Mixed Emotions About Returning to Work

Oh, D..... if you need anything, let me know, I can always watch her, I love Elli! Good luck with the job, I hope all is well. Are you all still moving?

It will be harder on you then her. I had to return to work after my daughter was 5 months, and I could not bare her being raised in a daycare environment. Nevertheless, I had to do it, and truthfully, it turned out to be a great move. After all of the tears and the worry and the feeling of not being a good mom, my child did not miss a beat. She loves her provider and enjoys interacting with others her age. She also loves to see me at the end of the day and I find my relationship with her is sooo close. You will be just fine. It will take some adjusting, but give it a good month and you will notice that emotions will subside and things will simply balance themselves out.

Its always tough. I was a SAHD for two years, and just went back to work a month ago. The twins are 3 years old, and are adjusting to pre-school, but really love it. The miss mommy and daddy, and do get upset now and then, but they are getting so much out of pre-school. A great job fell in my lap, and it was the financially smart thing to do - we were barely treading water with one income, even if it was $80-100/year. Now our income is doubled. It will take the kids awhile to adjust, I'd say two weeks to a month. My daughter is totally fine, my son gets weepy now and then. I think my wife and I cry almost as much. Take the time you had as a gift. Many parents get six weeks. You'll learn to appreciate the time at night - dinner, play, bath, bed, as well as the weekends even more then before. It's nice your mom will be able to be there two days a week, grandparents are a great influence as well. We debated about a nanny, but in the end, the socialization is going to be great, not to mention the immune system boost.

You'll be sad, and will probably never 100% adjust, but you know in your heart it is the right decision. Long term, the income you'll provide will help to set up your daughters future. She'll probably adjust before you do.

Lots of hugs and kisses help, and just tell her you love her, and will see her at night (we say "Mommy ALWAYS comes back," or "Daddy ALWAYS comes back,") and that seem to reassure them.

Today they were so excited to show me the giant alligator they made in class. They break into a new song every couple of days. They are proud of their independence.

We have them at the Goddard in Hawthorn Woods, and we like it a lot. There is another in Round Lake and Third Lake - maybe 8 in the area.

Best of luck, and hang in there. It'll all work out.
Peace,
Richard

I think every mom that returns to work feels the same way. I run my own business and have thought about giving it up to stay at home with my 2 girls. My oldest daughter has been at daycare since she was 3 months old. She is now 4 years old. She loves all of her friends and all of her teachers. I am very lucky that I found a wonderful daycare where she is learning everyday not just mentally, but socially how to interact. I know the teachers at her daycare are very loving and have the child's best interests at heart. I know a lot of mother's are against mother's that work and feel that only a child's own mother can care for them. I believe a child can not be surrounded by enough people that love and care about them. As long as you have a great place for your child and they feel loved and safe that is all that matters.

I am a stay at home mom in Buffalo Grove. I also do home daycare since my first was born. I have always been home with my kids so I do not know what it will be like on your end, but about one year is a good time to go back to work. Most of the kids I have watched that age LOVE the interaction with the other children. My advice is to find a home daycare that does not have to many children, so your daughter is still in a home like atmosphere. Do not feel guilty, most likely your daughter will have a great time playing with the other children. You are so lucky that your daughter will be able to spend a couple of days with Grandma, I am sure she will love that as well.

Your daughter can never have to many people loving her. I can not speak for all daycare providers, but I love all my kids that I watch. They are treated like my own children. I kiss them all day, and make sure they get planty of hugs. I know a babysitter can not replace mom, but a good one will make sure your child is not only cared for during the day, but loved as well!! Good luck. Good luck with your job search!

I think you will be amazed at all the good things daycare does for your kids. My kids have been in daycare since they were about 2 months old. It is amazing what being around the other kids, teachers, new toys, new activities, etc will do for their development. Also, she will be socializing. You will have some "you" time, which for me is very important to help me be a better mommy when I am home. Also, remember that no arrangement is permanent- if you find you can't stand the time away you can always look into other options. Good luck!

Hi D.,

I went back to work (part time) after being at home with my daughter for 2 years! I was both excited and worried. My mother babysits while I'm at work. The experience has been wonderful. No adverse reaction whatsoever! At first my daughter (because of her age) questioned me a lot about my "work" and was a little confused, but since we got a great routine set, it's been a piece of cake.

I wish you a lot of luck. It can be scary, but with all the right elements in place it will be just fine. Also, your daughter is soooo young. She probably won't even be phased by it much--you'll be the one taking it harder!

Have you considered how much money you will spend on daycare vs. your income? Who will watch your little girl when she becomes ill? This happens frequently when you put your child in a daycare facility. I found this out first hand. I never picked a daycare, but I did put my little babies in a homecare environment. My son had three ear infections in a row. My caregiver still allowed my children there when they were ill, but they were exposed to the other kids who might be sick also. It was a catch-22. I didn't have to take time off of work when they were sick, but they were exposed to other kids germs all the time. I finished up the year, and did not return to teaching. We lived so simply for three years, but it was worth it. When I did return to work it was slowly. I babysat and took part-time positions. Then, when I returned full-time, we hired someone to come to the house. It was the best solution for our family. She is a Mamasource mom and she is terrific. Try to keep your baby at home. There are good people out there if you are open to it. I chose someone with a wonderful heart and who did not have any experience other than being a mom. She is an incredible asset to our family and she is a now a friend. Good luck to you and the baby

I was incredibly anxious about returning to work (I only work 3 days per week, but it was still difficult). I always knew I wanted to continue working after I had kids, but once I had to return after my maternity leave I was surprised to find how much I enjoyed being home. However, going back to work really turned out to be the best situation for my family. My daughter was very mommy attached, which I loved but made things a lot harder on me as well. Having her spend a couple days a week with other people has actulaly made her much more outgoing and she easily adapts to whatever situation she's in. When I go out in the evenings or weekends to see friends or with my husband, she just says "bye mom, have fun". She's 2. It's so nice. I do think it definitely comes from the fact that she's used to my leaving for work and always coming back. Plus we have a lot of one-on-one time together on the days I don't work, weekends and evenings. Working has also made me a better person for my family, I think. I have something that I do where I'm still me, as opposed to mommy. I get to talk with adults and utilize my education and that's very important.

I know it's very scary and there is a ton of guilt associated with working when you have a child at home, or with someone else, but I do think it makes for a happier family all around. Just make sure you're striking the right balance for yourself and you're working somewhere you enjoy.

Good luck in the job hunt!!

Hugs.

I know how you feel. VERY hard to go back to work.

I would have loved to stay home for the first year with mine but couldn't financially.

That's great to have your mom able to help and I'm sure you found a daycare you are comfortable with.

My oldest started daycare 4 days/week at 4 months old and my youngest will be starting next month. I'm still nursing both of them so daycare won't hurt that.

Think of it this way--- what a wonderful way to show your daughter that there are so many people in the world that love and care for her. It is a beautiful lesson.

She'll be ok.... and so will you... Be gentle on yourself and just know that the first couple weeks will be hard for you.