Mom Feeling Mistreated by Kids

I got a lot more of this when I worked outside my home. I know many, many moms have to work and some even prefer working at a paying job, but I do think some kids resent it. Mine did!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is an opportunity to teach them about RESPECT. No matter how we feel about any person at any given time, you ALWAYS show them respect as a person. Most of all, we must show respect to our parents, who care for us more than anyone. You can teach them about what is is to respect yourself by not tolerating their disrespectful behavior. If you just take it, you are teaching them to accept it from others. Model to them that you believe you deserve respect and you will be doing them a great favor in dealing with many future relationships. Your husband should support this and not tolerate them showing you disrespect either.

B.,

While this may be just a stage, and ignoring it is an option, I am of another opinion. Childern need to be taught to treat adults,their parents, and others with respect. While I would NOT make a huge issue out of it when they act this way, I would however point out that what the just said (ie. go back into the building OR I would rather talk to daddy etc) is not a very nice thing to say.

My 5 year old has said things to me like this on occasion and while I realize he doesnt fully understand the hurtfulness of it, its my job to point it out to him and begin to teach him that words can and do hurt people.

Usually I will tell him that what he just said wasn't very nice, and how would he feel if he came to see me and I told him I didn't really want him, but I wanted to see his brother ( or sister, or friend, whomever). How would that make him feel? At this point he usually responds "bad", then I just tell him "well thats how it makes me feel when you say things like that, it hurts my feelings. Do you think you should talk like that to people?" Then I tell him I think he should apologize (which means to say sorry) then I make him say it. When you've recieved the apology, then let it go.

I have 5 boys and they are respectful and nice kids, but children need instruction and if we as parents don't teach them, who will?

I think all kids go through this somewhat. When it happened in our family, my husband and I both sat down with my kids and talked to them. We explained how they can hurt feelings by acting that way. We also turned things around and asked how they would feel if we only talked to one of them, etc. It seemed to hit home. We did this in a very non-confrontational way, but we felt that both parents needed to send a strong, unified message to the kids. Good luck, and hang in there!

Probably because you are the one that does everything is why. Its the dilemma of the mom. I've been there. Sometimes I say "I need a hug" and someone usually comes through. Usually my daughter.

B.; first of all, most all kids do this, however, its not ok to talk negative about someone, its not nice of them to treat you that way and it should not be tollerated, and it would seem your husband would stand up for you and say dont talk to your mother that way, did the child not know he was picking you up ? did he feel dad was just taking him to lunch and then you interfered? if that is the case it may be ok, but if they knew they were getting you for lunch i can see the dissappointment in the child to have one on one time with dad, but if thats not the case the child should not be disrespectful to his mother nor should it be allowed, all the dad has to say is that is not how you treat your mother and he will quit, if its allowed to go on , to mistreat with their mouths it can get worse, nip it now while they are young, their age yah they may not want a hug thats ok, but that does not mean you cant give it and tell them you are proud of them, some kids dont want hugs, thats fine too, if no hugs then they need to hear words of encouragement from you , if dad says those things to you and they are mimiking then you def need to address it, its ok to not want to be aruond mom, at times, its hard, they would rather be playing or doing things , sounds almost like you are the rule maker and enforcer and tey reject that, when mom speaks means we have to quit doing what we like to do, that is just life, and sometimes ilfe is more than play, hang inthere, it could be a phase but alloweing them to talk badly about someone is not good, keep up the good work as a mom and keep smiling never give up . D. s

It's just a phase, but you have to tell them that it is wrong to say that. I know my daughter is just about 18 months, and when her half brother is around, she doesn't want her dad or I. i was out of town for a week with her for when my grandma passed, and we came back, and my stepson was here. So my husband hasn't had any time with his daughter for a bit, and he is really hurt by it. At this age she doesn't understand, but to her it's a novelty to have her brother here. your kids seem to be doing the same thing. They see you all the time, so when others are around, that's who they want to be with. Maybe start schedueling some alone time for each kid with their dad. Then they know they have uninterrupted time with him and that may change their attitude.

My son (3) Does this from time to time when my Father comes around. All of a sudden, I'm in the way, and he wastes no time in telling me so. I chalk it up mostly to the fact that he sees me -constantly- I'm the one who washes him, cooks for him, plays with him, and disciplines him. My Father is the "fun guy" and if I'm around, there's maybe a chance that fun will be spoiled by a mommy reminder about safety, or that we shouldn't eat a fistful of chocolates before dinner... marshmallows do not, infact go in the nose.

My theory is that your kids are doing a little control exercise, and since you seem to be doing a lot with them, most of the time, perhaps they want some alone time with your husband, etc. Kids do weird things, for weird reasons, and sane things for weird reasons ;) Don't take it personally, from all the moms I've ever known, all kids go through this to some extent.

I would, when you get home, and they start disrespecting you, put them in a naughty chair for a few minutes. And then let them know that you are their mom, deserve respect as such, and they are also in the naughty chair for saying hurtful things. Doesn't matter to who they say it, it's hurtful and they need to learn that isn't acceptible

Trust me you are not alone in this my X hasn't been in our daughters life since she was born he maybe saw her one weekend every other month, she is 3 now and is always asking about him and when she will see him, makes me just want to scream, I have raised her and loved her and no matter what I do she would rather be with him or papa a grama. I believe its becuz I rule with the iron fist lol and she can get away with more stuff when I'm not around and she thinks I'm going to "ruin her fun". She is always with me so when she is with someone else its different and fun. Maybe try spending more fun one on one time with him and he may come around I'm sure its just a faze they all go through. Just do not change any disipline, any rules or give into more things with him to make him like you better bcuz then he might start taking advantage of you and doing it to get what he wants. Good luck and just remmeber if your kids dont like you at some point it means your doing your job as a parent :)

Nobody is a perfect mom...if they say they are they are lying!

Perhaps your kids are seeing you as their 'servant' instead of their authority figure. Put your foot down and make consequenses for those comments. They are simply disrespectful and not allowed. Could be that dad (or whoever) makes up for being gone by being a little too leniant and they know that when you are around, it won't happen. I would see that as a sign that you are consistent and diligent at not spoiling them.

Stand your ground as the mom (or take your position back if need be). My kids are the same age as yours, they are old enough to sit down and explain that those comments are hurtful. Ask them to really verbalize how they might feel if those things were said to them. Also, make an effort to tell them every time you see them that you are happy to see them and excited to spend time with them.

Also, it helps to keep perspective. They really don't know that they are hurting you and they don't mean to. Kids are very blunt and their vocabulary may not exactly match what they are trying to say. Keep your head up and your sense of humor intact...by the time they are teenagers they will really mean it! :)

~L.

May be you are doing too much. Sometimes kids take for granted that we will do everyting and expect it. Now I realize they are young, but maybe cut down on 1 thing. You know say no. You might do this already.

It may be something as simple as not taking them somewhere or have them do it on their own (something little). I believe they will, in their own way, realize that mommy does so much for them.

What about your husband? Does he discpline them when they treat you this way? Support from him is crucial.

One last thing...when us moms are there for our kids so much they just like to spend time with their dad. That is okay, but as long as they know they can't treat us with disrespect.

One thing I haven't done for myself, is spend time with my friends. Have you done that? Us moms need to still have our identity too and it gives us a different perspective when we can focus just on us for a few hours. So as I am saying this to you, I am reiterating it to myself.

Many blessings,

M.

Hi B., Kids react to what they see in others. Take a look at yourself and be good to yourself first. Remember you are a person that has limits on how much you can control the people and the situations in your life, not SUPERMOM!!!!! You cannot always control what your child says, but you can control how you react or don't react to it. Of my three children my second was the one that would say "I hate you". Not very often, just when he didn't get what he wanted and his little sister picked up on saying it as well. I did not say anything to him about it, didn't let it bother me and he soon grew out of it. I understood at the time that kids do say things like that and if you are sensitive to it they will keep doing it. My son is now 23 and preparing to become a father himself. Lets see how his little bundle treats him! Hugs for you!!!