My 4 Yr Old Tells Me He Hates His Daycare Lady!!!

I wouldn't send him back for one more minute. Vacation time, sick leave, emergency leave, family/friend help, new job, whatever it takes.

My biggest concern would be that if you actually heard her do this to him once, how many times has something similar happened that you haven't heard? I would definitely switch daycares! I have 2 boys that have also been in day care over the years, and have finally found one where my preschool son is excited to go and does not come home crabby after he's been there. It's worth it to search and find a good day care! I wish you the best of luck!

Your son is communicating perfectly to you, and you are doing the right thing to be looking for a new care provider. Our children thrive when they are loved and respected, and it doesn't look like the provider is capable of that......my heart is broken....she should not have isolated your son, that's just abusive and mean! Your son deserves better!

Here's to finding a provider asap!

Hello M.: I now just read your "update" and please acknowledge yourself for taking action! Do not blame yourself for not responding immedietly! The fact is, that you did respond. Forgive yourself now! Afterall, we all do the best we can do with what we know! The best part is that your son will know that HIS voice matters and that his mother took action! He won't remeber the awful lady who had no self-respect, he'll just remember/know how important he is as a person! Love up on your son for all of us who couldn't be there to support him......we are the voices who speak on behalf of children!!

XX

S.

Not only should you contact the county licensing but also her food program if she belongs to one. Food programs are federally funded and very strict. If she is withholding meals, especially if she then claims that child for the meal, (which they can easily check) this needs to be brought to their attention. If she is not licensed, you now know why. Don't bring your son back there.

Being a caretaker is very difficult and tests your patience, but if she is "always mad" as you say, then something is wrong. Someone who supposedly 'loves' children, should be able to keep their cool, and put on a happy face for the time spent with the kids. Its not hard finding another place. Just let her know its not working out, and you may find that your child will become happier and improve in aspects of his life when you change (I recently did, and mine's not having potty accidents anymore!)

You are doing the best thing NO QUESTION ABOUT IT!

If you can somehow pull it off, I would not send my child back there! EVER!
I feel so sad for your little one going through this. You are upset about the one incident you witnessed, but imagine what he went through for the last couple of weeks!
Take vacation time, unpaid leave, maybe sick time or coordinate with a relative or friend to sit... but please don't send him back! If we want our children to tell us about being abused (in which ever way) we need to be ready to listen to them and take their concerns seriously.

In addition I would report this provider to the licensing agency (whether she is licensed or not), I believe that denial of food is a gross violation of licensing requirements. It's not like it's his fault for being late!
She is punishing him for you being late and for you speaking up - this person has NO business looking after children. That type of behavior tells me that she's just in it for a quick buck! Probably grossy underqualified and never had a course in child development in her entire life...RUN as fast and far as you can!
Good luck!

I am so sorry this has happened. When she told your son to go down stairs until everyone was done, since he didn't question it, I would wonder if this is not the first time this has happened (with him, or other children). I think I would have gone back in and told her he had not eaten yet, but that moment is gone. Does she have school-agers she was trying to get fed and out for the bus? I am a daycare provider and if I have someone come in late in the morning and don't have time to give them bfast, I wait until we come in from the bus and give them bfast then. Could this be a possibility, that he was going to eat later?

How long has he been in her daycare? Assuming he has been there for a long time, her rules and strictness shouldn't be anything new that should be upsetting him right now.

Have their been any changes in your home or hers lately that could be upsetting him? Was there anything going on when this started? Can he give you any specific examples? Have you talked to her about her son? Is her son bullying your son and the other kids?

Honestly, even if the breakfast thing is explained, I would not continue to bring him there. My daycare kids all seem excited to come and happy to be here. If a child was crying like that about not wanting to come to my home, I would not want him here, as it would not be a good match - for whatever reason.

Is this woman licensed? She cannot with hold food as a punishment, which is sounds like she is mad at you, so punishing your child. I would contact your county licensing agency and let them know what happened and your concerns. To me, it sounds more like it could be her son bullying everyone that could be the problem. Let the officials deal with it.

I would start looking for new daycare now. At pick up, I would flat out ask her about breakfast, and let her know you heard what she said. If she has a good reason, I would think about keeping him there while you find someone else. If she acts suspicious or like she was caught, I would not bring him back. He is crying out to you that something is not right and he deserves to be heard. Does she give you any feedback as far as how he is there and why she thinks he doesn't want to be there?

Good luck. Finding daycare for a 3 or 4 yr old should be pretty easy.
S.
mom of 3 and daycare provider for 22 years

next time don't cry,won't do your son any good. should have not dropped him off after hearing that.
yes, get someone asap and you're not overreacting. the one thing i have learned about kids, if they remember something and actually talk to me about it i will immediately take actions so that they always feel protected by me and can rely on me. your child does not like his provider. do not drop him off there anymore.

There is no way on God's green Earth I would've EVER left my child there after hearing what you heard!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!! I would've marched right in there, gotten my child and never looked back. This woman isn't "strict", she's MEAN! Please GO GET YOUR SON

You left him there? SERIOUSLY??????
I would stop what you are doing right now and drive over there and PICK HIM UP. I can't believe that you are even hesitating!
GO!!!!

Thank you for posting your update! I'm glad you could resolve this asap.

You cried all the way to work? You and your son do not deserve this treatment!!!
I would find a new daycare provider ASAP!
It is obvious that she is not a good fit for your son. He deserves a place he feels happy and enjoys spending time at.

Four years old is old enough to know that they are not is a safe place - by safe I mean emotionally accepting regardless of actions, not physically safe. You are taking the right steps in looking for a new provider. side note, there is a national organization called NACCRRA or National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies. google them, go to their web site and find the resource and referral agency for your area. They help (for free and for small costs) you find licensed child care and they can even provide you with free resources on how to evaluate child care to make sure your little one gets the care they deserve.
Hang in there! This is a tough transition.

When I heard that my son wasn't getting breakfast, I would have walked through the door and confronted the provider. That wasn't right.

I would talk to your son though. My 4 year old niece has said that she likes her other grandma better than my mom. When my sister has questioned her about it, it is because my mom follows my sister's rules. My sister has explained that she, and my mom do that because they love her and want her to be safe, etc. After those talks she is better, until she gets in trouble again! :)

If your gut is telling you to find a new provider, do it, but also talk to your son and let him know what is expected of him, and that daycare has rules too.

run!! Your child is old enough to tell you something is up. He is giving you the message and you witnessed probably a smidge of what is going on. What 4 yr old doesnt like hugs/kisses/attention...and they SHOULD be getting it. Trust your son and your own instincts and get him a new place.

as long as the kids were still at the table eating he should have been allowed to eat breakfast- Sounds like she is not as good as you thought.
My old daycare lady was strict to & she did not do breatfast- If the kids had something they were eating she would put them at the table to eat as a rule she had. She just would say don't make a habit of it - I would most definately find another daycare. Not giving your child breakfast because your a few minutes late is not saying much for her as a provider.

Well first off she can't not give him food that is law with daycare providers it's in our books. So right there she is doing wrong and if your son is that adamant about not going there than she must be doing something wrong in his eyes. I would find someone else to watch your son! Good Luck

Ohhh my gosh...I have been a daycare provider for 17 years and it makes me sad to hear of a problem like this...I would be concerned that she didn't feed him breakfast...That would be a really big red flag for me....We all have our bad days and sometimes there is that one kid in care that drives us nuts.(trust me...LOL)..But it is plain neglect to not feed a child on purpose! I really hope you will bring this to her attention and pull your child out of care there! Keep your head up there are plenty of great daycares out there that would love to have your son in there care!!

Get him the hell out of there! And shame on you for leaving him when you heard her abusing him. Don't let him there one more day! And I would report her to the better business bureau. It doesn't even matter if other parents like this day care provider.......it's not working for you son.

I to am a daycare provider and I think you need to get your son out of there she had no right to refuse him food for being 7 minutes late. i would turn her in to the county and food program as someone else stated. You are not being paranoid! If your son is unhappy you need to find him a different daycare.

i think you're being very reasonable by looking for a different provider. It sounds ridiculous, her not giving your kid food just because you were a little late getting there. And if your kid isn't happy, and you make him go there still, he'll come to think that the way she treats the daycare kids is okay, and may start treating other kids that way. That it's okay to pick on them because he was picked on, and that if other kids do even the smallest thing wrong they should get punished.....or he might even start thinking that you'll treat him the same way (not saying you would!!) because that's how she's treating him all day. I would find out if there was someone you could report her too also. and maybe try to talk to some of the other parents and see if similar things have happened with their kids.

I used to do daycare. I could NOT imagine denying a child food because they were late! I always had a plate ready and WAITING if the rest of the kids started. (Actually, I served breakfast twice during the school year. 7:20 for the school kids and about 8:15 or 8:30-whenever the last of the little ones came- for the preschool and under crowd.)

I would call the local licensor and REPORT what happened. You should NOT have to give a 2-week (or whatever her policy is) notice because not feeding the child is NEGLECT! You should be able to pull him out with NO notice. She may fight you a little but you have ground to stand on with this. THAT IS ALSO WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO REPORT WHAT HAPPENED!

If she is this way to your child who can speak, how is she treating the younger kids in her care??? She does not sound like a very good provider and I would speak with some of the other parents and let them know why you are leaving! Otherwise she will start spreading rumors blaming why your son is gone on HIM or YOU. The rest of the parents deserve to know what is happening at their daycare.

UPDATE:

I just read a couple other responses. YES, CHECK IF SHE ON A FOOD PROGRAM! (It SHOULD be in her contract.) Call her food lady and report her there as well. They are VERY strict with the food program and need to know about this as well.

You heard her deny your child food, you need to get him out ASAP!!!! Your son is probably telling the truth about the other things if she is refusing him meals in your presence.

There are so many daycare providers that are loving and fun. If your son is telling you this at 4-years-old, I believe it is only the tip of the iceberg. Find another daycare provider.
I have three teenagers and I made the mistake with my first child to "work it out" or "wait and see" with the daycare. Your child spends a lot of time at daycare and deserves to feel safe and comfortable.

I am so glad you got your son out of there! He deserves to be loved by his daycare mom! I hope you found a good one for him! I would also, with a voice recorder, ask him about his experience with the other lady, then turn her in! She does not need to be doing daycare if she can't love and provide for the children she is in charge of.

I would not have left my child there that day. You want your child in a safe loving enviroment when you are not around. What your daycare mom did is not acceptable, you don't not feed a kid, because of 7 or 8 minutes. Give me a break. Good for you to get someone else. If I were you, I would put in a complaint to the state if she is a licensed care giver. If she is going to do that in front of you, the question needs to be asked, what she does when noone is around....???

I haven't read the other responses, but I have to say that I got angry reading your post. You need to take your son out ASAP! The fact that you brought him in 7 minutes late is no excuse for him to miss his breakfast. She takes her anger out on the children. She sounds abusive to some extent. This woman sounds mean. This is a critical time in a childs life and he'll remember her forever. You mentioned you tried talking to her and it got worse??? That is your que to make a formal complaint to the Director and exit for the sake of your child. You are his protector, and you're all he has. So please stand up for him.

Is this a Montessori school? If so, there are some good ones out there, but there are also some very strict ones that are overkill. My daughter had an idiot for a daycare lady. I tried talking to her and she got an attitude. I pulled my daughter out that day. Didn't know where she was going to stay but I needed to protect her. She was miserable there and it showed. I put her in a newdaycare and she was like a different child when I picked her up. Google Heartland Kids Papillion, Nebraska to read my review. Just because someone has a daycare business doesn't mean that they need to. She sounds like she doesn't know how to handle the stress of being a provider, so you need to get your child out of there.

REMOVE YOUR CHILD FROM THIS DAYCARE!! you may like her and think she's a great person, but you don't know what she does when parents aren't there. it is a big red flag that your son does not like this woman. kids don't say they don't like someone just because. they have a good reason behind it. i had my oldest daughter in a daycare with a woman who was the same way-she had a wonderful set-up and she had a strict schedule and strict rules. she was a horrible person. both to me and my daughter. i am a young mother and she did not respect me as a mom and she would punish my daughter for not eating all of her lunch and she even made her sit downstairs by herself one time when she was crying. i ended up getting in a huge fight with her because i was a day late on paying her. i decided i needed to remove my daughter even though i didn't have any back-up daycare. it was the best decision i ever made. i am so happy not to have that horrible woman in me and my daughter's lives. please please please remove your son! for her to punish your son for you guys running late is rediculous. you are NOT unreasonable. this is your son and you are the only person that can protect him from bad people. he is letting you know this woman is a bad person. please listen to him and find a provider that matches with his personality!! good luck!! :) please update us on the situation!

OMG, you need to find another daycare. I run a home daycare and consider myself a bit strict but I would NEVER do such a thing! How terrible!

I saw that you updated your response, but I wanted to give you my two cents. Yes you are doing the right thing. I also beg you to file a complaint against the provider, call the licensor and give the exact details of what happened. It is up to them to investigate and find out if anything was "against the rules" (ie. according to MN licensing rules: Food, light, warmth, clothing, and medical care shall not be withheld from the child.) or not. BUT the important thing is that the complaint is on her record! As a mom who has had to look for a new daycare (only once because we wanted a different provider) FOUR times, I have learned to get really friendly with the licensor. Before EVERY interview, call the licensor and check the license. Then try to chat them up and get as much info out of them as possible. At one point I called the licensor for my area, almost in tears, and just said "I can't find what I'm looking for!" she knew that I had been interviewing many many providers. She finally broke down and blurted out 3 names for me, tell me that she isn't supposed to refer BUT maybe I should try ____! and I did, and although I had to rearrange my work schedule to fit into her hours, one of them is now our provider and we love her!! I always thought I would never be able to be one of those moms that says "I LOVE our daycare provider!" But, FINALLY, I am. Although you didn't ask for advice on interviewing, I became a pro at it, so I will share some advice. I got to the point where I would go to the first interview alone. Leave the hubby and kiddo at home, do a 'screening' before you involve them in the process, it makes everything easier and faster. And interview as many providers as possible! There are a list of interview questions on babycenter.org, go through them and highlight the ones that are important to you and ask those. If you really like someone, THEN schedule another interview and bring your hubby, THEN after that schedule another interview and bring your kiddo. Seriously, you are looking for a caregiver for the most important person in your life, it is your right (and your JOB) to be picky! Message me if you have any more questions about interviewing! I could tell you some stores! haha. Good luck to you! Good for you for trusting your mama instincts.

Seriously??? If I EVER heard my daycare provider talk to my son like that and not feed him, I would walk in that house take him by the hand and leave. I would not bring him back. Who lets a 4yr old go without breakfast or any other meal for that matter? It wasn't his fault he was late. If he "hates" her, he has reason. Believe what your son tells you and go with your gut. What else is she doing to these kids? Ask you son questions. You may even want to have this lady check out.

I have a 3yr old at daycare. This is the age they tell you alot and dont usually fib. I would listen to him and ask everyday what he did at daycare. I really think the no breakfast thing was NOT good. This is just one of the things you found out about. I dont think you are paranoid and I do think it is good to check other daycares. I dont think this sounds like a very good environment for your child.

Please get your child out of that place! I feel for the lil' guy. You're going thru a difficult time, I did also when I had to go thru so many daycare providers. the person he stays with for the day should be someone he actually doesn't mind being with for hours on end. I worked in a daycare and enjoyed the children, hopefully the person you find will show that they like "all" kids. Your provider sounds strict, which works for some. I will be thinking of you and your son and praying for good results.

There may be more going on than you think. I'd ask your son for details on why he doesn't like daycare. You say her son is always picking on him. If he's a bully, you certainly don't want to leave your son in that situation. The breakfast issue is a big deal, also. You should have walked back in and demanded that she feed him. That isn't acceptable.

I'd talk to the other parents in the day care, also. Definitely find another day care.

I'd talk to the state about her also. Being denied food is probably something that's against the rules. If there are any other little red flags, tell them about those too. Perhaps they'll come by and inspect her place and make sure nothing else is going on. Even if you're leaving, this will help her current and future clients.

M.,
I've always learned to trust children's intuition. My daughter was kind of the same way. I had her going to a sahm and she watch 2 other kids a brother and sister around my daughter's age of 2. She would always cry when I dropped her off and talk about hitting and anger when I would pick her up. I also noticed that the mom was on the computer a lot and let the kids sit in front of the tv. I was strapped for money because I'm a single mother so I felt backed into a corner. I knew something was wrong but with work was difficult to find other care. So finally I said enough when my daughter would have nightmares and scream to stop hurting her in her sleep. Go with your gut and your child should never be neglected like that. Put them up on a pedestal and someone will be there to help you. If it's a money issue let the provider know that up front a lot of them are willing to help and you'll find the right fit. Also go ahead of time before committing to someone and just hang out or drop by unexpected. It's your motherly right to have you child taken care of.
God bless!

glad you are taking him away from that lady. i would have told you the same things these ladies did. good job mom!

Always trust your mommy gut! If something doesn't feel right it's probably not right. Good Luck finding a good loving daycare for your son!
M.

I am so glad you are finding a new placement for your son! You were in a tough position, trying to weigh your son's perception of the situation versus an adult. You gave it time, you tried to handle it with talking. Ultimately, your detective skills revealed that your son is not being cared for properly. It is so hard for us working moms to leave our children. Knowing that the people who care for them really and truly care for them is so important. Your son is worth the time and effort to find a better placement. He was right, that lady is mean! Who in their right mind would deny a child a meal because they were late? I hope you confront her about this after you have found him a new day care provider. Good job protecting your son!

I didn't read all the replies so I'm sure I'm repeating, but your post made me mad. I would have never left him that day and would never go back. I'd report this daycare ASAP. I hope you find a new loving daycare that you and your son adore. Good luck!

Don't second guess yourself!! If your gut and your little guy are saying the same thing then take him out of there!! I've had endless daycare nightmares --- also if the provider is licensed you need to report that he was denied food to the county.
You're doing the right thing - do not take him back there!!

Oh my! Obviously, this is not a good situation for your son. PLEASE find another daycare facility as soon as possible. Shame on that daycare provider! I would not send my child back there another day. Good luck!

The daycare lady is very unreasonable! I cant believe she would do that to a child to send them in the basement without eating! If this is making your son so upset it is time to move on! I had to do a similar thing while my second child was being ignored and never held as a baby. There are many good daycares out there. Ask friends and family for reference. I would move my child right away. Is there grandparents willing to help watch him until you find someone else? Also a stay at home mom willing to help out for a little while? Follow your instinct and do what you think is best! Good luck!

I would not send my kid back to this day care woman. I don't know how she can withhold a kid's breakfast, that's the most important meal of the day. This day care woman seems so evil and mean. I wouldn't want my kid to be under her care. Your son is telling you that something is wrong and he's not H. for the last 6 weeks. I'm glad that you are looking into another day care provider for your son. My daughter who was 3 1/2 year old started complaining to me that she doesn't want to go to he day care all of a sudden. My husband and I asked her why and she just couldn't really tell us the reason but just said that she didn't like it. We had a difficult time dropping her off at day care, she would cried all the way to the day care and would not let us go when we were there. I took a day off and visit her class. I noticed that the teacher was not too involved with the kids. She mostly sit at the chair and have her assistance do most of the work. There were a lot of free play throughout the day. I pulled my daughter out of that day care and found her a new one, which she enjoy and love a lot. We no longer have any more problems dropping her off.

By all means, get him out of there! If it has been six weeks and now you actually found out that he did not have breakfast - kids that young should not be missing breakfast - then other things are going on for sure. You approached the lady and she didn't change - instead you mention it seems worse. Get your child out of there!! You have waited too long already! You are not being unreasonable and you are not being paranoid. Even if you had not witnessed him being denied breakfast the fact that he cries and does not even want to go shows there is a problem.
Also, it seems this lady is a bit vengeful so I would not give her two weeks notice. Pay her the extra if you can instead. It is a benefit for your child to get out of there as quickly and easily as possible. Hope this helps!
J.
ps. I have had some BAD daycare provider issues so if you want to email me please feel free - ____@____.com

I beg you to change daycares, i had this same thing happen with my little boy and his daycare. He cried EVERY SINGLE day , he woudl cry the night before knowing he had to go and we thought it was because he is really a mamas boy but i finally couldn't take it anymore.....i knew deep down something wasn't right and we switched. it has been the BEST decision i have ever made, he is so happy and is excited to go to his new preschool! if he is telling you something isn't right, there is something NOT right -- for her to not give him breakfast because you guys were late is TOTALLY not acceptable, he is 4yrs old -- he does not have control of what time you get there and ANY GOOD daycare would understand this --get him out now, i would not make him go back another day. I so regret staying as long as i did. Good luck and i wish your little boy the best at his new loving daycare!