Mean Children at Daycare

I am kinda going through this also there is a little boy that is younger than my son but looks like he's older for his age and he is a bully. I know that he has older brothers and sisters but I keep a good eye on how things are when I pick up my son. You have to talk to the babysitter about these issues. S.

Hi A.,

Well like Suzi I'm a home child care provider also, and although I don't have as many number of years as her, I still have dealt with this situation. So my 3 yr has been the biter and has been bitten. It happens and not because I wasn't watching the kids either.

Alot of times children bite because they have not established verbal skills yet, and they is their only way of defending themselves.

For instance my daughter was biten the 1st time when she was around 14 months old by a little girl that was 16 months old, and why because that is their only way of knowing how to defend or protect themselves at that time.
The next time it occured it was my daughter doing the biting and why because it was her way of getting even with people who either took something away from her or something of that nature. Now I'm dealing with it periodically and my daughter is the one being biten once again by another child that is younger than her, once again the other little girls line of defense.

You know what I find funny about the whole biting issue and coming from a mother of 4 and a home child care provider of 4 more ? That is that the parent of the child being biten thinks that their child coul never do wrong or be mean to another child. And on the other hand the other parent of the child who is bitting thinks that their child would not do such a thing and they must have been provoked. And then on the other hand both parents want to say we the child care providers are not watching the kids.

And the other thing is that alot of times the way your child acts for their child care provider is a totally different way that your child acts for you. And you don't see they way your child acts on a day to day basis or even the issues of the day. I spend the solving battles of one not getting out of the way of the others when they are watching Dora. Or that they wanted that bottle of glue and not thos one.
So what I think you should do is this ......talk to your child care provider about what is going. Also ask her what happens in the form of discipline for the biter and the one being biten (I beleive this is a 2 party situation some or part of the time). Also on the part of this that you should find a new child care provider because of this is absolutely ridiculous and assanine, do you really think that there is any daycare in the USA that doesn't deal with biting on a day to day basis or even go through it's spurts of it at times. And once again this will pass as long as the child that is doing the biting should not be doing that because it is hurtful and not nice and if anything should be sent to for a time-out. And the other child needs to be told that IF they are taking a toy away from the other child or provoking the child in some way, that this is not nice either and should also be sent to time-out.
I may not be going through the biting at this time with the 3 one year olds that I watch but what I am dealing with is 1) pushing other people down or off of chairs 1) taking toys away from other people and 1) pulling hair when she gets a toy taken from her or she wants the other child to move of the chair she wants to sit on. All of this is going on right in front of me and even though they are only 1 we are already implementing time-out in the corner and naughty spots if they all are in trouble. I am sure at some point I will see the biting but I hope I won't.

W.

I would definitely talk with the daycare provider about it. If she doesn't provide a plan of how she will deal with it, I would talk with the parents of the children that are doing the biting or find another sitter. Business wise, the sitter is not going to kick out 3 children when she can kick out 1, your child. I would check out your options with another daycare provider, just in case the situation cannot be dealt with at your current place.

If your child care provider is aware of the problem but is unable to stop these things from happening, they obviously don't have control of the situation or the other children. It's also possible they are not paying close enough attention to the children. I would seriously consider looking for a new child care provider. Many good child care providers will not keep children who have a continued problem of biting, kicking or hitting.

Sorry to hear your going thru this and your daughter is getting picked on that is just sad. If it were me I would be saying something to the person or persons watching her and maybe letting her know that possibly seperating the ones that are kicking/biting/hitting her. Its not a matter of who is older its about making sure your daughter is kept safe. I would find out what kind of discipline is being done when your daughter is being picked on by other, is the lady watching her putting the other kids in timeout. Something needs to be done. I would be pissed if it were my child coming home with bite marks on him. I know kids will be kids and they dont get along especially 2 yr olds but the adults need to watch out and make sure they are getting along and do the correct punishment for the ones that are causing pain to your child or others.

What is HER plan of action to keep ALL her clients happy? I am a mother of 2 sons, one 23 and the youngest is 6, a previous preschool teacher and have been a Nanny, and I had a home-based childcare business. No child that I cared for in any capacity bit another. I know it happens, but when events like that(kicking, hitting etc.) occur it must be dealt with immediately. The child should know clearly that that's a "NO!NO"! The excuse that"... all kids go through it,"... doesn't hold with me.
A.- start shopping for a new caregiver. I am sure that you will find a better match. You must learn to trust your instincts when it concerns your daughter. Better safe than sorry! So, what that you are a young lady?! I was your age once, too! LOL

Obviously, you've told your daughter that no one is supposed to touch her in bad ways...that includes being bit and hit,etc. Why people don't teach their children that they have no right to hit another is beyond me. Hands off and be kind in words and actions! I taught that to the children I "nannyed" and the sibling fighting was reduced greatly. Same thing.

My daughter is 2 and tall as well so your message caught my eye.I worked at a daycare for a little over 5 years and have a degree in Early childhood.I recently stay home to raise my kids . It is true that it does happen however it shouldnt happen often cause the provider knowing it is happening she or he should be having a closer eye so they can address the problem so that both children know what they are doing and your daughter to know that that she is safe as well as knowing it was wrong of them. You dont want your daughter to think it is ok in what they are doing. I mean kids will be kids but just make sure its being addressed cause your daughter should feel that is her home when she cant be with you and you need to feel your daughter is safe when you are at work. I hope I helped.

All of the advice you have received is good! Talk to your daycare provider! I have placed my kids with plenty of home day care providers and if your child is not getting the best of care and consideration, you may want to consider looking for another one who will give your child the best care with no matter what you are able to pay. Also, check to see if there is a Childcare Connection place in your area that will give references out on registered home day care people who take state paid child care, or other fundings for daycare. In the Peoria, IL area, our Childcare Connection is located at Illinois Central College Offices in East Peoria, IL. I have used them many times and have always trusted them to refer me to honest and caring home providers. Good luck with your search!