Midwives and Good Fits - Choosing Someone for Prenatal Care and Delivery

I just delivered my first baby Feb 27th at St. Joe's in Nashua and used Full Circle Midwifery and a doula. I found the experience wonderful and quite fulfilling. They let me manage my labor and were open to all my ideas. If you want to hear more about my experience let me know.

-Deb

If I had been treated that way, I would have switched midwives/doctors. In fact, you still can if you feel that you are not getting the care and attention you deserve. There is no shame in finding a new group (most OB's have midwives as part of their practice). My experience with my OB was pretty positive. There were a couple of questions that I didn't feel were answered as fully as I would have liked. I found the answers I needed for those on babycenter.com Good luck!

I found I felt the same way with the large midwife group I was seeing. I wanted individual attention from one motherly, caring woman who would listen to me and not "tell" me what to do. I also wasn't keen on the whole hospital setting and all the needless interventions they do. I decided to go with a homebirth midwife. I just had my baby boy at home 2 weeks ago and the experience was great. The midwife was a perfect companion through my pregnancy and birth.

E., I'm so glad you wrote, because (except for the couple responders who said their midwives were bad and that you can't hope to get what you want) you're getting EXCELLENT advice. First, definitely report your feelings to the head of the practice you're currently attending! The supposed care you're receiving is appalling and it makes me sad for you, because this is the exact kind of story that scares women away when we NEED more women to feel like you do--that pregnancy and birth are natural, empowering, and that we ourselves are the experts on our own bodies! (You were right to be concerned about the lump, but what terrible advice and treatment you receieved! Absurd!) Second, start researching for a new midwife today! There are LOTS in the greater Boston area who are WONDERFUL. Although I started my first pregnancy with the midwife at Mass General, I quickly switched to those at Women's Health Associates in Wellesley. I knew I absolutely did not want an intervention-filled hospital birth, and I was low risk despite being 35 at the time. At that time, the Birthplace at Wellesley was open (the only independent birth center in eastern MA). We toured that one and Cambridge Birth Center, but I felt CBC was too small and too tied into the hospital's routines and protocols to afford me the independence I wanted. My first son was born The Birthplace 3 years ago (75 minutes after I arrived) and helping me deliver were 2 of the 5 midwives I'd met with on a rotating basis. I loved getting to know them all and was reassured by the fact they all shared very similar philosophies, I never received contradictory information, I could ask ANY question without feeling embarrassed, and best of all, most of my 30 minute appointments lasted 45 minutes or longer, because they spent so much time talking with me. Not just about the pregnancy, but about my mental health, how my job was going (stressful), and about my relationship with my husband and any concerns I thought he might have about being a new dad. It was SUCH a great experience, I can't recommend them highly enough. Their website is: http://www.womenshealthassoc.com/ and their phone is ###-###-####. There are also OB-GYNs on staff there. The practice is closely affiliated with Newton-Wellesley Hospital, which is a great hospital. They have an excellent reputation for working very cooperatively with this team of midwives and the intervention rate there for women using these midwives is lower than elsewhere from what I understand. They have a terrific Meet the Midwives Information Night on the 1st Tuesday of each month (free) and you get a LOT of information about the practice at that time, including costs.

The MA state law currently prohibits CNMs from doing home births, so upon the closure of the birth center due to factors beyond the midwives' control, I opted to have my second son at home. However, I stayed with the WHA midwives until I was 35 weeks along because of a potential complication. Once that resolved itself, I immeidately switched over to a Cert. Prof. Midwive, Nancy Wainer. (She is actually rather famous, she's the woman who coined the term VBAC so many years ago and has written several books.) I should add that I did look into the Family Birth Center at Salem Hospital, but I felt it would be too far to drive for my 2nd delivery. (My first labor from start to finish was 6h10m and I fully expected my second to take less than 3hrs--I was close, it was 3h26m.) So I had a home birth with Nancy Wainer's practice. And although she missed the birth due to attending a wedding in Canada, I was attended by Heather Laier, her backup (a licensed CPM who studied under her originally), plus Heather's backup (another CPM), AND both Nancy's apprentices were there. I'd met Heather once and loved her, and met with Nancy and both apprentices at every single visit.

My visits with Nancy were always an hour long, and she (like the WHA midwives) asked questions about all aspects of my pregnancy, health, and life in general, especially focusing on nutrition and how to take of myself during recovery while also caring for an 18 month toddler. I will be using Nancy for my next home birth in a couple years, even though I'll be 41 by time I deliver. I have every confidence in her, and she really listened to my concerns about having a low-lying placenta at 36 weeks (it moved up 10cm at 37 weeks--supposedly unheard of if you ask an OB but common if you ask a midwife!). She authorized ultrasounds because it made me comfortable even though she felt they were never necessary in my case.

In conclusion, I would say your experiences are normal for people who deal with hospitals, because the medical staff are always so pressured and harried. Sad but true. And it's why we need more midwives, why we need the legislature to approve a bill that's being discussed this week about approving a Board of Midwives that would allow CNMs to attend home births, among many other benefits to the midwifery community. You absolutely need to find a midwife to help you deliver whom you feel very comfortable with. Do not feel like you don't have the time--I started looking to switch at 30 weeks and made the final changeover around 35 weeks with no regrets. I'd have stayed with WHA if it wasn't for being forced to have a hospital birth--but I really have no regrets whatsoever and truly look forward to another home birth. DON'T GET DISCOURAGED! If you would like to contact me personally, I have a list of midwives in your area who I would recommend. You need to do what's right for you and your baby, and I think you would be very disappointed in your birth experience if you stay where you are. You made the step to ask for advice. The next step is up to you. Be strong! Follow your gut and go for the best prenatal and birth experience you can get, becuase it's what you are entitled to! Good luck! N. C. in Bedford

hi E.,

i just gave birth to my daughter last week. i had decided to go with midwives as well thinking they would be more supportive and available! not the case! during my checkups they have mostly been as you described, irritable, impatient and providing incomplete information. the most surprising thing is that considering the midwives are supposed to have weekly meetings to discuss every case, they never agree on the advice they give you! this messed up my post-delivery care as well. next time i am definitely going for a doctor. i think you should do the same while there is time. midwives don't provide anything that your husband and family anyway don't. mostly they just come in and look on you once in a while. all the best and take care.

It truely saddens me to hear your story, as well as many of the other responses. I had two wonderful midwives for the homebirth of my daughter. Both were very loving, patient and supportive throughout my pregnancy. However, both worked out of their own private practice. It sounds like your midwives have lost sight of the whole purpose of their duties, due to the fact that they work in a busy hospital. It is true, as some of these ladies have suggested, that you create your own birthing experience...it does not matter who, what, when, or where it happens because while it's happening all you can really focus on is your baby. That said, you will feel much better and things will go a lot smoother if you are comfortable with everything and everyone around you. Look into other midwives in your area if it will make you feel better, this is the birth of your baby and these people are "hired" to support you. I had to switch my primary midwife near the end of my pregnancy due to a family crisis she was dealing with, it was scary at first being so far along at the time, but in actuality I was able to connect with my new midwife very quickly and on a deeper level than I had previously. So, in hindsite it was one of those things that even though it was upsetting at the time, it turned out to be more than I hoped for. Support is crucial during the birth of a baby, make sure your partners and helpers all know your wishes and can carry them out while you are busy with the process!!! If you are anywhere near Concord, NH contact Jeanne Brown CPM, or near Keene, NH contact Mary Lawlor CPM. I highly suggest that all first time moms read HYPNOBIRTHING THE MONOGAN METHOD. Good luck with everything and Congratulations!

Wow, you know it is never to late to swich providers! I used a midwife with my first child, and delivered in the hospital. I loved the experience and the birth but it wasnt what I wanted this time. So I hired a homebirth midwife. I have had only the first appointment and so far she is AMAZING! And the appoints last over an hour, she is so open to everything! If this might be something you are concidering I can give you her number.

I am sorry but there are several things that are concerning about your midwives...they don't seem very empathetic at all. They should be used to new moms having lots of questions and concerns, and be ready to clarify and support the new mom. Waiting to see if you'll get a good one on your delivery day will only cause you stress at such a happy time. My advice is to find people who you are more comgortable with and are willing to be there in all the ways you need them. You need to make sure you have the experience YOU want, not overbearing midwives!

I say run (or hobble!) while you can! I believe the birth of your first child is the most overwhelming experience and you need the support of people you can count on to answer your questions (and your partner's) before, during and after. Truthfully, I would tell you to find an office with a couple OBs that will be there for your delivery. (My office had two and one was always on call.) It is important that they know a little bit more about you than what's written in the file. You can tell them exactly how you imagine your birth scenario and see what their reaction will be. I know that most hospitals will allow you to do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable during labor unless there are complications--and then you'll be happy to be there anyway. My suggestion would be for you to do some hospital tours and get a feel of the labor wings--let's be honest, the doctors will only be there near the end. It's the NURSES that will take care of you 98% of the way. So look at their faces as you walk by with your big belly and say hello. If you're lucky enough and you see a new daddy or mommy in the hallway, ask them what they thought. The nursing staff can make or break your labor. Some hospitals even have bathtubs and showers for women or waking areas. In my hospital bag, I took my iPod with little speakers and played music the whole time, too. I walked outside and inside for 8 hours, used a yoga ball, and only was hooked up to the equipment every couple hours to check the baby's heartbeat, which was nice to know that the baby was well. I applaud you for your courage to make this experience about you and the baby. It was the scariest, craziest day of my life and the more you can do to prepare, the better. It made my day beautiful. Good luck! D.

Hi E.,

I am 29 weeks pregnant - due in late May - and I very much sympathize with your delima. It sounds like you are hesitant to change providers because you will then have even less time to connect - and even more so, what are chances that it would be better, right? Even so - labor and delivery are such pivotal times for a woman and I think that from what you have described that you should take some sort of action. I think that a really good first step would be to verbally address your concerns at your next appointment. If you don't have an appointment soon, I would make one. I believe that your concerns are very valid and should be addressed asap. If you address your concerns at an appointment, they will be catalogued in your chart so that anyone who reads it will be aware. I would guage the response to your concerns and use that as a measure of whether or not to change providers. If the response isn't favorable, I would quickly begin to ask around for recommendations and referrals to another providers. The midwife practice that I have found for this delivery was the result of professional and personal recommendations, and has been, on the whole, very positive. I hope you have a very favorable experience both with handling your concerns and your labor and delivery - but most of all with your new baby! Congratulations and good luck.

W.

Someone mentioned you live in JP. I delivered both my children at Mass. General Hospital and was very pleased with the care. I did not use a mid-wife, and middle-of-the-night labors meant deliveries with OBs unknown to me, but I was thoroughly impressed with the care I received from the nurses, pediatricians, OBs, etc....

E.,

I had such a similar experience!! I was pregnant last year (my son was born last Aug.), I was 34 also (I have since turned 35) and I thought I wanted to work with a midwife because I wanted a supportive caregiver who would be helpful if I wanted to pursue natural childbirth but would also not stand in my way if that proved to be too much for me.
I found the same problems with the midwives in the practice: they were not so supportive, they made me feel that natural childbirth was the ONLY way and that if I chose an epidural, I would not feel proud of myself, they were short with me, they called me at home once because they wanted to alert me to the fact they thought I might have a strange shaped uterus and that might mean I would need a C-section--but not to worry about it (!!) and when I came in for my next visit and asked all sorts of question about the whole uterus thing, they were dismissive. I was FURIOUS.
SO. Here's what I did: I went to a regular OB/GYN and let them know I was interested in pursuing the whole Natural thing, but wasn't sure and they were GREAT about it. I mentioned the uterus shape issue and my doctor's response was to whip out the ultra sound machine and look into it right then and there. I ended finding that sort of matter-of-fact attitude really reassuring. The thing is, I also wanted to work with someone who I knew would be present at the birth. So we hired a doula. She met with us a few times late in the pregnancy and showed us all sorts of coping techniques and promised she would not feel upset if I chose not to 'go natural.'
In the end, I did have an epidural, but the doula was there the whole time and coached me through the whole delivery. It was the perfect balance for me. I am so grateful she was there, even if I did get painkillers. Go with your gut, find a provider with whom you feel comfortable, and consider finding someone outside to be that consistent coach.
and best of luck to you!

Hi E.-
I'm sorry you are having such a frustrating experience. I have delivered 3 boys naturally. 2 with M.D.'s the 3rd with a midwife. The treatment you are getting from these women remind me of the male ob's I had for my first two deliveries. I strongly feel that this is not typical of most midwives. Many of my friends and family members have had wonderful, informative, nurturing, experiences with midwives--and that is not what you are getting. Any concern you have regarding you or your babies health is 100% valid and you should be treated with genuine care and concern, not disdain! If there is a senior member of the group (or supervisor) I suggest you speak to them, or hand deliver a letter (its can be hard to successfully deliver all of your thoughts with pregnancy horomones coursing through you!) Then find another midwife. I just recently moved back to MA, but I heard there are two women with a small practice in Wareham who are wonderful. I was lucky enough to have my sister-in-law with me at all of my births, she is a mom of 4, all home deliveries ! She really knows her stuff! I'm sure your partner is supportive and will be a good advocate for you, (which you need in the hospital), but my experiences were that you really need someone else you can trust in your corner--and these women don't sound like they are going to cut it! Good Luck-T.

E.,

I changed providers at 7 months pregnant due to treatment that I considered subpar. I was seeing an OB group that was well-known and convenient to my job. They barely allowed me to ask questions and I felt pushed out of every visit. I would absolutely recommend that you contact someone in the office regarding your treatment AND find yourself a new group. Childbirth is too important to leave it to people who don't take you seriously, let alone to those who are mean to you. You deserve to feel confident and at ease with your midwives. Best of luck!

E.-

I'm so sorry to hear the way you were treated. I have two children and had a Midwife both times. The first preganancy I had a lot of scares, and was treated by both O.B. and Midwife at various times. One instance, I had called my primary early on because I had some bright red spots at the back of my throat, I was about 15 wks, of course I was in a panic (I work closely with people and thought I caught something)to boot nobody returned my call right away so I called back after an hour. The people on the phone were not sympathetic and in fact were pretty annoyed I was so upset. Looking back I realize that although I don't agree, some in the medical community become numb to the fact that there is a person behind the illness or pregnancy. Don't allow this one situation to discourage you from going with a more natural approach. I would approach the woman who treated you badly to discuss how you felt that day or discuss it with another Midwife. It's so important to feel safe and supported during delivery. I say this because my first delivery was let's say not exactly smooth sailing. When I got pregnant with the second, I was seriously anxious and increasingly so throughout the pregnancy, I didn't want to have the same experience. At 33 wks I finally confessed to the Midwife how scared I was and with care and warmth we worked through my fears. Just communicate with those taking care of you throughout this journey, if you keep having similar experiences that you stated above, then consider changing the group you are working with or hospitals.

Best of luck to you!

J.

I know that The Family Birth Center in New Braunfels,Tx.Is well known for gentle care and knowledge of natural chilbirth. Amber Riedel is the best midwife in Texas.

I go to Harvard Vanguard for my ob/gyn care and am very happy with them. I used them for my first pregnancy, which I wanted natural, but unfortunately I went into spontaneous labor 7 weeks early and by the time I got to the hospital I was already 5cm dilates and 100% effaced and my baby was breech so I had to have an emergency c-sect. I wasn't thrilled with the Dr. on call (he could have reassured more during the process) but all turned out ok.(He is also retiring soon) I'm due in May with my 2nd and my midwife and Dr. are both very supportive and positive about my having a VBAC this time around. They are affiliated to Newton wellesely Hosp as well as Brigham and Women's and others. I chose New-Well because they are more personal and more geared for natural births. I had a wonderful experience there with my son who was in the special care nursery for 2 weeks.

Anyway I would look into Harvard vanguard. They have a 15% c-sect rate (compared to 35% most other places). My midwife is Biddy Fein she is fantastic and I get a really good vibe from the other midwives and staff I've met. If you have any quest feel free to write me.

Hope this helps-good luck!

One more thing, if you can afford/find a doula that would probably be a huge help to you having a natural birth. I have one this time around and harvard vanguard is very supportive of it. I've only heard wonderful things from people who have had doulas. :)

Firstly your experience in the hospital was entirely too normal I think, and unacceptable ( I come from a nursing family). I don't know where you are located but if I were you I would get as far away from a hospital environment as possible. Read books such as Natural Birth or anything by Ina May Gaskin and watch a movie like the Business of Being Born. Trust your instincts and your body as it sounds like you do. You do have alternatives with great midwifery care in freestanding birth centers and even a homebirth. Hospitals almost always lead to interventions that will ultimately result in a cesarean. Once a cesarean your uterus is compromised for all other babies you may have because of the scar tissue. I am not saying cesareans are not necessary in some instances and that you shouldn't accept one in an emergency but they are astronomical rate only due to doctors not wanting to incur liability. So good luck inform yourself, you do have options.

Hello,

I had a midwife for both of my pregnancies, well for my prenatal appts. anyway...my midwife wasn't on call for either of my deliveries. What I can tell you is that I LOVE my midwife who is also my OBGYN. Never was I made to feel uncomfortable or feel as though my questions or concerns were a bother. I am sorry to hear that you are having such issues because it's not the "norm" for all to be that way. I can tell you with my first pregnancy (which was when Midwives were just becoming popular) that I had to at first see 3 different ones, two which I defintiely didn't connect or click with at all, and then the third one was a charm! :) I would recommend exploring your options and seeing who else is out there that makes you feel comfortable with your care. I would also highly recommend having a birth doula, with my first I did not, I didn't even know what a birth doula was, but with my second, I had a great, natural child birth with the help and guidance of my birth doula. She sat by my side the ENTIRE time and made all my worries and fears disappear. Good luck with whatever avenue you decide to take but I would seriously consider looking into getting yourself a different midwife(s). :)

E.,
What a story!
I don't know where you live, but if at all possible, call the Birth Cottage in Milford, NH at ###-###-#### and if possible schedule a "Meet & Greet" even if just to restore your faith. If Milford is within your drive distance, like withing an hour, it would be well worth your time. I used to work there before I had my son there and I got asked all the time how it felt to work with the people who would help me birth my baby. Well, here's my answer..... I've waitressed in a few of places where I'd not take the food home to eat because of a few things I saw, not dangerous things just not what I'd prefer about my food..... understand? I trusted those midwives COMPLETELY!! The Midwives are wonderful there and you can generally call the one you are most comfortable with and feel comforted that unless she is out of town she will be @ your birth. We used to have people transfer in all the time and the latest transfer I saw was 37 wks, so don't feel stuck where you are. Their website is BirthCottage.com if you want to start there.

Hi,

a very good friend of mine is a midwife, and I was so happy to have her there to deliver my 2 babies. Not everybody has that luck.

You still could switch your midwife and go somewhere else. If you do not feel well taken care off, then that is what I recommend.

Have you thought of having a doula? I had a post-partum doula with my first and a labor doula with my second child. This would be a wonderful way for you to get the support you'll need through labor.
BTW, I did not have to pay anything for the doula, it was included in pre-natal care. I guess they had a grant and could offer this. It is always worth asking...

Good luck!

H.

Hi E.,

If you're low risk, check out the Cambridge Birth Center: http://www.challiance.org/ob_gyn/birth_center.shtml

I will deliver at Cambridge Hospital and it's across the parking lot from the hospital. When I went for my last ultrasound I took a tour. It seems like everything you might be looking for and is waaaay more laid back then the practice you mentioned. I have been seeing the same family practictioners for almost 10 years so I decided to stick with them for the birth since they know me, my history, my husband's history, and my philosophies so well. But, if I was to start from scratch, I would 100% go with the Cambridge Birth Center. CHeck out the website and then if you like it, go over for a tour. We just walked in, they acted like it happened all the time, and they happily gave us a tour. Best of luck!

E.,
It's so hard to find a good provider. We are also using midwives for our birth in August...if it goes well, we are probably going to use a home midwife and do home birth for the future. Then we would have one midwife the whole time. I have found my large midwife practice, although generally very friendly, to be very inconsistent (ie one tells me that senna laxative are safe, another says nothing is safe except metamucil). That's frustrating for a first time mom! I don't have a lot of advice but wanted you to know you're not alone. However, I feel the care would be less than satisfactory anywhere else as well...I haven't met many people who were 100% happy with their OB/GYN.
M.

E.,

I delivered my baby boy 10 months ago in Mount Auburn Hospital, where they have a large group of midwives. As we didn't know which one would be on call at T time, I wold often meet a different one at the check-ups to have more chance to know the final one.

ALL of them were knowledgeable, reassuring, caring and attentive. They would answer all questions I had, no matter how important they seem and never made me feel that they were in a hurry. At the 8th months, my baby became quieter and I worried. The midwive strapped me on the table with a monitor to show me the baby's heart beating was OK, gave me tips how to "provoke" the kicking and movements and count them and insisted I would come back in case or other doubts.

When I arrived at the hospital for delivery, the midwife on call was one I never met before. However, she immediatley made me (and my husband who also needed it) comfortable. She didn't left me onw second of the 7 hours of labor. She advised me how to move, how to breathe, how to recover between contractions. She prepared me a warm bath and massaged me with aromatherapy oils.

As a result, I had a 100% natural delivery with no tearing. I am convinced that, would she have been another kind of person, I would have taken the peridural and my labor would have been at least one hour longer.

I have wonderful memories of the deliveries and it is mostly because I had such a great support all the time (especially when getting tired and need to re-focus).

If you already feel sceptikal about your care provider, change for another one. No matter if they are midwives or OB-GYN, you need to feel confident that they will be caring and attentive when the time comes.

Geranska

Hi E. ...
I don't know if this is good advice or not, but it seems to me that you have plenty of time to ...
GET OUT!!!
Sorry, did that come out wrong?!
Seriously ... I delivered both of my children naturally and would have done it at home if I could have gotten over the fear that something could go wrong during delivery.
I did NOT choose a midwife, but went with a regular old doc ... HOWEVER! I made it quite clear to him from the outset that I only wanted a natural delivery and needed to do things my way.
Perhaps because it was a small-town hospital and a good relationship between us, it worked out pretty much the way I wanted it to.
I had two children this way, with two different docs (first one had retired) at the same hospital.
Both of them were delivered naturally, vaginally, without drugs ... I had as many people in the delivery room as I wanted ... my birthing coach (who was my stepmother) and my husband and the loads of people they wanted in there, too.
I will tell you though, I am SO glad I didn't have the babies at home. Though my second child zoomed out very quickly without complications, my first child was breech. He was still delivered vaginally, naturally, but, in hindsight, that probably wasn't a good thing to do to either of us. He could have died ... he did have a very low apgar score as it was and he's fine today (now 13 years old) except for a very slight turn in his ankles (which doesn't impede him at all). But, fate was very kind to us that day. I probably should have been whisked away to a c-section, but, decided not to do that because I was SO INTENT on having a natural delivery.
ONE MORE THOUGHT THEN I'LL END THIS VERY LONG-WINDED POST!!
I have friends who are in the same frame of mind about natural delivery -- they did a bathtub/water delivery for their third child and natural, at-home, midwife delivery for their first two. They both agreed the bathtub/water delivery was a wonderful experience for everyone involved :)
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR BABY and seriously think about finding an altogether new group or doctor to deliver your baby.
The people you're dealing with now seem incompetent and uncaring -- definitely not the type of people you want to have to deal with as your due date draws closer and closer!
Take care,
B.

Wow - what a drag. When I moved here, pregnant, from northern california (where natural childbirth and pleasent midwives are plentiful) I was 20 weeks and had to find a supportive atmosphere for birthing. I'm in central CT, so I narrowed it down to a birth center in Waterbury and Manchester Hospital, which was the only hospital that allowed midwives to deliver and allowed water births. Also, they had no protocol's, but liability was on the practioners. They boasted of the highest rate of unmedicated births in CT at a hospital.
It turned out that only one office used midwives to choose from (MOGA) and the midwives are great, although I can't say that about all the Doc's. We had a great experience with them (I think I was close to 30 weeks before we were officially there). The Dr. I disliked the most and for very just cause ended up being the individual who caught her. Who cares?! I rolled my eyes when he walked in the room, but it didn't make a difference.

So, I guess what I learned in my first (natural and unmedicated) birth - was that YOU make your birth happen. I stayed at home as long as possible - drove 30 minutes there to basically go into transition and push her out.
You do need to trust your environment. Know that they will honor your birthplan and know what their protocol's are, so that you're not swinging at things they already don't do and you have clarity and an agreement going into your delivery.

Educate yourself. Ask questions if you don't already know the answer. (How the hec would you know it's "just a fibroid?!"). SOme great books are "A thinking women's guide to a better birth" and " Birthing from within". Also, I read Bradley Method Books - which is coach supported labor/natural childbirth themed. There is Bradley Method birth classes around too.

really - YOU are in charge of your delivery. Be in a safe and supportive environment and make sure that you have as much privacy (from hospital staff), as possible. (I was alone with just one nurse checking in, until she was crowning)Be with your partner and if you don't have some women in your life to be there with you - then find a doula that you could easily be friends with. Have your partner be educated, too. And communicate before hand of your expectations.

I was totally inspired by what women do and have been doing all over this Earth since existince. You will loose control and you will be surprised by the picture you have now of Birth and what it is. But if you're prepared and your intention is positive and clear with your goals - you will be awesome and your birth will be a wonderful success.
You won't doubt yourself and what matters most is that neither will anyone else. Birth happens and when it comes down to it - it's about you and that baby.

If you need to change your care providers to put yourself in a secure location - then don't worry about it - that's what medical records are for. If you feel secure in your location - then don't sweat the careproviders, or better yet call them out on their unattentiveness. Be in charge now, so that when you feel out of control in labor - you still can have confidence.

You'll do great E..

Hello E. J,

It sure sounds like a bad fit. There are two different types of midwives out there. The naturapathic midwives and the standard nurse type at the hospital.

It sounds like you might want a more sensible, natural approach to your prenatal care. If you go to the local healthfood store and ask you might get some names to check into. Or you could do an internet search for one in your area.

I went with the hospital approach on my first three children and became so tired of the demeaning attitudes and the harsh treatment. On my fourth pregnancy, I asked a friend who had used a midwife locally and had the most wonderful care I could have imagined. She was actually a naturapathic doctor and a midwife.

I had planned on having a home water birth, but due to complications before the delivery I did deliver in the hospital with the midwife and her assistant. She was such an advocate. She was my voice in that hospital. I delivered naturally with very little intervention.

Hi E.,

I just had to weigh in on this subject. I've had both an OB/GYN (with my first born) and a group of midwives now (as I go through my second pregnancy). Neither made me feel like ANY concern I had was unimportant, or any question I had was stupid. For my firstborn though, my regular OB wasn't on-call the day I gave birth and I ended up with DR's and nurses I had never met before. The Midwives I see now with this pregnancy elimiate that risk by making sure that I meet every single one in their practice. One of the 4 will be with me at delivery. I like knowing that the person(s) I am building a rapport with will be there. I can understand why that would matter to you. Your prenatal visits and how you get treated are important, and if I were you I wouldn't want to leave it up to luck, I'd want to make sure I had professionals who understood and cared. I'd look around for a new provider if I were you. It's not too late! Good luck!

With my first child, I, too, felt more comfortable with a midwife. But I soon found out, it was the "idea" of the midwife that I was into- and ideas often do not match reality. Though my prenatal care was excellent, when it came to labor and delivery, they were distant, unattentive and careless. I was on more drugs than a sunset strip street walker and my recovery was brutal. I know where you are coming from, but don't fool yourself into thinking that having a midwife will deliver you from evil! If you really feel inclined to go "au natural," hire a doula- someone who is there for you and you alone. Though I did not have a doula with my second baby, I did deliver my daughter at a major hospital. She was 7 weeks early and the warm fuzzies of a non-medicated birth were out the window. However, it was a wonderful expereince- MUCH better than with the midwives. And my recovery was nothing. I still curse those midwives to this day and will never go to one again. Bottom line, don't set yourself up- Labor and delivery are unpredictable! Good luck!

Hi E.,
I have 3 children. Two were born at a Birth Center, the first with an OB and the second with a midwife. My 3rd child was born at home with a wonderful pair of CPM's. My daughter was my biggest baby and she got stuck but the midwives at my homebirth were fantastic and knew exactly what to do without the use of any "tools" of the trade. And there was no tearing! So what I'm trying to say is I recommend looking into having a homebirth. If I could go back and do it all over I'd have my first 2 kids at home too. The prenatal care and affection I received from my midwives was the best.

Either way, I would highly recommend that you and your partner take Bradley Method Birthing classes. This class goes beyond what the hospital classes (Lamaze) teaches. It empowers you, and even more so your partner, to be very in tune with what you will be going through during the birth. Your partner will learn all the signs to watch for coming from you so that he can help you along the way. It will also give you the knowledge and confidence to know what you want for this birth and to stand up to the hospital staff to get what you want. It will be a much more rewarding experience for both of you and your baby. You can go to their website to find an instructor near you .(http://www.bradleybirth.com/). Good luck and best wishes.

I had a midwife with my son and absolutely loved her. I found one in the practice that I really liked and had all of my appointments with her and requested that she do my delivery.
I did find, however that before she came, the hospital was not very helpful to me at all. I think that the hospital has a huge impact on your labor, and there are so many rules that the midwives have to follow. I want to look into a birthing center next time, as hospitals make it tough to have a peaceful labor. However, as soon as my midwife got to us we did have a peaceful labor.

Egad!! I'd look elsewhere. Obviously it doesn't matter if a person is a midwife or an OB. It's the person's own demeanor that matters. If you don't feel comfortable with the majority of the midwives, move on. Get your records transferred. I went to two different groups for each of my 2 boys. The first was a group of three - one nice female OB or midwife or nurse practitioner - I can't remember, one humorless male OB, and one humorless female OB who told me I'd had a miscarriage when I spotted blood very early in my pregnancy - she told me to go get a D & C at the hosopital across the street. Fortunately I didn't and had a healthy boy. The humorless male OB, who was short with the nursing staff, delivered. I ended up needing help getting my son out. I didn't care for him but he helped get the job done. For my second son, the group I went to had one male OB who was full of himself, a couple(?) others I can't remember well - one was a nice female, and one sweet, kind, wonderful male OB. What great fortune for me that he was on call when I was ready to deliver.

I hope you find a group you get along with. It seems to me that it doesn't matter which credentials they have - midwife vs. OB (some children are born in the back seats of cars with friends, fathers, or EMTs attending) - what matters is that you feel comfortable and supported.

I would go elsewhere. I would write a letter expressing my unhappy experience to the former midwife group detailing what you wrote above, and I would also express my appreciation and praise for the one decent midwife in that group. I would also send her a separate letter thanking her for her great care and your sorrow that you felt it necessary to go elsewhere.

There is a lot of information out there on preparing for childbirth. These days it seems you are expected to know it all before you give birth or even choose someone to help with your birth! Lousy attitude of people who expect you to know their jobs.

Good luck. I hope all goes well and it is as pleasant an experience as possible. At least you have a supportive, loving partner. Yea!!

I'm due next week with my first baby and it was very important to find a good fit (both hospital for delivery, and midwife group). I too wanted to be able to listen to my own music, punk metal or whatever I feel at the time of delivery. Mt. Auburn Hospital was the only reputable hospital that allows you to listen to your own music (other than the new age hypnobirth stuff) in the area. I have been to Mt. Auburn for several other unfortunate injuries and they have always treated me really well.
My midwife group delivers there, and they have monthly meet the doctors nights to get to know the other doctors and midwifes that work strictly in the hospital. I love the midwife I signed up with, but she too is a part of a group, all of whom I have met and are cool too, but she is the best, Deb Gowen. I am slightly disappointed I do not know who I will get when that moment comes, but as I said they all seem great and relatable. I have had a pretty easy pregnancy but they found a blood clot problem and set me up with a bunch of Dr appointments to see how bad it was. If they did it through my doctor it would have costed a fortune but they understood it would be free if done via midwife, so they really helped me out that way too.
I HIGHLY recommend them, Please let me know if this is part of the same group you had a problem with just so I know the flip side of my experience. I have recommended them to a few other people in the area who have also really liked their services and felt unjudged.
The Midwives at Mt Auburn
22 Mill St suite 102
Arlington, MA
###-###-####.

good luck!

good luck!

E., I would seriously consider lodging a complaint with the ombudsman at the office where that particular midwife practices. I had a similar, disempowering experience with an OB at my first child's birth, which led me to a midwife and a home birth with my second. We did register a complaint against the OB, and while she was not disciplined, she was asked to attend a bedside-manner class.

I am so sorry to hear that a midwife treated you this way. My midwife was exactly what you describe you are looking for with your care. She was informative, caring, reassuring, and really did talk to me any time, any where; once while skiing with her kids! She taught me that she had professional training and informed answers, but that I was the real expert about my body and my baby. It was a very powerful experience.

It sounds like you need a new midwife. I know you are in JP, but I'd recommend the practice I used in Milford, NH. It's called the Birth Cottage and they do home births as well as births in their independant birth center.

I'm sure other Moms can recommend other great practices closer to you, too.

Hope you find a care-giver who really respects you as a woman. You deserve the chance to experience birth as the wonderful, difficult, joyful, powerful experience it ought to be.

E.,

I'm not sure where you are located, but I just wanted to say that it sounds like the problems you've been having have nothing to do with the practitioners' area of focus and everything to do with individual quirks. You are correct that midwives generally are more supportive of a woman's autonomy and view pregnancy/childbirth as a natural process, etc.

I used a small midwife practice (3 midwives) when I was pregnant, and it was like night and day from what you describe. I got to know them all (by design) so that no matter who was on call, I'd feel comfortable with them. They were committed to empowering me and educating me. And they were absolutely wonderful throughout the process.

Can you possibly find another midwifery practice? That would be my suggestion. The ones you have sound like the exception rather than the rule.

I'm in Portland, Maine and used Back Cove Midwives, and I have absolutely NO complaints.

Wishing you good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy!

J.

E., you have the wrong group....you have the right to ask questions and be reassured by those who are caring for you and your baby to be. Trust your gut and look around. Good luck to you all. P.

E.,
You will have the best birthing experience whereever you are comfortable (even if that is in the back of a pickup!).
During my pregnancy I went to an OB for six months and then became a "fence jumper" I knew that I wanted natural childbirth and although the OB was very supportive, the hospital that she worked out of does not have a great track record. Then I searched around for birthing center and midwives..the nurse midwife practice I visited felt more sterile than an OB's office and I knew that I did not feel comfortable (also, there wasn't any guarantee that MY midwife would deliver my child). Thus I went with an independent lay midwife and her birthing center (which is attached to her home). I had the most amazing experience and the quality of care was incredible. Not a single one of my questions was dismissed, my diet was closely monitored, ultimately, my son was 15 days late (something that would have forced a C-section elsewhere). I had a wonderful birth (3 hours from the moment i thought I might be in labor to when I held him in my arms), a healthy baby and my post natal care was wonderful as well. In the first week she made two trips to my house, so that I wouldn't have to drive. Bottom line, find some one you are comforatble with, there is plenty of time to change providers and shop around. This situation doesn't appear to be working for you.

Hi E.,
First off, let me say how sorry I am you experienced this. I would have chosen the midwife/homebirth route had I been able to, but I had a very high risk pregnancy and was uber monitored by a perinatoligist the whole time. I think that what we hope for and dream of for our pregnancies and births is so often not what we experience, and that is a crying shame. It should not be that way, and the only advice I can render is COMPLAIN. You should absolutely go straight to the director or whomever is in charge and confront the practice on this.
I didnt find my voice until labour and delivery. I had similar experiences with being given contradictory answers to the same question, felt talked over or brushed off, and even a nuisance when I called despite the mantra no question/concern is too trivial. I am so very grateful for my excellent medical care and truly love my OB, but the rest of the experience was stressful and made more so by a majority of less than friendly or even pleasant nurses or staff.
Due to being high risk I was induced at 39.5 weeks. Induction was the last straw for me, it was so against every instinct in my body that it was honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. It felt so wrong, and that feeling was compounded by an unpleasant, to say the least, DR who treated me. She was so rough and inappropriate administering my first internal that even the nurse next to me winced. I felt I had been violated, it was a terrible feeling and one that should never be felt especially during what is one of the most wonderful, or should be, experiences a woman can have. I felt helpless, and so sad that this was the experience I would have delivering my so very wanted baby. I tried to convince myself that a healthy baby was all that mattered, and ultimately thats true. But really I had become so numb by the unexpected negative experiences during my prenatal care that feeling marginalized was becoming second nature. I was seen by other drs throughout the day/night and the next morning when delivery was imminent I heard the first DR's voice in the hall and burst into tears. My husband was so worried and I finally said to him, she cannot be the one to deliver our baby, find someone else. And he did, it was that easy. I wish I had taken a stand sooner in my pregnancy and stood up for myself more. I think its so overwhelming being pregnant on a normal day, that we often dont process whats happening to us until later. I now look at the proactive mother I am and think how could I not stand up and push back? I think when pregnant we are curling into ourselves protecting our growing baby. And there is still a cultural undercurrent that discourages women from asserting ourselves, especially in the medical arena.
At my 6 week post birth checkup I told my OB about all of it and she was wonderful, deeply sorry and ultimately happy I had told her so she could address the situation and the specific dr involved. What made me talk to her was the thought that some other newly expectant mother or woman on the verge of delivering would have a similar experience. I felt duty bound to speak up.
I encourage you to confront this as much as you feel comfortable with, and to even look for another practice if you feel you need to. Dont give up your hopes for how you want this to be, I so very much wish I hadnt. If I am lucky enough to become pregnant again, I will take so much more control of the experience.
Again, so sorry you went through this, its not at all trivial but sadly I think very common. I have since heard so many similar stories from friends who thought this is how it must be, you get swept along by the tide of professionals and just deal with it, midwifes or traditional medical practices alike. Someone told me I should watch the documentary the Business of Being Born because its meant to deal with this topic, but I have yet to. Maybe you should check that out.
Good luck to you!

E., Your experience sounds awful - I would look for another practitioner/office for your prenatal care and delivery. The chances that you will luck into a better person are there, but also possible that you would get the awful one... During my pregnancy, I had one midwife who was wonderful, gentle and calming, and the other was nice and knowledgeable, but kind of hyper and loud like an energetic cheerleader, which I found kind of grating. Anyway, although I saw the other one throughout my prenatal visits, but by chance of course I had the hyper one for the delivery. And, then there were complications, which resulted in the OB getting involved anyway, and I had literally never met him before that day, which I would do differently next time. Sigh. A small OB or midwife practice lets you consider who you may see better, and they tend to be less rushed, and I'd strongly recommend that.

And, without asking a medical person, how on earth would you know to diagnose your own lump as a probable fibroid? That seems insane to judge you or respond impatiently for that.

--S. H.

I too agree that you should send this exact letter to someone to complain! Are you kidding me?????????? I had midwives, and high risk OB's and loved them both. The midwives would never have spoke to me that way. No one should talk that way to anyone reguardless of any situation! Change...it's your body and it's your baby, don't stick around.

You should send most of the "letter" you wrote directly to the board that runs that clinic of midwives. I am sure they would like to know what is really going on.
Next, you should find a doula to hire and to run interference for you and be your support through all of this. They are excellent to have for YOU!

If you really feel uncomfortable, find a midwife that is at a smaller, more caring facility.

E.,
I delivered my first happy, healthy baby November 27th with the help of OBs and nurses. I originally planned to go with the care of midwives, and coincidentally the hospital where I delivered decided last year that they would no longer allow midwife-assisted births (temporarily...they are now starting their own hospital-based midwife training program). My husband and I were faced with either using midwives for prenatal visits but having a strange doctor deliver the baby, switching practices, or using OBs. We decided for a number of reasons (convenience being one) to use OBs...and I LOVED the care I received. I really think the letters after the name matter less than the name itself...it is all about personality and whether you feel comfortable.

hi E.,
i think you should definitely find a group you feel good with. i am diabetic so had to be seen by high risk docs, although i had originally wanted midwifes, but my doc was fantastic and it definitely made a difference during labor and delivery. i think a lot of docs support natural childbirth these days, if you are up front about it and make a plan, i know mine did. you are going to be trying to birth your child, you don't want to have to worry about a less than great doctor.good luck, happy birthing!
L.

You need to go with yor gut and should feel comfortable with who you chose to care for you before and during your delivery. There are a lot of providers out there that would be more than happy to answer you questions and trust me as pregnancy goes on there are always more. Don't count out the midwives though. There are some out there that are wonderful and very sensitive to all you needs.

Hi
I only have my experience and opinion to go on, but having read your request, I felt the need to respond. I'm not sure where you live or what group of midwives you're referring to, but no one should make you feel your questions aren't worth answering or tell you that they know best and brush them off. You should feel as though your questions and concerns are important.
My daughter was born 11/06 and I went through Coastal Women's Heathcare, where there is a large group of ob's and two midwives. I chose the ob partly because I work in a hospital and felt that was better for me as a person. My point is that the whole group is great. There is a 24 hour hotline where if you have any questions or concerns (and I had plenty) someone will address them and answer them properly and without making you feel brushed off. A lump in your abdomen should have been attended to and telling you you could contractions by touching it is just crazy! I think the little voice inside you is giving you the right information, and that is that you should find someone else to take care of you. I hope you find someone that will take your concerns seriously and therefore allow you to enjoy your pregnancy and birth experience!
Good luck!

E.,
You have to be comfortable with your provider no matter who it is. I would find another group or call and ask to speak to the office manager, let them know your concerns and see if things change if not definatinly change. I had two visits with my ob and said forget it its too stressful and fired him. I now see a lay midwife and she is wonderful. I see her once every 4 wks and can call anytime with a problem and she is there for me. I love her. You could try to find a lay midwife usually through alternative health places is a good place to start. Or find another midwife group. I find most obs have at least one midwife with them sometimes that is better and just ask a few questions before you make a new patient app. Good luck.