Advice About Second Child

I have a sister who is 43 w/a newborn and a friend who has a 6 year old daughter and 6mos old baby boy - she is 41. No complaints from either one of them. At least you won't have two young ones! That's when it can be tough! LOL

I say, go for it!
M.

I say do it! I had #3 at 39-a big ol' huge oops. But, oh well. I am exhausted-but, not from the baby-it's my 4 yr old that wears me out-emotionally. he is a handful. You will never regret having a baby that you want.

Hi i had my fouth child at age 41 i did really good had no prombles at all my kids are age 25,19,11,4 but we are a very close family we do every thing together we go on trips every year in the summer so dont worry you be fine

I amost 41 when I had my son who is now 2.5 years old. I had a very easy pregnancy and a C section with a very fast recovery. I don't think my age has made any difference for time or energy with my son and I am extremely happy with my decision to have a child. I am sure the newborn experience is hard at any age, but o so worth it. I think the hardest part of having kids late is actually getting pregnant. The decline in fertility is generally fairly rapid after 40 so I wouldn't wait too long! Good luck!

I had almost exact situation as you are in. My first girl is 5&1/2 and second girl just turned one. It was a wonderful to have another child, to give my old one a family. Being older, I had a tougher pregnancy and slower recovery the second time around. It was hard in the beginning but things are getting easier. We are blessed with a very easy going and healthy baby. The age difference at this stage makes things a little hard. The old one is out and about and wants to do all sorts of things. So, sometimes on weekends, one parent takes care one child and go and do things at different time and places. But I have no regrets to have my second child. Good luck to you.

Hi. I'm 42, with two kids, age 9 and 6. I actually feel better and more energized now than when I had them in my 30s, though it's less to do with age and much more to do with how much sleep and exercise I get. I can't offer any advice about a 5- or 6-year age difference between your children or about the health risks of motherhood at this point, but I will respond about your ability to give energy to each child and to everything else in your life. How is your overall health? If it is good and you are getting plenty of regular exercise and a healthy diet then physically you are able to handle the demands of a second child. 40 is not 80! The exercise is really, really crucial, though. It keeps your metabolism up and can help compensate for a lack of sleep. Ask yourself whether you will be capable of doing regular exercise (you'll probably need it nearly every day) while dealing with the sleep deprivation that comes with having a baby. If you can commit to that you will get through the first year or two (probably tired but on your feet!) and be physically capable of doing everything your life requires. If your general health is not great or if you are likely to skip workouts when you are exhausted or just have a lot to do on a given day, then you are likely to be chronically tired and your own health will spiral downward over time. Not a good way to enter middle age. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Hi there!

My son is barely 3 mos. old. I also have a 5 year old and a nearly 9 year old. My birthday is in January and I am 41. So, as you can see, my hands are full. I felt a bit odd here and there in my pregnancy being 41 and had a few remarks, meant in jest, of course. But know what? I loved being 41 and preggers.. I knew what to expect and felt a lot more at ease and was able to truly enjoy the months better. Now that school is nearly upon us, and my darling boy is easy-going, I'm not so concerned regarding energy. Just remember to breathe! ehehehh You, your honey and your daughter will adjust and you'll have more fun with your newborn since you're hmmm "seasoned" :-)

Good luck and have FUN being 40 and pregnant! More and more women are having babies a little later. You'll be part of a really exclusive and special club.

L.

You know, beyond the medical concerns, I really wouldn't worry that much about being an "older mom". There are just so many moms out there who STARTED at 40. My sister had her first at 41 and she is doing fantastic. You know how it goes, when you have to be there for them, you just do it, and it'll keep you young! When your little one goes to Kindergarten this year (I assume), check out the older moms - there's usually lots! As far as the age difference, my youngest is 6 and 8 years younger than her 2 brothers. I worried about it too, but I couldn't be any happier with it if I'd ordered it especially perfect! There is definitely something to be said for the children not having any rivalry at all because the first one will be about 6 - already going on with school and her life, so the younger one doesn't "annoy" her so much and won't be a competition to her. If anything, being a girl, she will absolutely love to assume responsibility for the little one, and that will enrich her life so much. I think it's perfect.
Good luck!
M.

You know yourself and your family best so let that be your deciding factor.
My experience:
My twin daughters were born on my 46th birthday. I work fulltime and am the only care provider for my girls at home. My husband and I are dual military and he has not ever been stationed here with us. I LOVE being a mom and have tried two additional attempts at IVF since their birth as I wanted to add to our family, but neither attempt was successful. I will admit taking care of two active 13 month old girls requires lots of energy so I just try to make sure I go to bed when they do (I'll be glad when the Olympics is over!).
Best of luck to you and your family if you do decide to try to have baby #2.

I am 47 years old. My youngest child is 5. Tolet you know, the doctor will keep a closer watch on you, especially if you had a hard pregnancy with your first child.

I was watched to make sure I didn't have gestational diabeties, because I was diabetic with the child before this one.

Your pregnancy should be fine. One thing the doctor will want to test is for down syndrom. I never had that problem. All of my children are healthy.

I would suggust you speak with your doctor and listen to his concerns, but what I see, there shouldn't be a problem.

As for having a child older than this one, you would be surprised at how well they will handle it as long as you keep them up to date with what is happening and keep them involved. You will see that your older child wants to help out in many ways, and play with their sibling.

J.

Dear M.,

Well, you are the only one that knows your patience capacity and your physical ability to care for two. I think it is a good idea if your heart is set on two children. Your first daughter will thank you for the rest of her life, and having siblings 5 years apart isn't a bad thing, in my estimation.

You will have to plan to conserve your energy for the first three years especially, then it will get easier, also the five year old will be a great companion, and her sister or brother will just adore her. My two gr grandchildren are so close it brings tears to my eyes, they are truly a blessing to each other.

Just don't take on any or many other activities and don't worry about dust bunnies for the first few years, and you will make it.
Good Luck, if you chose to do this. C. N.

A lot of women are having babies in thier 40's. If you are a healthy fit 40 year old, then go for it. There are young 40 year olds and there are old 40 year olds. I have met young moms that are mentally "not there" for their kids and older moms that are. If you want to keep up with your baby you need to have energy and be healthy. I am in my 40's and I am learning as I go. I have found I need to be physically in shape if I want to participate in my childs life. I want to live as long as possible to see my kids in thier 30's and 40's. Having a healthy active life style will ensure this. There are some great and amazing young moms out there, don't get me wrong. I think if you have the desire and can handle it, you should go for it.

My mom had me when she was 45. She had already had five kids before me, and my closest brother was six years older than me. It all turned out great. Me and my brother have always been truly best friends and while my mom wasn't going jogging with me, she had enough energy to go on hikes and my older brother played with me constantly.

Go for it!
-A.

My sister in law got prenant at 40 and again at 43 (both accidents!) They were both precious additions to the all ready sizable family. They made it. If you don't have to go back to work, do it! My other sister in law added a third and he was so much more work than her two daughters! But she in no way regreted it. Unless one's circumstances are dire, I think its pretty much unheard of to reget the addition of another child no matter what the age.

I was 39 and 42 when I had my children. My age was why I wanted two children. I figured as an older mom my children wouldn't have me as long as I've had my parents. I wanted them to have each other. I definitely don't have the energy I had 20 years ago but since I had the opportunity to do everything I wanted to do (I got married at 37) I am very content to do "kid" things. It did take me 13 months to have my second child because I had started periomenopause so I would get pregnant right away. I don't regret it at all. By the way, my kids are a boy age 12 and a girl age 9. They actually get along just fine, except when they're killing each other. ;-0

I am two months from turning 49, with a daughter who will be 4 in a week. We became a family when she was 5 1/2 months, but she only slept for 2 hours at a stretch initially. I handled the sleep deprivation fine (as 'fine' as one can!). I still cook dinner every night (and she helps), and I am joyously experiencing Motherhood along with working at a job I love. Here's my two cents about Moms who are older.

We are different Mothers as we age, but I truly believe that we are not better or worse. We are different. I am calmer, wiser, more secure in who I am and what I can give, and a better cook! I am more self-aware and that helps me cope emotionally with balancing a complex life.

And it is what it is. I believe that I am a good Mom. I believe that I would have been a good Mom at 20 or 25 or 37 - but I didn't get the chance to do so. However; the circumstances under which our adoption happened are so unusual that I believe we were meant to be the parents of this spirited child who almost literally dropped from the sky into our arms. And why were we made to wait so long? I don't know. Maybe to be wiser and more able to cope with her. But really, if you are a great parent, you'll be so at 20 or 30 or 60.

as for the age difference - I think it is no big deal! Again, from my own life, there is a 4 year age difference between me & my next sister, and then a 7 year gap before the next sister. It was fine. Your older one will truly be a "big sister". I know lots of families with a large age spread. Think of it as built in help with the little one!

best of luck as you make your decisions and build your family

Hi M.,
I had my son 3 months before I turned 40. He is my first. He'll be 6 next month. We had originally planned to have another baby. However, I have to work full time (I have no choice) and I soon realized that I did not have the time or energy to give to another baby. (I'm 45 now and always exhausted!) I realized that I could have one happy baby with a happy mother or I could have 2 babies and be miserable. So I explained this to my husband and he reluctantly agreed. My son is great and I am able to give him my full attention and we are able to do a lot of extra things with him that we could not do if we had another child. My son has lots of friends and cousins so he is not at all lonely. I do have to deal lots of people (including strangers) telling me I need to give my son a sibling. There was a lot of guilt involved in my decision but I knew it was the best thing for me.

My best friend had her 3rd baby at the same time I had my first. She was about to turn 40 as well and she also had a 7 and 5 year old at the time. She is a stay at home mom and she wanted lots of children. The age difference wasn't a problem except that the older kids weren't interested in playing with a baby too much. I think now that the "baby" is almost 6 years old, they play with him more. The only problem is that the older kids start to have lots of activities and you have to drag the baby around with you.

I think it comes down to how much you really want a baby. You should only have another baby if you really want one. Not because you think you should or because other people expect you to do it or because you think your daughter should have a sibling. If you really want one, you can make it work and you'll be able to find the time and energy. If you really don't want a baby and have one anyway, you'll be unhappy. I know I really didn't want another baby and I could not let outside pressures or guilt change that decision.

Good luck with whatever you choose. You'll be fine either way.

Hi- I have 2 wonderful friends that had babies at 39 and 40. Yes, the risks increase, but many women have healthy babies into their 40s. As far as energy, you will rise to the occasion and in some cases it gives you more energy...energy from the heart :) My sister and I are 7 1/2 years apart and we didn't always want to do the same things when we were younger, but now we are the best of friends and I am soooo glad that my parents had another baby to bless me with my sister. Dara Torres (olympic swimmer at 41) just said, "Don't put an age limit on your dreams", so don't wait much longer, but if you want another baby, go for it!
Best Wishes!!!

Hi M., I think a five year differance is ok. I have 2 brother's one is 4 1/2 years older than me and the other one is 2 1/2 years older than me. My brother's and I are very close even though my oldest brother is 4 1/2 years older. My other brother and I are closer but it's just cause we are closer in age but my oldest brother and I are still close too! I love having two older brothers and wouldn't change it for the world. God bless you and your family!

Hi,
I was 41 when I had my daughter (I just turned 45 & she is 4) and I too, was worried about my energy, etc. But during my pregnacy I felt great, better than my 1st one (I was much younger too)! There is no problems keeping up w/her or anything like that and I find that being a littler older, I just really, really enjoy her and just sitting there and watching her play. Its like because I am more mature, I enjoy & appreciate it more.

Also, I never did the amnio (sp?) where they wanted to put a needle in my stomach to do the test - why, I wouldn't have changed a thing either way and I know of 2 cases where the women were told they would have a physically/mentally challenged child and (they worried the whole time) but had the child anyway & they both came out perfect!!! They had needlessly worried because of false information!

I just say that if you feel in your heart that you want another child, it dosen't matter how old you are - they kind of keep your energy up anyway =) Your older child will help you out a lot and love being a sister so don't worry about the age difference. Go for it & GOOD LUCK & GOD Bless You!! You will be happy =)

I'll be 39 in December and giving birth right around my birthday to my 4th child. I have an 18 year old, 16 year old, 2 year old, and this new baby coming. (I got divorced, remarried, and we started a new family.) I can say that I think it's very common to see mom's in their late 30's and early 40's. With new medical advances and people having kids later in life, I don't think we are going to stand out as "older" parents in Kindergarten. I know that I was 5 years apart from my sister and we didn't have too much in common until we were older. That could be different in your situation. Some 5 year old children would be so appreciative of a younger sibling-she might even help you care for the child by helping you get things for the baby and/or helping feed bottles, etc. I think if you're going to do it you should do it very soon as the older in your 40's you get, the higher the risk of Down's Syndrome. You can opt to have an amnio around 16 to 20 weeks and it will tell you if the baby has it. I did that at age 36 and 38 and everything is normal/perfect so I think it's worth the small amount of discomfort to find out and prepare and/or have the option of not continuing the pregnancy if you so desire-everyone is different. You will probably get assigned a "high-risk" OB doctor just because of "advanced maternal age" but that is normal after age 35, so don't be alarmed by it. Good luck in whatever you do.

I was 42 when I had my 2nd child, my son. It was planned and we got pregnant naturally.

It is wonderful... and my daughter, who is 5 yrs. old, LOVES her little brother to bits.

It's really a personal decision... yes, I was more tired this time around...but I never regret it. ALSO, my children are 4 years apart... and so I think it is great because my girl is older... and was more mature by the time my 2nd child came, and it was easier, on me. Also, my girl loves helping! That is one thing I'm glad about... my eldest is a girl, and so she is so nurturing and helpful. I love that my children are 4 years apart... it's perfect for us, and for them.

My friend, was 46 when she had her second child. And she never regrets it either. Her children are 3 years apart.

No matter what, you need to think how YOU would feel about it. But 40 years old is not "old." LOTS of women nowadays have children in their 40's and it's common.

I'm very happy we had a 2nd child, and my girl loves having a sibling... and they are the best of pals. It's so amazing to watch the two of them grow up together.

It may take longer to get pregnant or maybe not... so if you want another baby, don't wait too long. With each of my pregnancies, I had an amniocentesis, due to my age. It was my choice of testing, as the amnio is the most conclusive.

really think about it and discuss with Hubby. Evaluate your energy level, lifestyle, and that you really "want" another baby. Each person has their own reasons.

All the best,
Susan

I was 42 with a newborn - yes, you can do it! Just make sure you take good care of yourself, eat right, keep your weight down, exercise, and get enough sleep. If you are in good health, you can do anything!

I was 41 when I had my second child and I had the same worrys of will I be able to keep up, when she starts school will all the parents think I'm the grandma,etc.Those worrys did not come to be. My beautiful now 7 year old is one of the joys in my life I spend as much time doing stuff with her and my older daughter because they are only young once and they are growing up quickly. My advice is if you want another child and are in good health go for it no matter what. I know someone that just had their second child at 40 and the older one is 9 years old. Be happy and good luck to you.

My second daughter was born 3 days before I turned 40. My oldest was almost 3. It has been a lot of work, but definitely worth it. I agree with another poster about amnio testing. You could also have a CVS at 11 or 12 weeks. My neighbor just had her first baby at 45, and the entire family is doing great! Just take care of yourself. And good luck!

I am pregnant now @ 39 and will be 40 with a newborn and I would say that the pregnancy is demanding with another litte one at home and working full time but I knew this going into it. I trained 6 months for a .5 marathon before we got pregnant and really feel that this helped me get in shape to have a healthy pregnancy and ultimately has given me the energy I need. Our risks do go up as we head into our 40s but if you look at the percentages the other way...you have amazing odds of having a perfectly healthy baby. I am a firm believer in Amnio testing at our age to be informed and prepared. If there is possibly something wrong genetically ... medical sceince can do amazing things these days... and an all clear healthy result eases anxiety about if the baby will be healthy and you can relax and enjoy your pregancy. Good luck with you decision - only you know if your family is 'complete' or not and follow your heart :)

Hi M.,

I just wanted to add my two cents regarding your concern. I am a mother of four children. My oldest is 24, then 22, then 12 and my youngest is 7. I was 19 when my oldest was born and 36 when my youngest was born...they are 16 years apart. My younger two children are 4.5 years a part. All of my older three children were awesome when my youngest was born. My 16 year old loved just holding her and helping to tend to her. My almost 5 year old was a huge help too. He was always so kind and loving to his baby sister. yeah, now that she is older and in his face more often, he is not always the kindest brother, but he would do anything for her! LOL

I think a 5 year difference is a great amount of time. Your oldest one can be a huge help for you and they can be very close siblings! They will not really need to compete in many ways as siblings that are closer in age. I think if you are considering having another child, you should do it. If you analysize it too much, it just gets too complicated. I can tell you this. Yes, it is hard work (but you already know that), but it is so worth it!

From my experience, i can tell you that I had more energy with my youngest than i did with my first two. They were so close in age that i never had a break and I was always so exhausted! I was able to enjoy my younger two so much more because I had years in between the births..My older two were only 17 months a part...that was exhausting!

if you are considering it, you should do it. I have heard so many families who regretted not having that "last" one. I have never heard families regret actually "having" that last one!
Best of luck with your decision...be sure that your husband is on board for this though...you will need his help and support...not so much when the baby is little..but more so when the baby is a teenager! LOl Those are the times that i wonder if i will survive again! LOL My oldest has turned out great, but I wonder if I will have energy to deal with a teenager when my 7 year old gets there!

Best of luck,
T.

I had my second a year ago at age 39 and my older son was 4. It was a tricky transition for him. He acted out quite a bit during my pregnancy at times and a lot when the baby was first born, but he LOVES his little brother now. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis which is a pretty tough disease especially with children. It can be hard for me to put the baby's clothes on and off, change diapers, chase after him, and sleep deprivation aggravates the problem even more. It was pretty manageable before I got pregnant again, but now it is much worse. Do I regret having gone through it all? Not at all! I am very very happy. I even think about having another. I've noticed that a wider age range is just fine. In fact you might find that your daughter will be very helpful. My friend who is 45 has five year old twin girls and is pregnant again. So far so good! Everyone is excited, happy and the baby seems really healthy!

My daughter is 14 months old, and I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. I'm 41. My age certainly was a concern for all the reasons you mentioned. We also had trouble getting pregnant and had to use in vitro for both pregnancies.

I was extremely tired during the first trimester, more so than with the first pregnancy, but I feel really great now. I have nothing to compare it to as I don't know what it feels like to be pregnant in my 20's, but it really hasn't been that bad.

I'm worried about keeping up with a newborn too, and not just with a new born, but when the kids are 10 and 11, I'll be 52. But I keep telling myself that I'm healthy and active, and 52 now isn't our parents' 52. We know so much more about health and nutrition that we're in much better shape then previous generations.

Yes, it's scary, but ultimately you have to do what feels right to you. If you want this baby and want to add to your family, don't let age stop you. Did you see the Olympics with Dara Torres? She's 41 and was swimming next to a 16 year old, and she came in one one hundredth of a second behind her!!! Over twice her age!!

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

I have 4 children, and they are all what might be considered far apart in age: 26, 20, 16 and 10. I LOVED the age difference! In most cases, I would send one off to kindergarten, then get "started" with the next one. It was perfect...each child received that special individual attention from me as a baby/toddler, and the older ones were busy with school and friends and weren't threatened by a new sibling arriving. It also helped when my youngest was born (I was 40) that I had so much help and "babysitters" built in to the family! (You may be dismayed to find your baby turning to your daughter rather than you when he/she needs comforting! Babies love older siblings!)
Don't worry about the age thing at all...you will be amazed at how many women older than you who have new babies. The newborn stage with my last one was a breeze. It was when he was about 2 (and I was 42) that I noticed my age more. When he would fall asleep in the car and I would have to lug his 40 pound body into the house and up the stairs, I would really huff and puff! But, I like to think this kept me young and in shape.
Time goes so quickly. When you are 50 and the new baby is 10, you will be so happy that you have him/her. Most of my friends who don't have young children are so bored with their lives and miss their children who have all left for college. I'm thrilled I still get to experience all the new things my youngest is discovering for the first time.
To me, there is no "sweet spot" in planning spacing between children. It's all about each individual child's personality. They will either get along or they won't, whether they are 1 year apart, or 6! I say, go for it!! Good luck!

My children are almost 6 years apart in age (10 and 4)and I was 37 when I had my second child. Although I wanted them to be closer in age, this is how it worked out for us, and we are doing great. I definitely don't have the energy I wish I had for them, but when I put my mind to it, I can. As far as their age gap, they are fine. Sometimes very sweet to eachother, sometimes squabbling, but they are also one boy and one girl, so this may have something to do with it. In any case, our family would not be the same without our second child, and we can't imagine just having our 10 year old son now without his little sister. Our daughter has added so much character and personality to our family, just as any child does, and there's no question that even when we're tired, broke, etc, our little family of four is the best thing that could ever happen to us. Hope this helps!

I know exactly what you're going through. I had my first child when I was 27 and my next child when I was 40! There is a 14 year difference between them and although I hesitated to have my second child, I'm glad I did. As long as your in good health and stay in good health, there is no reason why you shouldn't have a healthy, happy baby and the age difference shouldn't be a problem since your 5 year old will be school (at least part of the day) which will allow you the time and space to bond with your new baby. And if you're happy and excited about your first child's school adventures, then jealousies should be avoided. My second child will be starting kindergarten when my first child is starting college!! I wish you the best of luck and I strongly believe that a 5 yr age difference will allow your children to remain individually strong yet close enough in age to be bonded later. Good luck!

Go for it! If a second child is in your heart do not hesitate. "40" is just a number and does not reflect your attitude or passion. I was a foster mom to 7 week old twin boys when I was 40 and loved them. It was great and I was mature enough for the challenge and responsibility.
Good Luck!

I'm 41 and I just had a baby (he's 6 weeks old). I have 3 other boys ages 6, 3 and 19 months. All i can say is that I didn't have any problems with my pregnancies even though I could certainly tell the difference between being pregnant at 35 and at 41. I was a lot more tired. It is very important to eat right and not to overdo it. I definitely needed more rest, which with 3 other kids was not easy to get. The age difference is not a problem. We just have to make sure that we do stuff that is interesting for our 6 year old too. Whether or not your 5 year old is going to get along with her sibling will mostly depend on her character. We are lucky with our boys but I know that sometimes siblings will not get along.
Good luck to you.

You're talking about me! I am 40 and have an eight week old right here in my arms and an almost five year old as well. Here's my experience/ advice having just gone through it ~

I had some slight concerns during my pregnancy but can now say they were all for naught!

I am so thankful that my older daughter has a sibling whom she loves dearly. I believe including our firstborn in the pregnancy every step of the way made her feel that it was her journey too. She even attended birth classes with my husband and I and she was present at her sister's birth (her choice).

Although there is certainly more work to do now I can see it becoming easier as the girls get older and befriend each other and have one another to spend time with. I don't see the age gap as being a problem and it will make it easier on you not having two very little ones. Most five or six year olds enjoy helping mom with the baby!

I'm loving being a mom to two and could almost see (G-d willing) having another.

One thing that I highly recommend is seeking out a Midwife or Dr. who is positive and encouraging! Their attitude will affect you. I wouldn't put up with any of that "advanced maternal age" talk, pleeease!

The Midwives at UCLA work with moms of all ages and are wonderful. Also, Dr. Rebecca Perlow in Tarzana is a very positive and encouraging caregiver. If I did it again I would seriously consider a birthing center or midwife attended home birth for the personal attention you receive. How you feel (relaxed, calm, confidant, or worried) during the pregnancy can very much effect how you approach your mothering duties once the baby arrives.

If you do have another child be proactive, educate yourself and try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy :) Forty is not over the hill. If you take care of yourself, have a supportive husband and usually have a good attitude you should give yourself the green light and get ready for a whole lot more love!

I wish you all the best!!

Hi, I just turned 52 and we have an almost 6 yrs old daughter. She came along 13 yrs after her "youngest older brother" She has a 27 yr. old sister, 23 yr. old sister, a 21 yr. old brother and then Ethan, he's not 18. As far as the energy, yes, i'don't have as much as I did with all of them, but it is amazing to us everyday that she is here. I did briefly consider having another one after Molly, but now I'm glad we're done. I can keep up with her pretty well, she's not quite as active as they all were, being very happy to sit and read with me, or watch High School Musical. :) We too, were worried about my age, but only opted for the sonogram, not amnio. No matter what, we were going through with the pregnancy and so very glad we did. Whatever you decide, everything will work out. If you stick with one, enjoy, and if you have more, enjoy even more. C.

M.,

I read only a few responses so if this a repeat I apologize. I am 46 with a 6 year old. I remarried almost 10 years after my divorce and we had a child a year later. My 3 older children are 11, 11 and 13 years older than their little brother. I have as much energy as I did with the other kids but I have to make sure by eating right, vitamins and exercise. When I was younger it just came to me because I was active. These ages were a little farther apart than I would have wanted for my youngest but still definentely(sp) do able. I think that the 5 or more years age difference is very common.

The most common difficulty with more children is for the mom to make sure that she gets "me" time on a regular basis. Put that into your schedule from the start and I see no problem in having a few more kids.

Evelyn

Hello M.. I wanted to comment on your post, although I am not in the same exact situation. My children (who are 17 and 12) are 4.5 years apart in age, and I wish I would have had them at least a year or two closer together, but am ok with the age gap. It's sometimes hard, when you have a little one and then an active one, but it all works out - for the best, I might add. My kids love each other one minute and hate each other the next, but I think that's par for the course. I also wanted to add that I'm pregnant with my third child, so if you're worried about an age gap, think of mine - it could be worse. LOL But seriously, the amount of energy I have now (at 34) is way different that when I was pregnant with my other two. I recently lost my job, and have had to cancel interviews (NOT good!) because of fatigue/morning sickness. It sucks! I am hoping things will get better once the baby gets here (not initially, I know, but once it is sleeping through the night, etc.). I also worry about not being "there" for this baby through it's life, when it gets older. That is a big concern for me. My daughter also teases me that next year when she graduates from high school, I'll be in the stands with a baby! UGH!! Ultimately, it is a personal choice, of course, and I say go for it, as long as you and your husband feel prepared for it. I see nothing wrong with it. The only other concern I have (for myself - and one you may be thinking of) is my age. I worry about all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy this late in life. I just have to have faith that God would not give me this baby unless he felt I was prepared to handle it, come what may. I'm sure you will have time for both, somehow it just works out that way. Best of luck to you :)

Hi- I know you have a lot of responses already. However I do have experience here. When my oldest child was 12, my older daughter 8- I gave birth to our 3rd child at age 39. I was as tired with her as I was with child #2, but not more tired (I was already exhausted after #2- so #3 was more of the same!- plus I had postpartum depression again like I did with the middle one). So that was rough.) But that was my situation- part of both the depressions were due to conflicts in my marriage- which eventually broke done after 20+ years. I know not everyone has to undergo post partum depression. I think the age differences between the kids were fine- all my kids were and are close. With my older 2 being so much older, there just wasn't a conflict with the youngest one. I think you'd experience that too.

Although it was hard at first, I have never regretted having any of my children. They really are wonderful people (now aged 15, 24 & 27).

I had my first three while in my twenties - early twenties - and my fourth when I was 38. I opted not to have the amnio because a) we were in the process of moving to Switzerland when it was time for it and b) it would not have mattered anyway, but MAN was it stressful! As I'm sure you know, chances are still good that your baby will be born with no health issues although there is a slightly greater chance at your age. As for energy... what a difference! People say, oh your son must keep you young. NOPE! He makes me realize that I am old... ha! Because my energy level simply isn't what it used to be. It didn't really hit me until I was 42. Now it is going fast, and I am in reasonably good shape. As for the age difference between your kids, that should not be a concern unless you want another child mainly to give your daughter a playmate. If so I would advise you to just focus on your daughter. Do not have another child for that reason. My youngest is, in effect, an only child and it is not a problem unless you focus a lot on the "only child" thing and make it one. Back to age difference... my granddaughters are 6 years apart. On the one hand, they are spread kind of far apart. On the other hand, that causes less fussing and fighting and jealousy. I think your energy level should be your first concern. AND the fact that, by having a second child, you are adding another future teenager to your life. You haven't been there yet so you simply have no idea how stressful that can be. Just the opinion of someone who has been there. Whatever you decide, good luck!

I was almost forty when I had my son, who is now three. Like anything else, some days you will have energy and some not. I think if you really want to have another child, as long as your husband helps out, it should not be too hard. Please ask your physician to know what the risks are to you and the unborn child. Good luck in your situation.

I am 46, almost 47, and my baby girl is three now. I have a teenage girl also. I am a single mom. If anyone should know, I should, because it is soley ME. I have full custody of both.
I work 2 jobs. I am in the midst, today as a matter of fact, finding out what it takes to get me credential. I already have a BS degree.
I work and I am mom and that is my life. But I knew from having the older child, that once you have children that's the way it is.
Yes, I'm tired. My patience is better in some areas but worse in others. There are pluses and minus' to having a baby in your 40's, but it's relatively the same committment. You just do what needs to be done, and love them with all your heart. You are not over the hill for heaven's sake. So many people talk as if it's over because they're 40. Believe me, the teenager is harder at times!
I have times where I just want to run to my room and slam the door because there is no "thankyou" and I'm bustin' my rearend for these kids. But that's the way it always is!

Wendy

My Mom-in-law had her eighth child at 42. She was a surprise and is five years younger than the previous surprise who is also 5 years younger than the youngest. There were no medical complications and the two youngest get along really well. They are now 11 and 16. Their lives have separated more now that they are going through different phases in life but they still seem to be good friends. Their sister, now 21, has been an awesome example to them. She always makes time for them and included them in her life even when she was a teenager. My in-laws say it is harder raising kids when you are older- less energy- but it's not a huge problem. They also say that the younger kids keep them young. So it's really just up to you...

I was 40 when I had my second and he is now 2. Our oldest is 3-1/2 years older. We had wanted them closer together, but I think it's been good because the older one understands better and so it's easier to explain why the baby needs attention when he's crying, etc. The older one likes his own space though, so sometimes that is an issue. But by and large they get along really well.

As for energy levels, I would say it depends on how much support you have. I run my own company to support our family, and my husband helps me in my company. We have sitters who support us so we have the time to get the work done. But we are very tired. But it's also because we are so busy we don't get in adequate exercise and sometimes don't eat great. I'd say take care of you and have sitter support and you'll be fine. Your 5-year-old can help too. That's a huge plus!

You've got to decide what is right for you.
Take care,
B.

Hi ,

I am 46 years old and I have 17 month old boy/girl
twins. I never thought I would have my kids this late, but
I waited to get married. I had the BEST pregnancy, no problems. We are very active. Before I was pregnant, I was a workaholic, so I guess I was use to being on the go. Though, I must say, at times working 17 hour days was easier than 1 day with my twins. They definately keep me busy. I'd say go for it. Im more worried about being an older Mom with all the younger Moms when they start school. Good luck with your decision.

T.

I'm 41 and actively trying to get prg. I discussed with my ob and he said as long as I'm still having regular periods and taking my prenatal vits - with plenty of folic acid - I should be fine and not to worry about my age, it will only cause stress.

Good luck!

I had my daughter at 45 years old. My son is a teenager and there is a 14-year difference between the kids so he is able to babysit. I would think a more than 5-year difference would be easier as well than, for example, a 2-year difference. As far as having the energy, my husband and I worked out a schedule so we share the time as to feeding, putting to her to bed, etc. As far as trying to get pregnant with my daughter, I miscarried at 2 months when I was 40, miscarried at 1 month when I was 41, tried artificial insemination at 42 which did not take, gave up, went back on the pill, a year and a half later went off the pill, and got pregnant 6 months later and the doctor gave me a progesterene supplement. It worked.

I'm a 48 year old first time mom to an 8-month old boy. We tried for many years and finally had a successful pregnancy when I was 47 years old. I too had the same worries that I wouldn't be able to keep up. Is it tiring? Yes. Would I trade it for anything else in the world? No. I have wonderful support from my husband. Together, we find a way to make it all work out. Remember, as much energy you give your family they are able to give back. You didn't mention the views of the rest of your family. I'd have a sit-down talk with them, including your daughter, about adding to your family. While the mom does carry a lot of the burden, they shouldn't be carrying all of it. If everyone wants to add to the family, then you'll find a way to work together to make it all work out just fine. If you have any questions, feel free to email me. Best wishes to you and your family!

The 'gap' between your children is perfect and you're not too 'old.' I have 2 friends that had a child at 42 & 43. If you are healthy and active you'll have the energy. If you doubt it too much, just enjoy that you're blessed with a healthy daughter.

I am 40 and 20 weeks pregnant with number two... my son is 15 months! I can tell you I am TIRED but decided it would be worth it for my son to have a sibling. So many joys to be had with a brother or sister around. We thought it would be worth it. My husband and I understand we may not be around far into my children's adult life and did not want my son to be alone without immediate family. If you guys are thinking about it I say go for it. I am sure your daughter will love being the big sister who helps Mommy!
Good luck!

Dear P,
Well I can tell your age by the maturity with which you're approaching this question. I am 43 and I had my last child at 42, I have four altogether. First of all if you were 40 getting ready to have your fourth I'd tell you it's harder but since you're contemplating your 2nd I'd say do it. Having two children is not such a big leap. By this time you're an old pro and you could easily swing it. As far as the age difference my second youngest was five (and is a girl) when I had the youngest. It was a big adjustment for her. she'd been my baby for 5 years. Fortunately she is a very verbal child and has expressed to me when she needs extra attention and comfort. You have to be conscious of the signals and help them adjust. My other kids were all two and three years apart so the younger sibling was just like an appendage, you know, they'd always been there. I'll tell you though, my now six year old is the most conscientious one as far as looking out for his well being, she's super protective. Sometimes I have to tell her to back off. I do regret sometimes that he's is so far behind his other siblings but alas, they will still have each other when I'm gone. Finally I'll leave you with this thought. When people find out I have four children they always ask me how do I do it? I tell them truthfully that it's all relative. what I mean is when you have one you're overwhelmed, when you have two you're overwhelmed, and on and on. Two honestly, is the same busy-ness as one. Three is the big leap and four is the same business as three. What I mean is, I don't think you're life is going to suffer too dramatically by having a second child. After the first year of adjustment you'll be sailing smoothly and happy to have had another.

Hi!

I am 45 and a mom to a 14 month old and a 4-1/2 year old. Its wonderful and really tough! The biggest problem by far was the sleep deprivation. At this age, bouncing back from multiple sleepless nights is brutal. Now that we have the sleep issues a bit smoothed out, its wonderful.

Both pregnancies were conceived naturally and were without any complications. Age didn't have any adverse effect on the pregnancies or birth and both girls are perfect. So, as long as your health is good and you go into realizing how hard sleep deprivation really is, you'll do fine! I wouldn't change a thing for myself. My girls are such amazing miracles to me!

If you need anything, just let me know!!

Only you can address your energy level, but I would like to offer my opinions on the other concerns.

I just came back from my daughter's Meet & Greet for her Kindergarten class and there were several "older" moms...and I thought they were GREAT! I think older moms are wiser and more confident.

Another thing...my sister and I are 5 years apart, but we are and always have been inseparable. I thank God (and my parents!) that I have an older sister. Five years apart is not bad at all!

You obviously have a lot of love to give. What about adopting a child who desparately needs a home?

Good luck.

If you are in good health, my 100% recommendation is to have that 2nd child. I was almost 41 when I gave birth to my 2nd and it was the best thing (next to my 1st) I've ever done!! The age difference is really not a big thing if your family is close. You can and will foster closeness by your family activities....trips to the beach, family game/movie nights, etc. I had no problems with my energy, etc., but during those first few months, I did take a nap during the day instead of cleaning my house and doing laundry, and worked hard on eating healthily and walking to get some exercise.

The benefits of a 2nd child are huge--both for your husband and you, but also for your first child. It changes the entire dynamics of your family and gives your first a sibling--someone to be there in the mornings in the summer to watch TV and play with, a playmate after school, etc.

I'm 36 and just had my second child 5 months ago. I too was concerned but it has worked out well. My older daughter was 1 month shy of 3years old when her sister was born but she took to having a sister like a duck to water. She often helps me bathe her sister and change her diper and has even held the bottle to feed her at times. As far as energy goes, I"m not sure how..but it's actually easier...go figure. Your oldest is 5 and will probably be a huge help. Once the baby gets a little older it will be less energy still as they will be able to play together and keep each other amused. My oldest sometimes crawls into her sisters crib and reads to her while I put on a load of laundry or do the dishes. This is awesome bonding time for them. My older child also "grew up" overnight. She sees her role as that of "the big girl" so there are less tantrums there too. Have fun with it. I was worried too but now I may even think about a third...or maybe not.
good luck.

I turned 40 this year and I am having my 3rd son. I was not ready with turning 40 and I was ready to talk to my dr about menopause when in turn I was told I was not going through menopause but I was pregnant. I have a 20 year old, a 4 year old and now a new born coming in Sept. The pregnancy has been great. Believe me you will have the energy and time because somehow no matter what age you are kids will drain you at times but they can give you energy back. I say with my 4 year old the baby will run his energy playing with big brother. I am sure your 5 year old will be willing to help be it play with the sibling or want to help change a diaper.

My ob/gyn said that women are now having babies much later in time. sure go ahead when you five year goes to school then you will only have to watch the baby...

Hi, M.,

I am a 42 year old mother of two babies. I bore the first one when I was 40 years, 7 months old and the second when I was 41 years, 10 months old. I am currently a part-time psychology student. (I was a financial analyst and teacher for many years.)

I am tired. I am not sure how much of my fatigue is due to my husband working out of town at least half the year and me nursing the younger one. I suspect that I would have felt more energetic as a 22-year-old mother of babies than a 42-year-old mother of babies, but I'll never know for sure. I wish that I had had children younger so that I could spend more of my life with them. (I didn't have a choice, though, as I could not find a willing partner until I was almost 40.)

If you and the rest of your family feels positive about having another child and you are not worried about medical issues, then adding another child to your family now would probably be a good experience.

Best wishes,
Lynne E

I hate to come down on anyone so I hope that you will be able to understand my perspective. My mother was 38 years old when she had me and health wise she was fine. The major down was that everyone in school thought that she was my grandmother. She still worked full time as she was a single mom, volunteered in the classroom and at school, and keep me lots of activities. The only thing was that I would get inot verbal fights with other kids when they would run her down. I have an older brother that was in school with me and it was the same for him. The other thing that comes with this is that your childeren have an older family. All of my cousins are in there 40's where as their childeren are more my age. My aunt and uncle are both over 65. I love my mother and would not have changed anything about her for the world but because of what I went through I know that unless God has something else planned I will be done having childeren by 30. I already feel as though my childeren are missing out on having great-grand parents having childeren in my late 30's would mean that they would grow up with even less family from me though out their life. I strongly feel that this is a personly decision that you will have to make based on what you want to pass on to your child. The age gap between the two would be fine as you would have one in school and lots of time to spend with the other. You also can gage your 5 year old and decided if they are someone who would olve to be an older sibling or if they are an only child individual. I hope that I have not been harsh in stating what I have lived and I hope that you, your husband, child, and god come to the right decision for your family.

I'm about to turn 39 and I just had my third child. My older kids are 4.75 and almost 3 years old.
If you have a very supportive partner and you are organized (or can learn to be organized, as I am doing...), go for it!

I had every non-invasive test imaginable and everything turned out fine. I would like to have a fourth and I plan on having an amnio then because I can't imagine having a child with special needs.
God bless all the families with special needs children, I couldn't imagine dealing with more than I already have with three "non-special needs" children.

Good luck with your decision