I posted about my stepdaughters manners (rather lack thereof) so now we work on one at a time. Right now its take small bites. She gets gentle reminders. (She is 9)
Now she has taken to correcting everyone she sees with their table manners. I have told her that its rude to correct a person's manners and we do it because she is our child (my stepdaughter) and its our job to teach her. Still she jumps all over us at the table, like if we don't say "thanks" soon enough. I fear the correcting at the table has set a bad example. I've also told her its not her job to correct adults.
Her table manners are slovenly, shoving huge bites in her mouth, chewing loudly, etc. I want to send her to her room to eat but my husband only sees her at dinner then its off to bed. He doesn't care about her manners as he never corrected her before.
I'm ready to give up, which is what she wants. She's just being a brat!
Edited to add: she is correcting in public and to Grandparents, uncles and friends. At home she doesn't do it in the "oops I caugnt u" way but will jump on "you didn't say thank you" before we even had a chance, or saying we have elbows on the table should our elbow graze the surface.
Thanks all! My frustration was high, but now I've calmed down.
To the ones who said she is playing a game...you're right! She's trying to play the game where we get so frustrated with her corrections that we stop correcting her--and it was working! But not anymore! And she's trying to take the heat off herself, a tactic she uses A LOT. If someone says "you're doing XYZ" she'll immediately point out something someone else is doing wrong.
Instead we will apply manners to her rudeness. We will politely say "thank you" no matter what she says--even when we know she's being rude. Not only will that be a shining example of good manners but it will ruin her game and I'm sure she'll stop.
Thanks all! You're so wonderful!
She'll get tired of the game soon enough. I would thank her for noticing good manners reminders and try and take a different approach. Even if she is doing it with a bit of a "so there" attitude, it will help change the dynamic and you can all be lighthearted and laugh about it together.
Ha, she is a mart alack.. But at least she is learning..
Did you ever purchase the Book, "How Rude!, The teenagers Guide to Good Manners, proper behavior and not grossing people out?"
By Alex J. Packer, Ph.D There is copy here available for 55 cents. It is excellent.
I purchased it when our daughter was in 4th grade. It is wonderful.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3...
Thank her for her reminders. Also let her know to give a moment for others to use their manners. She takes away the fun when she tries to beat others to use their manners. Remind her manners are not a game. They are a behavior, like raising her hands in the air at school. She does not raise her had first and yell "hey teacher" to beat others to answer the question. Instead people raise their hands and the teacher will then acknowledge a person..
Well now instead of correcting her all of the time, how about also thanking her or giving her good feedback when she does the right?
"I like how you are not talking with your mouth full." "Thank you for passing the rolls."
Also remind her that it is not going to be polite to correct people when she is eating out or at other peoples homes.
I am sending you strength.
I agree with Denise P. response. I think even adults can be reminded of our manners. Have you looked into the thought that she is treating you the way you are treating her? It seems like you guys may have a bit of a rough relationship?
Good luck!
Keep up the good work! She's testing you. Correction is one thing, but be sure to compliment her when she does things correctly. Positive reinforcement can really go a long way. After a good meal session, tell her how proud you are of her and how lady like she is becoming.
How about a straightforward "thank you" and then move on?
I'd also add "not correcting adults" or "learn to correct with gentleness and love" to her list of manners to work on. Congratulations on being able to break things into single small items. You'll get there and the more arguments you can get out of (for now) the better. Don't lose focus on what you're working on in the moment.
I think it's good practice for her to point out others bad manners while concentrating on learning her own. After all, what's good for the goose....
I would let her do it, as long as its at home and not out in public. It shows that she's paying attention, and wants to be treated/allowed to do things that the rest of the family is doing.
When she happens to correct you, just respond with 'Sorry, you're right. Thanks'.
If I could, I wouldn't send you a flower......I would send you a medal! You are doing a fabulous job!!!
I am totally going to check out the book that Laurie A. suggested, even though my kids are only 3 and 7.
is there a way for you to allow her parents to deal with her and not you?
this will be a neverending battle for all of you. you are her stepmom, let dad deal with her chewing, her obnoxious behavior and just step aside.
