I need some advice. My 3.5 year old son is in a home day-care of an extended family member. She has a 6 year old son that I think is mean to my kid. Last night, at a family function, her son told my kid he would push him into the camp fire. Now, my kid is pretty aggressive and likes to wrestle with this older boy frequently and I figured this was boy stuff, but I've kind of felt that the older boy was a little too mean. He would bait my son so that my son would try to wrestle then kick him, run out in the road when he knows my son will follow without the awareness of cars, etc.
My husband is the one that heard this boy say this to mine and he didn't say anything to me right away because he feels he always over reacts and was trying to reign himself in. He thinks this boy intentionally gave my son a milk product when he knows our son allergic. He knows this is slightly paranoid.
I went and picked up my boy as soon as I heard about this but didn't say anything to the mother yet. Am I just being over protective?
***Edited to add that the mother heard her son say he was going to push my son in the fire and told him to apologize, but her son ignored her.
No, you aren't being overprotective. The mother may have NO idea that this is happening and you should address it so that she can keep a closer eye on them when they play together.
I agree with Kim. If this woman cannot discipline her own child she has no business taking money to "look after" other people children. This is not a safe environment.
Good Luck
Find another daycare before your child gets hurt! If the daycare provider/family member can't discipline her own child than you can't trust that she will keep your child safe.
God bless!
The first responsibility of any child care provider is to provide a safe environment for your child. This is not the case with your son's situation, he is neither safe physically or emotionally. Have a discussion with the care provider and her son. In the discussion with the 6 year old, after you let him know that his choices to wrestle ,give him food that makes him sick, threaten to push a child in the fire or lead him into the street are very dangerous and not acceptable with the 3 year old. After making that clear, enlist his help with keeping your child safe and help him feel important and valued. In order to change his behavior, he must be given specific ideas and directions for activities on how to keep the other safe, how to play with someone who is 3 and more self-interested than social, developmentally.
It is very possible that the 6 year old, a very young child himself, is unsettled with his mother's attention going to other children in her care. That will take time, reassurance from his parents and special time given to him alone, similar to adjusting to a new sibling.
I'm scared for your child. A 6 year old may not entirely understand the consequences of being pushed into the fire. He might not have meant to follow through. But what if he had?
When I was a child I was sent to a woman's house that had a special needs boy. This boy hated me and it didn't matter what I did. His mother would try and get me to sit absolutely still for hours and make no sound because her son would be rocking back and forth making moaning noises. He ALWAYS attacked me when he did this. I was terrified. My parents never whitnessed one of these attacks and didn't know how serious it was. They thought the bruises and scratches was just something kids did to each other.
I think you need to pull your child from this woman's house no matter who she is to your family.
Pull him out. Business relationships with family members are tricky and full of guilt and obligation. Its not about weather she "makes it right" at this point, its the philosophy of how she's raising her son, and how she allows him to treat others. She's going to allow your son to bully other kids too, most likely, and that will come back to bite you when he's the big kid in the group.
And with all of that said. Be sure you're above board making sure your son is having appropriate behavior towards other kids. Remember how this feels so that you'll keep him doing what he should be doing.
Best wishes!
I would not hesitate to insure the safety of my own child. The older child is instigating the aggressiveness and may be enjoying the "power" he has over your sons actions. I would strongly advise a heart to heart with the other mother, and to set some boundaries. God forbid someone isn't paying attention for a moment and something should happen to either boy.
Change daycare providers - trust your gut.
No, you are not overprotective. Trust your gut. If it were one of my kids, I would pull him out asap. Obviously, this mother has no control over this child, so there seems to be no consequences for his behavior. I wouldn't want my child to be the one that gets hurt before she realizes just how bad her kid is. I would tell her exactly how you feel whether it stirs the pot or not. It sounds like her son is a troublemaker.
I've been watching your question and the responses since you posted it a couple of hours ago. Your edit, "the mother heard her son say he was going to push my son in the fire and told him to apologize, but her son ignored her," says so much. First, the mother knows that her son's behavior is not acceptable. This is a good thing since it will make your conversation with her, if you choose to have it, easier. Second, the child doesn't listen to her. What does the mother do then? If her management of his behavior is poor, it's even more lax with your child. Usually parents are "harder" on their own kids. Her parenting is unsafe. You should be concerned for your own child's safety when in her care, whether it be your child's decisions or being the victim of her son's poor choices.
The word that comes to mind is respect. She doesn't consistently teach her child what this is, and she does not seem to demonstrate it or demand it. Can you "shore up" what your child will be missing during his time with her?
Sound s like the movie "The Good Son". Take him out of the daycare. I would!
Get your son out of there before he hurts him and you have regrets. Go with your gut!!!!!!!!!!!! It isn't overreacting!!
don't be mean about it but say something. because if not things could get worse also about the allergy he can't have milk n the boy feeds it. thats major your kid could die or get really sick his system doesn't agree with milk thats not something to take lightly. u may have to find different baby sitting arrangments.
Switch day cares! Your son needs to be in a safe environment and this is clearly not meeting his needs!
Yelling at the mom would be over reacting. You should bring it to her attention, though. Ask her if she has noticed hostility between them.
I would look into another daycare. So it might cost more. That is, if your relative is giving you a discount.
Her son needs some discipline. Otherwise he could be a threat to other kids, not just yours.
I don't consider it worth it to feel obligated to use your relative's facility just out of family ties, when it's the welfare of your child that's important.
Keeping peace in the family and protecting your kid - tough call! But your son depends on you to protect and advocate for him, so you've got to deal with this even if it means you have to put him in a summer day camp or whatever. It does sound like there's real danger here and I wouldn't ignore it. The fact that your son's active and immature in his behavior makes it even more essential that you look out for him because he can't do it for himself.
Absolutely not! Speak to the child, if you have a chance, but certainly speak to the mom. You are paying her to take care of your son, plus she needs to be aware of her boy's actions to prevent him from turning into a bully. I also wouldn't allow them to wrestle. They should find a better way to play--- your son is smaller and will get hurt. Before you know it, he'll be a bully, too.
I don't think that you are being paranoid. These incidencs are not just "kid" stuff, they are potentially very dangerous. It sounds like the 6 YO is looking for attention (maybe because his mother runs a daycare and he is jealous? who knows...) but you certainly don't want him to get it at the expense of your son. If the mother overheard the comment and did not follow through with the correction, I predict that you are going to have a less-than-successful conversation with her. I hate to say it, but I think that I would look for other day care, at least for the summer when they are together so much, but I would certainly let her know why. This child is going to find his next "victim" if yours leaves - maybe she'll be more on the lookout for this behavior.
