Mom Needs Help with the Work Load

Ask him for help and have certain chores he needs to do. If He doesn't want to he needs to care for the baby while you get things done. He will quickly help in any way so he doesn't have to change a dirty diaper again! He will also realize how demanding caring for a child is and truly appreciate all you do. (Hopefully)
C. B

Hi M.,
The first year of my dd life I worked. My husband worked and we could barely keep up. Well it took me to tell my husband that either start helping or I was going to quit my job because I am too exhausted for lack of sleep. Anyways we started a schedule of taking turns each night on who gets up with her. It worked great now that I did end up quitting my job to stay home due to the cost of day care now I barely get help. I hope this helps and gl.

Post a list of division of chores. What you need help with each weekend. Some men need visuals of what needs to be done. You can ask and they say "yeah sure" then go off and do something else and forget. I think providing him with a list of things that have to get done and have him choose which ones he wants and alternate weeks may help. If not well, go on strike! :) Hee hee.

I think this probably happens often. My oldest was 22 months old when I gave birth to boy/girl twins. They were just over a month early, and I had been on bedrest for two months prior to that. Even though we were reduced to one income (I quit my job - the cost of daycare for 3 was crazy), we still found that we could afford someone to come in and clean once a week for a while. I did as much as I could around the 3 kids, but the day the cleaners came was heaven! Not only did it help with the appearance of the house, but it was a day off for me. I would pack up the kids and head to my sister's house for a few hours (her youngest is just 6 weeks older than my oldest) and let the older kids play while we took care of the twins. It made a huge difference in how I felt about keeping house the rest of the week. I still needed help from my (now ex) husband, but it was easier for both of us. If you let him know how overwhelmed you're feeling, I'm sure he'll get it. As much as he may want to take care of you, he may not see how you need taken care of. We have to be able to help them see those sorts of things sometimes. :) Good luck!

Talk to him about how you feel. No I don't mean spending hours telling him what is wrong with him. Use I feel statements. Then bargain with him. Is there a time where you wish that you spent more time talking to him and he is watching sports, movies......... Then make a contract. You ask him what are things that he would like done and you say ok I hear your request. I am willing to do this if you are willing to do this. Make him part of the solution. Make him your hero. Men love to feel like they are your hero and will do almost anything if they feel it is going to make you happy. Tell him you love him and compromise. It is hard when you are tired but it works. Good Luck. I know that there are lots of women out there that feel the same way.

Go away for a day (or a weekend if needed) leaving him in charge of baby and house.
When you return compliment him on ANYTHING that got done. No criticisms, just I know how much work it is to take care of the baby, thank you for making sure the diapers were changed and the baby was fed (if that is all that gets done which was what happened in my case...lol)
He started to get it on his own a little bit--and a few days later we sat and had a conversation about how hard it is to take care of the baby, and what we could do as a couple to make it better. He made most of the suggestions that he ended up doing for his workload. I think the main thing is to validate validate validate...sounds counter productive but, if he feels appreciated he will do more. Tell him how thankful you are that he works so hard during the day, and what a great dad he is, and make a BIG deal out of the chores he does do. Be sincere but really appreciate it. Thank you for taking out the trash, I feel loved knowing you did that. Thank you! (in your own words of course) we all like our ego's stroked and want more of the good stuff so when we keep that coming it seems to feed itself for more positive behavior. I always think of what I need from him, more validation, support etc then before I go ask for it, I ask myself if I am doing that for him. I try to take care of that first, then if he isn't getting it, I let him know what it is I need whether it is appreciation or help around the house.

I suggest that you sit down and make a thorough budget that you and your family can live by with your husband's salary. Take the budget to your husband and very sweetly tell him that you want him to be your man and support his family. Tell him that you need to be home to be a mommy for your little one, and in turn be a happier better wife for him. Then, give your two weeks notice at work. I promise, as soon as you do this, you will feel a whole lot more peace and love in your home. I'm sure there is already love, but with the frustrations that you are having there is always room for more peace. Your husband will love you for approaching it this way instead of nagging him to help out more with house stuff. Just a thought.

My husband used to get frustrated when the house was a mess. He didn't seem to understand that being 8 months pregnant with a 2 year old, things just weren't going to get done like before. So we talked about it. He claimed that he wanted to help, but that he didn't even know where to start. He was overwhelmed by how many chores needed to be done (yeah, "welcome to my life," I thought!) So I asked him which chore he likes to do the most, and which he really detests. He said he likes dishes okay, but hates bathrooms. "Perfect," I said! I hate dishes and don't mind bathrooms. So from then on, when he wanted to help out, he knew where to start. And he knew that I wasn't going to ask him to clean the bathroom, which had sort of been a fear of his.
I turned out that my husband wanted to help, but didn't know what to do, and was afraid he'd have to do something he really hated. So instead of doing something, he did nothing, and I thought he was really insensitive and lazy. Talking about it really helped.

Make a list of the chores you can't finish and offer to hire a housecleaner? You can't make your husband do anything, but you could try offering to do something in return, like if he does the dishes you find a sitter for Saturdsy night.