Managing Two Kids - West Hills,CA

There is nothing wrong with you! You just haven't found your groove yet. Switching from one to two kids is challenging and it takes time for everyone to adjust. I promise it will get easier. Your husband needs to suck it up and realize he needs to pitch in and help whether it be driving your oldest to preschool or whatever else you need him to do. Don't be so hard on yourself, you can't do everything at once so just try to do your best at time management (which isn't easy with a newborn) and know that as long as your kids are loved and fed and clean-or almost clean ; ) - you are doing just fine!

honey moving from one to two is the hardest challenge as a mom to date you will have.once babe in arms is a little bigger it does get easier. you get routine and things get better. as for your hub. I let my hub give me no ear on not wanting to do something that was involving our children. I had a busted tail bone he was home for three weeks and becuase I have trained him in the ways the morning goes around here he picked up where i left off. He needs to understand that even though he is working your older child is now sort of his to take care of while home. until baby get a little older. Youare going through one of the hardest ajustments. FYI, if you plan on another, thr third is a whole lot easier....thats a long way off for you though. Hang in their mama. even with two there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. and it is amazing when you get there. Also dont be afraid to ask for help from friends and family during the day. Maybe a gma can do preschool pick up to lighten your load. have one come make dinner one night a week. you have no idea how much the people around you would be honored you asked them!!

Hang in there,
-Libby

I had four children, and I thought the transition from one to two was more challenging than from two to three or from three to four.

With two children (even when one isn't a newborn!), you need to plan your time differently. Everything takes longer! If you think you need five minutes to get all of you from your house into the car, schedule yourself ten or twelve. If you think breakfast should take fifteen minutes, plan on as much as thirty. If you think you need an hour to get children to bed after dinner, schedule yourself ninety minutes. You'd rather have planned too much time than not enough.

One thing this planning does is to help you think more calmly. Your big boy (who is still a little boy, although you don't mention his age) may be anxious about whether you love him as much now that he has a sibling - even though he may not be able to tell you so and even though he may not think of it that way himself. He certainly lives in a different kind of household now.

So make everything you can possibly manage into a "come help mommy" thing. Let him "help" you make supper. When it's time to nurse the baby, it's also time to read him a book. Let him help you with the baby by handing you a diaper or a wipe or a burp cloth when you need it (put the things where he can get them himself). Do as much talking to him and listening to him as you can, while you take care of the little one and the house. If your husband can drop him off at school even once in a while, then your son GETS to go with Daddy - special treat!

If the housework falls behind - and it will - ask you husband if he can help *temporarily* with little jobs until you get over this hump - or ask at your church or local high school about a good, reliable student who can come in for a while and play catch-up for you one afternoon every week for a little money.

Don't feel bad. Every mama has to learn these things. Sleep deprivation was always my worst enemy (it still is!). But do the best you can. Things will start to iron out. Your children don't need a perfect mama - just one who does her best.

And, one day pretty soon, take your big boy shopping and get him the coolest pair of socks he can pick out himself!

Congratulations on your new baby! There's nothing wrong with you, we all go through it. Don't be too hard on yourself. Your 2nd is only 10 weeks old. That's hard enough when it's just one, but you also have a 4 year old who is having a hard time adjusting.

Kids sometimes feel like they've been replaced and don't know how to deal with it but to act out for attention. Try to let him help whenever possible. There are lots of little things he can do like get a diaper for you. Then tell him what a big help he is and how lucky the baby is to have such a great big brother. Once he realizes he's still important to you, his behavior will change for the better.

Your husband needs to be more understanding! A new baby in the house doesn't just mean more work for YOU. It means more work for BOTH of you. Marriage is a partnership after all. Maybe next time he has a day off, you should go shopping with a friend for the day and leave him with BOTH kids. Then maybe he'll have some clue what you are going through. He needs to help more. He should be bringing him to pre-school every time if the pre-school is that close to his job.

Do you have family nearby that can help? When I had my 2nd, both sets of grandparents helped by giving my almost-4 year old extra attention and taking him to the movies or Mc Donalds or out for ice cream. Some Saturdays my husband (God bless him) took my son out for the day to give me a break.
Hang in there Mom! It will get easier, believe me. Once the baby gets a little bigger it'll be better :)

I think our second child was the most stressful for my husband, rather than anyone else in the house. He had to take on a lot more household duties as well as caring for our 2 yo (at the time). And he was super grumpy about it! I call him Joan of Arc, good grief it's not like I wasn't doing all of the house and child 1 before child 2 came along. Whatever.

Get cleaning ladies if you don't already have them. And husband will need to suck it up and get up earlier to d/o child 1.

Good luck hon. Just keep telling yourself: right now this is the hardest part. It will get better! You already know that from having child 1, right? :)

There is nothing wrong with you, most men are selfish and they think we are super women. Seriously, the next time your husband starts complaining about taking your son, then tell him get the baby ready too and you will just go to work... Most of them don't understand how hard it really is, like we have a magic wand and its' stress free for us.
Even though your husband is complaining it could be worse, he could leave you with both as he goes straight to work and only have to deal with the stress of work. My husband barely helps me out, he's getting better with age, but I would have to take the kids with me where ever I go, if I had grocery shopping to do, I have two kids with a newborn, I think maybe a hand full of time could I go without taking the newborn... So count your blessings...
Your older son will feel left out a lot and get mad at his baby sister. It's hard for kids to share their parents with their siblings. Kids do adjust but it's hard on them.
Hang in there momma, things will get a little better. Also, there are sock with no seams in them that might be better for your son.

Oh honey its still SO early!
You've been so used to just having one baby. Now there are two, and that's A lot to deal with!
I have a 2 1/2yo son and a 6month old daughter. At first I didn't know what to do with both of them. IT was soo stressful. But you do get the hang of it.

Have your older son help with everything! Have him grab you diapers for the baby, the powder, bibs, towels etc
Have him help you clean
You want to try and include him in everything you do, so he knows he is still loved and feels needed.
When the baby is sleeping, spend time playing with your big boy. After a lil while, try doing Mommy& big boy trips, even if its to the corner store for 3 mins.
It is hard, especially while BF one.
Does your older son have a stuffed guy, or toy that is his best buddy?
Once our daughter was born our son took to this stuffed lion. He used to call it "baby Lion" but he told us he grew up and is now "big boy Lion" lol
He treats it like his baby. changes its diaper, feeds it. Everything he sees me doing with my daughter he does to that lil lion.

Your Husband just has to help.
C'mon... he's an adult, he helped make the kids, those are his kids too, his house too, and you are his Wife.
That means... he is a grown man... with a family and a wife, and so he needs to help.
It is not a choice, it is just something you HAVE TO DO.

You are completely normal and I am sure I'm probably mirroring all your other posts.

1-your son is also totally normal and just reacting to the new baby and the life change.

2-two is hard, hard, hard. Especially in the beginning.

I would try to find time to spend with just your son -even if it is just snuggling at night before bed.

Try to engage him with the new baby and praise the heck out of him when he does good stuff.

As far as your husband goes. Ask him to carry around a 10 lb bag of flour wrapped in a blanket all day...pretend to take out time to feed it, change it and the entire time play a tape of a toddler yelling...play w me Dada, play with me Dada...at varying variables of loudness.

Bet he'll figure out it's not so easy.

Going from one child, to two children is challenging.
A 10wk old infant is challenging. You (and your husband) are probably not sleeping at night, and that always takes a toll too. I know when this happens with me and my husband everything can start going downhill.
Know that you are not alone in finding this time to be really hard. It takes time to develop a new pattern for how to make a family of 4 work. Know also, that you WILL figure this out. :)
For now - for something you can do... :) If you can manage to spend some one on one time with your son before/after he is at school - it may make a difference. See if you can find 10 minutes to put the baby down, and just focus on your son. (You can keep the baby next to you, but try to make the focus your son.) Read a book, rock with him, talk to him about school or his toys...
If you can find tasks that he can help with that point out what a big boy he is, and how helpful he is like getting diapers, burp cloths, getting your shoes... things he can do because he is BIG - and that he then gets positive reinforcement for.... That can also provide a way to have more positive interactions with him.

It does get better. It does get easier. (I will not say that it becomes easy!) You'll figure out the pattern for your family. Remember that sleep deprivation and new babies make mom and dad cranky - this will improve as the sleeping gets better, and as the new patterns are established. If you are able to nap when the baby is napping and the son is at preschool - take advantage of that time. If nothing else, it will help YOU be able to cope with things better. Anything else in the house can wait! Sleep is more important. :)
I'll be thinking of you. It does get better!

Going from 1 to 2 kids is tough. Your husband needs to grow up and take on some of the responsibilities. Why in the world should you and the baby leave the house when your husband can drop off your son at preschool? Nothing is wrong with you, but your husband needs to take a good look at himself in the mirror. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

Ten weeks is still early. My 2nd is almost 4 months old and we are still figuring out how to deal with both kids. I still haven't attempted going grocery shopping with both of them! There is nothing wrong with you for having trouble making this transition. A friend of mine with 5 kids recently told me that going from 1 kid to 2 was the hardest change.

It sounds like your son is feeling a little neglected, that's going to happen no matter how hard you try to split your attention. My son is 3, still never acted jealous towards the baby or shown any resentment, BUT he has meltdowns over the most random things that never used to bother him. The other day he completely flipped out because I made butterfly noodles instead of shells.

You'll get there, just be easy on yourself. Sit your husband down and tell him you need help. Men are "fixers" by nature, explain to him in a way that makes him feel like he can swoop in a rescue you!

time to find the "happy" in your life again! Many, many moms manage multiple children....& you can do it, too.

An easy way to begin is to stop & smile at your son....to take a second to reflect on what an awesome child he is....& take the time to tell him. If you make an effort to find the "happy", then your whole life will turn around. BUT if you focus on his whining or demanding....then you'll all be miserable until that baby is sleeping thru the night! Peace....

nothing is wrong with you...you just doubled the amt of kids in your house and you will be juggling this for (sorry) awhile and its frustrating for you and your hubby.....personal opinion is the preschooler thinks he has been replaced and doesnt know how to handle that ...thus the meltdowns. I dont have many suggestions for you other than try to get the preschooler involved with taking care of the new baby. Let him go get a diaper or let him hold the little one...read the baby a book. etc.
Sorry again...hopefuly it will get better..I am sure it will.
Good luck