Wrestling-I Need Some Reassurance!

Hi V S I agree with you and the other parents, I want to add, at a party or anywhere where else groups of children should been supervised, It
s amazing how many parents take their kids into other homes with out teaching them how to respect and behave in someone elses home, my kids were in Martial Arts growing up, they knew that that was used for in studio time, only and at home with their dad, not with other kids. This 8 year old may be learning to wrestle, but he has not been taught to respect the sport. J. L.

You were totally and completely in the right. Usually there is just one set of parents who are so laissez-faire; how unusual to find so many at one party!! You absolutely did the right thing by leaving and it sounds like you have the support of all of us moms on this board!!

We have been to many kids' parties and never seen anything like this.
Just don't go anymore and stick to it in a quite nice way.
B. v.O.

Updated

We have been to many kids' parties and never seen anything like this.
Just don't go anymore and stick to it in a quite nice way.
B. v.O.

I AM SOO GLAD YOU LEFT!! Some parents are so naive and some prefer to enjoy themselves and not worry about supervising their children - "they're preoccupied - kids will be kids". Heck no! It is not until someone gets hurt that you SIL will get it! You should print these responses and show them to her. I personally can't stand kids that behave that way and more so the parents that allow it. And the funny thing is that I am not overprotective of my son at all. Some things are just wrong. Good luck and never feel bad for sticking up for your son!

Hi there - my son is a wrestler and does Brazilian Jui Jitsu...part of the discipline is YOU DO NOT USE WHAT YOU LEARN OFF THE MAT. First rule, MAIN RULE! Unless it is in SELF DEFENSE!

I have nephews that I HAVE BANNED from my home because they do not respect the rules and the rough housing. I have stop BABYSITTING nieghbors kids because they do not respect others nor keep hands to yourself. Of course these parents get all butt hurt because we dont tolerate it at our house so be it - let them terrorized their own home and family!
Your kids come first!

I dont give a sh*t whose kids it is whether related or not - if you dont respect my kids and my rules then do not expect us to socialize with you...bottomline! I have been told the same kids will be kids - not when they hurt someone...that is complete malicious behavior!

You did good and stand your ground - if they dont like it so be it!

I'll add my voice to the resounding choir that you did the right thing. It's not "playing" if someone is crying. I am always the one at parties checking on the kids, too. Too many parents just can't be bothered and kids can do some real damage (physical, emotional, psychological) in a very short amount of time.

I get heat for this occasionally, but I usually go one step further and if the parents are not parenting, I do it for them. I have stepped in and dealt with others people's kids' outrageous behavior more times than I can count (rough play, bad language, being mean, etc). I speak very calmly but firmly to them and guess what - they listen, because they can tell I mean business. Children need to be taught what is acceptable and in the absence of parental supervision I am happy to be the one to help a child understand.

I would have been outta there in a flash myself! I hate it when parents allow their children at act inappropriately in public, or someone elses home. My kids are rarely out of my sight when we go to summer bbq's or birthday parties. Why there were so many parents and NO supervision is beyond unacceptable! If they wanted to just ignore the kids, they should have found babysitters.

When my husband was a kid (maybe 7 or 8) he and a friend were "screwing around" in the living room with a bean bag chair. His friend took the beanbag chair and put it on my husband and sat on it. All the parents were there and thought nothing of it until he "stopped struggling". He couldn't breathe and any longer under that thing and he might have suffocated. When he tells that story you can tell that it still bothers him. If I were you, I would be livid!

Good for you for making a good decision and protecting your son!

I would have left. Nothing kills a party worse than a bad behaved kid with parents who pass the buck! That behavior should not have been ok anywhere except a gym with proper supervision. Sounds like all the parents were checked out & more concerned with their good time. Good for you for caring and keeping your morals & values. If SIL spouts off with you being to overprotective, then I would snip back that you will stop being overprotective when she grows a backbone & keeps order in her own damn house. then I would smile big and say ok? The nerve of some people!

I completely agree with you. It's one thing when all the kids are happy and playing where they are in full view of all the parents. It is amazing to me that everyone was fine with the fact that they were playing in a room where no adult was present. Especially given the wide age range. Yes, kids will be kids-- but that also stands true to the point that kids can very easily get carried away & hurt someone unintentionally or on purpose. My son takes Hapkido & his instructor makes it very clear as well that you should never use your skills on someone else outside of class other then an immediate need of self defense, (real danger). The point that the aggressive 8 yr old went into a different room away from the children who were willingly engaging him, to put a bean bag on top of & sit on your much younger (& I'm assuming much smaller) son who was already playing something else shows that he is looking to overpower someone he feels confident in dominating....aka BULLY. I think you did the right thing by leaving. If the other parents are fine with their kids being involved in that sort of thing, that is their choice. BUT when you & your child are directly affected by it, (scared & not being able to breathe!) that is a different story. A host's duty is to make sure his/her guests are comfortable & clearly you and your son (& hubby) were not. It's funny but I would bet on it that other parents there felt the same way but just didn't speak up. FEEL PROUD OF YOURSELF!- YOU JUST GAVE YOUR SON A GREAT EXAMPLE OF HOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP QUIET & ENABLE SOMEONE TO MISTREAT YOU. That is a very POWERFUL thing in itself! GREAT JOB!

Hello, I am right there with you on this. Or youngest son was 6 when he broke his femur in a bike accident. It was a long spiral break and he spent 10 days in traction and 3 months in a spika cast. The cast went to his left knee and his right foot, it also extended up to his ribs. He has to use a bed pan and be lifted everywhere. After getting out of this we attended a get together with my family. One of the nephews had a habit of bullying my son (as well as two others) the first one got my son in a back bedroom and twisted his leg (the broken one). When I found him, I was furious. My mom always protected these bullies. I told her that if that child touched my son again I couldn't be responsible for what I might do. Coincidentally, this same boy and his sister as well as my brother stayed with my family for months when they needed a home. His then ten year old daughter molested my son and before we could get them out of our home, the boy tried to light a trash can full of leaves on fire. Thank God our neighbor caught him. Troubled? Yes. But I couldn't risk my family anymore. They were told to stay away from my kids at all times after that. The girl never really got the counseling she needed and grew up to have many problems. The boy as well. You did the right thing. My kids also took karate and were told that they were never to use it except in cases of self-defense.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.

I was always the mom at family gatherings who checked constantly on the kids, because most of the other parents figured that a gathering meant getting to ignore the kids for a couple of hours. So yes, I would be VERY upset if I were you. I also know from long years of experience that we are in the minority, and most people will blow us off as being uptight. Don't feel compelled to change the way you do things, but realize that your relatives won't change, either.

I would have reacted the same way. I am never comfortable with the wrestling. Even when my 7 year old girl and my 5 year old boy do it at home. It is hard because they are having fun and not fighting, BUT, it will eventually lead to someone getting hurt (and not necessarily badly) but then I have to deal with the crying and the anger at the other child. Because of that, I always try to halt it.

I'll tell you one thing, I sure would not want those parents or kids to come to my house. I teach my kids to respect other people and property. Wrestling in the house is unacceptable and especially wrestling with people who do not want to wrestle. This kids were out of control and the parents were not being parents. I am a day care provider and I am seeing more and more parents that are not parenting their children. When these kids are teens, these parents will be in big trouble. Keep doing what you are doing and find better friends for yourself and your kids.

You are not over reacting. They are under reacting and will pay the price when their child is a teenager. I would remove myself from any relationship that is harmful to children. You can still be friends and family, but keep it to a minimum. You can't change them, only yourself. God Bless! J.

Kids should wrestle with dad - an adult who is strong enough to not get hurt and knows when to call it off, and also knows how to be gentle enough not to hurt the kid, but rough enough to teach the child self defense, etc.

Wrestling should not be done between children completely unsupervised!

I think you did the right thing, and your kids being in TKD will toughen them up enough. They don't need to be nearly dead to be tough. Those bean bags are made of vinyl - you cannot breathe through vinyl! He really couldn't breathe. That is a dangerous situation. I would have left as well, and been very upset. Believe me, my daughter is as tough as they come, but I would never allow a child to harm her like that. No way.

I agree with you, and you are not being overprotective. You are being a mother, as well as teaching your child that bad behavior is unacceptable and it's best not to be around it. In TKD, they learn that their first line of defense is to leave a dangerous situation - and that is exactly what you did. It *is* our first line of defense and we all need to remember it.

I agree with everybody.
You were right to keep an eye on you son and right to leave.
Having fun and roughhousing is OK. But if kids are crying, I believe this is no fun at all.
As for the "you need to toughen up your son", my belief is that life/school/experiences... will toughen up everybody. In his life, your son will get hurt, his feelings will get hurt... He will have to learn and grow from that. But he should always know that home/family is the place to heal, get comfort and support. Your son trusted you and during that party, you just gave him another occasion to reinforce this feeling.
Our role as parents is not to toughen up our children. It's to be there when they need it and help them when external situations are toughening them up.
This does not mean that you are overprotective. If it would have been a TKD class and you would intervene to protect him, this would be overprotective, as he is there to learn. Not throwing him in a wrestling chaos with bigger kids is just common sense.

Oh my gosh! That's horrible. Knowing me, I would have gotten in there and wrestled the 8 year old and asked him how it feels to pick on people not as strong as him! Ok, I'm kidding about that but I would have wanted to.
I think you did the right thing. Just because the majority doesnt agree with you doesnt mean you're wrong. I would have definitely kept my LO away from that comotion and safe. That's your job and you did it well...

My boys wrestle all the time. If one starts crying, I just tell him that if he doesn't like it, he shouldn't wrestle. Usually, though, it really is just kids being kids. The little girl that was crying should have left the room if she didn't want to play with the other kids. So yeah, I would have let my kids wrestle if the owner's of the house didn't have a problem with it. If one of them started crying, I would have told them not to play anymore. Usually when I say that, they immediately stop crying and run back for more.

It sounds like a bit of both, yes, you are overprotective, and yes, this 8 yr old is a pain in the butt. I know if I had a party at my house I would not allow this. Hands to your sef is a very good rule. ESPECIALLY if a girl says no. I taught my boys that at a VERY young age. My boys are 8 and 6, so the no is in not sexual-but, I figure, start now. Yes, kids will be kids. But, parents need to be parents. We have family member that thinks his tough kid is just great-we also leave parties early.

You know what else-w/ everyone so sue happy the party hosts are not very smart w/ allowing this behavior.

You did the right thing. I agree with the other posts. That is not kids just being kids.

It is not you at all! I am not at all an overprotective parent and what you just described was completely inappropriate behavior on the other parents' part let alone the kids. Your husband should have stepped up to the plate with his sister when she accused you of being overprotective (maybe he did, you just didn't write it). ugh, what a nightmare. thankfully, your son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and chose not to engage with the other boy. some people - unbelievable!

Okay, aside from the obvious safety issues at hand here not to mention the cost of having to replace broken items in the house, this is just plain rude behavior. I ask my kids to behave in my home and in others. This sounds like outside behavior at best dangerous behavior at worst. Also, I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old boy and talk to them all the time about what is expected around those smaller or weaker. My boys wrestle around and are boys but they don't give into that desire when it is clearly their job to be the leader. I've told them that when little guys are around they need to come down to their level and help them with their games...not try to play like a big boy around little boys. Their job is to protect those smaller and weaker. It also sounds like the other parents were condoning this type of behavior because of their own feelings of apprehension at the thought of breaking up the mayhem. If you raise your children to be polite, respectful and to treat others kindly you may find yourself in the minority in some groups. You're dead on right in your assessment!

I think you did the right thing. I would have been pissed and would definitely have let the parents of the 8 y/o know he could have killed your son. This sounds like the beginning of bullying.

Sounds kinda ridiculous to me, and I usually have one foot in the "kids will be kids" camp.

At least your own kid has no interest in playing that way. If your son doesn't want to be involved, good, continue to encourage the stuff like boardgames going on in another room...

It's not just you. I WOULD DEFINITELY have a problem with this. I might be going a bit off topic but...personally, any kind of "fighting", superhero type of play is very counter productive for a child your son's age. I'm not sure about an 8 year old, but doesn't sound like it's very good, either.

My 21 month old was watching Spiderman for awhile. but not just Spiderman, this one particular YouTube video with Spiderman, Hulk and Ironman. It was pretty violent. He liked it so much that within days...he started pouncing and headbutting me, his dad and his 3.5 year-old sister.

At first, we felt...hmm....he's really starting to be a "typical" rough-housing boy. But then...something just came over us (my husband too), and we decided that that's not appropriate for this age. So we stopped letting him watch it.

Then I was at his Gymboree class one day and so happened to tell his teacher that we're holding off on all that Superhero play for now because it was starting to get a little rough. And to my surprise, his instructor told us that letting kids do all that superhero play at this young age, before 5 was actually very counter-productive for early childhood education. Since just a bunch of mindless, rough housing. It does little to help develop the cognitive and ESPECIALLY social skills of children as they play. Since Gymboree is very much structure play where children are learning to follow specific tasks and learning specific concepts through play (their plays would include learning concepts like Big vs. Little, Soft vs. Hard, Circles etc.), so I can definitely see why a child who just wants to pounce and jump around would have a hard time following a class program.

Nevertheless, I don't know how much study has been done on this. But I thought it was really interesting. I might just post a question about this and see other perspectives on this.

Your kids are your number one priority, so don't go to those parties. Simple as that. Who cares if people get bent out of shape if you don't go. That is completely out of control and I don't think you were overprotective since people were crying. Just. Don't. Go.

i think you did exactly the right thing. #1, spoke up, #2, kept a close eye on your son, #3, left when it continually got out of hand. it's not that there's anything wrong with the wrestling, but when children who don't want to play are "involved" against their will, then yes, it's time for a grownup to step in. if their parents weren't interested in teaching the kiddo to respect others, then you were right to take your son out of the situation.

If it were me, I would take my son and husband and gone home. A social occasion means people and their children should be on their best behavior. Brawling is not playing nice. Would SIL just let it go so easily if someone got hurt and made a claim against their homeowners insurance? I would think twice before going back to that house again no matter what the reason.

I'd take it a step beyond what everyone has said so far and I would NOT go anywhere where I knew that 8 year old would be! He obviously has no idea the logical consequences of his actions, and has parents who give him no parental consequences. If you had not been "overprotective", your son could have suffocated under that bean bag!

I ditto cdm2kk 100%! Well said!

You're kidding with your final question, right? Overprotective isn't the same thing as being upset that your son was being smothered by some rambunctious brat whose parents approve of his behavior. It sounds to me like it's time to find some new people to hang out with. The fact that they don't get it means (to me) that they probably never will. I understand that some of them are family, but seriously... small group settings with these people or not at all. That's how I'd do it.

FYI, my husband and I are not people who parent in fear... of injuries or insults or anything. We figure sometimes things are going to happen and we'll have to address them. But we'd *never* let our kid get smothered or shoved around either.

Would have had a problem. Would have done what you did. And would have left. (God I love voting with my feet).

I agree with B. I'm an insurance agent in AZ and if one of those kids got seriously hurt, one of those parents could be liable and would be paying big time. Don't ever think that your friends and/or family won't sue you! Anyway, I have been in situations like that and have just walked up to the host and said, thanks for the invite but I think it's time for us to go. So you did the right thing. Life is too short to be involved in unnecessary drama, your husband and kids always come first! Good luck!

Yes I have 4 sons & for safety reasons if nothing else they were told no wrestling in the house it is to easy to get hurt. I did not like it outside but a certain amount is expected but they also know not with girls & younger children. also you can set yourself up for problems if you know it & someone gets hurt.

Yes I would have had a problem with it! You did the right thing by leaving. I also have encountered parents that dont want to watch what their children are doing at any cost! But I say not at the cost of my child's safety! That parent that gave you the excuse that his son had just started a class is ridiculous!!! Tell him next time to man up and teach his son there is a time and place for everything and throwing other children around at a party is not the time and place. Have no fear their child will meet another child some day that will not take his BS and then I'm sure these parents will cry foul play!!

You did what your mommy instinct told you, keep your little one safe! I don't want to be drastic but I vaguely recall an incident where a boy killed his sister practicing wrestling moves. I am sure you could google something like that, then bring it up to your SIL. I am sure it is hard cause you are related and feel the need to go to parties but there are times that you need to do what is best for YOUR family. Make an appearance and move on. Sounds like someone needs to separate the age range of kids. And that is a lot of kids to be in one room! Good Luck and don't worry about being overprotective. That is your son and you know what is best.

I have a 9.5 year old son and a 5.5 year old daughter. Everyone here is correct. It's NOT cool for one kid to get out of control and start hurting others. Yes, * some * rough play is normal, but the problem is it can very quickly get out of hand. So it's important to keep an eye on it and not let it reach that point. If it does, that's when you say in a loud voice, "no more."

A 4-year-old can't handle nor be a part of it. You weren't being "overprotective" you were doing your job. The other parents have just given up on parenting and let their kids run loose, not cool.

I'm glad you left. What that 8-year-old did to your son was completely outrageous.

Absolutely! Good for leaving! If he learned wrestling, he should wrestle with other kids his age and with others who know how to wrestle. There is such a thing as rough play and such a thing as bad behaviour. This was bad behavior. Stop worrying about it, let them talk, your child is safe and there will be other parties.

I would have had a huge problem with it! Your not the only one and if the parents there couldn't see that then they need help. I am a firm believer that kids will be kids but there has to be boundries.It's gonna be all fun and games till like the person who said before me, someone make a claim on their homeowners or even worse sueing them. Your not being overprotective your being a parent to bad I can't say the same about the others. If it was me I would have done the same as you and probably would have ended up leaving.

Yes I would most definitely have a problem with this. This was a party not an arena. I believe that you did the right thing by leaving. Everyone seemed to not have a problem, but they are in denial of the way they are raising and not taking responsibility with their own kids. It's not about toughening kids up, society is going to have a hand in that anyway. But I believe this child gets to do whatever her chooses and runs his parents lives. Good call on leaving and I would be very exact with your sister-in-law as to why. It's too bad they don't see things in the same light. You go with your gut feeling, it's usually the guiding light!

Then we wonder why the children now days are full of anger and react with such bad behavior in this world. You did the right thing by just getting out of there.
Can not belive parents now days just have no shame and wonder why when the kids get to Junior high they lost them,meaning the kids end up running the show.. I was eating at a wendys yesterday for lunch and there were two mothers there one mother had two children one boy and one girl and the other mother had one baby girl.. The enitre time the kids were just running around like it was a playground and yelling and screaming while the mothers where ordeing their food not once did the parents take control ,just let them run around. See no control over sistuations will show the children they can do what ever.. So trust me always do what is best for you and your family. You are the one in charge and is teaching your kids manners and to behave correctly and you show them the love and you are not in anyway being overpreotective...
Geezz these parents just make me so mad...

You did the right thing.........being a former medic,I can recall one too many 'accidents' because children were not being supervised by their parents. It makes me so angry because these poor kids will be the ones to suffer when they are older because their parent's didn't 'parent' them! Egads! Stay away from parties like this and I would make sure your SIL knows that 'if' something happens at their house, 'they' could be liable!

Sounds unacceptable to me, but then again it seems the older your kids are the more tolerant you get (the more beaten down you get is more like it).