Manipulative People

Boundaries. If the person tries to guilt you or manipulate you and you don't play that game, then you don't get used and you don't feel as bad. Example, if someone I don't trust tells me that x event is at x time and she needs x favor, I'm going online and looking it up. Oh, really, so x event isn't til y time and you don't really need the favor, but you're lazy? Nope, not helping you. Be informed, have healthy boundaries, and don't be afraid of their reaction. It's not being mean, it's being assertive. Then you get more head space for you, like time at the beach.

Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

Controlling, manipulative people only have power over us if we allow it. Place boundaries, refuse to engage, and protect yourself and your family.

I hope you find some peace at the beach! I'm so envious!

Depending on what and who it is...take a break from that person. Don't see, talk to/about that person. Once people get under your skin like that, you can get a bit obsessed with being annoyed with them. You go looking for them so you can complain to someone else about them. (When I "hate" somebody on TV, I find myself watching just so I can fume and say, "I hate you!") What works? Out of sight, out of mind. It takes a while, but it works to bring me back around to a sensible place. If I don't hear or see the name in a while, I can break that habit. It's very deliberate. Try it. Know yourself and what triggers your behaviors. If this person pushes your buttons and flips your switches, it's up to you to deny that person access to your console.

ETA: I turn very cerebral with these people. If I already know that my heart strings can get tugged and I can get swept up, I tuck my heart strings into my bra and don't let them get touched. The relationship becomes strictly "Just the facts, ma'am." I am not easily manipulated or convinced, but people do get on my nerves.

It's normal for a controlling, manipulative person to have an effect on us. Everyone gets triggered. But after that, you get to choose how to respond. Going to the beach to relax sounds like a good first step. And thinking about how this person makes you feel is good, too. The key is deciding what you will do differently next time, what you would like to do, and how that would make you feel.

Think about your options, talk to others, try something different whether it's avoiding contact, speaking up, or ending the relationship. Journal it, write it all down and use it to help you grow and be stronger and wiser.

As you get older this will bother you less. You'll learn to cut certain people out of your life, or at the very least limit your interaction with them (even family members if need be.)
We can't control other people, only our reaction to them.
It's a beautiful day, go to the beach and enjoy! Don't let some jerk ruin that for you.

Tell the Atlantic "hello" from me!
Take a break. Sometimes out of sight, out of mind.
Maybe you're too trusting and don't realize until its too late you're being manipulated? That can happen easily.
Sadly, the solution has to be considering outcome for yourself/your family, etc down the road if you do A or B.
Often, naturally trusting and Mon-suspicious people never see it coming---
Just be aware--don't actually become suspicious! Lol

I know the feeling. I admire people who don't let others affect them, but I also wonder what's missing from their heart because it's hard to NOT let a controlling, manipulative person affect the way you feel about things...especially if you are at odds.

Saying prayers for you, hope you feel better!

You've received some good ideas here. I want to add that you can have control over how you feel. In this situation, relax at the beach, and every time you start to think about what has happened steer your thoughts away from the ones that are making you angry and resentful. Know that you not only can have control over whether or not this person manipulates you, you also have control over how you feel when it does happen.

I suggest that you're giving this person power over you. As Christy Lee has said, this situation requires that you have better boundaries. I learned a lot from reading Co-dependent No More. Give it a try.

Ugh. When I find out, I will let you know, lol!

I went through a horrible time with my mil. Really, it's still going on but I haven't seen her in a couple yrs and haven't directly talked to her in about a yr. My H still talks to her about twice a month. We still hear of her lies and schemes from other people.

Before the complete break down, she was passive aggressive city. But I only saw her for 2-3 times a yr. I could not have stood it if I lived closer.

As it was, I did a lot of exercising. I talked to my best friend. I went on high blood pressure meds for about a yr. dealing with it. Don't let it get to that point. Physical separation is the only cure I know of. That said, everyday, just about, I pick up that burden again. And everyday, I lay it back down by prayer and busyness. Find other, less manipulative people to be around.
Also realizing that it's their problem, not something you've asked for, helps.

Boundaries are there for your protection and emotional health, not as a punishment for that manipulative person. What I am saying is, don't feel bad for setting boundaries. It's just as good a healthy move as exercise or eating right. You pick and choose the food that goes into your body. You have boundaries for bad food because of the effect on you. You are not punishing the bad food! You just know its not good for you. Part of your stewing about this person is because you don't have a plan for keeping her from hurting you again and again. Make a plan. Anxiety will decrease as you DO something. Good luck!

It stings when we feel we've been used or that our emotions have been exploited for someone else's influence or gain.

I've been there. You've had a lot of great suggestions which would be consistent with mine: be angry, recognize which part of the situation you are angry about, and make a plan in your head for next time.

The next time, deal with it in the moment. "I feel uncomfortable when you say..." "I feel confused when you tell me...." and why.

Or, if they are just a user, "I hear that you would like me to do XYX and no, I won't be doing that this time."

PS-- is this about your feasting MIL?:) Next time, I'd save some leftover plastic containers etc, and be sure to pack *her* up a small dinner.(this way, no worries about your good tupperware!) I just read that post-- wow... just so very selfish.

Just resolve to not fall for it again.
Try no contact - no phone calls, no mail, no email, no visits, no Facebook, etc and so forth..
Experience the joy of not dealing with their drama - for 6 months or a whole year.
Realize you prefer life without it - and continue on your merry way.
Put them out of your mind and don't think of them anymore.
Consider them dead.
By dwelling on them - you are giving them free rent in your head.
They are not entitled to it.
Evict them from your mindset.
Surround yourself with happy friendly people who don't jerk you around.

I understand. I am dealing with the same thing now, and it's SO hard to keep it from consuming my thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through this! I am going to take some of the advice you got here. :)

Hugs!