Suffer from Depression & Feel So Lost

D.,

I know you got a ton of responses but feel compelled to write. I have recently suffered from post-partum depression in this last year. I started medication and feel so much better. I didn't actually realize how bad I felt until I felt better. The thing that I really wanted to say was that I was kind of having a lack of feelings for my husband as well. The doctor informed me that it was part of the depression. You have to have emotional energy for love. I mean it still takes work, but it seems doable. Anyway, I have much more love and affection for my husband as well as more patience for my kids now. Best of luck to you!

About me: Working mother of two--I am a teacher so I am home with them this summer. Finish grad school as well!

I have been there. There is a book called What Happy Women Know. READ IT!!! It is wonderful and will help. My husband and I divorced just recently after 10 years and it was the best thing for all of us. He is now my best friend we just live in seperate houses. We had also gotten to the point of just friends and instead of fighting to rekindle the love we decided this is what was best. Good Luck. Get the book you can buy it anywhere.

Hello D..

We all have days where we wonder about life and may not be too thrilled with where we are. EVERYone does, from the lowliest to the greatest. You are not alone. Actually, you are never alone because your Creator who loves you promises never to leave you or forsake you. I heard no mention of God. If you're feeling empty inside, His Holy Spirit may be drawing you to decide to live for Him, accept Him as Savior then make Him Lord of your life. It's very easy to do. I'd be glad to lead you in a prayer if you want to call and talk. My cell number is ###-###-#### or my home is ###-###-#### (we moved recently and I haven't changed my address at MamaSource : )

Regarding your husband - I just celebrated 40 years of marriage in June. It was not all a bed of roses even though we've loved each other since the age of 16 (married after graduation at 18, baby the next June, baby the next September : ) Relationships must be nurtured, they require work to keep them alive and well. My husband was a fireman so also gone some overnights.

I guarantee you that if you make the effort, the roomies-vs-lovers will not be an issue. Men are so visual and easy. Even if you don't 'feel' like it, make the move. Someone always has to make the first move. If you are aware of the problem, you be the solution. After 12 years, you know what he likes. Make him feel special. Appreciate everything he does for you and the girls including his work that supports the family. Once you are making him feel better, he will act to make you feel better. Then maybe next time, he'll take the initiative, but even if its you over and over who makes the first move, it will be worth it to stay together and in love. By the way love 'feelings' constantly change, refuse to be blown about by 'feelings' and daily thank the Lord for the abiding love between you and your husband.

Going back to school is a wonderful goal and it would be great to be on the same schedule as the girls as a teacher. Start with one class - or two - if going back full time isn't possible. Don't despise small beginnings. Before you know it, a degree will be yours. You can use that $ you're spending on the doc to pay for it if you'll do two things.

#1 Refuse to think, dwell, on ANY NEGATIVE thoughts. When a negative thought attacks, say out loud, "No, I will not entertain that thought. I choose to think on things that are good and positive." (if you're at work, it doesn't HAVE to be aloud : ) Then willfully think of something pure and lovely to think on. If you can think of nothing else, your girls, a smile a customer gave you. even like a walk in the park - you don't have to go walk, you must only replece the negative thought. This process can become a habit and will make a humongous difference in your life.n

#2 Do not SAY negative things. Your Words are creative as we were made in God's image and His Words are creative. When we speak them they go out to perform what we have said. Negativity breeds depression, strife, anxiety, bitterness, self-pity - all bad things. Being positive on the other hand cause you to always be aware of the bright side of life which brings peace, joy, contentment, etc.

And while you're in retail, appreciate your job. You have been given the opportunity to serve others which is a noble thing to do. The Bible says the greatest will be the servant of all. Look at it from that angle, and be the best, friendliest helper you can be.

If you will keep you focus on others, your husband, children, your friends and even customers, and what you can do for them, your life will be much more rewarding than if you are constantly focused on yourself and how miserable a life you're having.

These are all choices you can choose to make and your life will be greatly improved as well as the lives of everyone around you. The biggest choice you'll ever make though is choosing to repent of your sin (you may be 'good', but we ALL have sinned and fall short of God's glory) and accept Jesus, God's beloved son, as Savior. Just ask Him to come and live in your heart. There will still be all those other choices you have to make, but they will be easier every time you make a right one, and He will help you.

Quit saying you suffer from depression. Quit talking about the negative and start talking about all the blessings you have in life. Do you know how many single moms would LOVE to have a husband to help them and love them? Be grateful and positive and choose to stop being negative. It's just a choice.

Father, in Jesus name I come to You and ask right now on D.'s behalf that Your Holy Spirit will draw her to Himself. Lord, wrap Your arms of love around D. and let her know that she knows that You love her unconditionally and that the price has already been paid for every sin she has or will ever commit. Help D. to focus on the good. Remind her when she's having a bad day that You are always there, that she will never be alone again. I thank you for Your awesome grace and mercy that abounds to us, Father, and that You love D. so completely. Amen

Be at peace, D., in Jesus' name.
Love in Him, Grami

My heart goes out to you...I can tell you suffer from an issue that many, many moms deal with, and that's isolation. I'm going probably repeat some of what other Mommas have said, but here goes: each and every one of us has a God-shaped hole in our heart. We all try in vain to fill it with people, things, jobs, etc, and we even find some temporary satisfaction with those things, but the hole remains. I believe the Holy Spirit is calling you allow Him in to heal your hurts and deliver you from all the negativity in your heart and mind. Since I don't know where you live, I can't recommend a church in your area. But I can tell you my family and I have been going to Gateway in Southlake for the past several months, and it is truly a wonderful, loving place. Visiting churches can be pretty scary, so I recommend you go the website: gatewaypeople.com and you can actually watch a service in progress (Saturday 4:00 pm & 5:45, Sunday 9 am, 10:45 a.m & 12:30 pm) so you can check it out in the comfort of your home. They are wonderful with kids, too. Our DD absolutely LOVES it. Just remember that you are a child of God, and He loves you JUST AS YOU ARE.

My 30's were devastating for me. I was so happy to turn 40 so that decade would be over!

I won't detail those years, but I hit a plateau of sorts. We had our kids. I'd reached where I thought I wanted to be in my career and had to figure out what to do and where to go next. Ended that decade emotionally traumatized with no career, a husband I wondered if I ever knew at all, and a father dying of cancer.

Remember in school in health class how we were taught about the different kinds of love. I found that about every 7 years my relationship with my spouse changes as it matures. The first blush disappears with increasing responsibilities. Health issues enter later as well. My relationship with husband was the rock I needed to accomplish what I did in my 20's.

There is depression and then there is DEPRESSION. If you've experienced the difference, you know what I mean. The latter needs medical help. It took me a number of years to finally get medication that kept the demons at bay. Talk therapy was something I used, but after a while I was all talked out. These days gardening and reading and other hobbies provide the nurturing and artistic outlet I need.

One of the most difficult outlets to replace when I found myself without a job or my own income was an intellectual outlet. Being with kids all the time didn't provide the stimulation I needed and my husband didn't need any more when he got home.

Hi D.,

I was moved by your post. I was 34 years old also when I came to a crossroads in my life. I had a great career and good friends, but I felt very empty and alone. At that point, I began dating a man who started taking me to church. I had been brought up Catholic but had really turned my back on the church and only talked to God when I needed him. Through this boyfriend, I became part of a single's group that led me to the realization that God was my purpose for life and that I was here to glorify Him. When I lived for myself, I was living by the world's values - partying, living with boyfriends, putting my career first. But God took me out of that lifestyle. My new friends and the Bible showed me that God sent Jesus Christ to die for my sins and that I could be forgiven of my past and be made a new creation in Christ. Best of all, God promises that if we trust Christ to forgive our sins and accept him as our savior, we have the assurance that someday we will spend eternity in heaven with Him.

Since becoming a Christian 10 years ago, I am a new person - happily married with two beautiful children and a stay-at-home mom. I still struggle with various issues and my life is by no means perfect. I recently joined a Christian recovery group that is helping me overcome the anorexia that I have struggled with most of my life. It's going to be a hard road, but I have hope that God will heal me. And when things get tough, I have hope that goes beyond this life - to spending eternity with Jesus Christ.

I hope this helps. You are certainly in my prayers and I would be happy to talk more if you want to contact me.

God bless you,
M. McKee

Hi D.,

I don't have any 'professional' advice for you but I do strongly feel for your situation. I too am 34, a mom and have suffered from bouts of profoud depression in the past.

I am a Christian, so, of course prayer was my first reaction when they began to happen a couple of years ago. I never had to see a doctor for them since the longest bout lasted no longer than about two weeks. However the despair and isolation of it was almost unbearable. My husband tried to understand. I still felt alone. Thanks be to God, I discovered during that time what a remarkable difference my diet and the quality, length and timing of my sleep cycles made toward my recovery.

The food changes helped me to sleep better & I sincerely believe that the combination of whole foods, better sleep cycles and prayer was what got me out of that horrible place & back to normal. I haven't had any problems since, even when we lost our triplet babies last summer. I was very sad about that, but surprisingly, never had what I would call a chemical depression reaction to it. We got through it remarkably well without drugs or outside help I know because of support from others, our relationship with God & what we already knew about prayer, sleep & diet. That's not to say that outside help is never needed. I'm sure some situations require it. Each situation is unique. No matter what you do, I encourage you to, if you can, work on your sleeping patterns & the food you eat and consider prayer if you haven't already. It can make all the difference. I'm living proof!

Here are a few suggestions for sleep improvement that REALLY helped me:

Establish a consistent bedtime routine each night: same time, same bed (i.e. don't sleep on the couch one night, your bed the next).

Don't watch TV or spend time on the computer for at least 1 hour before bed. Monitors & TVs tend to stimulate your brain in ways that interfere with sleep. Get cozy in bed with an uplifting, good book instead.

Don't eat anything after 6 pm if you can help it--especailly foods that are more difficult to digest like meats and grains.
After a full meal, you might feel sleepy for awhile, but eventually, that digestion process has a stimulating effect. So, while some small snacks, such as milk w/PB on whole grain toast can make you feel sleepy, a large meal timed just right can keep you wide awake for hours.

Drink a minimal amount if anything at all the hour before you go to bed. Getting up often at night to urinate will interefere with the quality of your sleep cycles.

Try earplugs and a sleep mask! Dr. Joel Robbins once explained to me that all outside stimulation such as noise, light, temperature and strong smells can dramatically effect the quality of your sleep over time. Here's why: Those are all stimulating events that your brain will have to process on some level whether you are awake or asleep. The fewer stimulating events there are, the more deeply you can sleep. Plugs & a mask have been lifesavers for me. The best brand of earplugs I've tried are called Mack's Untra Safe Sound Soft Foam Earplugs. You can buy a big package of them at Wal Mart. The best sleep masks I've found are the black & blue silk ones they sell at Central Market in Fort Worth. They are adjustable in the back, soft and have cusions under your eyes to block out the pesky light that always tries to creep in there. They also stand up well to repeated washings.

Also, a warm bath just before bed &/or lavender essential oil on a pillow or tissue near you can help you to fall asleep too.

If you are having trouble falling asleep & staying that way only b/c of the depression (been there, done that), I truly believe it's worth it to go ahead and take a Tylenol PM (of course check w/your Dr. first if you are on other meds) while incorporating these other techniques until you can sleep on your own.

Ok, quickly on the subject of food:

Avoid white foods: i.e. white flour, white sugar, refined ANYTHING

Try to incorporate more fruits & veggies every meal you possibly can, especially fresh, green salads (not iceberg lettuce) with lots of fresh veggies on top (dousing them with ranch dressing, white bread croutons, bacon & cheese is not going to help---tried that too! :)) A modest amount of lemon vinaigrette (which is super easy to make at home) is delicious when you add grape tomatoes, carrots, raisins, sunflower seeds, sprouts & whatever other fresh things you can find in the fridge. I began by having two big salads like this at lunch & dinner every day before I ate anything else.

Lay off the sugar in all its forms as much as possible. Try small amounts of honey or maple syrup instead. You wouldn't beleive how many uses I've found for maple syrup.

If you want bread or grain products, steer toward whole grains: 100% if you can. Makes a huge difference!

To learn more about managing a healthy diet & lifestyle, I have found this website extremely helpful:

http://drbenkim.com/

You should be able to use the search feature there to find more info on sleep & specific diet recommendations.

Hope you find these things helpful. In the meantime, BIG HUGS from me to you & I'll be praying for your full recovery.

Sincerely,
B. D

Oh honey, can I EVER relate! I have been in almost your exact situation as far as the husband and depression. At the same age you are now, I too hit a bottom and felt like there was nothing for me. ESPECIALLY as far as feeling like a roomie not a lover. Its really common I think and I think also that women hit this place in our thirties where we reach a crossroads and have to decide where to go from here.

Depression is a real thing and in many cases, a lot more than just a case of the blues. Its a real chemical imbalance in your body and brain and often needs treatment. Are you on any kind of medication? If so, make sure you talk to your doctor about how you're feeling so that adjustments or reevaluations can be made. Are you in any type of counseling? If not, I'd highly recommend looking into it. It can be REALLY helpful to have someone who isn't personally invested in your life to discuss your feelings, plans and desires, who just wants to help you work through your questions and find your way. If you go to church, your priest or pastor can do the same, and possibly recommend someone to call as well.

As far as your husband, this will seem like a no-brainer, but TELL him how you feel about your relationship. Many men get comfortable and forget that their wives have needs too. He isn't trying to be inconsiderate, he just takes you for granted and needs to be reminded that you're his WIFE and you two need to keep your connection strong. If he's a good man, he's going to be willing to work to renew that connection, and SHOW you that he loves you, not take for granted that you just know. Consider couple's counseling too, as a way of learning to communicate. I like to write my feelings and thoughts in a letter to him to get everything across without getting distracted or running off on a tangent.

If he loves you as much as you love him, he'll be willing to work on the relationship with you. Mine wasn't, and I decided that if I was going to feel alone, I might as well BE alone. I divorced him and then along came a wonderful man who does love me and is willing and able to show me, make sure I take care of myself, the things a loving partner should do. Hopefully yours will take care of you and show you how much you mean to him before it comes to that.

There's a reason that so many people have suggested Jesus Christ to you. It's because not many things are certain in life, but His love and desire to be with us is. You may already be a Christian - accepted Jesus as your Savior. You know why? Because Christianity doesn't stop our problems. You're in a place called the valley right now. We are encouraging you to look up. Jesus has not promised that these times would go away; He promises to be with us through them, and to deliver us from them when it is time. It sucks to think it now, but it will strengthen you. And then you'll go through more hurt later in life, and that will strengthen you too. And you will find yourself speaking to someone going through what you already made it out of, and will realize that now you are encouraged to strengthen them. :) Don't give up. Don't wallow in what you thought life would be. Seek God, pray, and begin to hope and believe that He loves you enough and is powerful enough to see you through it.
Romans 10:9 says if you say out of your mouth that Jesus is Lord, that you want Him to be the leader of your life, and believe in your heart that He really died on the cross and got back up three days later...you will be saved. That's a start if you haven't already. And if you have, then your prayer probably will go a little something like "Lord, I'm sorry I took my eyes off you and stopped believing that you would see me through this. Help me. Help me believe again."

Truly D. this too has come to pass. Peace and help are available.

Love you deary!!
T.

You are NOT alone!! Good for you for taking this seriously and seeking and accepting help. As others have mentioned, I too suggest you share intimately with your husband so he is "in the loop" on your feelings, especially as they apply to him.

I have suffered three very major depressive episodes in my life over the past 16 years. Medication, talk therapy, support groups, PRAYER - these have gotten me through it each time. Twice I required hospitalization due to acute suicidal thinking. Trust me - I know what I'm saying when I say it can get really, really awful. I am now a "lifer" on medication - an SSRI on a maintenance dose. Some of us are biologically more susceptible and, with my history, we've determined that I'm one of those folks.

It does sound like you need to find paying or volunteer work that satisfies that God-given desire to make a difference. We need more teachers and non-profit workers with a heart like yours. They are not the most lucrative positions, but they benefit us all when filled by folks with a true heart to do them.

I can relate to some of the things that you are going through. It sounds like you are taking the right steps. I am a teacher and I took off two years to stay home with my 5yr old son and twin daughters. I am returning to the classroom and I am very excited. I think it would be great for you to go back to school. I love having the same schedule as my kids and having summers off!
I am not sure what role God plays in your life, but I read a great book called The Purpose Driven Life a few years ago and it helped me to find purpose in my life. I also attend Fellowship Church in Plano. Having God in my life has made my marriage very strong! I am not trying to push my faith on you and you may already go to Church, but if you don't I invite you to check it out. We are actually starting a new series this weekend and you can visit our website, fellowshipchurch.com, to see if it is something you would enjoy! We are a contemporary church with a band and our pastor, Ed Young, is very creative. He speaks on topics that relate to everday life! I hope I haven't offended you in any way and that this information helps.

Dear D.,

I'm truly sorry you're having such a rough time lately. The
description you wrote of yourself as someone "...who is trying to find her purpose in life" reminded me of an absolutely fabulous
book entitled "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I think this book would really help you with some of the issues
you are having in your life right now. I'm pretty sure this
book was on the New York Times bestseller list after it came
out a while back, so your local public library should have a
copy of it, or it probably is still on sale in bookstores!
God bless you! C.

The only advice I can give you is the advice my Mom ALWAYS gives me...To grab ahold of Gods hand and never let go..he will never leave ou nor for sake you and he is with you when you feel like you are alone and even when your not... I dont know your beliefs but I know my relationship with Jesus Christ gives me peace and comfort and so much joy. I know how hard it is to pick yourslf up when your way down" I have been there" but someway ans somehow God provides a way...he is constantly sending signs and opportunities we just have to open our heart and our eyes and watch for his small still voice. Belive amd have faith that you will get better and when you wake up make the first thing you do is turn your day over to God and pray for him to take your burdens away and in his time "not ours" all things will fall in place. I hope I have not offended you any because I do not know what your spiritual beliefs are. If I did I truly apologize I just wanted to share what God has done for me and give you the hope that there is light at theend of every hard tunnel. God bless and your family in all the ways you deserve!

I think everyone struggles at some point with worries that they aren't really fulfilling their purpose. Like there might be some great adventure out there or you were meant to be a heorine in some epic novel. I want you to know that working with kids and raising 3 of your own IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE. Though they may not say it, those girls adore you, and sometimes husbands get so caught up in providing for the family that they forget to be part of the family. Most of the time all they need is a little reminder(in the bedroom). Please, please don't give up on your marriage, and don't give up on yourself. Your life and everyone in it is a gift from God. You didn't get the left over crappy gift; you got the one He made specially for you. You just have to appreciate it. Don't forget that with Him you're never alone. Hope this helps.
*PS If you don't have a relationship with Jesus and you'd like to talk more about how His love can make you whole, I'm happy to talk ____@____.com

I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I feel the same way. I have just recently gone back on medication for my depression. I also want to be a teacher. Like you, I have a degree from a community college. I work for CFB school district. From working in the district with some teachers who are getting their masters degree online, I got motivated to get my Bachelors degree and become a teacher. I am attending Ashford University online and I can only say positive things about the whole experience. If you really want to be a teacher, then you should be! I just wanted to let you know about the online college thing because it is a great way for a working mom to get her degree from an accredited univeristy and go on to become a teacher. I am currently taking my third class. They transfer in everything you have taken before, no matter how long ago it was. I was able to transfer all my credits from the community college and now I only have a little over a year to go. I also wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I can feel your pain. If you want to talk, or just want to know about the online college thing-e-mail me at ____@____.com
Oh..and I can totally relate about the husband feeling like a roomie. I wish you a great day and don't forget to smile!

Hi, could this be hormoane related depression? I suffer from a hormoane imbalance and premenstrual disphoric disorder (PMDD), anxiety and mild OCD and often get depressed for no real reason... I started takeing ZOLOFT about 6 months ago and it has changed my life, I am a Christian as well and turn to God for every thing but I still could not controll the physcial symptoms I was having. but when I started the Zoloft I felt a difference in a day (not common) and I can tell if I miss one dose of it. It has made a huge difference in my life... you might want to talk to your dr. about trying it... (I will say that my husband and I dont have as much sex as we used to but we also have 3 very young and active boys and were both tired but we love each other dearly and spend every minute we can together)

Good luck- Keep your chin up
A. J

I have been where you are. Are youtaking anything? there is NOTHING wrong with taking an anti-anxiety/depression medicine. You have a chemical imbalance...not something that mauch different than diabetes or high blood pressure. Get on something. And if you are already on something, TALK to your Doctor! Counseling is also great...but only if they are helping you DEAL with things, not just sit and whine about them. Stick with it as long as you need to...your girls deserve the you that you will become when you are whole. The next thing I would advise is to take some leaps of faith...seduce your husband! Whether you feel like it or not, adding this aspect back to your marriage will help you to grow closer to each other and allow you to fell not so "alone." Remember, I have been there. I also have 3 girls and had lost myself in their world. I do not have to work full-time, but I did get a job so that I could be with other adults. And I did stay on Effexor for about 8 months. If you don't like your job, find another one. You have to stop looking for others to validate you...you will only find what you are looking for on the inside of you. And on the off chance that you do not go to church, God is the ONLY ONE who will be able to give you what it is that you are looking for fromn within--Peace and acceptance and a direction for your life. He has a plan for you...Read Jeremiah 29:11-13. Find a good Bible believing church and talk with the pastor. He will be able to help you.

I will be praying for you!
H.

I can say that I whole heartedly understand where you're coming from. I'm 27 and have suffered with severe depression my entire adult life, and most of my childhood. If you're not on medication now, I would highly suggest you looking in to getting on something. Have you talked to your husband about how you're not feeling appreciated? Approaching it as telling him you're going through depression and asking for his help through it might help him to understand what you need from him right now, if you can even figure that part out. A lot of time I just know I'm not happy with my husband, but I don't know what exactly I'm expecting out of him...
Fell free to email me if you need to talk or something. Good luck through this!!

First of all, depression is real. I know you know that, but please allow yourself the freedom to feel the way you feel. There are certainly medications to help get through those times. It's not that you will be on them forever.

With that said, get out a piece of paper and write down everything you love about your life. Your children's smiles, watching them sleep, your husband who does work, who does come home every night because he loves his family, (just making assumptions here, I know) having a house, hearing your kids laughing in the other room, your family's health, etc. etc. Spend a few days and focus on these things. Be ridiculous, write down everything...having enough toilet paper when you need it. You get my point... Sometimes it is just a perspective change that we need to help us get through. I know I have gone through some things where I HAD to have medication, but then have been through other times where I could just really sit back and take in and acutally appreciate my world and what a truly good place it is to be and that worked. My heart goes out to you, good luck!

Oh D.! I have been where you are and it is no fun. I was married for 5 years to my high school sweetheart (we dated for 10 years prior to marriage) and after about one year of marriage things started to fall apart. I, too, felt like I was not in love with my husband anymore and was just living with a roommate raising a child together. Anyhow, we ended up divorcing. I am remarried now to a great man and even though it is not a cake walk, it is 100% better than I ever thought marriage could be. Marriages need sex and married people need to be lovers in order to maintain the marriage. It just doesn't work otherwise in my opinion.

I will say that God, a great counselor, and anti-depressants were the only thing that got me through a very turbulent time and eventual divorce. I am not suggesting a divorce for you. It is a very hard and painful road and I do not recommend it. Have you 2 been to couples therapy? Sounds like you are trying to work on things on your end, but he needs to work on things, too. You have to walk this road together as a team. You cannot be in this alone.

Something is doing to have to give. Why did you quit your preschool job? Sounds like that is where your heart lies. Your husband needs to be supportive and help you with your career like you have supoorted him. I think you need to go back to school and get a degree in teaching. It's what your love is. Retail work will drain your sole. I did retail for 8 years through high school and college and still have nightmares about it!! UGH! I hated it! Have you thought about being a teacher's aide FT while you get your degree? You don't need a teaching degree to do that and you would be in the school system making connections and such. Many school districts around here have preschool programs that require aides in the room. Just a thought.

I wish you many blessings during this hard time. I would not go back to those days for anything. Just keep yourself together as much as you can for your girls, get marriage counseling, work on that degree, and let God do the worrying for you. Contact me if you would like to talk anytime. Hang in there. Life will get better. It just takes time.

D.

D.,

Continue to see your doctor; however, does the doc ever suggest telling your husband how you feel. You two sound like you need some 1 on 1 time without the girls to help your relationship. Like you say you've fallen into a routine. Maybe start with 1 hour walking in the park.

You just named 3 GREAT reasons why you should teach: 1. Family, you would be home with the girls 2. You would love to finish your teaching degree 3. You're very good with children. The best careers regardless of money are the people who love what they do and want to make a difference. I can't imagine a more rewarding job (other then Mom) than teaching our youth. Is it possible you could teach and work towards your degree (I thought my cousin did that). Check into it and go for it. It may be the thing to boost you out of your depression. I'm praying for you and your family. Take care.

Dear D. S,

My heart goes out to you, and I've already said a prayer for you. I'm so glad you're seeing a couselor, but you didn't say anything about medications (although maybe that's what you meant when you mentioned your doctor???). If you haven't done so already, perhaps you should also see a psychiatrist and discuss meds. I myself do not suffer from depression, but my husband and two step children do as do many other members of my husband's family. Of course not everyone requires meds, but believe me, I've seen a difference in my family when they are receiving medical help.

I also suggest you follow your dream, complete your degree and get into a profession that brings you satisfaction--maybe teaching, so you could be home summers with your kids.

Getting involved in a great church might be good for you and your family too, if yall aren't already active in one. I suggest one that has lots of children's activities. My family goes to Fellowship in Grapevine (www.fellowshipchurch.com), and we love it, but there are lots of great churches in the Metroplex.

No matter what, take care of yourself and recognize the special person you were created to be. God made you to be exactly who you are, and He loves you (Psalm 139:1-18). He wants you to have an abundant life (John 10:10).

PLEASE take care of yourself,

Deb D

I have been in your position and I just want you to know that this too shall pass. I know that you feel like there is no end to the way you feel, but there is. You know what you want now find a way to get it! You want to reconnect with your husband, you want to be with your children and you want to teach. These are all obtainable goals but you have to be the one to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward! No one else can do this for you.

My faith is the only thing that got me thru, I put all of my faith in God knowing that he gave me life for a reason.And one small step at a time is how I crawled out. I too saw a counselor and he was a lifesaver. He suggested that I start a journal and write in it everyday. This helped to get all of the negative thoughts out of my head, once they were down on paper they were gone. Now this took some time to get the hang of but it did eventually work and is still a wonderful method for me.

Just remember that your children need you. They need a strong, confident woman to guide them. You are that woman! And your husband needs you too. Tell him how you feel or have him go with you to a counseling session. You may be surprised to find out that he shares your feelings and misses you as much as you miss him. My husband went with me to a session and it was amazing to hear what he had to say about how he felt. He was actually pulling away from me because he felt like he was causing my depression, that he could no longer make me happy. This opened up a whole new line of communication for us.

Please remember that it is ok to feel confused and lost, I think we all do at some point, you are definetly not alone. Take it one day at a time and ask God to help you to make it thru just that one day, everyday. With Him by your side anything is possible.

Good luck, I have faith that you will prevail. I will keep you in my prayers.

My thirties were tough for me. I went through some really life changing moments. There were a lot of dark days. Things will get better!!! It sounds like you are doing everything you can to keep your head above water. I have also suffered from depression at times. I think you have to give yourself major credit for carrying on. If you can't think about the day ahead without being overwhelmed think about the hour instead and make it through that. You have a lot on your plate. As hard as it is for us women we HAVE to take care of ourselves first and don't feel selfish about it. We tend to put everything else first and lose ourselves. Go back to school. The profession you have chosen is perfect for a family and will give you a sense of accomplishment. Make yourself a priority, then your marriage and your kids. It is so easy for married couples to get wrapped up in life and kids and take each other for granted. Right now your kids are all consuming but one day they will be grown and you and your husband will be alone and strangers. Make time for each other. You will probably be the one making the most effort at first but things will turn around. Keep a journal and write down how you feel no matter how silly you think it may sound. That helped me and I never thought it would. Good luck and just know it will get better.

I feel for you, sweetie. I've suffered from depression in the past. Hang in there - don't do anything drastic. I've been married for 23 years and have gone thru several rounds of the "roomie" period when the two of us were too busy/tired/distracted to have time for much of an emotional or physical relationship. Things in your life will probably cycle around - you may have to purposely "date" each other.

A wake-up call for me was when I read "Affair-Proof Your Marriage" or something like that.

I purposely choose to act very cheerful and friendly and most of the time I end up feeling that way, too. And sometimes I whine with a close friend and have a good cry and I feel lots better afterward.

Research shows that most couples who are going thru a hard time feel better and happier with each other within 5 years if they are just willing to stick with it and not get a divorce.

On your relationship, I would recommend "Men are From Mars, Woman are From Venus" and "Love and Respect". If you havent read these already, they're miracle workers... if you apply the things they teach to your relationship.

Are you hooked up with a church? That really helps me. Being in a small group at church that has other couples our age and you find you're not alone and that more people are alike than you think.

Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers D..

~C.

Two words NURTURE YOURSELF!!!

I am or have been a lot like you are now, and my caregiver personality is so focused that I tend to leave myself out of the nurturing that I do. I suffered from Post Partum Depression after my second child was born, and I had the help of a really good Dr. too. In my case, he told me that my personality type (obsessive-compulsive perfectionist) would tend to cause me to get depressed until I gained control over my own behaviors. I had to stop trying to do everything - choose something to leave off or delegate to someone else - go back to school so that I could work with more like-minded people who would appreciate my talents. Do not give up on yourself. You are more capable than you realize to help yourself (with the professional help backing you up). If you can, go have a manacure, or pedicure. If not, have a friend watch your kids while you take a nice bath and do your own - or whatever things you consider luxurious and probably selfish. Balance is the key. You are probably needing something on many levels, but if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your family well. You may find that once you are happy with your career, and confident in yourself again, your husband may see you in a little different light as well. No one thing will fix it all, but care for yourself - it is a great place to start!

My Best to you,
D.

Go back to school and complete your Bachelor's, it sounds like that is what you really want to do. Talk to your Dr. also and your husband about your feelings.

I can relate. My purpose right now is being a mom and a wife, but besides that, I really don't know what my purpose in this life is. I know that I am living for right now and not the future and I really fret where I will be when the job is done. My only advice to you is to check out The Road Adventure, they have a web site, it really helped me come to terms with who I am and who I want to be. It is not a fix all, that's for sure but it will be something you can do for you and hopefully get something out of it with hope and healing. My motto is, "Life is too short to be unhappy" you only get one shot at this life and it is what you make it. I wish you the best of luck and my heart goes out to you. E-mail me if you want to talk, there are people out there that do care, even if they are strangers.

Hi D.,

You are certainly not alone! I have gone through some tough times lately and strangely enough the only thing that has kept me sane is my job (oddly enough). I am lucky to be working in a job I love. Family will always be most important but if teaching is your passion it might help you mentally if you take some steps toward acheiving your own goals even if it means taking one class at a time or just getting your college transcripts to a college and finding out what you need to do to finish. Keep working with your counselor and hang in there. Email me if you need a shoulder :-)

I think that most of us have felt this way sometime in our lives. I know that I have. Childbearing does some very strange and wonderful things to our bodies. I have found homeopathic remedies to be absolutely lifesaving in many situations. You may want to begin with a Bach Flower Essence known as REscue Remedy and see if that helps. I keep it in my purse for all kinds of situations. This helps with stress and trauma.
You have been through many stressful situations and just kept on going. It may be that your body just needs a gentle push to help you resolve some past issues to get moving again. There are other remedies to take if this does not help enough. Homeopathy works by taking into consideration your individual symptoms and finding a remedy most closely related to your symptoms. These are completely safe and gentle. This is all I use for any physical, mental or emotional problems in my house of 7 children for 19 years.

Dear D., May GOD'S richest blessings be yours, especailly healing you emotionally & spiritually. You've rec. some great resp., so I'll just ask you if you have a personal relationship w/JESUS? Trust me when I say(I've dealt with alot of what you are experiencing) HE can heal all lost feelings and mend what feels broken, and I also believe HE has helped scientists & Dr.s to provide us with excellent med. This is sent to you w/love & prayers.

Hello D.:

Your post really touched my heart so I wanted to reach out to you. I am so glad that you are seeing a counselor...it is really healthy to do so. As for your purpose, being a mother can sometimes be a thankless role. I would say your purpose is the fact that you have been blessed with three girls. I know so many women who are desperate to have a child and cannot. But, it can seem overwhelming to find your own. I think we all go through a time, especially speaking about being married as long as you have, as to find out what is my purpose. I would say to see what things interest you that are constructive for you. Do you enjoy exercising, maybe a walking club or some of the mom's group's locally seem to work well for many of my friends.

Believe me there are soo many of us that feel lost...... some may not want to admit it but we all feel this way at times....

Know that your challenge is to find something that you enjoy and make it your own......

Thoughts?

First of all let me start by saying that I am sorry you are going through this stuff. On eof the first things I thought about while reading your story was that it sounds like you and your husband don't remember what it was like to be in love. When my husband and I first got married we went through a marriage class at our church, one of the things they said is that when you have kids you tend to live to their schedule and center them in life and forget the romance in your life. Which is to say, you stop "dating" your spouse. I don't know if that is what has happened to you but wether it has or not I would suggest dating your husband again. Make date nites with no kids and you go to dinner and a movie, have fun and get to know him again and let him get to know you again. Also you might try new things in the bedroom, stuff you have never thought of or did think of and was embarrassed. The point I am trying to make is get sexy no matter how stupid you feel. As for the school/degree thing, use the Nike principal (Just Do It) it sounds like it is a better oportunity for you and your girls, finish your degree and have a better time with the family. I know this was long but I hope it helped, I will be praying for you and your marriage. I was given this little plaque once that said "If God brings you to it, He will see you through it" Pray and He will help. Good Luck.

Hi Debbie,

You are not alone. It sounds like you have a lot going on. Stress can be a huge contributor to depression. I am glad you recognize the need for help. If you are not happy in the retail world go back to what you love. I would not recommend going back to school yet. Talk about adding stress. I think you are experiencing overload. Do you take time for just you? Kids are not good at showing appreciation, that does not mean they don't need and love you. Marriage is hard. All marriages have there ups and downs. With your husband gone several nights you are a single parent. Ask a family member or friend to come over and keep the kids while you do something just for you. Manicure, pedicure, massage, coffee, running, etc.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for. Above all remember, you are not alone.

Hi D., I am also 34 yrs old and mom to 3 teen girls. It sounds like you are in a rut. First of all let's put things into perspective. You wrote down some positive things in your life now keep going...write down everything that you can and should be thankful for. Focus on those. I went through a very nasty long divorce about 6 years ago and was sole caretaker of my girls believe me I should have been very depressed and I will admit I had days that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.(I would constantly talk to God and ask him to take care of me and my girls, it helps soooo much) In my opinion no one else can make you happy but yourself. It is a choice. Focus on good things in your life and start with a small goal it could be getting your degree online and keep at it. As for your hubby I understand, believe me I have been there, you feel unappreciated maybe unattractive too. Well do something about it...once I made a game and wrote lil cards with clues on them that led my husband to an address which just happened to be a hotel : ) it was sooo much fun, send him a sexy text message, spice it up. Anyone will tell you that any relationship takes hard work so get creative. I hope I don't sound harsh I am just trying to give you that "go for it" attitude. It helps me to help others when I am feeling low and it gives me a purpose, so if you can volunteer for a little while maybe at the senior center or the local animal shelter or just help an elderly neighbor with the groceries (just some ideas) You deserve to be happy, we only live once. So when the depression starts to hit, fight it, change your surroundings, concentrate on a new recipe whatever it takes to keep your mind off of the thoughts. BTW I learned the hard way that "In love" is not a feeling-it is a decision so if your hubby is good to you and your girls, and it sounds like he is "DECIDE" to be in love with him today. Make your marriage work, I would never want someone to go through the horribleness of a divorce. Hope this helps or gives you some ideas and just remember how many woman would love to be in your shoes with an awesome hubby and kids.

Ditto--------not too be too open
i have one son
never married-quit huge salary job-babt dad doctor-broke nose and arm --4 days old baby
so iam realtor now thinking easier....well-i have made it thru
i have no reallllll friends-i am not a drinker-have no babysitter feel like bad mom-real est is demanding-and my son-thinks i care about clients-this is first summer-i didn't get a big check and whole plans summer-bounced-camp-swim lessons-trip etc....
I hear -i grew up and graduated-hgh sch and college uta-i feel opposite huge coll degree-why am i struggling-doin right thing 9i think) living hoest-sober-spiritual life and see ppl buy homes no credit-no socials-yet i cant even come and make dinner -normally-for a while son could only sleep in car while driving home-i just have no resources-parents are control freaks and i am 36!!! Just wanna let you know i said depression in my 20s with a modeling career-money the world but dead inside-i am finally ok-does hubby or you drink to much? I found after all that post baby drama i drank to cover all the pain.thank god i have 3 years sober-now it's living life -mid 30s.yikes ,my son is going to 1st grade-dnt know how to rwgister him,,,he's been ibn year round private since he was 2 -i feel so guilty
i am here if you need to talk.......i chose to not marry a mean person-not that i am perfect but-hitters hit-cheaters-cheat--jerks-are worse jerks,,,, who wrote cinderella we all need a refund!!! See ya A.

My neighbor's husband has almost the same schedule as yours. Sometimes, I'm there when he comes home and he just says a quick hello and goes to the room. She says that's pretty normal, he always just walks in, doesn't even acknowledge her, goes takes a shower and goes to bed. I really can't understand it, if it was me it I would drive me insane, but as long as he is supporting her and their children, she says she doesn't mind it one bit. Why don't you guys (you and your husband) go out. Go get some drinks, or go and try something new. You might just be stuck in a rut. Go find yourself again. You're so young! Try joining a group on www.meetup.com, find other people that share your ideas, make the best of the situation. I'd be happy to watch the girls for you sometime, just let me know. If not, I hope you are able to figure something out, life is too short, I want you to be happy.

D.

Hi first you need to talk to your Husband about the way you are feeling it is not good to keep everything inside. Second you need to go back to school and get your teaching degree. Maybe that is why you are also feeling this way. You feel like you are not worth anything. Once you go back to school you will feel so much better and happier.

Also if you have family here you should also talk to your family about whats going on. Go to families house and talk to them it is good to have family around.

I have also noticed that life really doesn't start until you are in your 40s. I will be praying for you and your family.
God Bless

Those three beautiful girls are your purpose. They need you more than anything else to be there for them when they are growing up. Give your doctor a call and let him know your upset more than usual. Communicate all of this to your husband. He needs to know how you feel. Maybe you could plan a date night for ya'll and do something you really like to do with him. Fly to Las Vegas for one or two nights and stay at a very nice hotel and be pampered. The rates are very low right now. You just need a little attention from him to reassure you everything is alright. Have you looked at completing your degree on-line so you could stay at home with your girls? I think alot of classes are offered on-line now. You love to teach and we need you in our schools. So many teachers don't even like kids or their job. You can e-mail me any time you want to talk or have a question, I don't mind. I have two boys I love to talk about. I'll send you my e-mail address. Hang in there and keep doing what your doing. You know what you want and are very in touch with how you feel, now you have to find ways to deal with those feelings. Can you imagine how those girls would feel if they didn't have you? My sister and I have some depression and I feel lost sometimes, but I always find a way to make it through and so will you. E-mail anytime!!!

I'm not sure if anyone has told you that premenopause starts about 10 years from when it happens. Symptoms are depression, periods skipping months, weight gain, mood swings, and hot flashes. Probably other things too but you might wanna look into a pill or just finding out about it.

D.,

I have been in your shoes just this past year. I, too, was depressed and did not know what to do. I'm glad that you are seeking help from a counselor. One of the best things that you can do is talk to someone. When I was down and out, I went and talked to my pastor. He listened alot and let me speak what was on my heart. I talked to friends. I also talked to my dr and got a prescription for an anti-depressent/anxiety pill. I cannot believe how much this medicine has helped me. I feel sooooo much better.

Some other things that you can do to help kick your depression:

1) Make sure that you are in a good church. The support of positive people around you will really lift you up.

2) Make sure you are getting enough sleep. This will really help you as well.

3) Make sure you are eating right.

4) Take time to exercise. Can you walk around the block a few times with your family after dinner? This will not only give you time with your family, but get those great endorphins going which are natural mood boosters in your body.

5) Talk to your husband and make sure that he understands how you are feeling. Marriage counseling may be a good option for you. Take a weekend away with just you and him and rekindle the romance. Everyone's marriage goes through ups and downs. You have to make up your mind that you are going to make it through the downs and work as hard as you can to get back to the ups. Date nights once a week or once every other week can help also.

Please check out this website, it may be just what you are looking for:

www.needhim.org or call this number 1-888-needhim

Hope this helps,

G.

D.,

I can totally relate to much of what you've mentioned. I have finally gotten to a point in my life where I feel satisfied, actually, more than satisfied, about everything in it. I finally feel happy about life- where I am in it, where I'm going, who I am, etc.

The most important contributor has been my relationship with God. I am trying to do better each day, week, month, etc., and I know it is an ongoing process. I've also listened to the Spirit more and followed my heart. And since I've followed my heart more, I have been so much happier. I'm more involved with helping others in need, and I've used prayer to help me find those in need and how I can help. My soul has been lifted, and my heart filled with so much joy.

I know this sounds "churchy" (lol), but how can I keep this "secret" ingredient to happiness to myself. :) I have had my share, as we all have, of heartaches, disappointments, sufferings, and so on. And I know that I would not, could not, be this happy without my relationship with Heavenly Father.

It's made such a difference in my life, and it's wonderful to share that with my family in my actions, words, and deeds towards/with them. If you want to talk about it, feel free to contact me. I wish you comfort and love for yourself. Remember who you are and that you are a daughter of God.

Best wishes to you, D.! :)

I know you've gotten a lot of responses already but I didn't get to read through all of them. I know exactly how you feel. I hit my rock bottom last year also. After 4 years of infertility my husband and I got pregnant with twins through IVF. At 12 weeks we found out that one of our precious boys would not survive very long after birth. So in March of 2006 we gave birth to our boys and Nathaniel lived hour and a half. All that to say that I obviously had a reason to be very sad. I went back to work after 5 months and that allowed me to mask any depression I was suffering from. I had to get out of bed everyday to go to work. I decided I wanted to stay home with my other little boy and quit right before the boys 1st birthday. The birthday and the transistion from a job I had worked for 8 years caused me to go into the deepest darkest pit.
I started to go to counseling and taking medications... 2 to be exact. Depression is not only situational but can also be chemical. I was VERY resistant to getting on medication but am so thankful that I did. There are over 450 chemicals in our brain and just like some people can't produce insulin, others don't produce enough of dopamine, serotonin etc. I was so snippy with my husband and things were really geting tense in our house.
So with medication, counseling and LOTS of prayer, I can say I am much better now. I may always need to be on medication or perhaps my body at some point will produce what it needs. But either way, I will not go back to the way I was living. It is not healthy for me or my husband or children.
I will pray for you as you navigate through this season of your life.
A.

D., I never respond to questions but yours was irresistible. You are right, you have a great life. There are just some things you need to do to take full advantage of it. First, if you aren't happy in your career..stop now. Take the time and energy to get that extra schooling so you can do what will make your heart sing. Life is too short to plod. Secondly, if you are lucky enough to be married to the husband of your children, that is a rare and beautiful thing these days. Don't let it wither up without giving it your best shot. Ok, I'm not suggesting here that you farm the kids out for the night and meet him at the door wrapped in saran wrap (although that would certainly get his attention). I am suggesting that you take the time to be interested in him.Remember, maybe he's feeling a little unappreciated too and would love to have you just listen to him. Flirt with him, joke with him. If you still love him, work at finding out if you both are still "in love". If you're not, you'll have no regrets about what you should have done. Whatever you do, don't let life just happen to you; take control. There are always some circumstances over which we have no control; revel in the ones that you can. It will be work, hard work but trust me, it will be worth it.

hi D.. You are feeling a bit early on the mid-life crisis but I think it happens earlier for some than others. I too feel that way sometimes but you have to think bigger.
Go look in the mirror and see who is looking back. Do you like her? You spend all your time with her, is she your best friend? Are you taking care of her? What do you wish for her? Do you love her?
Joel Olsteen talked about a ten year plan and Jaque Cousteau-made a huge impression on me.
Try sitting down and make a list of all the things you want to do-want to see-want to be. Then make another list of how to get there.
Start little and work your way up. i.e. better relationship with hubby, degree, teaching career for the biggies.
Don't rely on your hubby for happiness-he is probably too busy working and figuring things out himself. Don't rely on the kids-too big of burden for little ones.
You have to decide to be happy yourself and it takes great practice to change this way of feeling that you have been experiencing. It will be hard.
Now work towards your new goals one step at a time and don't be afraid of the pitfalls, they will come but you can be stronger than them. Don't give up!
God made you very special and gave you a wonderful life. He is just waiting for you to decide you are ready to do what is important. It is up to you to make it happen.
Pray for the opportunity to do something either for yourself or for God and He will answer. He hears all our prayers.
I know you can do this!
With love, C.

Maybe you should finish your teaching degree, especially if the thought is a little scary. Maybe breaking out of your "safe comfort zone" will help you feel better.

Try not to focus on feeling down and think happy thoughts. You can train your brain that way. Remember, how you feel and act effects everyone around you....and you are young, too young to not be enjoying life to the fullest.

Make a list of things that would give you some excitement, happiness or a thrill and do them.

Good luck - may the sun shine on you! :-)

D.,

First off let me start by saying I understand exactly what you are going thought. I for years suffered from depression and it ultimately ended my first marriage. The few times I hit rock bottom I was again all by my self. I found out that Depression is a genetic trait in my family and it could be controled with support. Since all that could support me in my family were suffering from the same thing at the same time, I had no chance of getting that from them. My Ex-Husband was selfish and didn't try and understand anything I was going through nor didn't try to make it easier for me. This is what happens when you come across people who don't believe that Depression is a disorder. After being ordered by a divorce judge to talk family classes it took a really good thrapist to explain to him what a person who is depress thinks, what they feel, and how he as the support has to understand and not take it personally. This was a day late and a dollar short for me because he used my depression as a way to take my kids away from me. Saying that I could hurt them in some way. Around that time I met my current husband who took the time to learn about my problem and support me in a way that I never though I could be supported. After a year I was able to maintain my own emotions, get off my medication, get my degree, and have a productive life. When I get down, knowing that I could stay down, he is right there letting me know that I am not alone and he brings me back up. My advise to you, you need to expose your husband to the things you are going through and take him to your therapist. Let her explain the way depression works and how he can be a big help to getting you to a better place. This can be the test of your marriage, so please understand that you are going to have to be willing to understand if he decides to not support you. Find a good support person that will be there no matter what. Mom's are usually good, but it's really someone that has to know what it's going to take and are willing to be there for your life sake. I can only express to you how good this will make you feel when you have that person that his holding you down when you are in a worldwind. It will bring you back to reality. I can tell that you are tired of being depressed because you are asking for help from stranger which is a good sign. IF you get the right support behind you, take you med as directed and continue to be tired of being depressed you will make it. You have kids to think about as well as yourself. Don't be afraid to be selfish either because if you don't take care of you, then no one will be there to take care of your family. Good luck and I hope I have helped.

I am taking Cymbalta. It is helping me. I have always been depressed, even as a child. Then we lost our 11 week old daughter to SIDS 8 years ago and it got much worse. I have been on every antidepressant known. Finally I feel normal and comfortable. Happy even. I am sorry you are going through this. It sucks and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. These ladies had alot of good advice. I am going to try and take some of it myself. Just wanted to say I am right there with you.

A.

D., The best advice I can give is that you are not alone. I think everyone goes through a time in their life where things just don't go right. I also think that most couples go through ups and downs in their marriage too. I know what worked for my husband and I was to get away for a long weekend just the two of us. We rented a cabin in the woods out of state and it was the time alone we needed to reconnect. We too moved away from family right after we got married and just recently moved closer to family here in Denton. I can honestly say that having kidos in the mix added some exrta stress for us, but we learned not to let the little things get you down (laundry, chores, shopping, etc.) Also, don't know your church situation but we also found that when we shared our Sunday mornings together in a church that made us better people and reminded us that no matter what God loved us---it is amazing what you can get through! We go to Cross Timbers in Argle, TX. Take care and I hope that helps...even just a little.

Hello D., I just wanted to let you know I will be praying for you. Do you attend church? Do you read the Bible? Jesus Christ CAN make a difference in your life and feel those empty places.

I am a pastor's wife from Cisco... I believe you are in Cisco, too?? If so, please feel welcomed to visit our church anytime. (First Assembly of God, 308 W. 7th Street.) We are simply a group of caring people who love to welcome others into our church family- you will be loved and accepted here!

Blessings to you,

K.

It seems like you have been taking the proper steps to feel better. By going to counseling and etc. I think if going back to school is what you want to do then GO FOR IT! Even if you take online classes.
We all go through a form of depression at some point even if its minimal. I have found at 31 years old, you have to find something to call your own. I have 3 kids.(soon I will anyway) Do you think you and your hubby are still in love but that your state of depression has caused you to feel differently? Hang in there. You are definitely not alone girl.
Focus on yourself and you will see great things. =)

Hello,

I too have suffered from some depression issues. I don't know that I could even make it through a day without finding my purpose in life, but I did. You didn't mention and I don't know if you know the Lord or attend a church, but I found a church family and I found out that my Lord loves me as I am. I hope that I am not coming across too "churchy" but I really believe He is the answer to it all. Also, a supportive church family is the most awesome blessing! There are many wonderful churches in the area. Blessings!

Meditation is wonderful.

Hi D.. I can completely relate to your situation as I have been there myself. There is a wonder dvd called You Can Heal Your Life that completely turned my life around. It gave me hope, which I feel I had been lacking for some time. There is also a book by the same name, by Louise Hay, but I have not read this. It really helped me to look at things in a new way and make some changes in my thinking, which in turned made positive changes in my life. I hope that you will take the time to watch this dvd with an open mind. I know that it helped me.

D.,

I think everyone goes through ups and downs in their life. Some worse than others, but don't wait for something to happen or change. You need to change things for yourself. Those kids need a happy mother. Your husband needs a happy and loving wife.Most of all, you need to make your self happy . Start working out or do something you have always wanted to do. You need to make a effort to touch and love on your husband. Let him know you care even if you don't feel it at the moment. It's worth a try. You have been together for 12 yrs. I am a stay at home mom and have been married for 10 yrs. I have had my ups and downs believe me. It only changes if you really want it to. Have a date night with your husband. It can even be at home when the children or with grandparents or friends. Just try to make it special and DIFFERENT. Start talking to your kids and husband more. Praying has always helped me. I hope I have given you at least something to think about. You sound like a wonderful person. My prayers will be with you.

My recommendation would be to read "The Power of Now," by Eckhart Tolle. It's a great method for finding yourself, and what's important. I felt hopeless for a long time, but this really helped me break out. I wish you all the best.

First off, big HUGE HUGS to you. You sound like you need them.

Secondly, depending on where you're at, if you work as a classroom aide you may be eligible for free tuition to finish your education degree if you go into a high need area (science, math, special ed, esl)...

That said, I love me some prozac - but nothing will MAKE you happy. You kind of have to take it for yourself. I like the book "Feeling Good" - it's about cognitive therapy.

Realize that your girls love you, and your husband loves and needs you - even though sometimes they're too dense to realize that we, too, need a positive performance review.

My husband works nights - 7 to 7, 4 days a week. Sometimes, you just have to roll them over and TAKE what you want. :) Trust me - he'll enjoy it just as much as you will.

*hugs* again

S.

Hi D.! First off I want to tell you that you are NOT alone, it's much more common than you think to become disillusioned with life - I've been there many times unfortunately and somehow manage to climb up and out. I think in my case I have 2 things that I cling to: 1 is my faith in God, Jesus as my saviour and the fact that I believe there is a heaven and also a hell, and my beliefs include believing that suicide is a direct route to hell, no stops or 2nd chances.(scares the H out of me personally) and secondly I continued to cling to my children and my desire to see them as adults and become parents (which would make me a grandparent). I've suffered from depression (I chose to say "lived with depression") for most of my life and well, it's just part of my life now, ups, downs and in betweens. I would suggest you continue therapy but also find something that you enjoy doing, something creative maybe like a kind of artwork that you can express yourself with, it helps, it really does. I was never very creative but found that photography was my favorite and my girls the best subjects! Now, 20 years later I've discovered Scrapbooking is a new outlet and creative endeavor and well, now I will make good use of all the pictures I have accumulated. Jobs come and go and are NEVER fulfilling to a great extent, especially emotionally. Husbands, unfortunately can also come and go, sad but true so don't try to put everything in that basket. But your children! There's the gift and it lasts forever! Try to find new joy in their various stages and find some things to do with each of them together and separate to create memories for you all! That's what it's all about in the end, the connections and lasting memories we make with other people! By the way, if you ever find the meaning of "being truly happy" please let me know - but contentment - that's been my goal, peace and contentment and I can be satisfied with that. My new joy is my grand daughter - now that's worth waiting for I assure you - to see my baby girl all grown up and married and a momma - worth all the tears and sadness. Best of luck to you, remember peace and contentment!

Finish your teaching degree. Set your mind I will complete this task. Get a calendar and mark the days till you have your degree!!!! There are college classes on-line; one day a week classes. Finances... you can apply for Pell Grants or check with the local school district and see if they have reimbursement or forgiveness loans. You never know till you try. Depression. Try walking... exercise... playing board games with your children... stay away from fattening foods/caffeine...

Get out of retail. Try getting a job at the local public library. These people are generally a little more educated than retail personnel. You never know who you might meet at the library. Plus it is a decent environment to work; no long hours.

Good luck.

I too in my early - mid 30 got very depressed and when I found out the meds my Dr. put me on actually made things a little worse, thought to my self "I'm going to do things my way". I started to take a personal inventory and slowly started to change "me" one thing at a time and I feel so much better now. I start with little things like drinking water and letting the dishes pile up while I took the kids to the park. Used paper plates and baked more so I could cook less and have less dishes. I know these things sound petty and too little too late, but it helped me so much. I stopped letting things get me into feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I did go to counseling but I went to someone different and they don't believe that meds are the cure for me either and I really need that right now. I'm so much better than 4-5 years ago and continuing do change me for the better ( I did say it was a slow process). Exercise helps, I can't say that enough and no matter how you feel you need to do something it will help. Change it up all the time, I go swimming now and as late as possible or just stretch. Massage your own neck and joints, depression really does hurt, and water lots of water, and eat healthier (not overboard just healthier). My cousin ( a massage therapist) says that "everyone has a place in their body where they carry their stress" a if you don't think you have had stress today think again I always have stiff shoulders even if I've had a relaxing day. If you massage your muscles drink water or it will come back and sometimes worse. i really hope this helps. Take Care.

Well Sweetie it sounds like you have answered all of your own questions. Retail is not what u want to do u want to teach that is ur purpose to pass knowledge on to others you are just gonna have to get out and go up to your school of choice and get signed in and complete your education and that will like u said help u to be home during the summer with your girls as for your husband you are gonna have to sit down and have a heart to heart with him and let him know how u feel and maybe you all can work that out maybe he can change up his schedule and have more family and wifey time and if u dont have a church home find 1 and get u and the girls involved in it. Blessings !!

Hi D.,
I am taking awhile to read all the stories, just wondering if any of the advice helped? Any update from you would be great! I hope all is well....I have also been in your shoes. My story is long, but to make it short...I found out that the only "person" that can make me happy is ME. I had to make a decision to stand up tall, hold my head up, finish college, love my husband and children, exercise and pray! I also take Lexapro which helps me alot. Please send us an update, we all love ya and care!

Hello D.,

God bless you and your family. The ladies here has given great advice so far. I'm not trivializing your problem. I just wanted to mention that this year I had my vitamin D level checked and it was extremely low. I noticed that after I started taking the 50 iu capsule (weekly) my anxiety went away. I've also noticed that milk products will make me moody and a bit depressed. also, certain pain killers will cause depression. So, as you pursue your wellbeing... see if any foods/meds affect you. also, about your relationship with your husband, you can try talking for 5 minutes at night (no tv on no mention of the girls, bills, house repairs, medical conditions, etc) play a card game. there are games that you can play just a few minutes. if you both like chess... start a game and each make a move every night and see how it goes. you two need to "fall in love" again. play a game on the wii or the computer. I think that playing together will bring you closer and get you talking more. above all, pray for guidance. You are a blessing to your family and friends. ~C.~

D. may I ask you do you have the lord in your life and a church home. If you don't you can never know how much that can help. If I didn't have the lord I would never make it. Also no person,place,or thing can make you happy .Only you can do that.Talk to god maybe you purpose is to be a good mom and raise your beautiful daughters.Hope this will hepl you and god bless.
J. Garrett

D., It sounds like you have alot on your plate, with all the changes you have been through. I know how hard it can be when your spouse travels and some of the enscure feelins that come along with that, plus rasing three children on your own part time. I think its good that you see your doctor to talk things out. I dont know if you have a relationship with God, but what I do know is that he has a purpose for your life, and I think maybe thats why you feel lost, sometimes we think we can do it all, but its o.k. to give it all to him, all you have to do is ask. Psalm 142 & John 3:16, The last year & half I too have went through alot. D., stay in the word & I promise you will find your purpose in life!

I truly feel your pain and have been there. I will give you some advice that an older friend gave me a few years ago when I was out of sorts in my marriage. Being "in love" is not something that continues as you get older. As both of you grow and change, your feelings do to. She equated being in love as almost lust which is something you feel in the first few years of marriage. You also have to realize that love is a state of mind not something that comes all that naturally to us. After 19 years of marriage, I have come to love my husband in many different ways. No, I don't have that lusty, in love thing that I once had. I'm not 25 anymore so its only natural to find out what love is really about. Its about commitment and respect. Once you learn that, your life will take on a whole new meaning. That doesn't mean that your marriage is going to be that picture perfect place that we have all been misguided to think. There are times when you want to strangle the life out of your spouse. Just remember, he is the same person that you loved 10 years ago he has just matured a little more. Go with the flow and never, ever give up. Good luck!

Hi D.,

Hugs to you and kudos for having the courage to ask for help. Four things have helped me with my grief over losing my oldest son (which looks very much like depression, as you can imagine):

God - I find that praying and spending quiet reflective time with God every day helps to calm my mind. I give all my burdens to Him. Find a good devotional and read it along with your Bible. THis reflective time will also help with finding your purpose.

Exercise - I like step aerobics and kickboxing the best, but find something that appeals to you where you work hard enough to build up a good sweat for at least 30-40 minutes. The endorphins your body will release are a natural antidepressant.

Nutrition - eat plenty of fruits and veggies, drink 8 or more glasses of water per day, avoid processed foods and fast foods which are chock full of chemicals. I also recommend a good whole food supplement like the one I market.

Journal - keep a gratitude journal and write in it every day. What we focus on expands so focus on the positives in your life rather than the negatives.

These are the things that have helped me cope with the most devastating thing that ever happened in my life, and without drugs.

Good luck and God bless you,

____@____.com

First, a big hug. It really hurts to feel this way and I'm sorry that you feel so lost at 34.

I am 37 and also suffer from depression. I am glad you are starting the process by getting help from a counselor and a doctor. Friends, either in person or on-line like Mamasource, are also a great support.

Recently, I found a book on depression that has really helped me. It's called "Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You." It covers a lot about medications and counseling and how each can be beneficial (this isn't a do-it-all yourself book), but it also talks about some very simple truths about depression that usually aren't addressed.

One of the biggest truths I took from this book is that depressives tend to think that "normal" people are happy all the time. When we are happy, then, we feel normal and when we are unhappy, we are convinced that something is very wrong with us and we just head down the depressive path again.

The book also addresses how depression is often a numbness where we hide from our emotions. We often revert to depression rather than express our true emotions, such as anger. I once saw a quote that said depression is merely anger without enthusiasm and I think there is some truth to that. Are you angry at your husband or his job? Are you angry at the retail industry or the way you are treated by employers or customers? Are you angry at yourself for not finishing your degree?

Another thing the book talked about is idealizing others (kind of goes with the "normal people are happy"). We look at others and only see the stuff they are better at, or where they have more, etc. We don't see the trade-offs they made, the bad stuff in their lives, the stuff they regret. We feel less because we're not where they are or as good as they are.

Too often as moms we live very competitively with regards to our children, etc. It is so hard to stand up for ourselves and go back to school, work PT, stay at home, not sign our kids up for lots of activities, etc., but we have to do what works best for OUR home and OUR family.

I truly feel for you as I am working to find my own way as well. Please feel free to send me private messages on this board if you'd like to talk more personally. Take care.

D.

Have you had your thyroid checked? Low thyroid function is a major contributor to depression. It also contributes to this lack of zest for life and inability to finish things.
If your doctor tests your thyroid, make sure that they look beyond TSH. They should also test Free T3 and Free T4, which are the usable circulating hormones (lots of things can get in the way of normal hormonal processing). They should also test for antibodies (anti-thyroid and TPO). You can have normal labs, but if you have anti-bodies that means you're having an auto-immune reaction which can destroy your thyroid and result in consistent amounts of thyroid hormone for your body to use everyday.
Your thyroid hormone controls tons of processes and the T4 especially impacts your brain. Without enough of that, you will have this lackluster view of your world and life. Please make sure and have this checked before starting anti-depressants, some of which can actually contribute to thyroid problems (e.g., prozac).
You are a bit too young to be having problems with other hormones, although it's certainly not impossible at all - in particular after childbirth, so asking your doctor to check your progesterone, estrogen and testosterone would also be a good idea. And, yes, women have testosterone too and low levels are tied to these sorts of lost feelings, as well. This is why men often get into this situation as they age. And, unfortunately, most docs only look at this hormone for older men. But, it can also impact younger folks. As our environment and foods (e.g., processed, chemical laden, etc.) become more toxic, our bodies can be tremendously impacted.

D.,
I am so glad you are getting help and have someone to talk to . Remember also, you always have God to talk to. Just begin talking to him and know he is listening. I went through some hard times with my son and felt each day I couldn't breathe. But, I started talking with God and felt that I could breathe again. So each morning, I take a deep breath and know that God is with me then we have our little talk about the day and what is going on. At 34 sometimes you do question where you are in life and what is going on. Everyone around you is moving about with their life and you are the caregiver. You are needed, you just don't feel you are. But believe me, if you left for a day for yourself, they would all miss you and their day would be tough. Those girls need their Mom more than anything. They look up to you and want to follow your lead. That is a Purpose. To guide and direct your girls to be strong, loving and caring girls. Women of all ages question their purpose. But know that you are here for a purpose and sometimes we just don't know what that purpose is at a certain time. So live and love and laugh and trust and you decide each day to be happy and meaningful. Give someone else a smile today and say hi. You may just make their day and that is a purpose.
Stay strong dear lady. Sometimes life throws you curve balls. You just have to stay in there and keep swinging. You are so good to ask for help and reach out. Good luck. I will be thinking about you. Hugs and smiles from this old lady...... D.

Hi D.,

I truly empathize with you. I'm 34 too with 2 little ones and a stay-at-home mom by choice. But being well-educated I often wonder if just being a good mom and wife will suffice as my purpose in life. I used to feel estranged from my husband sometimes too but now I know it's more due to stress and little 'quality couple time' that causes that. A little rejuvenation time and it rekindles the love that I know always exists inside. I cannot speak for your relationship but I would not give up without trying to indulge romantically again. You may have both changed in many ways, who doesn't, but it usually happens for the better. The core of what you fell for the first time is usually still there.

What has helped me most is surrounding myself with friends and finding some time to pursue a hobby or two. You should complete your degree. It will help you find yourself and that will help you be yourself with your family again.

Take care and good luck.

D.,
I hear you loud and clear and I used to feel the way you are describing. I went to a prgram that helped me change my views on my life. I still have a beautiful children and a good husband and now I truly feel blessed and loved and grateful. I used to feel so guilty for being depressed. I had so many "gifts" but just always felt,well...blah and sad.
I highly recommend the seminar I went to. it is called Pathways. I would be happy to talk with you about it. YOu can call my cell at ###-###-####
You can check the website at www.createagreatlife.org or you can call the office(it is local) at ###-###-####.

I hope to hear from you. You deserve to be happy and your girls deserve to see you as a happy powerful woman.
Again, I hope we can talk sometime.
Sincerely,
B.

Hi D.,
I am 35 and I have been married for 15 years. I would tell you what you are feeling is completley normal and that I think everyone comes to a point in life where you want to have more meaning. What I would say in regards to your relationship is what have you done to make it more meaningful? Maybe you can book a weekend away (even if it is at a local bed and breakfast) with the husband and no kids where you can rejuvinate your relationship as well as your spirit. I would call this a definig moment in your life and chances are you may find your husband feeling the same way. Push through all the negative feelings of what you think he should be doing and just start over, your new adult life. Take the time to set new goals together find out what is important now and meet in the middle. Give each other a break if you dont agree on what is the most important right now and agree to disagree but yet still pursue it. Before you leave set a first date 3 weeks later to discuss what you have already done to move forward. Make the extra efforts in being romantic. Most importantly dont be so hard on yourself this can be exciting rediscovering and redifining your life take all the knowledge and inspiration you have and GO FOR IT!!

There is alot of good advice offered. I think the thing that sticks out from your post is that for all the things you are doing with meds, therapy....I noticed that you did not list things you are doing to work on your marriage. I know when I feel depressed, that the more distant I am from my hubby, the worse I am. Even if it is just on a weekly basis without his support, talk, er--intamacy, I find that I am grumpy and poorly focused. That when I feel loved, supported and needed...then I am a much more centered person. Happy, able to tackle lifes curves, because I know he's got my back. He just makes me feel better. But marriage is something that your should also be working on. I liked the book "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. L. Schlessinger. I read it just to help me reconnect with my roomy hubby again. It has really helped. I think that if you are feeling that way, he is also. He may also be mourning his wife and the intamacy that isn't there either. With a strong foundation of marriage you may find that the teaching and job change will be less scary. AND that you will feel less depressed. Sorry about the job, but basically, it is a business. They are not in the business of caring about people. So that may be something that can be addressed when you are feeling better. Finding a job that is a little more satisfying and meets your needs better. IF you are looking outward for things, jobs or people to make you feel better I also think you will be sorely disappointed. The changes have to come from within. I would think that if you are feeling unwanted by hubby, when was the last time that you expressed WANTING him for more than a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he is stressed and can not give as much support because he doesn't know what to do. Or he is just plain tired. I would think that his emotional needs aren't being met either. If you focus on him for a while, you may find that he is better able to help you cope and will happily do so. You will have the added benefit of focusing on him instead of yourself and how bad you feel. And he in turn will end up helping to make you feel better. At least that is the way it has worked for me. I would encourage you to focus on others and the sweet girls. That is usually helpful in reminding you of all that you have. Or volunteering will let you know that there are people worse off than you. And sometimes for the sake of children you just have to put on a happy face. Eventually if you act happy and grateful, it will rub off, and you might really feel that way. I would also encourage you to list and think about all that you do have, have done, instead of all that you haven't.
I would think that you are brave and strong....you just don't realize it. You seem to handle the depression head on by 1-admitting you have a problem, 2-seeking help 3-asking for help again 4-being open to new ideas 5-changing jobs and houses (scary for me) 6-willing to help yourself. I think that you need to pull up your big girl panties, give yourself some credit to say what a good job you have been doing muddling along like the rest of us, go jump your husbands bones, and take the girls out for the day. Then reassess when you feel better. Let the dishes go for today. Eat out. Have some fun. Call me I will take you for a daquiri or a coke. Get a pedicure. Enjoy the mild weather and blue skies. Find a hobby or group of friends to see once a week on an adult basis. Take hubby to listen to a band or comedian. Eventually new habits will breed a new attitude. You have the coping skills except the self-confidence to say "Go for it" or "I deserve it". Stay on meds and continue to see the doctor, but put yourself on a mental diet. Or food modification plan, as I am opposed to the word diet. And clean out the mental clutter. Happy is as happy does. Exercise. Drink plenty of water and eat better. Make sure bodily functions are regular. Get enough sleep. Spend time with the girls, but more importantly...reconnect with your husband. It will probably be the single most important thing you could do at this stage.
I was where you are about 1 year ago. On meds, questioning, etc. Re-connecting with my hubby was the best thing I did. The other things worked themselves out when I started from a stronger marriage base.
Good luck,
L.
email me personal about the meeting place for daquiri-- :)

Dear D., I guess by now you've received messages that let you know...You Are NOT Alone. I too went through the same thing at your age. I am now 55 yrs. old with two lovely grown daughters and a husband that loves me but for the most part, we both go our own way. But, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
I am glad you are trying to find your way NOW because time passes so quickly before long, your daughters will have lives of their own and you will have to have one of your own too. You need to give yourself the gift of love for yourself. Your purpose has been defined - you are a sensitive, hardworking, loving, wife and mother. You are doing everything you think you should be doing for everyone else! You need to take care of yourself - take a deep breath and relax. Join 'Curves' - at the most, it only takes 45 minutes out of your day from the time you walk in and out of the door. You are there with other women talking and enjoying each other's company. Thats how I find out about other things going on in my community. You will find out about activities to take your children to and events that give you the opportunity to help others - things you can involve your girls in too - things that can be a family outing that helps the family grow. (Like nursing homes that need extra help duirng the holidays. The Children's Home in Denton that needs help from time to time.) These activities help your children grow as individuals and make you feel good that you are helping someone else. Take a day off and just lock the doors and read a book. Pamper yourself.
It is never easy to go back to school. The time is never right; but, DO it! It is so rewarding in the long run. After 20 years with the same company they are now pushing for everyone without a degree to get one. You will be a step ahead for the future. It may take longer; but, those years are going to pass whether you get a degree or not. Do it for yourself! Who knows who else you might be able to help along the way! God Bless You.

First of all may God bless you and your family! You do have a wonderful purpose in life... for starters... your three daughters! You are still very young and the whole world is still ahead! I don't know much about you but God is foremost on being at peace and centered in your life. Many have already touched this subject, so I'm going to focus on some other areas you may need help.

First of all, are you happy with yourself? Do you feel attractive, healthy or overweight and out of shape? Cars cannot run on empty, and neither can people, we need fuel for the spirit, mind, soul and our physical bodies. You need to fuel up with God's love, and time to take care of yourself so you are happy with yourself regardless of anyone else around you.

Second of all, your priorities may need revisiting... If you are unhappy it is for a reason. You are not happy with the way your life is going so... change it! Retail is death on a family and hubby working overnight multiple times a week is too! That's two strikes right there. You should probably work only part time and not go to school right now. You are missing precious time with your daughters that you will NEVER be able to get back and then you really are going to feel sad! I would also explore all alternatives to have your husband not work overnights at all, and if a must, not more than 1-2 times a week. He can switch shifts, jobs, etc. I'm not sure about your financial situation but in most cases we can do without some things and cut back on the jobs. Seems like your careers are running your lives instead of just supplementing it.

Third, your marriage can still be saved if you love each other and you used to be in love. It can be rekindled with the appropriate stoking. Your present careers make it very hard. But even with them, you can still make an effort to spend special time together alone several times a week even if only for 1-2 hours at a time, take weekend getaways once a quarter if possible, exerce together, take walks around the block together, have date nights, make time for the two of you intimately, otherwise, you will be strangers and end up divorced. All relationships need TLC or they end up badly.

If I were in your situation I would feel sad too. The good news is that YOU can change it. Counseling may help but it won't solve ANY of the reasons why you feel lost and depressed... YOU hold the cards, YOU can solve it. Seek out God and love from Him and your friends and family, talk to your husband and work on this together for all of your sakes. Take control of your lives and enjoy each other, your girls, and not working jobs that will almost guarantee the death of your relationship and a lot of unhappiness for you all. Best wishes to you and your family!

God bless you!

M.

Hello D., I just saw your posting. I have to ask are you a believer of Jesus as your saviour? I'd like to talk some more?

D.,

I know you have a lot of responses. Just felt I needed to let you in on mine. I've been there where you're at. Exactly.

What helped me was going to church. Getting something for myself away from the husband and the kids.

I started a skin care, health and wellness company. I've had more fun and done more in the last year all while building a business. We've travelled and all kinds of stuff. I've really had a sense of fulfillment as well as brought my self-esteem and confidence back up.

I'd love to talk to you more. Because I know exactly how you feel.

Take care and God bless!

Yeah, I can relate. All I can say is, work on your spiritual side. Do you have a religion? Do you pray? I have tried many during my life and right now I practice Buddhism, it is not a totally strict type, very forgiving. Search for what is right for you. If interested in checking out Nichiren Buddhism go to www.sgi-usa.org, it can change you life and make you a much stronger person. You NEED that strength right now, to find your purpose and get what you deserve in this life. Please...don't think I am some crazy, cult person, because this is so totally far from that. Peace, K.

I hear ya! Your story sounds a lot like mine. I've been married 13 years, have 3 kiddos, moved out of state, back, etc. I work FT, he used to work nights, but now works 11 am-10 pm, so I'm still putting the kids to bed, etc by myself.

Moving away from family is really tough.

3 kids - tough!

Having him work nights - tough!

1st - pray, pray, pray. God hears our cry.

If you're going through a real rough patch and feel like you want to just stay under the covers and cry ALL the time - you know with 3 kids, you just can't do that, so here's something that worked for me:
Schedule a time and a place that you can just cry it out, but limit the time. Maybe you have a big chair you can just sink into. Pick that chair and pick a time when you can just be alone and schedule it for no more than 30 minutes at first. Then do it. I know it sounds silly - but I've done it and it worked. Instead of feeling like you have to stuff it in all the time so you can deal with everything else - you'll have time to focus only on the depression and really release it all. Do it every day and your appointment time will grow shorter and shorter and one day, you'll notice that you can skip it.

This way - you can still do what you need to do (be a mom and a wife), and have the 'me' time that you NEED to release those pent up sad feelings.

Also, I found that if I start treating my husband like a boyfriend, those old gushy feelings start to come back. You know - leave him love notes, do little special things for him, etc. I know it's hard with him working nights, so you'll have to schedule time together when it works for both of you. Go on a date - even if it's just to the park. Schedule intimate time - if you don't plan it, it will take a back seat to everything else and will never happen.

My husband has a saying that I try to adopt (sometimes successfully, sometimes, not so much - but I try):
"Every day is a good day, some are just better than others."

I hope these things help. Thing will get better. You have to believe it.

think of something that you love to do, whether it's art, music, or whatever you enjoy doing. take up some classes every week, something to make you feel like you can do things that are special. it's always nice to see finished projects that you've done all by yourself. have fun with yourself.

I have been there, gotten better, then been there again, and gotten better again...

I think for a bit maybe switching to weekly counseling might be helpful. Consider antidepressants if you haven't already (and maybe switching if you've been on the same one awhile, or adding- sometimes a combo helps). The main thing- remind youself that this will pass and that your girls need you very badly. They need ALL of you. The one thing that really made me put effort into forcing an attitude change was that I don't want my daughters memories of me to be ones of me crying all the time.

It's really hard work. Make sure you are taking care of yourself- getting "me" time (that's REALLY hard for me), sleeping enough, eating healthy things and right amounts, exercising... Also, look into getting an alternative certification for teaching. That could put you in a teaching job quickly if you qualify.

Yep, been there done that..sometimes several times a day!
I too, suffer from depression on again/off again basis. I have to say I don't trust drugs not to cause more problems than they cure. I try to make it through the darkest bouts with lots of specific prayer. I keep a prayer journal every day. I don't know what your faith is or even if you believe in a personal, loving, all powerful God. Without my faith I am a mess, with it I can make it through the roughest parts relying on Him. I don't say I don't have to depend on Him everyday: He has chosen to walk me through it not "cure" it.
When I write in my journal I feel sure I have done as He asks and layed my burdens at His feet. I also take up His burden for me (don't worry, He says His yolk is easy and His burden is light. I'll exchange mine for His anytime! I am happiest when I am delibritly serving Him, provdeing purpose and direction for me. I serve Him by providing for my family first. They don't appreciate me like they should but but I know it makes God happy for me to do my best, not to be their slave but to provide the care I can in the best way I can. Faithfulness to my marriage and willingness to work at it when is dull, tedeous or stressed is pleaseing to God, also.
When I am the one to calm the arguement or spark the old happiness, I can smile because I just pleased God. I have to warn you, this is not under my own power. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior (I was a sinner and still am ...just a saved sinner!) then His Spirit came and dwelt with me and I siphen power to accomplish His will and yes, take my daily steps away from depression and ruin. Read the 3rd chapter of John in the Bible and give your life to Him..lock, stock and depression. I am not cured but I can find a reason to go another year, another month, another week, another hour through the One that truely loves me and wants the best for me. Daily I talk to him with my journaling..Praise, Confession,intercession for me and others. Find your purpose and act on it everyday!
Seek and Ye shall find, Knock and It shall be open unto you!
B.

Gosh D. I felt like I was reading my story when I read yours. The difference is I have 2 boys and I am 10 years older.
I went through all those feelings. I too came from the midwest moved to the southwest without family. Had a great home life growing up and always around family. It was a very tough move.
I even have 1 1/2 years left on my BA and it was in teaching.
Anyway your story is very simular to mine.
I have battled the deppression too. I went to counseling, took pills and even checked out mentally, but nothing helped cause I was not of any use.
The thing that seems to help the most is to get involved. Get involved with small groups. Go to church and help out in areas that you like. Keep yourself connected to people. Go visit the nursing homes, that helps, those people have great advice cause they have lived life already.
As for your husband that too is the same with us but the thing that got us through is whenever we would talk to other people it was only the good. I talked about what a good provider he was. What a good dad he is. Just anything that I could pull out that was good I used.
We are now going on 22 years and our kids are almost all raised. I am really looking forward to spending more time with him.
To sum it all up help other people and it will keep your mind off of you. Get your girls involved in helping you with others. Learn to love life again!!
I hoped this helped you some.

Little about me:

I am soon to be 44 years old. Married to the worlds best man for almost 22 years. Mother of 2 boys (19 & 16).
19 year old just joined the Army. Work outside the home in a school not at the job I wanted but it is coming!!

Hang in there. I think taking night classes toward finishing your degree may give you a sense of self-worth and may ultimately help fufill your goal to stay home summers. Just go for it. Make it happen.
As for your husband, it is hard to demand attention from your husband without making him feel criticized. I recommend this book called the 5 love languages. It was wonderful. It will show you how to do things for your husband that will make him feel loved, and in turn, it will show you how to help him do things for you to make you feel loved.

I am so sorry and boy can I relate, I am the mother of 5 and have a husband who owns his own business. I also have suffered from depression on and off for a lot of years. I believe that as women we put so much into everyone else and we forget who we are and what we want. I had to really decide to take care of me and my relationship with my husband first and everything thing else would benefit. write a list of things you love to do. Find things that make you laugh and bring joy to you. Start exercising every day just a walk will lift your spirits so much. Sit down with your husband and find time weekly just for you no matter what make a date and stick to it. It doesn't have to be big even going for an ice cream or snuggling on the couch will do wonders. I used to feel like I was just a Mom after leaving my career to take care of my kids and someone pointed out to me what more important task in the world is there than to raise independent, loving, kind and self sufficient kids. You can also find affirmations that really speak to you and repeat them over and over every day, post them all over your house and believe yourself into feeling better; ie; fake till you make it. My affirmation is " I am a Strong, Spiritual, Courageous, Groundbreaking, Risk Taking Woman" Take one day and even one moment at a time and trust yourself to know you can do it. There is a product at Whole Foods and even Walgreen's called Rescue Remedy you place a drop under your tongue if you feel anxious or teary it really helps. Make a journal and write down your feelings and everyday write down what you are grateful for and it makes a big difference. I pray that you find peace and happiness in your heart. Please let me know if I can help. Also I was the good girl and everyone has high expectations for you and sometimes they don't think that you need anything. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I totally understand where you are. My life hit rock bottom when I ended up splitting from my husband and getting divorced. Fortunately, through therapy and God, we're back together and working to re-establish a solid foundation. About your marriage: talk about how feeling like "roomates" is not working for you. Marriage takes work. My husband works nights and I work days. It takes some creative scheduling and coordinating to find time alone together, but its ESSENTIAL!! About your career: Get that degree. Find a way. I'm still struggling to find a way out of a VERY unsatisfying job into a career I love. Life is TOO short and as women, we need more than our husbands and kids to fullfil us! Go after that dream, even if its a hard journey. You'll be glad you did. Then, continue with therapy and medication, if necessary. I believe in mild medication if it helps you over the rough spots. And, finally, if you're a believer in Christ, lean on him and pray for guidance and strength. He'll help give it to you, but you have to ask! I'll keep you in my prayers and hope you'll keep me posted with how things are going! Best Wishes - J.

D.:

You sound like such a nice person and my heart goes out to you....

Hang in there with your husband. Marriage is hard work and this sounds like a phase of life where things are not perfect and you need support but may not be getting it. You're feeling neglected by both your husband and co-workers at your job, and this adds to your sadness/depression.

I really think you should pursue the teaching degree; pursue your passion. When you are doing what you love, your perspective on life is very different.

Also, if you are not plugged into a good church it would be a good idea to get some loving support from a church family. Remember that you are not alone and that many, many women have been through this and deal with depression on a daily basis. Blessings to you!!

I'm really sorry for the situtaion that your in, I have been that way for some time , but it's getting better. The only thing I can really say is find God. Don't know your religon, but it does help if you do your part. My husband and i of 10 yrs are spilt up right now and it is scary for I have 2 boys with me. But this has allowed me to get stronger for my self and not rely on him. I had forgotten how strong of a person I was when I was with him, but now I remember and It has helped me. Maybe you need to find yourself alone again in order to find who you are. I know I had to throw myself in it in order to succeed. I't only been a few months but I feel so much better and stronger for myself and my boys. We are trying to work things out but have realized we are different pepole now, and with GODs help we will find a way even if its apart. I wish you the best, and again GOD is great if you seek him and let him guide you. Again sorry for what your going thur.

I can so relate to your situation. I am 36, been with my husband for 15 years and have two sons. I was also raised by a depressed mother who even tried suicide when I was 4 and 34. I don't know about your feelings, or how deep your depression is, but I know that my mothers suicide attempt left me with severe abandonment issues. She is still not well and has bouts with depression, but we talk and she tries to be involved in my life. I also have issues with depression. I also can't sleep. I do have a newborn but even before him I couldn't sleep. My mind wonders and my concerns fill my mind. My husband is great, he loves me and our kids dearly. Sometimes though I can't stand him. He makes me so angry when he doesn't help or is not meeting my "expectations", which are very high. Marriage is a series of ups and downs. I think any couple has times when they are partners and not so much lovers. It sounds like you need to pursue your goal of working with children. Find a way to go to school and as you are working towards your goal, use affirmations to encourage yourself. Put up post it notes, with words on them like, "I can make a difference", "I love my life" etc. Make little notes for your husband too. Sometimes guys need to be introduced to easy, funny ways to encourage us women. Talking about your problems and finding modes of relaxation can help too. Around thirty I think its common for women to turn a corner in their thinking. You start to notice you don't look as young as you used too, you realize that there is always work for you to do and some people take you for granted...on the other hand, sexual experiences are better, you know what you want and what you like (hopefully) you feel more confident in your beliefs and you realize what is truly important, your children. I hope this helps, hang in there, life is full of ups and downs and it sounds like your in between.

D.,
I think many of us feel the way you do at some point. I can sympathize. First of all, do you belong to a good church? If it weren't for my church family, I would have gone crazy a long time ago. Also, there is a wonderful book by Rick Warren called "The Purpose Driven Life." It is a fantastic, insightful book. I'm not sure where you live, but a bunch of girls from my church get together once a month and have Ladies Night Out if you can do something like that. In fact, we will be getting together this Friday night. You can email me at ____@____.com if you would like details.
Trust me, you are not alone. You are worthy and you have a purpose. Sometimes it is just difficult finding out what that is. And if you want to go back to school and get that degree, go for it. There are many scholarship programs out there and, if nothing else, get some student loans. Do what you must, but be happy. You deserve it and God wants nothing more than for you to be happy and fulfilled. If you want your children to be happy and successful, you must first take care of you. You are important and you matter so much. Don't EVER forget that. Email me if you just need someone to vent to. I would love to hear from you.
Also, let your hubby know exactly how you are feeling. If you need to practice to yourself what and how you will talk to him. Most of all, don't be judgmental or blaming. I've found the best way to talk to my hubby is to start each feeling with "I feel this way or that way," and not "if you would do this or that." That way it is directed more at your feelings, not at attacking him or blaming anyone. Remember, it is no one's fault when things start to go badly, it just happens on a gradual basis. My hubby and I had some marital problems and we went to counseling together. Maybe you could persuade him to go to counseling with you. If not, continue to go by yourself. Remember, when Mama's not happy, no one's happy and your children will be affected by the mood of the home, so do what is best for you so you can better care for them. Just be honest and upfront about your feelings with your hubby. Get mad once in a while; it is really okay to do that. It helps me. Good luck and God Bless.
L.

Hi D.- I'm feelin' ya girlfriend! I moved here 3 yrs ago from NJ - hated the move but learned to embrace it- People are really friendly here and life is a much slower pace. After 12 years of marriage there is defeinitely a rut- The passion slips and the willies that you used to get diminish- That the part of the vows- for better or worse that they speak of. Sounds to me like you need to get back into the teaching that you love- IT will give you more time with your children and that's truly important. When is the last time you and the hubby went away for a weekend? Can hubby go to counseling with you as well?
My kids are 13 and 17 and I used to be completly involved with community and schools in NJ - it changed coming here-
I needed a purpose- so.. I started my own business and channeledmy energies- I think I needed to be needed.
I think it would be great for you to get involved with some type of volunteer work to get you out and give you and the hubby something to talk about. there are some trulygreat organizations around here. I am not a real bible thumper but if religion is important to you- get involved with some volunteer activities thru church. I think you just need to be needed right now and trust me- I've been there- feeling unimportant and like I had a "roomie"- So, time to pack up the cute nightie and book a weekend away = just the two of you! Gosh- I just thru out this grat promo for like 3 nights in San Antonio for $260???? If you are interested- email me back and I will get the details- Being in a new business I do a LOT of networking. Sometimes we fear worrying about US for a change - its ok- tkae care of you and then you can take better care of everyone else. I've been there- even before we moved to Texas- the move to Texas just put me over the top! ha - but you are aware of your feelings and thats the best thing. So--- it's ok- not to be heads over heels- that's just so normal- but reeling it back in can be real fun.- so get the fam to babysit and go for it- and get that ball rolling. You may even need a girl getaway with other friends that are in GOOD relationships- dont mkae that mistake and go with friends that hate their husbands right now- lol If you need that trip info-= let me know and pop some spontaneity in your life- as hubby to go out for drinks tonight out of the blue. Change that job and volunteer somewhere- did you write that down? Matter of fact- I think I need to get my roomie- I mean hubby out tonight too!
D. S.
www.partyangelsus.com
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From all these responses I hope you don't feel alone and see how many of us struggle. I don't think we are made to live our lives spinning around on a mountain top like a mental patient giggling with happiness! I do, however, try to spend the majority of my life happy and content. I do this by waking up every morning (I know this sounds corny), but I look in the mirror and tell myself, "this is gonna be a great day!" Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, "go back to bed!!". lol
But I try to set my mind every morning that no matter what happens, I am the only one who can decide to be sad or upset. I have all the power! Amazingly enough....this helps me!!
I hope it helps you too!
If you need an ear to bend, I am here.

Hi D.,

I have also suffered from depression since my son died several years ago. I finally went to my Dr. for help and we went through several different medications before I got the right one and the right dose.
You need to go back and ask your Doctor for a re-evaluation of your medication. It may take a couple of months but it should get better.
Being in love and loving your husband are two different things, the first is temporary, the second is much better and more lasting.

You have so many blessings in your life, you girls, your husband, just forget about yourself for a moment and think how you can show him your appreciation for all his hard work.
The other thing I would tell you, listen to Dr. Laura on 100.7 each afternoon at 2pm. She gives some real good advice and suggestions.

Also, just look around your neighborhood, do something nice each day for someone and you will be surprised how good it feels.

Do you like photography, take photos of your girls doing kids stuff, go on a photo safari with them. Go on a treasure hunt and have them look for things on the way.
Visit the Dallas Arboretum and enjoy the beautiful gardens.

Thank God each day for a new way to love your girls and your husband.

I'll pray for you and I know that God has a very special purpose for you, let Him take you by the hand and show you.

Hello!
I can certainly understand your feelings! I have been through the same! Some are going through the change of life! Mine started at about 35! Reading good books help! Dr. Lee, Md has a good book on hormones, going through the change, etc.
Fish oil is fabulous for stress and depression!
I would suggest 2-4 a day! Dr. Helen Pensanti, Md has a website, askdrlhelen. She sells cream that have hormones. They really help!
Your body automatically stops producing progesterone( the good hormone that regulates stress, depression, builds immunity, etc.) at about 35 . Going to bed after 10 messes up our hormones. Eating a lot of sweets, dairy, messes up our hormones!
My body went through many changes starting at age 35!
It never showed up in my blood work! However, I did have many physical problems, including heavy bleeding!
I am now 52 and have finally come through the change some. It took from 35 to age 50! SOmetimes soy from protein bars and drinks can give off too much estorgen and imbalance hormones.
Volunteering at your church with your family can be very fulfilling! There is nothing more important than having a family to love ! You can ask the Lord to give you feelings for your husband! He is the author of feelings! He will do it!
Love is an active word! If you act like you are a newly wed, you will fell like it! Put some excitement in your marriage, yourself! Act excited to see your husband, snuggle with him through a movie( even tat home). Feelings follow our actions! Remember when you were first in love! Act like that and you will feel like that!
Dr. Helen has hormone help for men and women and it does helo. However, going on a date night once a week sparkles your relationship! You can do it! Pray and ask God to help! He is always for your marriage! He is in your corner!
Give your husband a huge kiss and hug when he comes home! tell your husband that you need him to love you back!
His hormones have probably dropped also!
Dr. Pepper , coke , soda , fast food, sweets, and dairy
can seriously diminish your sex hormones! A good movie to watch is "Supersize Me."
You may want to be and feel like 20, but your body is 34! You can do something about it! However, the key is you must be active, exercise, go swimming with your family, bike ride, etc.! You can do it!
The best is to talk to God first! The Bible reminds us to "cast our cars on the Lord.' It really helps to unburden ourselves and trust for help!
Blessings to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIncerely,
C. N