
40 is the new 30!! She'll be fine, and everything happens for a reason.
My dad's mom was 42 when he was born in the 40's. He was her surprise 4th. He grew up very poor. He's now a lawyer who went through Harvard on full scholarships, retired 40 years later as director of international law at the Pentagon, still consults. He was always a wonderful person and helped his mom tremendously her whole life after his dad died when he was 10. Every child is a blessing.
My step sister is younger, but she's expecting her 7th, and she home schools!
4 is a lot, but you can do it! (I'm a little jealous. 40 with three, and wouldn't mind a 4th-don't tell my husband)
We had a 12, 9, and 6 year old when our youngest was born. I was 41. We wanted more children and our youngest came after two stillbirths. We had decided that we were not going to have any more children because we just couldn't deal with the heartache of loosing one more. I found myself pregnant and scared to death. I found the best OB a women could ask for and he got me through the pregnancy. Once our little girl was born I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with all the care a little one needs, but I soon found that I had three very capable and willing helpers. They love her beyond words and never complain about helping with her. In fact she has become quite spoiled because they tend to want to help a bit to much. We can't fathom our lives with out our little Izzy. I am so thankful we have her. She has shown our older children how to be patient and kind. She has taught them to share and that people are far more important than things. They delight in the opportunity to teach her and care for her. She has been a gift in every sense of the word. Tell your friend to relax and enjoy the ride.
I have 4 daughters. There are 20 years between the 3rd and the 4th. Even though I was still in my 30's, I am now helping to raise my grandson and I'm 44. My daughter is doing a great job of working and going to college. But her plate is very full. I also run a daycare and I know that maybe makes me a little more used to the whole baby/toddler thing. But she honestly doesn't have to worry about a thing.
Please do tell her that it's not a crime or a detriment to use formula. It's OKAY. I nursed mine for a few weeks for the sake of the benefits everyone talks about. But I hated it. I did not nurse with my first daughter and my daughter did not nurse with my first grandson. Both my oldest and my grandson are the healthiest kids we have in this family!
Tell her that I wish I could trade her places! :)
I had my first (and only) at 41 and never saw a doctor, only midwives. I had a wonderful pregnancy and birth experience. Yes, four will be a lot, but it sounds like she has help!
My mother had my youngest brother at 46 (change of life baby). He's 16 now, everything turned out fine.
The only problem she had was with nursing. He wasn't gaining enough weight because she didn't have enough milk (hadn't even gained enough to get back to his birth weight). She was very upset about it at first- felt so guilty. The doctor told her to switch to formula because she was putting herself through too much. She wound up being so much happier and less stressed. And he was gaining weight really quickly.
If nursing is stressing her out, there is no crime in formula feeding. Millions of people turn out just fine on it. I have 4 strong, healthy, happy children who all had to be formula fed. I was only able to nurse the 1st one for 2 weeks (long story). When I went to formula, I felt like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders. Tell your friend a happy mom is more important to the baby's well-being than breast milk :)
I have 4 too- at least her youngest is already 4. Mine was not even 3 yet when my 4th was born (I'm 40 BTW) so it'll be a little easier for her. Mine were 2, 4, and 8.
Tell her not to let herself get worried about the age thing. My grandmother had my mom's youngest sibling also at 46 (her 15th child). No OB GYN, no pre-natal vitamins, no electricity or indoor plumbing. Every one of them turned out fine.
I was pretty stressed when I first found out I was expecting #4 also. I can't even imagine my life w/o her now. She's spunky and funny, and makes me laugh every day :)
anything in life is a what if.....i know several women who have had children in the 40's and no problems. my son was born when i was 38. tell her to make sure she sees an on-gyn and not a family doctor. the ob-gyn may send her to a high risk doctor which would be better for her and the baby. things are what they are and everything has a purpose.
She will be fine, tired as someone else mentioned, but as long as she is healthy, baby will be too. Remember no two pregnancies are alike. She can solicit the 10 and 8 yr old to help with baby or begin making them become independent for their own needs if not already there.
Our fourth baby was a surprise too! It takes a while to adjust your world, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Our little one has brought sooo much joy to our three older kids (13, 10, 9) and to us! Everything happens for a reason! Tell her good luck and don't sweat the small stuff, their routine will change but it is worth it!
We think our little one keeps us young! tired but young at heart! It pushes us to continue with family outings etc and keeps us all closer as a family. When her oldest is 22 and busy with friends and life he/she will be drawn to spend time with the little one and stay closer because of his or her existence
My dad had a third with my stepmom when he was 61. I am 40 and literally have a baby sister! She's 9 now. My dad is now 70 and doing great. If he can do it, your friend can do it!!!
I just had my second at 40...
Best of luck!
