Moms with Experience in Teenagers

tough situation. some of it is age, some of it is trauma. always stay calm with the kids. talk to they and say "please don't be angry and walk away I just want to know how you feel, I want you to be happy"

I truly understand your predictiment. My heart goes out to you. But what works would be for you to get alone somewher with this youngest child . Take him out of town somewhere,anywhere alone for a few days. The first day he will still act annoying and and mad at you . Then as you spend time with only him , he will let down the walls of defence and anger ,and yes blaming you for being taken away and yes truamatized . He will probably ask why you didnt come to get him and take him back home with you. He was left not feeling like you had any control over him as he had no control over his major change of circumstances and seperation from you. The tough guy will is a front a wall of protection from the fears, and betrayal he feels towards you. You need to assure him this will NEVER happen again and that he has rights too. He can call you or he can run away and get in touch with you and have someone else come and get him from wherever he is . But assure him your hands were tied by the laws as unfair as they are. He lost his place in the pack . He wants familiarity back again. There will probably be tears as the walls of defensivness come down and he lets his hurt and fears and yes anger out. Pray, and God will heal this in your son, even if he is sleeping in his bed. You can get your sweet mommas boy back again. One who knows....

Hi,

My name is T. and I have two teen-age boys. They are both really good kids. Although, the oldest does struggle some. It sounds like it could be a little of both. My sweet little boys have turned into monsters. They attempt to push thier limits, again. They are very moody, one minute they'll be talking to you just fine, the next their all sorts of mad at you. It's a hard time for them and the added stress of divorce just makes it all the worse. I wish I could say it gets better, but I've heard that doesn't happen until they move out and realize how good they had it at home. All's I can say is enjoy the times when they are nice and happy. And hold on for dear life during the times they are monsters. :)

L.,

Hang in there! 30 days could have been alot longer. Boys and men don't know how to talk about or recognize what they are feeling so it ALL comes out as Anger. If they are sad they are Mad. It is an easier emotion to show.The 1st thing you need to always remember is to not bad moulth the other parent around where the kids can hear. It will hurt their feelings as well as making them feel like they need to choose sides. Just try to stick with your normal routeen. Love will get you through it. I have received a school newsletter from the middle school where my daughter attends and it had a list of activities and classes offered by the community center in out area. "Dealing with blended families" just as an example was held by the "Neighborhood Care Center" But they were all free and sounds like you could really use someone to validate what you are going through. Having an objective 3rd party is nice because they are just there to help. No hidden ajendas. The other thing is, it shows your dedication to the children and your family to the judge. Sometimes it gives you a nother resource to go to bat for you. Help is out there and I know you are not alone on your journey. Talk to the school councellor. The distric also provides one to the students who need someone to help. Start there, they usually care and want to help.
I will send good thoughts your way for you and your children.

I probably shouldn't even answer this at all cause what do I know I have little ones but i just will say a few things. this comes from what i have seen my neice go through. Anyway I think you need to be real firm beacause the longer this goes on the more you are going to wish you had nipped it in the bud. stay on him about the things he is supose to do now and not later. alsokisa ar really reziliant once they realize they are with you for good this time.also the teen thing is kicking in as well just make sure youu run the show the way you know it should be ran. fo not eae up beacaesu you feel bad about the things that are goig on cause if they figure it out they may use it to thier advantage(I am not saying anything about you children) sometimes kids follow from other teachings. Maybe they are just testing the waters because it's been awhile,just seeing how far they can push. I think it's going to take some time but you are a mom and you are strong enough to get through this.Us as mothers go through so much that we forget what we are capable of sometimes.like I said i probably haven't the slightest clue as to what I am even talking about. Good luck and you will get throught this,and it will be ok. My saying is ( This To Shall Pass)

I have been a high school teacher for 10 years and I'll tell you that teenagers are difficult. They actually crave discipline and stability, and it sounds as if your sons haven't had much of either lately because of their dad. I would say the best thing to do is to go do something fun with your kid and then, later, talk to him on a one to one level as if he is an adult (he's getting there). Tell him how hard this has been on all of you and how glad you are to have him back. Tell him you understand that he is angry and frustrated, and let him know you are as well. Make sure that you say it really calmly and very down to earth. Don't talk down to him. He is acting like a typical teenager, but he is also acting like a kid who has had his world turned upside down. He needs to know that you are not going to go away and that you will always be there and fight for him. He probably feels betrayed and it is coming out in this snotty behavior and arguing. Don't lose your temper, but don't just put up with his behavior. You can tell him what you will and won't stand for. Don't fight with him because you will both lose. Try to understand that although he is growing up, he is also still a baby who has had major trauma recently. Be the same Mom you have always been and give him a chance to feel secure again. I hope this helps. I taught in Brooklyn, NY where I saw a lot of kids come from really damaging backgrounds, but if they know they can trust you, they will come around. Good luck.

This sounds like my life, I also have 3 children 2 girls and 1 boy. I have custody though. The youngest is a boy who is 13, he has a tendency to talk back to me. 12 and 13 are a normal age for boys to behave differently alot of changes going on. Have you tried to sit down and ask him how he feels about everything, as far as who he wants to live with. Is he ok with living with you? Ask him what his worries are? Maybe he is afraid that it will happen again and he will be sent back to his dad's again, What went on when he was at his dads? It is possible that he doesn't want that to happen. Just be careful not to push for answers to hard, let him know that you are there for him to talk to, without to much judgement. My oldest daughter now has no relationship with her father, I have allowed all of them to decide by the age of 15 whether or not they want to see him, my middle daughter still see's him occassionally, or talks to him on the phone, be the good parent that is there for them, without trashing their father to much and they will respect you more in the long run. When ever something comes up in their lives that they may have to write about I find that they are always talking about me and how much they have learned, I know divorce and custody is really hard, show them that you will stop at nothing to have their best interests come first. Good luck and remember to be patient with him, he has been through alot, and if he wants to live with his father be the bigger person and he will thank you in the long run. Communicate with them I can't stress this enough, and don't judge, dicipline for actions but with lots of love.

If you think your kids feel the same way you do you can get them an attorney who works for them. They can tell the attorney where they really want to live all children need both thier Mother and Father it is best for children if they spend an equal amout of time with each.

It's the age. My son was the sweetest, most patient child I'd ever seen; even strangers commented on how well-behaved he was. At about the age of 12 he started getting mouthy and difficult. Argued about absolutely everything. Lied about doing homework. Pretended he forgot about chores. He failed throughout 8th grade - when he was 13. His teachers and my friends told me that often kids like him shape up in 9th grade. I was very sceptical since he was so difficult but now I've got my sweet boy back and he's getting good grades.

I insisted on respect. I stayed very involved and got his (great) teachers involved. Try not to lose your temper and remain calm even though it's difficult at times.

It's a rough time and I'm glad it's over.

Begin with getting the book Parenting Teens With Love and Logic and sticking with the path. Try to work therapy into the picture. Both of these are working pretty well, though nothing is perfect, for us.

Good Luck!

My sister's kids are now just entering their teens and they have become extremely mouthy, so I think some of it is the age. They might not be able to process everything that is going on. remember, they're kids, not little adults. Good Luck. Be consistant.

It has been a while since my kids were that age (they are 33 and 27 now) but I noticed that when they came back after spending time with their dad they were much more difficult than before they went. It didn't last long but it seemed like it at the time. Their dad and I lived far apart and they only spent a few weeks out of the year with him but the following month was bad. My neice behaved the same way as a teenager, and she still does it some times and she is 29 now.