Co Sleeping and Breastfeeding = Not Sleeping Through the Night?

Updated on April 10, 2011
S.W. asks from San Diego, CA
37 answers

I would love to hear from others that exclusively breastfeed and co sleep with their baby...we just went to our 6 month old well baby visit and the doctor basically said I'm effing it up and that if I wasn't "positively reinforcing" my baby's night waking with nursing and snuggling then the baby would sleep "through the night". The baby sleeps for about 4 hours at longest, wakes briefly, nurses a full breast and then back to sleep she goes. It doesn't make me or her feel fatigued the following day. I don't think we are ready to leave her in a crib! (She has one, and uses it to play and nap in, and I do practice putting her down while drowsy so she can drift off to something other than mommy.)

At first I laughed! Then I realized she was serious. So, the question is, if you practiced these methods, did your baby sleep through the night at 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, etc? Do you wish you hadn't co slept?
Thanks :)

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you for sharing all of your unique experiences! I suppose the obvious was right in front of my face - yet another instance in a long line of first time mom doubts :) Every child and family is different, and I will trust my intuition. Like I said above, neither of us are tired in fact we feel refreshed and Daddy doesn't complain so although the doctor may have her "facts" straight that the baby will not sleep through the night if mama's milk bar is right there, it's not necessarily a bad thing! Peace xoxox

Featured Answers

M.F.

answers from Denver on

I am happy I breast fed exclusivly, but, I do wish I had never done the "family-bed" stuff, that is my biggest regret.
I will always tell anyone who asks (I never push my opinion on anyone) but if they ask, I will always tell them that if I were to do it again, I would NEVER co-sleep.
Crib from day one, if I were to know what I do now. I was so miserable after the first year, and really angry at myself after the second year.
It is one of the major reasons we have committed to never having another.
Those first two year were exhausting.
Not just the waking up all the time, but just NEVER getting any personal space.
Never being able to make love with my husband, or just being able to cuddle, cause she was ALWAYS there!

I hated it, not at first, but again, after a year.. and by then, she was so used to it, it was virtually impossible to get her to stop.
I tried everything, but after night after night after night of fighting and tears and not getting any sleep, I gave up...
then I would try again a month later... and no luck.
She is 5 an I still have to argue with her when she wants to cuddle with me instead of sleep in her own bed.
She has her own, she does sleep there, but even now it can be a battle.

Just my experience. :)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Get a new doctor. I have a friend with 4 kids, she bf'd and co-slept with them, and all 4 of them had different sleep habits. All babies are different.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

find a different doctor :)

after I had my baby I was going crazy, I was soooo sleep deprived, I would nurse the baby and then try to put her to the crib and she would wake up so I used to spend nights rocking the baby trying to put her down to the crib

then finally I just left her in bed with us and realized it's ok to follow your instincts

cosleeping.org says:
Cosleeping promotes breastfeeding and bonding, and it is safer than crib/cot sleeping when practiced correctly. Cosleeping beyond the breastfeeding years is common in many non-Western cultures, and many Western families choose to extend the cosleeping phase for two years and beyond.

enjoy the closeness with the little one, they grow up so fast :) D.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.L.

answers from Boston on

I am currently co-sleeping with my third child. I strongly believe that co-sleeping was best for me and for my children, and it worked for us. I co-slept with all three, and admittedly, none of them slept through the night until they were at least 18 months old, but in general, it wasn't a problem because we were co-sleeping and nursing. It sounds like what you're doing is working for you -- why change it? There is nothing wrong with a baby not sleeping through, unless you are suffering because of lack of sleep. Most pediatricians don't have tons of experience with what is normal for exclusively breastfed babies, particularly when parents are co-sleeping and nursing on demand. If your baby is healthy and well slept, and you are usually getting enough rest, then what's the problem? In my opinion, you are giving your baby what she needs when she needs it, and teaching her that her needs will be responded to. If, at some point, you want to night-wean, here's an excellent and extremely supportive article about night-weaning in the family bed: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html My youngest is now 26 months, and we night weaned him a few months ago, but are continuing to nurse on demand through the day.

If you do not feel like your pediatrician is being supportive of your parenting decisions, you might want to consider looking for one who will be. I know that if my children's pediatrician even suggested that I was effing it up by continuing to nurse my child on demand, that would be the last time my children saw that pediatrician. I feel that as parents, we need to work with professionals who will support us in our parenting decisions _unless _they_are_harmful_to_our_children_. Obviously, nursing your baby through night wakings when she obviously needs it is not harming her.

Sorry if I'm coming off a bit too strong -- you've hit one of my soapbox issues.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

We coslept with both our babies. My first was a terrible sleeper, woke up a lot. She moved into her own bed at 18 months but still work up during the night.Now she is 3 and sleeps like a champ, in her own room (still has occassional night terrors). My 9 month old son is totally different. He sleeps with us, too, but doesn't wake up much. And I've heard the same about non-cosleeping babies- some sleep well, some don't. So I think it's more of a temperament thing than a cosleeping thing. Personally, I love cosleeping. It was the best way for me to get sleep during the night, and I love waking up with my baby.

However, it doesn't matter how I or anyone else feels about cosleeping, including your doctor- do what is right for you and your family. I actually think it's pretty intrusive and closeminded of your doctor to discourage it, besides, it's not a medical issue. I recently learned that it's a Korean cultural norm to cosleep with all the kids, so basically your doctor is disparaging entire cultures. If you're enjoying cosleeping, keeping doing it- you won't regret spending more time with your baby. If you are starting to resent it, then consider a change. But if you are enjoying it, listen to that.
And by the way- if you're creative, you'll find out that you can still have sex. Lots of sex. That's why so many cosleepers have so many kids to sleep with. =)

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Your Doctor, is wrong.

Babies do this.

I co-slept, nursed exclusively, on-demand 24/7 day and night.
I went by my kids cues.

Bear in mind, sometimes it is the parent, that wakes the baby, too Them moving around in their sleep, their snoring etc.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.B.

answers from San Diego on

If my Doctor said that to me, I'd get a new doctor. Only you get to decide how you're going to raise your children and his/her opinion is just that-an opinion! That doctor should leave the parenting up to you! Follow your instincts, Mom! And don't let someone else rattle your instincts!!

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.W.

answers from Allentown on

I've EBFed and coslept with my 4th and 5th babies. #4 didn't sleep through the night until 9 months. #5 started getting 7 hour stretches by 2 months, which quickly grew into 9 hour stretches.
Babies are no more likely to have "perfect" sleeping habits than they are to be "perfect" weight or hit every single milestone at the "perfect" time. Each one is going to be different, no matter what the doctor's medical textbook used as an average.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

There's no "right" and "wrong" when it comes to raising kids. With my first child I was so afraid of "effing up" that I did not allow co-sleeping and had over a year of sleepless nights. With my daughter I was more confident and co-slept with her from the moment we got home from the hospital until I stopped breastfeeding. Compared to how I felt with my first child, parenting my second has been a breeze .... and all that really changed was my confidence in trusting my intuition! Trust your instincts - you know your baby better than anyone else in the world! Do what feels right for you and your family and ignore so-called "experts" because no 2 babies are alike and each individual needs to be handled differently. That's the joy of motherhood! Enjoy this precious time ... it will be a fond memory all too soon!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Neither of my bf babies slept through the night until they weaned which was 2.5 and 2 respectively. (We also coslept.) If it is not bothering you than it is none of the pediatrician's business as long as as your daughter continues to thrive. Maybe the pediatrician is anti co-sleeping or anti bf. Either way it might be time to find a new pediatrican.

And don't let them try to tell you that your baby will be harmed by co-sleeping and never able to self soothe. My girls are 5 and 8 and sleep fine on their own today.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Pediatrician's seem to think that babies follow the "instruction manual" that they were given in medical school :-) And sleeping for 4 -5 hours is "sleeping through the night".

I BF my daughter every night at 1 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. until she didn't wake up hungry at these times anymore. At 13 months she slept through both of those feedings. I have never regretted co-sleeping or BFing my daughter on demand. She and I have a very close relationship and she is the most well-adjusted child I know. That time went by so fast.

I only consulted the doctor when my daughter was sick (which was extremely rare), I never discussed feeding or sleeping with the doctor.

3 moms found this helpful

S.H.

answers from San Diego on

You're not 'effing it up. I didn't co-sleep with our son, but there were outlying circumstances including I was unable to breast feed due to medication issues. Yes, our son learned early on to sleep in his crib and early on went to a toddler bed with no issues. Does that prove that co-sleeping is bad? Heck no! It proves that whichever way you choose nurture your child in the beginning is right for your family. As your child gets older, you will (hopefully) know when it's the right time to start to transition her to the crib. I really don't understand Doctors who have one set mindset on how everything should be done - haven't they seen enough parents and children to know that there isn't just one way to raise children? baffling.

2 moms found this helpful

S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

We do a combination of cosleeping and putting her in the crib. Fynn (almost 8 months) will nurse ALL. NIGHT. LONG if allowed to. She wakes completely refreshed. Me? Not so much. I wake in pain from sleeping in weird positions. But if she needs it, she needs it, and I can at least get *some* sleep. Her sleep patterns are easily affected by teething, growth spurts and illness. It is *rough* when we have a series of 'em in a row! Still, no, I do not regret cosleeping with her.

Our older daughter wasn't interested in cosleeping (I personally believe it stems from her starting in an isolette in NICU... she was used to having her own space before coming home). She slept through the night regularly from four months.

My son and I coslept regularly until he was almost four. Even after that he still frequently came into my room at night until he was 11 or 12. In his case, it became a problem because he never respected the boundaries of mama's room and mama's belongings. That's more about behavioral issues he has, and not really about cosleeping, in my opinion. So I don't regret cosleeping with him, either.

I think the bigger issue is knowing what your parenting style is and then finding a pediatrician who respects it. Ours doesn't agree 100% with us (and vice versa, I'm sure), but he also doesn't make any crazy proclamations, and he's willing to explain when his beliefs are different from ours. A lot of the parenting part of being a pediatrician is really just advice based on experience, which is why so many pediatricians state widely divergent "facts."

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Redding on

I loved breastfeeding and I'm not against co-sleeping. However, my children were very used to their cribs. In fact, we travelled a lot and my kids could literally sleep anywhere. In a pack and play, in a hotel crib, on the floor, in a sleeping bag camping, in a recliner at Grandma's house....
My kids slept when they were tired. They didn't have to be with me or in my bed. When they were, it was great, but they didn't HAVE to be in bed with me.
My daughter, to this day, needs room to spread out and she always slept better by herself. If she was sick or she just wanted to come in my bed when my husband was out of town, fine. But, she preferred her own bed. She's going to have her own baby in May so I'm interested to see how things work. My son is a super cuddler. However, he didn't need someone cuddling him to go to sleep.
I don't think you're effing anything up, but you do need, in my opinion, to allow your kid to sleep without you from time to time.
I know some people think that keeping your child with you at all times makes them more secure. I have found the opposite to be true. My kids did just fine sleeping alone or going to bed without me. That's not to say we didn't cuddle or they were never in my bed. In fact, my bed was their haven for just about everything. But, they also loved their own beds and were fine and felt safe there. I must have done something right. They would sleep anywhere. I'm not joking.
If you're not ready to have your baby in a crib, that's your business.
But 6 months or 6 years from now, you might be wondering why you didn't let her sleep in other places.
To answer your question, both of my children slept through the night before 6 months. With the first, I felt I just got lucky. Ten years later, my son was the same way.
You can develop good sleeping habits without tears and heartbreak if you get them used to it from the beginning. Both of my kids are very loving and affectionate. It's sleeping. They don't have to do it in your arms. It's great when they can but they should be able to sleep away from you too.

Just my opinion.
You aren't doing anything wrong for heaven's sake, but you will thank yourself later if your kid can also sleep without you.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I have four grown kids. When my first one was born, we lived in apartments. I would leave my front door open with the screen closed. I had a neighbor who would peak in my door and if I was just rocking my baby after she had fallen asleep, she would tell me that she was going to be spoiled. If she was fussy, she would tell me to feed her. I mentioned it to my doctor during a visit and he told me, "People, including me, are going to give you advice. When we do, just say to us, 'Thank-you.' and then go home and do want you want." I never forgot that. When my husband and I had custody of one of our grandsons starting at 5 months, my husband started bringing him to our bed because I was spending my nights walking back and forth when he woke up all night. He is 12 now and wouldn't think of sleeping with me.
If you are comfortable with what you are doing, then who are you hurting? This is your baby and you know what is best. I guarantee that she will not be sleeping with you and waking up every four hours when she is 30 years old, so really what difference does it make? You are giving her security and comfort.
Good luck with your precious little baby.
K. K.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi S.,

Please don't be discouraged by your doctor. Trust your instincts and do what's best for you and your family. For us, co-sleeping is just natural. We have 2 girls, now ages 4 and 5.5. Both have slept with me and my husband (we have a King sized bed) since birth. The girls are so bonded to us and to each other - we just love it, and I know this is what's right for us. Yes, you wake up when they stir, but it's knowing that you can give them that security and comfort at that moment that makes it worthwhile. And there's nothing in this world that can desribe waking up with my girls and hubby cuddled up beside me. By 9-12 months, they were both sleeping through the night, with a few exceptions (potty, nightmare, growing pains, etc), but that's just part of the deal. If "positively reinforcing" means giving them security, then I'd take it. No, we never wished we hadn't co-slept (because we still do!), but you have to make a decision based on what's right for your family. For us, it's just natural and the best thing ever! Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.W.

answers from Portland on

My son still doesn't sleep completely through the night and he's almost four. There are a rare few nights he wakes at 3 or 4, needing some contact. That's just his personality.

I coslept and nursed with my son until he was nearly 3. I don't regret it for a minute. I got much better sleep than many mothers who didn't cosleep, and I had a relatively happy baby. (At least, that's what I remember!)

It sounds like what you are doing is great: you are helping your daughter to sleep alone while still supporting her nutritional needs at night. There's nothing wrong with this.

Be aware: Doctors are usually approached by parents who want their children to sleep through the night, and so sleep training is very popular with many conventional MDs. After working with kids for soooo many years, I can tell you there is a real mythology around 'sleeping through the night 'at this age. Some kids will, and they will likely have done it anyway, but some kids need the contact or the milk, and if you are happy with how things are going and your daughter is happy, please don't worry about the doctor.

There are some great pediatricians, and some who just have some antiquated ways of looking at things. There's a lot of that " if you do x now, he'll be doing x forever" ways of thinking. Parenting is like all of life: temporary. Don't stress about your doctor-- these are their own beliefs and fears coming into play.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

HAH! Well, let me tell you...I think that the co-sleeping breastfeeding was a product of my son being a poor sleeper in the first place. Before he was born I couldn't imagine moving him into his room as an infant so we had a bassinet set up in our bedroom...but I never imagined he'd be in bed with me and then he was born and he was up every single hour for WEEKS and my midwife told me to bring him in bed with us and it changed. my. life.

And no, he didn't sleep through at six months, or at nine...or a year (I stopped breastfeeding for medical reasons at a year). Not to scare you, but he finally started to sleep through the night at 18-20 months and from 20 months has been sleeping fairly solidly.

We tried a few sleep techniques. Not CIO, but nothing worked very well and we just decided to be patient and not let it ruffle our feathers. We dealt with the late night wake ups in stride. Yes, it was exhausting at times, but we didn't fight about it and we didn't push the issue with him and now we have zero bedtime battles. I do not regret cosleeping and never did.

My husband just this morning was telling me that he was remembering when he was about 9 or 10 and he would get scared and jump in bed with his parents, his parents would snuggle him and he'd get all wiggy. "EW mom, EW dad...don't cuddle me!". I laughed and asked him why he got in bed with them if it bothered him so much and he said that it was because it always made him feel safe. His point in telling me the story is that he doesn't mind our son sleeping in our bed because there will be a day when he doesn't want daddy cuddles. What I gleaned from listening was that even when he was "too cool" for parents, he still needed them and he felt safe in their bed.

Either way, I say that if you are comfortable with it, don't change a thing. Breastfed babies, from what I remember generally digest a full belly in four hours so she probably is hungry when she wakes. And if your pediatrician gives you guff, find a new pediatrician.

Co sleeping (when done properly) is hugely beneficial to mother and baby and is a protective factor against SIDS among other things.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Detroit on

What a judgemental doctor you have... But hey... she paid a LOT of money to become an expert on everyone elses kids... Right?
lol

It wasn't until the last 30-40 years that the idea of NOT cosleeping became "normal"... In the 70's my MIL was told that breast feeding was NOT good for the baby, but 4 yrs later was told that it was AND to drink a beer every day... In the 50's men were not ALLOWED on the maternity floor of the hospital unless they were a dr.

Drs opinions change alot... As a mom, you know your kid...

Our first 3 kiddos really blessed us! They slept thru the night from birth. But during growth spurts, storms, etc they would wake and/ or be unsettled. We kept them in a craddle for the first 6 months then in a crib... BUT if they woke, I got them and they were put in bed with us... Our 4th is a different story! lol She is 10 months old now and spent most of the first 9 months cuddled right between mommy and daddy... We would put her down in her bed next to our bed, but at some point in the night she would want some extra nursing, snuggling, comfort, etc and in our bed she'd go. :-) The only reason this has changed is that she actually sleeps better when she is in her crib in the kids room... But if she wakes up, then its into mommys bed for a nurse and a cuddle...

Would the dr feel better if you were stumbling around the house at 2 am to mix up a bottle and sit there and feed her? If she's doing more than just latching on and dozeing off then she is hungry... Feed the baby! :-)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.A.

answers from Washington DC on

Ok so this is just a thought to put out there. I am not saying one way is right and one way is wrong b/c I know every family is different. This is just a big eye opener I had that I wanted to pass a long and it has nothing to do with what helps them learn to sleep through the night. A few years ago my husband was promoted to the sergeant of a crime scene unit. I was blown away by the number of dead baby calls he has to go out on due to baby sleeping in bed with mom and dad. It was something you heard about now and then, but the reality of how often it really happens was a huge eye opener for me!

1 mom found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

I guess thats why they call it "practicing" medicine. Your doctor needs more practice!

Keep on co sleeping, and breastfeeding until YOU want to stop. Babies arent convenient little dolls we can set down and walk away from and expect to return to them on our schedule. It sounds like you are doing a GREAT job!

I for one have never read or seen evidence that sleeping with babies is putting them at greater risk of death, in fact i have seen and read the opposite, time and time again. I wonder about the motives of people who claim different, honestly. Trust your instincts. I co slept with both my children, My sleep was fantastic. I try to get them in their own rooms after the age of 2, but i dont mind them coming back to me if they feel scared.

Thats what im here for!, to erase the frightening moments and fill those moments with security, to nourish and if slightly inconvenienced....oh well. We didnt have children to make life easier.

1 mom found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

RUN to another pediatrician... one who actually cares enough to learn more about breastfeeding dynamics or one who already has.

Babies are not biologically geared to sleep thru the night - especially when they have Mother's breast and milk to comfort and nourish them.

I allowed my daughter to self wean - which she did around 4.5 years, and she still co-sleeps with us at 5.5 y/o. She knows very soon her baby brother will be here and she'll have to go to her own room, but until then, she and I are very content with the arrangements.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.S.

answers from Austin on

Tell your doctor to take a hike! Seriously, it's his/her job to advise you and support you, not give you outright orders and criticism!

I have breastfed and co-slept since day one, I knew I wanted to do both, but it became even more apparent once I saw how well it worked for all of us. Sleeping through the night, for one isn't an actual milestone and isn't such a worry! Periodically, my son, (now 27 months) has slept all night and when he's sick, teething, growing, irritable, over-tired, or a number of other things...he doesn't sleep through the night. Just like a normal adult, do we sleep all night, every night...probably not.

If you are comfortable with both choices and baby is thriving in terms of weight and growth...don't give it a second thought! People have questioned me, raised their eyebrows at me and said all kinds of rude things about my decisions to keep both these things going and yes, it is a little extra work on my part to have a child in our bed, but it's fine.

Sleep is going to fluctuate no matter where or how your baby sleeps, remember that! Cuddling and loving your baby and nursing are going to provide an environment of superior health, trust, and help your child to learn compassion and love in a wonderful way.

Good luck Mama, it's SOOO worth it. We're still going strong, everyone is healthy, intelligent, loving, and getting plenty of sleep!
Best Wishes!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would find a La Leache Leader or LC to discuss it with. We didn't co-sleep fully, but there were plenty of nights when I fell asleep somewhere else (like in her room) after a middle of the night nursing session. I also know people who co-sleep because they get MORE sleep. Even if she's not in your bed, she will probably need night nursings for a bit and if it doesn't bother you, then provide them. It's natural.

For a long time (I honestly don't remember how long), DD would sleep about 5 hours - which according to some is "sleeping through the night". I would nurse her once or twice in the night and in 10-15 minutes I'd have us both back in bed. Occasionally I would bring her to our bed in the morning (if she woke at 5, say, and I just wanted more sleep) and she'd sleep with me/us til we had to get up.

I think if it WORKS and you are safe about sharing your bed, then pft! about the doctor's opinion here. If you feel that she's not supportive, consider another pediatrician, especially if you plan to nurse a long time.

I don't remember when DD first slept more than 5 hours (I just remember waking feeling very full!) and now that she's 2 she certainly sleeps through the night (for about the last year of nursing she was nursing before bed only).

I did everything "wrong". I didn't let use CIO. I nursed her in the middle of the night. I held her and rocked her to sleep or let her nurse to sleep. I currently have a 2.5 yr old who is weaned (I did a little leading, but in the end it just faded) and goes to bed on her own with her toys and sleeps well during the night.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I coslept with both my babies, and we loved it! I say we, because my husband was very supportive of it, too. It just made sense to us both; why put our baby in a separate room and wait until she cried, get up and feed her, and be sleep deprived almost every night until the baby "sleeps through the night"? As opposed to having the baby right next to you, ready to feed and go right back to sleep, so you or your husband don't have to get up at all. All of us got so much more sleep, so it made more sense to do it this way. Someone gave us a used crib for my daughter, but we gave it back because we never used it. Then I bought a cosleeper for my son, but he would never settle down and relax unless he was next to a warm body, so we ended up using it as a diaper changer.

I know that my mother-in-law thought we were crazy. But it's what my parents did with me and my brothers, and it made sense to both my husband and I to do it with our kids. In our family, cosleeping=MORE sleep for everyone in the house. My kids are 8 and 6 now, and they put themselves to sleep just fine and sleep through the night. They transitioned into their own beds at about two years old, and they were both fine with the transition.

I'm surprised that your doctor would actually make you feel bad about cosleeping. But as long as it works for your family, go for it! :-)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Portland on

get a new doctor is my vote too!! Co-sleeping, and being close like that can only help (attachment, bonding, etc). It's not going to help down the road when you need your space (coming from a mom with a 3 year old) but I can tell you, we are close, he does want to be around us (Dad and myself) and we do have a great bond. We attribute that to how we've always loved on him.

Babies need comfort - as does everyone else... why in the world would you deprive your child (and I know you're not doing that, hence your question) of time with you / comfort with you?

silly doctors!

Updated

get a new doctor is my vote too!! Co-sleeping, and being close like that can only help (attachment, bonding, etc). It's not going to help down the road when you need your space (coming from a mom with a 3 year old) but I can tell you, we are close, he does want to be around us (Dad and myself) and we do have a great bond. We attribute that to how we've always loved on him.

Babies need comfort - as does everyone else... why in the world would you deprive your child (and I know you're not doing that, hence your question) of time with you / comfort with you?

silly doctors!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.C.

answers from Milwaukee on

Get a new doc. If you choose to co-sleep, your doc should support that, along w/ making sure you are doing it safely. Your baby is only 6 months old!! Tons and tons of kids aren't sleeping through the night then!!

My kiddo didn't sleep through the night till she was.....well, she still sometimes wakes up and she's 5. She co-slept till she was 3. She nursed till she was 22 months. It worked for us and I wouldn't change it at all. I felt more comfortable w/ my kiddo next to me. It was also nice not to have to get up and nurse her.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.K.

answers from Honolulu on

Everyone will give you advice- friends, family, strangers, doctors, even the lady walking her dog. It's up to you to take it and follow or let it go in/out your ears.

I co sleep with my 10 month old daughter who I bf I LOVE IT. She cries about 3x a night I nurse her to sleep when needed.

The only down-fall I have is on the weekends she wakes up EARLY pulls my hair or scratches my face!! when I open my eyes (kinda upset) she gives me kisses.. I can't help but smile- I wouldn't change it for nothing.

Keep up the good work S.. You'll know when is the right time for baby to sleep in her crib.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.H.

answers from Boston on

I didn't co-sleep but I did breastfeed. I still did demand feedings, even at night, at that age. It was tough to get out of bed, go down the hall and feed, but I did it until I felt she was ready to wean from night feedings. Only YOU will know! Say thank you for your advice doc, but we're all set!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

My daughter is now two. For the first six months, she slept next to the bed in the bassinet. She was always within arm's reach but in her own space because we were worried about rolling onto her or her suffocating in our blankets. This was ideal for us because she couldn't smell the milk right there and we could start to regulate (or rather create some kind of structure by following her lead and creating a schedule out of it) the times when she ate. I believe she would eat twice during the night and, after talking to the doctor, by six months, we cut it down to once early in the morning at 4 am. She would go to sleep at a reasonable time 8 or 9 and then eat at 4 and sleep until 7 or 8. I was terrified to start "sleep training" but she only cried for a few minutes before falling asleep on her own. This would have been impossible for me if she had been in my arms. The milk would have been too close and I wouldn't have had the strength to resist giving in. The extra eight inches of space made it possible and I soon realized she didn't really need to eat, she just needed to get back to sleep which she quickly learned how to do on her own. Only you will know what's right for your child, but I do have to say that as your child grows, you will see that structure is a great comfort to her. For us this started with sleep. Soon after six months, we moved her to a crib and then dropped the 4 am feeding. We have always been firm about her sleep. This is one area where there is no negotiating and we stick to rituals. She now naps 1 -1.5 hours a day and 11-12 hours at night. She happily talks herself to sleep at nap time and bed time and adjusts well when we travel. I know it is mostly because we are just lucky that she is who she is but, this is the one area where we really read all of the books and realized that instant gratification for her or us was not necessarily the best thing in the long run. Once you make a decision to make a plan, you are in control and she will feel comforted by that. Best of luck!

R.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, I breast fed both of my kids ( 1 1/2 and 3 yr. old) until they were one and in my experience they did not sleep through the night until I stopped breast feeding them. Well, my daughter still wakes in the middle of the night for a glass of milk, but my son sleeps all night since then. They still sleep with me since my husband works graveyard shift and I love it. There have been times when they fell asleep in their own room because they went to sleep earlier and they will stay there. I don't mind them sleeping with us, whatever they choose. Everyone is different and I am not saying to not listen to your doctor but do what you think is best for you and your family, the only thing is to make sure to consult your doctor if you will do something that might make a difference in the diet. For example, before I stopped breast feeding my daughter( I was only nursing at night) I asked the doctor if by not nursing her at night, was I impacting her health in a negative way. The doctor said she was at the age where it wasn't necessary for her to drink anything during the night because she should be eating a well balanced meal during the day.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

If it is working for your family - then it works for your family.

If she is nursing a full breast, she is probably hungry.

If she can fall asleep without you, then she is learning to fall asleep without you.

Trust yourself.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

We did both with my daughter and she had periods when she slept through the night. I we ended up night weaning around 12-18 months, and we moved her into her own bed in our room between 18-24 months. She is 4 and still comes to get cuddles in the mornings. I love co-sleeping with my 5 month old, cause I can feed him without really waking up, and he can sleep nurse, so I would say he is sleeps though the night...=)
The only problem we had with co-sleeping was my daughter would turn sideways and kick my husband in the back. We have a co-sleeper type bed for the new baby, so my hubby is much happier. I love to cuddle with the little people, so I really like co-sleeping. Plus it lets me know where they are... =)
Your Doctor is 'well versed in western medicine' which means they don't really know how to handle breastfeeding. Don't let them tell you he is not growing properly if they are using the CDC growth chart, it is for formula babies. The WHO has one for exclusive breast fed kids...
Good luck!
R.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Honolulu on

Relax. Its your baby, and your life. Do what feels right.

D.G.

answers from Lincoln on

I coslept with my oldest and nursed her until she was about a year. She didn't sleep thru the night til about 2 years but she didn't fall asleep until about 1030. She slept in my bed until her sister was a couple months old...10 1/2 years later! She would have occasional nights maybe even a few solid weeks here and there where she would head back to her room but then something would happen and she would be back for a long time. My youngest is 18 months old and still nursing. And cosleeping. And waking up over night 1-2 times a night sometimes more. I find it less disruptive and I get more sleep to have her right there. I kept the crib right up to my bed so I could just roll over, get them out, feed them and put them back. But in time I always just fell asleep. I did it out of safety too. My oldest I was 2 months sleep deprived when she came home from hospital (preemie) and I would go out to living room to feed her but after more than one time waking with her dangling decided we were safer in bed. My youngest I did pretty good until she was hospitalized at 6 weeks for a few days with H1N1. Poor thing was actually dropped on the floor a few times when I fell asleep I hate to admit! so then it was to our bed we go!
I've gotten the lectures too - the worse from a dr in the practice I had never seen before but took my 18 month old in for being up screaming for 6 hours straight for a few nights. He told me it was my fault she gets up at night and i need to just leave her screaming and go to another room. Never mind that she had a double ear infection! and he told me by nursing her I caused her to have inadequate weightgain. Never mind she wouldn't take bottles past 8 months old and before that only 1/2 oz- 2 oz tops! UGH!

Do I wish I hadn't coslept? As I'm sitting here at 145 am nursing my baby instead of sleeping as my 12 year old is sleeping in my bed (we watched a movie in bed before bed and she fell asleep)...no. It's the right choice for us. It didn't work the best when I tried not to. and the little sleep I get cosleeping is better than the little sleep i got when we didn't!!
Sometimes I think drs just need to realize that some families work better this way!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from New York on

Just like all families are different, all doctors are different. We left a pediatrician when my son was 4 months old because I have valid concerns of autism and he told me to "turn off the TV and stop listening to Jenny McCarthy, she is not a doctor." So, we dumped him and found someone we love and trust.
Go with what works for YOU. You're the one raising your child, not these doctors who see them on a routine basis. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.N.

answers from Las Vegas on

Wow. Our doctor told me our son needed to be in a crib and all that, but not that it was our fault he wasn't sleeping through the night. I coslept and breastfed for a long time, on and off. I would often nurse him, put him in his crib to sleep, and then he would wake up about 4 or 5 hours later, and wouldn't want to go back to the crib, so he would sleep with us. That worked for us. He liked being close to us. I have no regrets about it (he is 2.5 years old now), especially now that he sleeps in his own bed. He does sometimes come into our bed (usually sleeps through the night, but has had some issues the last few nights). He slept through the night at 1 for about a week, but it wasn't until he was closer to 2 that he did it more often, and only in the last few months has he reliably slept through the night. It takes a while, and I think it is based on their personalities more than sleeping with you or not. My son used to sleep for 7 hours or more in bed with us after that first wake up when he came to bed, so cosleeping didn't mess up sleeping for any of us. He just liked to be with us, and that made him sleep better.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son and I slept better if he was with me at night. We did put him in his crib yet I think he woke more often in the crib and I had to go get him bring him to bed to nurse. I personally don't like to hear that you need to sleep train the baby and let them cry it out to sleep. Having a bedtime routine is better to me. I think he learned to sleep through the night better with me, yet like you he had a crib and could sleep in it well. The downside is at 5 he wakes and comes to bed with my husband and I and I wish that didn't happen, he tosses and it sure doesn't give us good sleep. So I don't know if having him in bed as a young one gave him the idea that mommy's bed is where he belongs. But he is still young and I know that will go away. You need to do what is comfortable for you and your baby, I am 100% for breastfeeding and whatever it takes to keep that going. Good Luck

Updated

My son and I slept better if he was with me at night. We did put him in his crib yet I think he woke more often in the crib and I had to go get him bring him to bed to nurse. I personally don't like to hear that you need to sleep train the baby and let them cry it out to sleep. Having a bedtime routine is better to me. I think he learned to sleep through the night better with me, yet like you he had a crib and could sleep in it well. The downside is at 5 he wakes and comes to bed with my husband and I and I wish that didn't happen, he tosses and it sure doesn't give us good sleep. So I don't know if having him in bed as a young one gave him the idea that mommy's bed is where he belongs. But he is still young and I know that will go away. You need to do what is comfortable for you and your baby, I am 100% for breastfeeding and whatever it takes to keep that going. Good Luck

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions