Miscarriage - South Elgin, IL

I was surprised to hear, on a documentary about "humans", that
50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Apparently because it is so early on that you don't notice. I lost one child at gestation of 3 1/2 months and another at 6 months. Both due to MY medical issues, not theirs. As you might imagine, the second was particulary hard. As said below, you do NOT get over it completely, ever. You DO regain a relatively normal life and it does not haunt you on a regular basis. My Aunt, who is 60, says she still has times of sadness, although thankfully very rarely. We both have gone on to have other children, but you never forget the others.

Everyone grieves differently, but it took a while for me to not think about it everyday and be really sad. I cried every day for about 2 whole months. I was fortunate enough to get pregnant again as soon as I got my doctor's clearance (about 2.5 months), so once I got past the first trimester and I heard the heartbeat multiple times, I started to not feel as sad. I was still sad, and always will be, but I felt a little more like my normal self. I went on to have a boy from that pregnancy. Then, I got pregnant again later, and I had twins at my 7 week ultrasound. But, then I miscarried one at 9 weeks. I must admit that that miscarriage is very hard on me still- an he's 18 months old now. I see him, and part of me thinks of his twin and my first miscarriage(5 years ago now) every day. I don't know why it is harder now than earlier, but it is. I don't think it is anything you will ever move on from. Your heart is broken forever. I find that it helps me to talk to my little angels in heaven everyday. I feel happier since I have started that. I say a prayer to them every night in bed. All I can tell you is that you will feel a little better at some point, but the pain never truly goes away. Just know that you are not alone. The miscarriage rates seem lower than they should be, after having talked to multiple people who have miscarried.

I am so sorry for your loss. I had two miscarriages in between my two kids. I know what that hurt is like when you see others who are pregnant or with babies. It took me a long time to be able to look at a pregnant woman. I still feel sad about, the pain does lessen. After my first m/c I found a m/c support website, that I still post on all the time. I found that to be very helpful to talk to other moms who have been through the same thing. If you are interested in the site, you can PM and I will give you the address. Anyway, to try to answer your question, I don't think my pain really lessened until after I had my daughter and she was safe and sound in my arms. I still am sad about the babies that I lost, and i still think about them often. But the pain is much better. Like I said, that website helped me tremendously, I was able to talk to other women who were going through the same thing, or have gone through the same thing. It gave me hope to know that alot of them went on to have healthy babies after their m/c's. If you ever need to talk about it you can pm or email me. Hang in there, things will get better.

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks after seeing the babie's heart beating etc. I was very upset. I had to have a Dand C and the surgery recovery was more emotional than anything. It took me 3 months to stop bleeding( a permanent reminder) and then an additional 3 months to get over the sadness. I had a child and a year and half later had another early miscarriage- which did not affect me for more than a week becsue it was so earlier and - at like 5 months and I just knew I was pregant. take as much time as you need. I even saw a counselor once for suffering the first miscarriage loss. The cousnselor was wonderful about it all- she acted like the baby I had seen with a heart beat was a real born person- not just a " fetus" as some people acted.
B.

this is a very personal question and everyone deals with grief differently. There is no right or wrong answer. I knew that until i got pregnant again I would be so devastated. Each woman is different. Some do not want to go through it again so soon and are angry about things or resentful. I just felt a huge hole inside of me until I got pregnant again. you may want to check your hormone levels if you are concerned because many women jump to fertility treatments without finding the root to the problem. Although chromosomal defects plays a role in miscarriage it is NOT the only reason women fail to carry past the 1st trimester. Good luck and hope it works out well. I know its very very hard. You will heal with time like all other losses. Keep your chin up and hopefully it'll happen soon.

My thoughts are with you. I suffered a miscarriage due to a bilted ovum (spellling) @ 10 weeks.
It was very hard for me, too. You are not alone in your feelings. It may be hard again around your due date.
It comforted me some to know things happen for a reason. We were blessed to get pregnant again, but part of me always wonders, hmm, what if?
Sadness fades. You are strong & you will feel better in time. Do things that make you laugh & always find comfort in family & friends. They are the best at times like this.
Best wishes- S.

Im so Sorry for your lost. The sadness never really goes away it just gets better. I still rhink about my for pregnacy and how old he would have been . But it just makes me love my 4 year old son a little more. PLus my husband and i are in the middle of becoming foster parents. The is no magic time when it wont hurt as much it just takes time. I will remember you in my prayers
K.

I know I am late on this response but it will get better with time. It really will lessen if/when you have a child of your own. I still always remember the anniversary's of both of my misscarriages' and the anniversarys of the due dates. I don't dwell on these but when the day comes always say a little prayer to my angels in heaven. I also did attend a support group after the first one.

Sorry about your miscarriage. You need to remember that it is nothing that you did wrong. Don't feel as if you can't talk with other family members or friends...that will help. Don't give up your dream to get pregnant again. My thoughts are with you.

E., I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think there is always sadness, but it does get better with time. You lost a child, it's not something you get over. I still find myself thinking about how old that child would be now and it happened 5 years ago. But since then, I did have a baby, and then another miscarriage earlier this year. That baby would have been due right about now and I do think about that.

Use your family and friends as a support system and that will help get you through. I wish you the best.

L.