May Be Pregnant and Nervous to Tell Husband

After we had our first my husband said he was done. We were 22 years old & I kind of blew off what he said about not wanting ANY more kids, but still I went on the pill for the time being. 10 months later we were pregnant again even though I took my pill religously. He was not happy at all at first. He said it wasn't responsible for us to have another baby when we knew we couldn't afford it. He was right that we couldn't afford it, but I was pregnant & terminating was not something I was going to discuss after having been pregnant & bringing one child into the world already. After our daughter was born he said he wanted a vasectomy but I knew I wanted more kids so I told him I would go on the depo shot so as to avoid anything permanent. I stayed on various forms b.c. for the next 8 years until I started having issues and only then after a very long discussion about I-want-more-he-doesn't-want-more did we both agree on a vasectomy.

Telling him was a bit nerve-wracking, but he never acted as though I did it intentionally. We had sex TOGETHER, so no one person can ever be blamed for a pregnancy.

There's nothing you can do now but wait & see if you are or not. Stressing yourself out will only make you later if you're not pregnant.

I do agree with Cheryl that if you both agree you're done with kids then it's time to research something permanent. If you're not, then you need to talk to him about that, but don't expect him to change his mind.

You may not be pregnant. Cross that bridge when you come to it. I would wait a few more days and test again. You probably are not pregnant if you are late and it is coming out negative. It could be stress. Do not worry right now. Remember everything will come out as it should.

Don't tell him unless you know for sure. I totally know what you're saying. I was nervous when I told my husband the first time. If we got pregnant now I would be nervous too to tell him, as he would rather wait a few more months/years until he's ready for another, if we even have another. So just wait.

And don't feel like this is YOUR fault. It takes two to get pregnant. Are you on the pill? Condoms? Charting your cycle? I chart my cycle and tell my husband when we need a condom or not. He trusts me on that. (and my cycle is now very predictable) If your cycle is irregular, then it's not like you could easily predict when you're ovulating. If you're not on any type of pill or iud or depo, then he should be putting on a condom if he's totally against another baby.

Hang in there. Let us know. If indeed you are pregnant, perhaps you should tell him in a public place so maybe he won't make a big fuss/scene about it. Or for sure wait until he his relaxed, maybe had a beer or two first.

If you're not, I recommend you start charting your cycle, even if you just start writing down how many days each one is. If you can see that you're always at a 30/31 day cycle, then you can predict when you ovulate. There's a whole science to it. I got the book "Taking Charge of your Fertility" and it helped me learn what's going on.

No, I haven't been in your situation...

If you BOTH are done having babies - then it's time to consider permanent birth control...if YOU are not done having babies - you need to communicate with your husband about your desire to have another....

COMMUNICATION IS KEY.....

stressing over it isn't going to change anything...it takes two to tango baby...if he didn't want anymore kids - there were things he too could do to prevent it....sorry - it's NOT just YOUR responsibility....

I'm sorry you sound afraid of your husband. I'm sorry that your husband would feel that you got pregnant on purpose...that sucks..

My husband only wanted two. I wanted 3, but by no means wanted to trick him. We used protection or the pull and pray method, well one time it didn't work and we have a 4 year old - I can't imagine life without him, neither can my husband. He wasn't mad at me, I was mad at him. I had just started work and was not able to stay home with the last one. It almost killed me. But I would never not want my baby. I would wait until you know and then tell him. Otherwise it will only cause unnecessary drama.

Good advice so far.

I agree, wait till you know for sure. You can't stop your husband from feeling his feelings, but you CAN stop him from bullying you because of them. Tell him It Takes Two To Tango, Buster, and as others said, there are things he can do to make sure you don't get pregnant, if he's that serious about it.

Man, it annoys me when men blame women for getting pregnant, as if they had no part in it. If you know you didn't purposely get pregnant, then stand your ground, and don't feel guilty or worry about his reaction.