Mom Was Hospitalized Yesterday, Don't Know What to Say

don't advise at all! just listen. ask gentle, leading questions ('how does your heart feel when you think of being with him in five years?') and DON'T SUGGEST anything. accept whatever answers she gives with love, and let it lead you to more questions. the idea isn't to do some socrates thing, getting her to arrive at your conclusions, but just to help her examine her own heart and motives and help her figure out her next course.
can you suggest she come stay with you for a while? it would probably do her good to have a change of venue.
khairete
S.

Did she have a panic/anxiety attack? I get them... they're tricky. I've been hospitalized for them before. I don't know what else to say other than I'm thinking of you and your family, and wish you all the best. Hope your mom feels better soon. Just rest easy knowing that while she's in the hospital, they'll give her the care she needs to get her head back on straight and calm her nerves. They'll teach her how to cope going forward. Maybe visit her and give her a card with what you just told us... that she's an amazing mom, suprt strong woman, and you love her no matter what. Sometimes the simple things mean the most :) You've got a good man, supporting whatever decision you make. Follow your heart!! *hugs*

First - take a deep breath. It is very upsetting when our parents have bad times - we expect them to always be stronger than us, better able to handle life than we are. But they are human beings and have flaws too. I would not make a decision right now about what to do over the Summer vacation. I think you are reacting right now to the situation that you just heard about.

I also think it's a good thing that your mom wanted to go to the hospital. She reconginized that her emotions were too much for her to handle and before she got too sick she got herself medical help. If she's having an emotional breakdown the counsleors at the hospital will be better able to help her than you ever would be able to. It also sounds from your description that her "face got stuck" that she had Bell's Palsey - which can happen to people, usually when they're under stress. But we know that all medical conditions can be made worse when we're under stress.

You cannot fix your mom's marriage. She has to decide if she wants to stay with her husband. The fact that this fight was about an affair 2 years ago means that your mom either just found out about it or she knew about it back then and is just reacting now. If she always knew about it and she's just reacting now it could be a symptom of her emtional problems right now.

Take a week or two to evaluate the situation before you decide about going there over the Summer. Also - you don't have to go for the entire Summer. You can just go for a couple of weeks then come back home. If your sister is your big concern, why not have her come stay with you for the Summer? You can turn this situation around a few different ways and there is more than one way to react. Why not talk to your mom's husband and see what he has to say? Maybe he made a really bad mistake 2 years ago and is committed to making their marriage work - and maybe it's just the opposite - that will also hlep you get an idea of what's going on.

Good luck this stuff is always tough!!

Could you have your sister and mom come stay with you? if there is room in your house? that way mom gets a chance to be taken care of and to think without hubby there all the time and he gets a chance to miss her. if she is having a really tough emotional time right now and he is not helping some space might be good.

I'm sorry your family is suffering with this, especially your mom.

It really sounds like your mom needs to get back into counseling so that she can deal with her trust issues and other issues (insecurity, low self-esteem, her fears, etc.) and find a path that she can be at peace with.

Also, I think that she might need some psychiatric medication if she is hurting badly enough to want to be hospitalized.

If you can get away to visit her, do it. If you can't sending cards (actual cards through the mail), just a note so she knows that someone out there is sending her good vibes, can help.

Also, encourage her to get out and do things--it won't solve the problem but it will help her to focus on others instead of her own worries/problems. Something like taking up a hobby or volunteering with a charity, where she'll get out of the house and meet other people, can help. You actually don't want to take away her caring for the house and your sister, if she is able/willing to do it (if she's overwhelmed, then yes, by all means, do help if you can--maybe you could hire a cleaning service to help her 1 or 2 a month or something?).

If it were my mom, I would go see her. But I'm not sure I would leave my husband/family for 2 or 3 months to stay with her. I would see about lining up support for her (other family & friends to come over & help or to visit or to get her involved in activities outside of the house).

Also, think about this more like a medical issue, because yes, it's emotional pain, but she sounds depressed and anxious, and those should be viewed the same as a medical problem--get in & see the doctors/professionals who can help. The best thing is to get her to a counselor so she can work out what is the best thing for her to do... and no one can do that for her, much as you want to.

I didn't read your entire post but maybe she wanted to be hospitalized so her husband has to come home or she just worried herself to pieces and felt like she would do something to harm herself.