So I was using my husbands iPhone flashlight to check and see if my husband had a bite on his back.. he took his phone back and the flashlight was still on. My baby was looking at the light and he turned it right on my baby’s face about 3 inches away!! And said look!! He held it for about 5 seconds. After my baby was staring off into space. Oh I could have punched him in the face!! I through a fit started screaming and left the room. You don’t ever shine bright lights into a infants eyes let alone anyone!! He says I’m being over dramatic and my son was just wanting to see the light. He said it couldn’t hurt him. And that he only did it for a couple of seconds. Now he’s getting mad at ME and saying we are done and he is going to leave ME!! I said fine go right ahead. Acting like it’s MY loss!! He is punishing me for what he did! Am I overacting or?? Who else would flip out if there husbands did that?
You most definitely over reacted.
Next time take a breath count to 10 and walk away. If you are super concerned pick up the baby and walk away with them too...
he was being a jerk. yes, it's kind of stupid to shine a bright light directly into a baby's eyes.
but it's not like it was a laser.
you are being a big baby drama queen. ridiculous.
for the sake of this poor baby i hope at least one of you grows the eff up.
khairete
S.
How is his leaving ‘punishing’ you?
Sounds like he’d be doing you a favor.....
Please stop behaving in this vicious cycle of dysfunctional behavior and get professional help.
Lights from flashlights don't hurt eyes. It's lasers. However, not a great idea.
This and your other question suggest to me you and your hubby have bigger issues.
I would not flip out, no. I don't tend to. Are you overreacting? The whole situation (him saying he will leave you) ... I can't relate.
Sounds like you need counseling for much bigger issues (doesn't he have a drinking problem?)
My husband wouldn't do it (shine a light in a baby's eyes) so it wouldn't have happened - but he's done other careless things, as have I. We just calmly say "Hey .. probably not a great idea.." and go from there.
I probably would not flip out if my husband shone a light in my child's eyes (it's a light, not a laser, and babies can shut their eyes if they are uncomfortable). I might flip out in reaction to something small like this, though, if our relationship was already under a lot of stress and I was already ready to blow about other things. I looked at the responses to your post in early May, and I remember you said that this guy was drinking heavily. Have any steps been taken by him to deal with his alcoholism or by you to get you and your child out of the situation? As the other responses say, this situation is really not just about a flashlight, it's about a whole dysfunctional relationship. Please take some action soon to get perspective on your mental state and the situation as a whole.
M.
WHY are you still with this person? I'm trying to figure this out. In May you were concerned about his drinking and leaving the baby and now this? What is it going to take for you to wake up?
You flipped out. He was immature.
Why don't you read up on how our eyes work?
https://oureverydaylife.com/183195-can-shining-a-flash-li...
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/Eye-Care/infant-flash-photo...
While I get that you are upset over this. You both sound like your 19 to 21 years old and not mature enough to handle parenting and a relationship.
If he's going to leave you? GREAT! Then you don't have to worry about his drinking and harming your child, right?
Talk with your pediatrician about your concerns as well. If you hear from a doctor that your child is fine, that might help you calm down.,
What he did was immature - it was about his fun, and not about what was good for the baby or even interesting to the baby. So his thought process is all about himself, which is what immature men and teens do, not responsible fathers.
But that doesn't mean you were right when you threw a fit. Your reaction was wanting to punch him (which you didn't, but still, you thought it), and then you started screaming. How was that beneficial to the situation? How was that a beneficial thing for your baby to see and hear?
So, you're both mad. And now the situation further descends into who's going to leave and who thinks it's fine to do so. How is that a mature and stable environment in which to raise a child and teach him to resolve conflicts?
So, I think you could both benefit from an infant/toddler class to learn about child development, safety and first aid. Kids don't come with an instruction manual so there's absolutely no shame in learning some things. My husband already had 2 kids when we got married. When we had our baby, we went to a terrific class on first aid and safety. We had no problem admitting that we didn't know everything in the universe.
You also need to learn to use your pediatrician on a phone consult. Call the doctor during regular hours, and either talk to a nurse or wait for a callback after patient hours. This is not an emergency, but it's worth learning the facts. Put the phone on speaker so both you and your husband can CALMLY ask the question and QUIETLY listen to the reply. You don't have to wait for the baby's next appointment to ask this. However, get in the habit of starting a running list of things you want to ask about in the next appointment, and put that in the diaper bag or paper clip it to the medical insurance card - anything else that you know will be taken to the appointment. It's easy to forget things when you get in there unless you have a list.
And, I think it's essential that you two also go to counseling to learn how to manage disagreements and how to "fight fair." There's a healthy way to argue and work out conflicts, but screaming and belittling and threatening aren't part of that. This relationship is doomed if you both keep being like this, and your child is in a ton of danger from everything except the flashlight.
I am putting your question in my response in case you decide to delete this question like you did your last one. Because if others didn't see your last question they will not have as much back story to help with this. Your husband is an alcoholic and you already know he's got issues. YES you over reacted to this but him threatening to leave is not just over this. But in many ways you would be better off if he does. If you want to save your marriage you need couples counseling, parenting classes and he probably needs rehab.
Original Question
So I was using my husbands iPhone flashlight to check and see if my husband had a bite on his back.. he took his phone back and the flashlight was still on. My baby was looking at the light and he turned it right on my baby’s face about 3 inches away!! And said look!! He held it for about 5 seconds. After my baby was staring off into space. Oh I could have punched him in the face!! I through a fit started screaming and left the room. You don’t ever shine bright lights into a infants eyes let alone anyone!! He says I’m being over dramatic and my son was just wanting to see the light. He said it couldn’t hurt him. And that he only did it for a couple of seconds. Now he’s getting mad at ME and saying we are done and he is going to leave ME!! I said fine go right ahead. Acting like it’s MY loss!! He is punishing me for what he did! Am I overacting or?? Who else would flip out if there husbands did that?
This is the same guy that gets drunk and passes out when you leave him alone with your baby? You're a special piece of work to get worked up over an iphone light while staying with this man. If I knew who you were I would call CPS in an instant. Neither one of you sound like fit parents.
Sometimes when we are scared we "flip out." I really don't appreciate someone shining a light in my eyes, but it's not going to cause damage. That's an important distinction to make. I would think the baby wasn't too thrilled with having a light in his face and eyes, but his eyes were not damaged in any way.
It stinks to have to look back at your own behavior critically and admit you probably could have done better, but ask yourself, what did you accomplish by "flipping out?" If you had calmly said, "Could you please not point the light in his eyes?" the conversation would have gone much better.
In the same way, you should both be asking yourselves why you are threatening to end your marriage because of a flashlight. Is that really how little your marriage means to you? My guess is you are trying to hurt each other by saying those things, but really, you are hurting yourselves and you are hurting your marriage.
Try focusing on saying things that are helpful. You: "Could you please not shine that light in baby's eyes? I'm concerned it's hurting him," or him: "If I do something that's upsetting you or scaring you, please just say that."
I think you're forgetting that when you "flipout," you are taking the focus off the actual issue at hand (the light in the baby's eye) and placing the focus on the other person (your husband). Now the conversation is more about you calling him stupid and him wanting to defend himself and save face. Of course, him threatening to leave you is really just an effort on his part to take eyes off him and try to make you look stupid. Now you're both playing the game of trying to make the other one look bad and you both end up looking ridiculous!
Your husband is a stupid asshat. You are crazy for staying with him. He is a terrible husband and father - a drunkard - and you know this! Why are you asking us what we think of him when you’ve already given us quite a picture of you two? Leave him!
Babies can blink or shut their eyes.
If you've ever had an eye exam they shine a bright light into your eyes so they can check your retina.
It's not a great idea but neither is throwing a screaming fit either.
If you and hubby are this prone to getting into screaming matches it then it sounds like a very immature relationship and you, he and your child(ren) would be better off if you got divorced.
Get some marriage counseling - go by yourself if hubby won't go with you - and decide if you are better off with him or without him.
Anger management and parenting classes wouldn't be a bad idea either.
I think he was being insensitive and I think he is immature, but I don't think it was something to completely flip out over. A flashlight can't hurt the baby's eyes. Yes, I think you overreacted. You should not have had a fit, started screaming, and left the room. You should have just said calmly, uh, Bob, I don't like you doing that...it seems unkind. Can you stop? Then go pick up the baby. Sorry...I know that is not what you wanted to hear. Us mamas sometimes get in mamabear mode and go to protect the little one!
Whatever your husband does, you are entitled to feeling upset. No one should judge your feelings, but as others have mentioned, you might want to take a look at what makes you “flip out”. You can’t always control how you feel about a situation, but you can control how you react. It’s good you didn’t punch him in the face, so clearly you have some control, but having a screaming fit doesn’t set the best example for your child, does it?
Personally, I’d be more upset that your husband is threatening to leave the relationship because he is mad. That’s a big jump. Of course it may be for the best, as you both seem pretty immature, but you have a child together, and it would be good if you both could get some help so that you can co-parent even if you separate. I hope you will seek counseling even if he will not. You and your child will benefit if you can develop better coping strategies and be ready for healthier relationships in the future.
Parents take flash photos of infants all the time. The lights are bright and can hurt the eyes. People with lighter eyes are more sensitive to light. I don’t think you over reacted at all.
