Having a Baby at 40

I had my son when I was 38 and my daughter when I was 41. They are now 3 and a half and 8 months. I am also a single mom.

I felt driven (obsessed) to have the first one and then driven (but not so obsessed) to have the second. It is a wonderful feeling now to know that my family is complete. I am starting to plan the next stage of my life (childbearing over). I could not even think about that kind of planning until I had my second. Now I move on with no regrets.

In my heart, soul and mind - my daughter was calling to me so the answer to having a second (even on my own and over 40) was pretty clear.

Whatever you choose will be right for you
Good luck

Hi A.....
My youngest daughter is 44 and just had a New Years day daughter...she also has a 2 yr old son and a 23 year old daughter...her husband has an 8 yr old daughter...just take all the precautions...get all the tests...eat healthy food and good luck....enjoy.

C. M Hamlin
Cave Junction OR.

I had two after 40 and had complications with each one - but they were not bad complications - just make sure you have a great midwife. Both my children were term and health. However, it gives YOU more physical problems, because as we age, our bodies are not as resilient as they were when we were younger. This is considered a high risk pregnancy, however, a LOT of women have great children after they are 40.

Just make sure you have a GREAT doctor, and that you have your baby in the hospital.

If both you and your husband want to try again, I say go for it! Obviously there is always a chance you will have another boy, but you won't know unless you try, and you probably have the boy-thing down pat with three already. My opinion is that it is a personal decision for you and your husband to make together and that being 40 is not the issue. You've recently had two healthy babies and can take advantage of all the technology and monitoring that is now available. Good luck!

I am 45 and had my first baby on Aug. 31. We started trying when I was 43 and I got pregnant when I was 44. The genetic counselor gave us a scare with their stats, but after further discussion, toned it down a bit. We had a amnio just to be sure and everything was fine. I couldn't be more thrilled to have a son and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had a rough recovery as far as back and bladder issues, but in talking to other women in their 30's, they had similiar issues. I almost felt guilty for having a child at this age, but I now feel totally blessed and grateful. I don't think I would have had the patience that I do now in my 20's and 30's. I had a general practitioner who was very negative about the whole thing, so I just quit going to him. I just don't listen to people's prejudices anymore, and most people don't act negatively. Hope this helps.

Hi A.,

I had my daughter at age 41, and she is the greatest treasure in our lives. That being said, I'm exhausted! I have a lot more patience then I did in my 20's, but not the energy - of course, I have one of those strong-willed, super high-energy, highly imaginative child that never wants to sleep or slow down. If she had been easy-going, I probably would have tried for one more.

My point is, you never know what you are going to get. You know already in some ways it gets easier as they get older, but other ways it gets harder. Being pregnant also takes a toll on your body that's harder to recover from as you get older, even if you take good care of yourself.
Yes, lots of older women have kids that are fine, but it is also statistically true you would be at greater risk for having a handicapped child and have to ask yourself if you and your family would be ready for that.
My brother-in-law is mentally handicapped, and is a great joy to the family, yet taking care of him is not easy and it is for life (he is severe and would not do well in a group home).

You and your husband have a lot to consider, and it's great you are thinking about the bigger picture. There are a lot of us over 40 moms, but not a lot with more than one or two small ones- except for moms with multiples (which also you would be at greater risk for.) If you are religious, pray together and God will tell you what to do.

Good luck whatever you decide,

~ Elise

40 is the new 30, A.! You're not old. I say go for it. I wouldn't even question having another at 40. Several of my friends had kids at this age and slightly older.

I had my one and only baby--now at 16mo--at 44. I thought, at my age, that ship had sailed for me. We weren't even trying, so it was quite a surprise. (My husband, 53, has two kids, 28 and 24, from a previous marriage.) We're both pretty well preserved for our age, and in good health. Pregnancy and delivery were smooth.

I didn't have kids at a younger age, so I can't compare and contrast the differences between early and later childbearing/childrearing for you. But since you have two toddlers, you're familiar with fatigue. LOL. I do find myself getting very tired many days, and I've had to start taking much better care of myself than I think I would have had to in my 20s or early 30s. But that's a good thing.

Also, be prepared for mild-to-moderate disapproval (for lack of a better word) from friends and family. This, of course, depends on your extended family and social circle, but many on my husband's side made us feel a little bit like we had lost it because he was essentially starting over again--and I am certainly getting a late start at this. I sort of felt like a I imagine a pregnant teen might feel--in most people's eyes, someone in their 40s shouldn't be pregnant any more than a 16yo should be pregnant. But, again, since you have two very little ones, you may not experience this.

I do know a couple of older moms who have been mistaken for their child's grandmother. That hasn't happened to me (yet), but I keep myself ready for the day it does--and I keep my grays touched up regularly. LOL.

We had tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant when I was in my early 40s. If we had had any luck, I would have tried for two. I don't think 40 is at all old, but that depends a lot on how you've preserved yourself. But at 44, I know I'm done, and my husband definitely is.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

40 is not that old at all! The medical folks will try to scare you with awful statistics, but if you are healthy, that just isn't a problem.
Good luck, and good for you!
A.

Hi A.

I turned 40 this past summer and am very eager to have a second child. I started trying at 35, finally got pregnant with my first at 37 and had a beautiful perfect daughter at 38. I have wanted a second child since she was born, but my husband is reluctant so rather than actively trying, we've been off b.c. and letting nature take its course for a year now. Well, nature hasn't been very cooperative (nor has my husband!), so I am heading to my physician at the end of this month to have a checkup and get her advice.

I am very fit and have been taking prenatals and supplements for more than three years, so I am not at all worried about being pregnant or having a healthy baby, but I am a little worried as to whether or not I can get pregnant without medical intervention. I am really hoping for clarity about this after a year of guessing and second guessing, hence my visit to the doctor. I do think that having a second baby after 40, I will be more tired more quickly more often, but I also know that I have learned so much from my daughter that some things will be easier the second time around.

I have two friends in their mid-40s (45 and 46) who have children my daughter's age (2 1/2) and are trying for a second as well, with the blessing of their doctors. So I would say, if you both want it, and your doctor agrees, go for it!

best
K.

Hi A.,
I had my first child when I was 39 and my second when I was 41. I had no real difficulty getting pregnant. I did have some complications with my second pregnancy, but not age-related. I know I was pretty lucky, and not everyone has such an easy time with it (especially the getting pregnant part). I guess the hardest part for me has been usually being the "öldest" mommy in a group. But I have learned to adjust to that. Also, it is becoming more and more common for women to have children later, so we are not alone.
Good luck to you!
Laurie

I am 46 and will be 47 in March. I have a 6 year old and one that will be 3 in Feb. What exactly is it that you are wondering about? Are you worried about the advanced maternal age label they give you when you are over 40 and having a baby? I also have three older children that I had in my 20's and I will tell you one thing I have learned is I personally think I am a better mom now then I was then. I also have 2 grandson's, one will be 2 in March and the other is 15 months old. I have gotten the dreaded question of "this that your grand-daughter" with both of my girls. I just smile and say no but it does make me a little angry that someone would say that since there are so many more women having babies at 40+. If it is because you are thinking that maybe you are getting to old your not. There are a lot of us out there. Any other questions I could answer just email me.

I had my first baby at 35 and my second one at 41. I am now a 45 year old mom of nine year old and 4 year old daughters. I stay at home with them and really enjoy them since I have had the time to work, get a masters' degree and do so many things before kids. We waited until after 30 because we simply didn't have the economic resources to have kids comfortably before then and I sure didn't want to have to work full time or bring up kids in poverty. I don't think my age made much difference in my health, the birth outcome or my stamina. I had a midwife for both kids and both were born normally with no complications. We also homeschool and both girls are bright, eager to learn and a joy to be with.
H.

If you are in good health and think that you can handle having another child, go for it. Many people don't start having children until they are almost forty.

If I thought I could handle a third child I would go ahead and have another one, but two is it for me. I hit forty next year.

Well, I'm 40 and pregnant with twins at the moment. (Yikes!). Yes, wish I was younger for the energy factor, but I really don't see a problem with being an older mom. As long as you keep yourself in good shape, etc., everything should be fine. Doctors these days will even tell you that 40 is not that old to be having babies anymore...
But you do have to ask yourself if you're all right with having another boy as there are no guarantees!

A.,

I recently turned 40 and have an almost 1 year old. There is a 10 year age gap between the youngest of 3 older children and the 1 year old. I LOVE having a little one. I want to have 1 more so the baby can have someone to play with. If you are worried about Downs I completely understand that. I have a friend over 40 who just had a baby with downs.....but he is great..... A complete gift. She wouldn't trade him for the world. The way I look at it is Downs is the least of the worst problems a baby could have. I have another friend whos daughter was in a car accident and is suffering much more significant problems. Anyway....I say go for it!!

I am surely not the only person reading your request who is concerned about the effect that human overpopulation has on all other living things. And of course, on ourselves as well, particularly the next few generations. Please consider what the earth needs alongside what you want. This is not necessarily a vote against another baby, it's just taking other important considerations about your childrens' futures into account.

After 5 years of marriage, my husband and I finally decided to have children right about when I turned 40. Our first was born when I was 41 and the second was born when I was 43.

I was fortunate to not have any complications with conception or pregnancy. My ob said that as long as I was in good shape there was no reason to be concerned about my pregnancies, beyond the statistical risks of miscarriage and genetic abnormalities, but fortunately none of these things happened to us.

I suppose I do feel like I have less energy than a new mom in her 20's or 30's but I am in good shape so that helps. On the flip side, we are more financially secure and also a bit wiser than younger couples.

Overall, I have no regrets that I waited til my 40's.

Hi A.,

I had my first baby at 41 and then another 8-1/2 months after that (they are now 21 months and 12-1/2 months). We waited a long time to decide to have children and then the OB said if we wanted another to start trying 3 months after the first. We immediately got pregnant with TWINS! They didn't tell us that if you've had a baby later in life and right after having a baby, the chance of having twins increases. First pregnancy was a breeze, we did the genetic testing and amnio, no problems. The second time, expecting the testing to show increased risk because of my age, we went straight for the amnios. That's the only thing I wish I could change. Because the doctor had trouble getting fluid from our little boy's sac, it caused it to rupture. They will tell you from the beginning the risks and be very aware that these can happen with amnio. We still managed to save our little girl who was born at 25 weeks and she is perfect now. We are seriously considering having a third - I told my husband that we have until I'm 45, then time is up! The hardest thing I think about having my two girls is that they are so close in age and that's exhausing. Diapers, diapers, diapers. I finally have them in the same size diaper because they both are small for their age.

My gallbladder acted up two weeks after having my second, so while she was in the NICU at one hospital, I was in another having my gallbladder out, and dad had our 1-1/2 year old at home. It was a tough year for us, but the girls are a joy. I think after 40 I was more prepared to have children, calmer, not so worried about everything, and I have more patience. The only reason I would have babies sooner is to have a few more! I love being a mom.

Ultimately, it's whatever is right for your family. As will anything, there are risks, and great rewards.

Hi A.,

I too am about to turn 40 and have a 16 year old and 3 year old. I say if you want to have another, go for it. I agree with the post that it does get harder when you are older, there was a world of difference between my pregnancy at 23 and my pregnancy ad 36. But if you are healthy and feel you have the energy, why not? I didn't get all the tests they wanted me to and I certainly didn't get a flu shot because of the mercury in it, but I did get the ultrasounds and the non invasive ones. If you have 2 healthy young children already, another one isn't going to be any different. Just maintain a healthy weight, exercise as much as you can with 2 young children lol and do what feels good. Best wishes.

Hi A.. Hey, I had a baby around 40 years old (also, I have several friends who've had babies way after 40, and the only problem I had was with the doctors'. They were concerned because of my age, and they almost insisted I have genetic testing (for Down's Syndrome, etc)- I absolutely refused, telling them I didn't care, that I would love and take care of and accept my child no matter what. I have a 24 yr old daughter (married) and a 1 & 1/2 yr old granddaughter. My son is 5 yrs old now. He was born almost 2 months early, but I have severe arthritis that was the problem; he was born C-Section. Talk with your doctor. And if you're in good health and really want this, you should go for it. There is nothing more precious than a baby.