Mom Looking for Experinced Mom's Advice :)

My son too slept with me, how we transitioned him just recently (he is 3) was that he would still go to bed with me and i could still cuddle and give all the kisses while he fell asleep, then move him to his bed. When he awakened the next morning I would praise him for sleeping all night in his bed. After several nights of this he crawled into his bed by himself. We do not have a bedtime for him consistent either, He stays up until he gets tired, then we all go to bed. I may regret this later but it has worked for the last 3 years.

J., Happy motherhood, I'm a mom of 9, 7 boys and 2 girls. when my oldest were born I followed the advice of the doctors and family and friends.. Let the baby sleep..don't hold them too long..and for heavens sake don't let them sleep with you.. Needless to say I was a miserable mom and would sneak in my babies rooms during the night just to hold them without everybody saying put them down.. I shed many tears. I didn't sleep very well either..I was always up checking on them...Then with my fifth (slow learner) I said to my husband that I was going to follow my own heart and do what I feel is right for our babies...He slept with us and then pretty soon our daughter joined us..then another son.... the older kids would say how about we all just sleep together..that didn't last too long.. Now they are all grown and gone, with families of their own.. and yes they all have family beds..All nine of our children are very successful adults in the world, but they all put family first.. they all have beautiful houses, with beautiful bedrooms... but just go into the master bedroom..and you will see the BIG bed...I love it...I had it both ways and I regret every second that I listen to everybody else about how to love my children...I miss the family bed soooooo much..but it makes me feel so good when I go to visit my grandbabies and see how well adjusted they are and how close they are to each other...listen to you heart and love that baby every second that you have...before you know it they are grown and gone... good luck...J...and God Bless you. D.

This is a tough issue that I believe almost every mom grapples with. All I can offer is some advice that was given to me when I had my first (I now have 3 and my 3rd baby sleeps every night in her crib). Someone said to me that the U.S. is one of very few countries where children do not sleep with their parents. In almost every other country it is normal for children to sleep at least in the same room as their parents and often in the same bed. So why beat yourself up over something that is normal in most places in the world? I would just enjoy your darling baby as much as you can and when she's ready to sleep on her own...she will. I'm a strong believer that every child is different and every parent is different and we all have to do what feels right for our family. What works for others...might not work for you. I'm not sure if this helps you or not but good luck to you. I know for me personally it was more important to get enough sleep every night with our first child so we slept with her a lot and eventually she started to sleep in her crib more and more.

Hello J.,

I'm sorry to say, I don't agree with anyone who tells you that your shouldn't sleep with your child. There is NOTHING WRONG with co-sleeping. It has been proven to be more healthy for children under 2 to sleep with their mothers. Don't stress about rolling on your child or anything either. Mother's who regularly sleep with their babies are VERY aware of where their child is and never roll on them unless they have been drinking or taking drugs.

All I can say is, every child and every mother is different. Some mothers need that sleep time away from their child, to sprawl out, to get some alone time. It makes total sense, but everyone is different. If you love sleeping with your daughter, keep doing it! The crib may be beautiful, but its just a piece of furniture! And if you still use it at naptime some than you are still getting use out of it, its serving its purpose.

I slept with my son till he was around 22 months old and I loved it. I did the transfer at that time with easy change techniques, he continued sleeping in my room on the floor on a toddler mattress for 8 months. During that 8 months I slowly changed him over from falling asleep with me next to him, then me in bed a few feet away, then falling asleep without my even being in the room. When I moved, he got his own big boy room and big boy bed and started sleeping in there with no problems.

As for the strict schedule idea: In my opinion, that is not too big of a deal when the child is under 2yrs/18mo. In my case, it was around that age that having a regular nap and bedtime for my son and sticking with it became alot more important both for his attitude and my sanity. But while she's 6mo's I wouldn't worry too much about a schedule.

I guess what I'm saying is, No, you don't want your kid in your bed forever, but if your mommy gut feelings feel good about sleeping with your baby and if you enjoy it, then don't stop yet! And don't let anyone tell you that you need to stop or tell you its wrong. Every child and every mommy is different. Do what feels good to you!

Good luck!

You didn't do anything wrong. You actually listened to your motherly instincts, which told you to cosleep. I think it's too bad you may not get the mileage you had hoped for from that expensive crib but honestly, the way you are sleeping now with your baby is the healthiest thing you can do for her. It is also a wonderful way to transition painlessly to a "big girl bed" in her own bedroom. Check out the Dr. Sears website. There is a lot of important information there on attachment parenting. After all, it's a baby that you've got so why would you ever want her to be "independent"? Believe me, if she gets enough closeness with you as a baby, she will become independent quickly enough when she's ready--as a toddler.

Do what your heart tells you to do. Mother's intuition is the most powerful thing in the universe, and if you are loving every minute of it and your daughter is not being harmed, then stop laying the guilt on yourself. I am here to tell you that I went thru the same thing with my son when he was born. Dad was working 2nd shift at the time and bedtimes were really wonky and late. Guess what? He is a wonderful, secure, happy, kind, well adjusted 9 year old who gets straight A's in school and sleeps in his own room (and has since he was 2), and goes to bed without any problems on school nights at 8:30. Bonus- when he does need to or want to stay up later on the weekends or in the summer- he does so without being overly tired or whiny! Do what your heart tells you...as long as you are not co-bedding while under the influence of anything or are morbidly obese, then stop with the mommy guilt and know that your son knowing that he is loved is more important than where he sleeps! Good luck good mommy!

You can sleep with your daughter for as long as you and she enjoy it!!! It is absolutely your choice. I still sleep with my daughter whenever we both want to, which is more than half the time (she is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted 7 year-old). Most of our friends' families do the same. There is no "should" about how we sleep as families.

You don't have to let go of having your baby sleep with you. I never thought I would want to co-sleep, but after a week at home I took my daughter to bed with us because I couldn't take all the crying and she slept with us on a nightly basis until she was 2.5 years old. Now she sleeps in a big girl bed in the same room. Co-sleeping is a beautiful thing for both baby and parents - there is scientific proof that it results in less stress for baby and parents (mom), increases sleep time for nursing moms, and can be very safe as long as you follow a few simple rules. First, don't have any blankets around the baby (short of a tight swaddle) until she's old enough to roll over and get away from them if she gets to hot or they get over her face. If you and/or your spouse/partner are heavy sleepers, perhaps get a hard barrier of some sort to put in your bed so that you will wake up if you roll on it. If you're nursing, its unlikely that you'll have any problems with that but if your worried, I think the probably have something at Babies r Us or online at an attachment parenting type website. Finally, you do still need to follow the 'back to sleep rule'. You can role her over to nurse but then back on her back for the sleeping. We also have the expensive crib that was only used for naps and I wouldn't have it any other way. The only reason we took her out of the bed was that it was too small for two adults and a strong-legged (kicking) 2 year old. Good luck!

It sounds like you have a loving, healthy relationship with your baby- why change a good thing? I also cosleep with my LO. I work during the day and at nighttime we can cuddle and reconnect. It works really well for my family and many others I know. Don't try to put your baby in the crib just because it was expensive- that doesn't seem fair to either one of you-

I am about to be the hated one in this conversation. Although I think co-sleeping is a loving and bonding experience, after working ambulance and being called to homes where children had smothered under blankets, suffocated by being caught between the wall and the bed and suffered injuries from falling off of it, I cannot in good conscience say it is a good idea to put your child in a grown up bed which is not designed to keep them safe. A co-sleeping pac-n-play which goes next to the bed is an acceptable alternative.A crib next to your bed is the best idea, which is what my husband and I do until age one, when we move our child to their own room or a room with a sibling (we have 8 kids so they share rooms).
I understand you want to be close to your child. You also need to be well rested and you cannot go into a deep sleep and still be aware of your child and where they are. Even if it is a one in a million chance they will get hurt or killed, is it worth it for your own satisfaction? This is not about what you will miss, it is about what is best for your child when it comes to safety. I know most of the women in the responses may disagree, but no risk of injury to my child is acceptable if I can prevent it by avoiding the risk in the first place. Be with your child while you are awake and aware, and place them in a safe, childproof environment such as a co-sleeper crib or crib next to your bed while you sleep. Having them in your room is fine, having them in your bed is dangerous. And to all the respondents who say, I did it and it turned out fine I say lucky you. I can show you more than 20 families that it didn't turn out fine for and I wasn't in the field that long, so it must not be as safe as you are claiming.

I didn't think I would be a co-sleeping mom too, but I am now the mother of three (6,3,and 7 mo) and I have slept with all of them. With my youngest, I sleep with him in another room adjacent to the master bedroom and my two oldest sleep with Papa (my three year old is up in the night, so this allows us all to get more sleep, since I am up with the baby.) It is awesome and great for the kids. You have to be a little more creative with your husband. My husband told me that I would be making my children more dependent and the truth is, they are extremely independent because they are secure. I think there is an instinct in a mother's heart to sleep with her children and if you feel that way, follow it. We had a big expensive crib too....but those are just things, don't compare that to starting their lifetime with safety and security. You can't get back these years, you can always sell a crib. Good luck in figuring out your way as a mother. It is precious and we only get one chance. LOVE EVERY MINUTE of sleeping with your baby, they grow up fast and won't want to be there forever.

ok first of all, parenting is not determined by books, "experts", doctors, your parents, the other grandparents involved, or ANYONE BUT YOU.
you are mom! you are the ONLY ONE who knows your child!!!

there is no reason that sleeping with your daughter is a bad thing. my son coslept with us for FAR beyond a year, and he now will sleep comfortable and confidentally in his own bed. (he is 2) we have NEVER had bedtime tantrums or screaming fits, and he NEVER fights us at bedtime.

so the good news is that you DO NOT have to stop sleeping with her!!! the bad news is, not many people share this view and they put unnecessary pressure on moms like you and make you end up feeling like you are doing somethign wrong.
there is NEVER anything wrong when you listen to your heart and your instincts and follow the things that your child needs, not what someone else tells you is right or wrong. you and your child will both be much happier and much more confident in your relationship when you start listening ONLY to your instincts and NOT anyone elses!!! :D :D :D :D

PLEASE write to me - ask me anything. i really want to give you the support and information that you need to parent your child the way you want. another place to go for this kind of info is www.askdrsears.com. its being proven time and time again that babies who cosleep and/or bedshare are happier, more confident, cry less, wake less (or only for extremely important things) and have, as in my son's example, easier bedtimes! :D

you are NEVER wrong for following your heart when you parent. NEVER!!! :D :D :D

You have to do what feels best for you and your baby. If you WANT to continue co-sleeping, go for it. I, on the other hand, CANNOT sleep with my babies. I even have a hard time if they are in the same room when I sleep. We all seem to sleep much better if the baby is in their own room.
Setting a bedtime is kind of tricky. You have to establish a bedtime routine and stick to it. Then, following her cues, figure out a reasonable time when she seems ready to sleep and try to get her down at that time every night. You may have to go through a lot of trial and error to get the time set.
If you want your little one to sleep in her own crib, go through her bedtime routine and put her in it. If she gets REALLY upset, go in after a few minutes to let her know everything is OK and then go back out. Tack an extra minute on in between each visit. If she just fusses and doesn't get really upset, try letting her self-soothe. It's a good sign that she does her naps there. It won't be a completely new experience and that will help her adjust better.
As for letting go of having your baby sleep with you, I don't know what to tell you besides spend as much awake time with her as possible and set your own bedtime routine. Find something you like to do after you put her down for the night. Read a book, watch a movie, or spend some time on a hobby. Enjoy your quiet time. =)

I also love sleeping with my kids and it was really hard for me to put them in their own rooms. There are a lot of people who sleep with their kids until the children are ready to sleep in their own rooms.

If your child sleeps in their crib for naptimes then they are capable of sleeping in their own room at bedtime. If you really want to have your child sleep in their own room then start a new pattern and don't randomly change that. If you start a new behavior it takes 10 days of sticking with it to make it a new habit.

I do think there is something really important in having a bedtime schedule, it creates predictability and security for children. My children are much happier when they are on schedule and therefore so am I.

If you want to put your child down in their own room, You could try starting a new bedtime routine, with bathtime, books, hugs, and rubbing their back in their crib until they are sleeping, then walk out of their room a little earlier before they are totally sleeping each time until you are able to read a story, rub their back and give hugs and kisses and say goodnight and walk out. Every new stage is a new challenge. Good luck

Co-sleeping isn't necessarily a bad thing. Visit Dr Sears site http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
before you make a final decision. We co-slept with our son almost exclusively. He's 3 yrs old and we still occasionally welcome him into our bed. I just could not make peace with the feeling that I was "abandoning" my baby by banishing him to a crib. There are safer ways to co-sleep too besides just sticking your newborn under the covers with you. Look into co-sleeper bassinets that go right into your bed with you, or attach to the side of the bed. Bottom line is, you need to forget about whatever you've learned about "good" and "bad" in parenting. There are lots of "right" ways to parent. You need to do what you feel is right FOR YOU.

And to the ambulance person who responded- good for you for getting your point of view out there too. We took that into consideration when we decided to co-sleep (and it influenced HOW we decided to co-sleep). Moms need to have all the information when they make these kinds of decisions.

This experienced mom doesn't think you are doing anything wrong at all! You are away from your baby at work and love feeling close to her at home. She also loves being close to you when you are at home. I know many moms who work outside the home and co-sleep with their babies and young children. This is a great way to stay connected! Also, I believe everyone sleeps better when mom and baby are close (that's been our experience--my kids were not crib sleepers and I was a zombie when I tried to get my first baby to sleep in his crib).

I recommend that you read some books that will help you let go of the idea that what you're doing is "wrong." "Sweet Dreams" by Dr. Paul Fleiss has a lot of information about natural sleep patterns for babies and children. "Good Nights" by Dr. Jay Gordon has lots about the benefits of co-sleeping, as does "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears, R.N.

Having a firm bedtime is a separate question. Some kids adapt naturally to schedules, but my kids have never been on a strict schedule. I don't think it's a big deal--when they are tired, they go to sleep. Trying to get them to sleep before they are tired is not going to work and will be frustrating for everyone.

I think there are many benefits to having a bedtime routine that you follow consistently (for instance, bath/pajamas/story/brush teeth/story/cuddle), but your routine doesn't have to happen at exactly the same time every day.

Dr. Fleiss's book has a lot on healthy bedtime routines.

Good luck to you, and don't let other people tell you you HAVE to let go of sleeping with your baby if it's something you both love!

Check out the "No Cry Sleep Solution" it's an excellent book. Lots of good ideas for all ages and families.

I was also a working mom and my babies slept with me and I nursed them. It worked great for us and nurtured our relationship. They are now two and four. My four year old goes to sleep in his big boy bunk bed and sometimes crawls in with us at night which is fine for us. My two year old falls asleep in her big girl bed, but one of us stays with her until she's asleep. If she wakes, she comes into our bed in the night. Since they've been getting bigger, it gets crowded so we carry them back to their beds if needed. My husband just started working second shift so I put them on either side of me in our king bed at bed time and they go right to sleep and I like the cuddle time. We move them to their own beds when my husband comes home at 10:30 pm. My philosophy is whatever works. If it's not working then sleep training is in order. The operative word is training. Best wishes!

Almost every habit can be broken, so don't worry that your permanently scarring her. You just have to ask yourself how badly do you want to make her do something and what are you willing to put up with.

My first slept with us for almost 2 years off and on. Not al the time and usually didn't start there, but he did end up there.

You should start a bedtime though. I know friends who's kids don't go to bed until 10 or later. And now they have to try and transition them to earlier because they will be going to school in the fall and can't sleep late in the morning.

To get her to sleep in her own bed you can rock her or whatever you do to get her ready for bed until she is almost asleep or asleep lay her in her crib. If she stirs pat her on her back, butt or chest or whatever you do to settle her. If she has a mobile or that kind of thing that might help as well.

Try the easy stuff first before you jump to crying it out or anything of that sort.

Good Luck

My daughter slept with me and in her bassinet until she was 6 months old. Then my mom said it was time to get her used to sleeping in her own room. I did it because it she was growing out of her bassinet and my bed is really high. I was worried she might fall out. So I just started putting her in her crib at night and now she only wants to sleep there. You will have a harder time with the adjustment than she will and don't worry to much about a strict schedule right now. She is still a baby and baby's schedules tend to be irratic because they are growing. Sometimes they sleep more than others. She will adapt. The big time to make sure that she is in a schedule is when she gets past one. Do it when you feel it is the right time. Good Luck.