Menopause and Sex

Updated on August 16, 2008
C.H. asks from Kansas City, MO
8 answers

This is pretty personal, but I'm not sure where to turn. Thought I'd ask the wonderful ladies here. I haven't had a period in well over a year, and my blood tests reflect menopause, so that's what my RE diagnosed about six months ago. I was only 43 then, and early menopause does not run in my family! Prior to that, I had been diagnosed with endometriosis and have had two laparoscopies to clean it up. For about the last 10 years, sex had sometimes been pretty painful for me. Now it's impossible, the pain is so bad. The last time we tried it, we couldn't finish, and I was spotting. Add to that ZERO desire--ZERO--to have sex. It's putting a strain on my marriage.

I had been having problems about six months ago with hot flashes, and my RE put me on an estrogen cream. The only benefit I saw was that it did help a little with the hot flashes--but not enough of a benefit in my eyes to continue it. So right now I'm not taking anything.

Any thoughts about what could help with the desire and pain issues?

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I had the same thing happen to me. I had a hysterectomy in january at the age of 40. Didn't want to go on HRT. When me and my husband finally had sex it was also so painful and I started bleeding. I went to my gyn/ob come to find out that I had a yeast infection. I had no systoms like you usually do.

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D.D.

answers from Kansas City on

C.-

My heart aches for you. I have suffered with Endometriosis for over 15 years. I have been through so many different treatments that I have even put my body through medicted menopause twice. It sounds to me like a lot of your problems (painful intercourse) could be related to the endometriosis and not menupause. I have a GREAT OB named Erikk Orroyo. He is as KC Women's Clininc- and he knows a lot about Endometriosis. I find when I have those symptoms in check everything feels so much better.

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S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I belive it's time to get with another dr. for a second opinion. Sounds like this person was trying to get you out of their hair. I had a hysterectomy because of it and I had adnomyosis at the same time, sex just hurt and I had no desire for sex either. Please consult another doctor and do it fast. I had an ablation and it didn't work. I was so greatful for the doctor I had and he was wonderful and so caring and actually listened to me and what questions that I had as well.

S.

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J.F.

answers from Kansas City on

Sounds like exactly what I had when I had cysts on my ovary. That can cause a lot of problems... including those you mentioned. See your doc and hopefully they would order an ultrasound to check

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D.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Yup, it pretty much stinks!! I "got" menopause at the age of 28 as a result of tons of chemo. I am now 33. I have been on many different meds, synthetic and natural and always feel a ton better on them. This is a really tough decision and very personal. You need to think about your family history as well to determine if any hormone replacement would be appropriate for you. You also need to consider your bladder and bone health as well as they can become toast.When I am not taking anything I have Zero desire and am as dry as the Sahara, so yes it is painful as well--not just sex, but sometimes even just walking. When I wasnt' using anything I would use aquafor as a lubricant (yes, Dr. recommended). And it worked great and wasn't greasy like other stuff. Astroglide is a wonderful lubricant for sex and is water soluble. I have been curious about the liquibeads from KY, but havent' seen them in a store when I've looked. Right now I am in a research study at KUMed on bio-identical hormone replacement with Dr. Jeanne Drisko.
I have also found that the more often you have sex, the more lubricated you will be and the more desire you will have--problem is feeling like it's a chore in the meantime. Good luck--it is a rough road and can create a lot tension in your marriage (if you are married :) Talk to your partner about what is happening to your body so he understands and doesn't feel rejected, or wonder about his ability to arouse you.
Wow, I can't believe I just wrote all that---but I really can empathize with you and wanted to give you my best advise. Let me know if I can answer anything else :) D.

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M.T.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi C.,
I am only 32 and have not gone through menopause at all, but this does not sound right to me. I would speak to your GYN right away. I know the lack of of libido is pretty normal, but the pain is not. I am pretty close to my Mother and Grandmother, my started menopause at your age, about 10 years ago, and has not had any decrease in sex drive, she takes estrogen pills, Provera, I believe. My Grandma told me she could care less about sex, but my Grandpa wants it every day, this cracked me up because Grandma is 74 and Grandpa is 78. I know that my Grandma doesn't take hormones and my Mom still has all her parts, where my Grandma had a complete hysterectomy before I was even born. I know that dryness is a big issue for my Grandma, why I know is beyond me, but I do. I am a licensed Cosmetologist, and it seems like these are topics that come up while I am cutting their hair. It was like that in hair school and when I worked in a salon to, people felt like they could talk about anything with me. Any way I would really see your Doctor, I am not sure what an RE is, but I have a feeling it is like a Nurse Practitioner or something, and I really feel like you should talk to a GYN about this. Good luck!
M.

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C.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Go see Dr. Mirabile at For Women Only! He specializes in bio-identical hormone replacement, which is a god-send! Here's a link to his website...check it out! I'm so glad that I did! http://forwomenonlyob.com/home

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S.A.

answers from Kansas City on

C....I just seen a doctor that specializes in menopause and effects from it. I have been through "surgical menoupause" and can't get myself together. Her name Dr. Marilyn Richardson and she is located in Shawnee, KS. She is highly recommend for all women concerns.

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