Mom's of High School Graduates to Talk to About My Feelings and His Behaviors

M.,

I am sad with you! My oldest daughter will be going to kindergarten next year, and I'm already kind of grieving that loss.

I think what you're feeling is so normal, and it would be more sad if you were not going to miss him. I don't have any great answers, except try to make the most of this time...find a way to talk to him and your husband and let them know how you feel, but that you're not focused on your feelings, just wanting to share how much you love him and have loved this special time of 18 years with him. This is a unique chance to express lots of love to your son, so go for it!

I would suggest coming up with ways to really celebrate everything, since it will never be the same for any of you after this. And it's possible he and Dad are feeling the same way, too. And the other kids may feel it but not know how to express it. I believe the more you just lean in to the feelings and find ways to hold on to each other and celebrate what you've had, what you have right now, and what's about to be - that will make it easier for everyone. Make him feel very loved and special, and plan special ceremonies for him. Especially since your husband is a pastor, I would say have a family ceremony of sitting him on a chair with all of you around him. Place your hands on his head or shoulders and each one say a special prayer for him as he goes into this new world. You can do this more than once! It gives everyone more opportunity to express their feelings and love to him, cover him in much needed prayer protection, and establishes a pattern you can use for other events in the family.

Also try to take a special trip this summer...maybe even just a short weekend away in San Antonio or Galveston. Something that can be fun and memorable. Even just going to Ft. Worth or nearby and staying in a hotel is usually enough for kids (if there is a swimming pool there!).

Bless you as your world changes...thank God for the gifts you have in these children and the opportunity this son has...work hard to keep your family's hearts turned towards each other.

I think good moms feel this way. My son chose a bad path and still is not off it. But he left at 17 to live with some people who sucked him of all his belongings. He had a really nice stereo and did not have it long. They talked him into living with them. He ended up with his dad and his 4th wife and went down hill from then on. I am raising his daughter. When he left, I thought that he would not last a year and be dead. He has survived and he is now 31. We have not seen him or heard from him in a year. It hurts but advice was given to me when he left that there is life after children.

My second marriage fell apart with a cheating husband who was able to live one life with me an a totally different life around perverted other married women. As this happened I was getting closer to God and continue to let him protect and be my spouse in all the contentment I now have, after being single again for the last 6 years. I was in and out of depression working for abusive bosses and now have a day care at home. Raising my granddaughter and I have so much love around me in the kids. The first marriage was a man we were not compatible. He worked at work but never at home. I am very motivated to keep things looking nice and orderly. He was a slob. My last husband was not into God, at all big mistake. High up in a corporation everyone thinks he has utmost integrity but his actions showed me different. I had a wonderful 11 yrs with him. I was into women groups. We had Bunco parties, board meetings, luncheons and shared and helped each other fill the day time hours but week ends and nights were for the husbands. Now single again I just can not relate to single people. I am going to be 59 and just content. You will pray for your son to be safe and you will have other rewards along the way. You still have a bunch at home and are still needed by them. I love being a home maker, and working for others with no time at home, went against my inter self. We need time to balance emotional, physical, mental and it all takes time to figure it out. If life were able to predict we would be so bored. I have challenges and right now my home has foundation problems and I do not know how to handle it, but life keeps us busy so the years pass fast. Live each day one day at a time. We can never get time back. Take care and love your babies. Just keep possitive. My sister's son just went to Viringia Tech this fall and what a mess there. G.

I have a 17 year old son also, and when he tells me of his plans for the future I am excited for him, but also sad knowing that he is going to be leaving soon. It is perfectly normal to feel this way. You said that you have a at home business with AtHome America, I was curious....what is that?

Ok... I haven't actually gone through this myself. BUT... my husband is an only child, and we dated in high school. His mom had a really tough time his Senior year. I think every major event was a big step for her. Senior night in the fall, the last football game (he was the drum major), prom,... all of these things really help her let go of him little by little and she did really well at graduation.

I'd try to find opportunities to spend quality time with him, but don't smother him... he has to get used to the idea of being without you guys. It won't be an easy transition for him either. Just be sure to be there for him and support him!

Good luck!

-A.