Minor Child with Bad Mother

Wow! Do not listen to BETTY!! Very few moms on here react so badly to a father asking a question. She is awfully jaded and negative. You have received a lot of good advice. Best of luck!

You need a lawyer, if you are talking about court, don't you have one? Is she the one who is taking you to court?

If you think that this baby is being neglected, you are obligated to report it to child protective services, but that is a serious accusation so if you have not seen the baby, and don't know for sure what is going on, you had better put your sources together, because I would assume that if you know the baby has a rash, and have not seen him or her, then you have an information source that has witnessed it, so you better trust them. If you have not had much experience with babies, you should consider that a bad rash may not mean anything about the care the mother is providing. Rashes happen to the best of mothers babies, it is the nature of what goes into the diaper and the skin. No Mom, or Dad, would be "bad" based on a rash alone. Almost every baby has a rash once in a while, take a look in the drug store and see how many diaper rash creams there are! It is part of having a baby.

Could it be that you are just upset with the Mother for keeping this child from you? You sound like a very inexpeirenced Dad, and you sound upset about your child's condition and your situation. Be sure, for the good of this baby, that you know the difference between what is going to make you feel better, and what is good for your baby. Certainly, having both a Mom and a Dad in their life is going to be best, and never hearing either one of you say anything bad about the other is going to go a long way toward a happy life.

What ever you need to do, I hope you choose the right thing for your baby. Men know that what is right for their children is not always what makes them happy, but once thier babies are happy, so are they.

Good luck,
M.

Most cases, involving child disputes, go through a mediator first before you go to court. There are also lawyers, who can help with this but I agree with the mama below... most courts, especially if the child is young, tend to side with the mother. Sorry to say but true.

Depending on the age of the child, some get really bad diaper rashes due to a skin sensitivity because of the acid in their stool. My son was pretty bad for a while when he was a few weeks old. It took me almost 2 weeks to get it to heal.

Good luck to you!

Jen M

Yes you do need to find a lawyer that is on your side - don't give up my cousin fought for his boys - no one wanted to believe this loving mother was as bad as all said - but in the end he got custody of his boys.

Good Luck

Find a lawyer who specializes in father's rights. They are out there. Unfortunately most courts side with the mother as in the "best interest of the child". But that is not always "best case scenario".

Had a friend who went through this years ago... petition for custody and don't stop till you get your answers.

Without any details about what makes your former partner a "bad mother" I cannot confirm or deny that is the case. Very bad diaper rash can be a number of things--and it is not generally a case of neglect or bad care, since babies ALL get it at one time or another. On the other hand, if your baby has diaper rash regularly, or if you know through witnesses that your baby's mother doesn't change diapers often or doesn't otherwise clean your baby adequately, there may be a case for court.

Otherwise, there are many reasons why a mother may not let you see your baby--some are good ones and some are bad. Again, we don't have enough information here to go on. But if you want to have visitation time, that is certainly reasonable. I suggest a mediator who can meet with you both, assess the situation in person, and make sure you get your say and a fair outcome as well as making sure of that for her. This can make it feel a lot safer for the mother to talk about this with you, and to agree to some solution that works for you as well. Some communities have low cost or free mediation for those with modest means. Remember, no matter how angry or frustrated you may feel, keep it respectful with her.

Good luck.

Not exactly sure why everyone is being so harsh with you...sorry about that.

Diaper rash happens to everyone/every child so don't be too upset about that...they do hurt like the dickens and do need to be treated with some butt paste or baby powder...and air helps a lot too!

As far as custody goes...do you have a lawyer? You will need one...and if the Mother is in fact a "bad" mother, then you will need a GREAT lawyer because most courts always side with the mother, just as a rule, ESPECIALLY if the child involved is a baby...sorry!

My advice to you would be to continue to ask for visitation and make sure it is a reasonable request and I would try to make it as consistent as possible, if you know you have every Thursday free, then suggest Thursdays...maybe call at the first of the week or on the weekend even and try to set something up for the following week...this will give the Mother ample time to "schedule" something...ya know what I mean? You can not just call up and say "I want to see my kid today" you have to give enough time to be considered reasonable. I would document each and every time you talk with the mother and exactly what was said. I am assuming you guys do not have a good relationship so you need to watch how you talk to the Mother and take all the feelings you have about/towards her out of the equation. Make it perfectly clear that you are the Father and will be ALWAYS exercising your rights as the Father...maybe if she knows you are serious she will realize you are not just gonna go away and she will also realize that she has to give you access to the baby. Are your parents in the picture? I wouldn't hesitate to try to set up some visitation where the Grandparents could also see their Grandbaby...make sure this Mother knows that this baby has a whole other family who loves this child and will FIGHT to get time with him/her!!

~Just a lil' side note... you had better start giving her some money...if you truly are a responsible parent who wants nothing more than to have time to bond and build a relationship with your child you have to be 100% on board for taking care of this child financially as well as emotionally....courts don't like people who do not pay support. So document EVERYTHING and start giving the Mother money every week/month, even though you may/may not be "ordered" to do so yet!

Best of Luck to you R.!
As you can see you are gonna need it! Even these women on here who do not know you, know nothing about you other than you are a "man" who is no longer involved with the woman who has your baby are giving you a hard time....because sadly SOME women are just nasty, mean B**tches who will always look at their children as ONLY theirs...not the mans also...it's so sad, but very true!

bad diaper rashes do happen all the time, but agreed, you need to contact an attorney and possibly call DHS they will investigate, just be careful doing that because it CAN come back to haunt you, if there is not order, there is nothing stopping you OR her from keeping the child from the other parent...but that's not good for the child. and a lot of the posts are right, unless the mother is out doing drugs or severly neglecting the child then you're probably not going to get custody of the baby. but then if she is and you're letting your child go back then you're just as guilty, but hopefully that's not the case.

OMG betty what on earth is your problem. a dad is seeking answers to a bunch of mom's BIG DEAL!? R. you are more than welcome to e-mail me or post here...you're looking out for your children, that's what counts :)

GOOD LUCK!

People shouldn't knock you for asking your question. This site doesn't necessarily say for women only, it says, the wisdom of moms. Therefore, that could be interpreted that anyone can ask a question and ask for the wisdom of moms.

Some people did offer some good advice, to go see a lawyer. Also, something that when I went through a divorce with children, the court recommended parenting classes to help parents know how to communicate with the other parent when children are involved. Because no matter how we feel about the child's other parent, that other parent is a very important person in our child's life.

If you haven't done so yet, you may want to sign up for some. They aren't too long and offer some helpful advice.
And just continually pray each day for a hedge of protection around your baby.
Good Luck!

Tanya N. has great advice. Find a lawyer right away.

Report her to Child Protective Services. It is your right to see your child. Do you have any type of support/visitation agreement? If not, get one immeduately. If so, contact the courts or the local sherrif whenever you are denied the right to see your child.

Good Luck and keep trying.

Betty, who said the site is ONLY for mammas? Dads can learn from us and there are dads on here to ask questions and contribute, we can learn from each other...

R., you didn't give many details, but definitely consult a lawyer and get the process started to have visitation, call your court house and social services for information.