My son is 21 months old, and has been doing great with potty training already. He is very interested and is waking up dry from naps. He asks to go [I never even have to ask], and started out by using a potty chair.
On Friday, he wanted to use the toilet instead, which was fine. So all weekend he has been using the toilet and has peed and pooped on it with no reservations. The problem is, he's started using it to manipulate me. He asks to go, and I sit him down, he goes pee. I praise him and then say, "okay let's get your diaper back on", and he in response asks to go potty again. Now, I believe the reason he is doing well is because I've been letting him lead the way the whole time. If he wants to go, I let him. I praise him like crazy every time and I have tried my hardest to always make it a positive and encouraging experience. So when he asks to go again, I've been letting him because I don't want to tell him "no you can't go potty"! I knew he was manipulating me, but I figured, okay this is one thing that I'll let him get away with because I want him to feel completely comfortable going potty and also I don't want to have a power struggle over it. So he sits down again, strains as hard as he can and gets a little dribble of pee out. I praise him again, put his diaper back on, we wash hands, and I say "All done" and we walk back out into the living room. Two seconds later- "Potty? Potty?". I give in, we repeat the process, and he squeezes out every last drop of pee in his bladder. I quickly try to redirect his attention before he asks again! Sometimes it works...sometimes we go potty again. At one point today he was on and off of the toilet probably ten times within 4 minutes.
He knows my weaknesses very well. He does his best to delay bedtime by asking to eat, to read another book, to have more milk, and now he asks to go potty to delay bedtime as well. I can refuse to give him milk if I know he has had enough and I offer him water in a sippy cup to bring to bed. And lately I've been limiting our bedtime reading to 5 books, no exceptions. But if he asks for food I have a hard time saying no because he hardly eats anything and is already pretty thin. And if he asks to go potty I give in as well.
What can I do to stop giving in to this manipulation, without creating a power struggle or a negative experience with potty training?? Or should I just continue to bite my tongue and let him get away with it? I wouldn't feel right refusing to let him go, but at the same time, if he already went and has nothing left he doesn't need to use the potty. I also worry his straining to squeeze out a few more drops of pee could be harmful if he keeps doing it. He is very strong willed and something like this could easily turn into another weapon he can use to push my buttons [which may already be why he is doing this]. If that is the case and he is turned off to the idea of going potty for a while, that's okay with me because he is so young anyway. I didn't think I would be dealing with this until he was 3! However, what if he stops going potty, and loses interest completely ...or is interested in another year, but uses this same manipulation tactic then? Has anyone gone through this with their child? How should I handle this?
Thank you for your responses. I will try what was suggested and see what happens! It's true, it could be that he is just enjoying the attention and praise and right now it's exciting to use a toilet instead of the potty chair. I'll get some underwear...but I know he wont be able to get those, or his clothes on and off so I'll still have to be there for that, and he can't get on and off of the toilet right now- but I do have a stool that we use at the sink, and I think if I get one of those potty seats that sets into the regular toilet seat he might be able to manage getting up and down, and will be less likely to fall in that way too! Thanks again
I agree with the others who say it is time to get rid of the diapers. He may be delaying having to put that back on. Also, I would reserve your praise for the first time he goes potty only. (Not the 9 more times in 4 minutes.) He may be looking for that attention. Leave the room and let him do it himself. If he is doing it for attention and isn't getting any, he will stop.
you know, it might actually be that he literally feels like he has to pee that often. part of potty training is being able to hold it longer, and most kids, especially boys, cant really do that until 3 or later. we as a society "expect" kids to start or finish around 2.. and thats simply not fair for their physical readiness. :) but like you said, you didnt expect it until 3. LOL.
i cant tell you what you should do. im thinking that he cant hold it that long when hes awake, hes feeling the sensation, and he feels he has to go, and he has to go now, even if its just a dribble. so i dont think hes manipulating you, but im sure he enjoys the big deal you are making about it. :P maybe lighten it up a bit? still congratulate him, but just maybe a little less so?
one thing about parenting you have to make the rules, and you have to stick with them. if you break them once, your kid is gonna think you will break them again. so you have to really stick to your word, no matter what. just start trying to do that and see if it helps with the other things.
My son is 27 months old and has just started the potty training. He is doing great like your son and does the same thing. He will go on the potty and then want to flush and go again. I let him flush the first time after he goes but then if he wants to sit again he knows he cant flush unless he poops. After i put him on the second time in a row to try going then i just try to get his attention on something else. Like ok do you want to go outside, do you want to do a puzzle, have a snack, color, watch barney, something i know he really enjoys. He usually will want to then i tell him we have to go put on a pull up and pants first and he will get off and do that. I would love to not use pull ups and just do underwear, but for some reason he does NOT like underwear and gets very upset to have them on but he does good with the pull ups now so that is what we are going with. I would try that though. That way it is not a power struggle with him and he gets to feel like he is making the decision. That is great he is doing well and going but dont be discouraged if he goes backward again. My son would go on the potty before he turned 2 then went for a few months of not wanting to and now he is doing very well. Just keep encouraging him and in time he will get it. Good luck.
K.,
If you are potty training, your little one should be in underwear. Leave long pants off if possible or if you have to have some one, put him in loose ones that are easier for him to get up and down. He should be able to do this without your help. When I train children, I give them one mini m-n-m if they can get their own pants up/down. Then another if they actually go potty on the toilet. Equally as important as actually going potty in the toilet is the child being able to get his/her own pants/underwear up and down and then being able to get on the toilet by themselves. If you are doing that for them, when you are busy or not there, they will be unable to do it for themselves.
I am a strong believer in not using diapers while potty training. It is confusing to the kids and although there are a few accidents on the floor, I strongly believe it is the most effective way to get the job done. Good luck!
C.
we have a rule that we will always take our daughter to the potty no matter what however, if it is bed time and she is just trying to get out of bed, if she doesn't actually go we take a toy away.
Oh boy this can be difficult because you don't want negative but it can be a pain just to keep taking him. Try investing into training pants.. not pull-ups. Your son may just be advanced and is ready to be trained now and may have some accidents in the future when he gets more active. But trying to set a time limit. If he has gone and done well then put his pants on and say okay we are done for the next XX minutes until then why don't you play with whatever. This worked for me. Sometimes they will stare at the clock or keep asking if it is time but then you can keep increasing the time until you feel it has been a good enough time for him to actually have to go.
Hi K.,
Some kids are ready to potty train before two and it seems like your little guy is doing well. My only suggestion is something I read in John Rosemond's column. You might tell your son that you talked to the doctor and he said that you should not go to the potty more often that once or twice in an hour. Kids usually see doctors as authority figures so he might go along with that. Just say, "Sorry but the doctor says we have to wait, lets go play with toys" or the doctor says you will have to wait till later, its time to climb in bed." If you do that consistently and just be matter of fact about it, it might do the trick. The doctor takes the blame, not you! Good luck!
Take a look at what he gets out of the potty experience--your attention, praise, together-time--and make sure some of his other activities are equally interesting. It's important, also, that you not do any more than you want to do. Can he manage the potty chair by himself? If so, after you have helped him do it on the toilet, you could let him do it himself for rounds two, three, and beyond--while you're in another room doing something that he would enjoy. You're doing great! It sounds like you have things well thought out.
K.,
I would try putting underwear on him. I think wearing diapers or even a pull-up can be confusing to the child while being potty trained. With it getting cold I would also try sweat pants that he can easily slide on and off. As with him asking for food before he goes to bed, I would tell him that he will have to wait for breakfast. I have noticed my kids say that they are hungry when they are tired and I try to teach them that they are not hungry they are tired. I also let them know what they did eat for dinner and/or thier snack and that they will have to wait till morning. I know it is hard to tell your child no you can't have food, but when you know they are manipulating you, you know you have to.
Good luck,
A.
K.,
Stop the power struggle by giving him control of the situation. Take him out of diapers and make sure he can get his pants on and off by himself and can get on and off the toilet by himself. Then you don't have to be involved. If he wants to spend all day on the toilet, that's fine. You can go about your day while he does.
Good luck,
S.
