Meeting the Parent of the Playmate

IMO-- It's not always important that you click with the parent...It IS important that the kids click with each other. If you do not approve of something with the parent, you just need to decide if it's something minor, or major enough that you do not want to leave your child alone with them...maybe a differing parenting style or something....

The MOST important thing is if the kids click...you do not have to be friends with all the parents of your kid's friends....because that will never happen. But it's an added bonus if not only YOUR child made a new friend, but you did too...

Enjoy that your child is coming out of his shell and enjoy the friendship that your child has with this other child.

And please do not stop a blooming friendship for your child because you are afraid YOU may not get along with the parent...to be honest, that is selfish. It's not about you, it's about him.

If your shy son has finally made a friend, does it really matter whether or not you are buddies with the M.? Allow your son to feel special for making the right decision of making a new friend. This experience will help him make new friends in the near future, but if you hold back it may increase his shyness. A child's world is simple, the adults make it complicated. Try meeting the M. at some point and bring up how well the boys get along. Suggest a play date. If you like, you can meet at a neutral place to start out with and slowly work your way home. Good luck!

It might be easier to meet at a playground rather then at your house for a first meeting. Then you won't have the pressure to entertain the child and mother. I did this when my daughter was in preschool this past year. She wanted to have a playdate with a friend whose M. I didn't know, so I asked if they wanted to meet at a park. It really is much easier then having them to your house for the first time.

If it's somewhere like the park, you can sit on a bench and watch your child as he interacts with her child, and just say "hi" and "bye" to each other as their playdate is done if you don't feel like socializing. My daughter made a friend at the beach yesterday and I just moved my towel closer to the area where the girls were playing and the mother was tanning, except for a "hi", "bye" and occasional smile, we didn't interact. I didn't feel it was necessary and I wanted to let her sleep under the sun in peace (she ended up not watching her daughter anymore when she saw I was watching the girls like a hawk, although I felt a bit disturbed about this considering her daughter was probably 5 and I didn't want the burden of watching the group of 4 kids now that more children wanted to build castles with my girl, and when I asked them about their parents, they'd all say they were far away, bad parenting, they could be drowning and the parents are too busy caring more about their tanning or reading!).

If the mother of the child is coming to your home though, greet her when she arrives to your home, offer her a drink, chat for a bit and if you do see that things are not going so well, get up, say thanks for bringing her son over to your place to play with your son, but unfortunately, you have a lot of house chores to catch up on, and you will call her if you need to ask her anything or if her son tells you he is ready to go home, thank her once again, and tell her you'll see her later. Like others have said, you're under no obligation to become friends with the mother if you don't want to, as long as the kids get along well and aren't playing rough, something that can cause contention between you and the other mother, then everything will work out great.

Try not to worry about it, and think positive. keep the playdate short under 5 one hour for the first time, and over 5 you could do an hour and a half at first but the kids will probably want more like 2 hrs, but that's a long time for small talk.

Another idea is to have an activity for the kids to do and the M. could help with. Say, little dude wants to make some homemade playdough, would you and little friend like to come over and we'll mix up a batch and the kids can play with it. or litte dudette just got a slip and slide, would little friend like to come and play and you and i can supervise from the back porch? actually those aren't as good as i had hoped sorry maybe you can think of something more the M. can do with you.

I know it feels like it will obligate you to be trading off playdates every week for the next 10 years, but I have found that kids really switch friends ALOT and even if they still like the kids family availabilty changes and it just doesn't work out to continue tons of play dates. by elementray school lots of moms have gone back to work, and if the kids arne't in the same class then they sort of forget about each other, unless you do hit it off and they could continue to be freinds until college.

Don't even worry about it! You didn't mention your child's age, but I assume, if the M. is joining the child, they are still young. I've done this several times, and always been pleasantly surprised by meeting nice moms. Look on the bright side...you could make a new friend. I know, growing up, some of my moms best friends were other moms she met through my friendships. In my experience, we all live busy lives, so it is not like this M. is probably going to want to get together all the time. Just meet up once...and if you really want to stay neutral, considering meeting at a place outside your home, for maybe 1 hour...like a park, or for ice cream, or something that can't last forever. Then just see how you hit it off. I find that now that I have kids, I get along with pretty much every M., b/c you instantly have tons in common. I think you are putting excessive worry into something that should be fun! If this child is appealing to your shy son, then please try to nurture that. He deserves a buddy!

Where did your child meet this new friend? It is it somewhere you go together, like church, then try to get the know the parent there first. If it is at school, maybe you could find out when their M. picks up and wait to meet her just to say hi our kids seems to be becoming good friends I justed to introduce myself. (then you can get a feel for her).

if you two end up having nothing in common, you'll be smiling a lot, nodding a lot, and going on your merry way after the playdate. it's impossible to click with every M. out there. try your best. try finding a common ground, if not, at least the kids are having fun.

I am right there with you on those types of fears/anxieties. I've lived in FL for 10 years now and at this point, have no friends here anymore, well, outside of my husbands family which I don't see that much. I've made a few, via the park, etc., but either it just fizzles out or you meet someone who wants to use you for something...It's hard. Nothing we can do though, ya have to take the non-jaded approach since the kiddos are fresh minded, unlike us, ha ha...You don't neccessarily have to be friends w/these playdate moms, only if you want to...I know many people who just drop the kids off, as long as they can trust the other parent, and pick them up later....Ya don't have to become best buds, just be cordial. If they turn out to be takers or nutso's or whatever, just make excuses and slowly let it fizzle...Works for me....Good luck!! We have to do it for them....

Well how old is your child? How could you not know the parents? I dont get that..if they are still young.

My oldest is 10 1/2 yrs and if I don't know the family I still come in their house first before I drop him off to play.

Hi-
r eally just a playdate. Go for it.
best, k