Mamapedia Etiquette?

When I see something I want to respond to, I read the other posts. If someone has already said basically the same thing, I send them a flower to let others see I agree with that response. That cuts down on the number of responses someone has to read.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I think if we all followed that maxim there'd be no issues.

I do not send a flower to every one who posts on my questions, only to those who make a real attempt to be helpful, which is most certainly not everyone.

not reporting people because they disagree, everything gets pulled if it gets reported and ive seen valid questions.....and answers get pulled just because they were "different"

I send a flower if I agree with the poster. If they post an answer I wish I had written myself, I usually send then a PM with a thank you.

I use the word "blunt" if what I have to say may be disagreed with by the one asking the question. I REALLY try to NOT be rude! I admit to having "hot button" issues and that sometimes I get carried away.

I want to help the one asking the question. If I didn't want to help, I wouldn't be here. I never respond because I want to confuse the issue or because I'm bored and there is nothing on TV.

I am surprised by some of the questions because some of the questions have, what seem to me, to be obvious answers. But I've now been here for just over a year and I have come to realize, not everyone has had the same life experiences and education that I have had. So I help when ever I can.

I wish mam_pedia would join the 21st century and put itailics, underline and bold AND spell check on this site. I have used CAPS to emphasize a point and it was misinterpreted as yelling by others. Sorry about that to all that I have done that to. I have yet to see a question that I wanted to yell at.

When I post I wish they would tell me what words were offensive and let me re-post without the offensive words, if possible. But if they delete a post, you are banned from posting on that question.

EDIT and ADD: Every now and then there is a post that I have absolutely no experience in. Then I just read and marvel. If it is a feminie question, I don't flower at all. period! Example: "Shaky Boob Trick". J Riley's response gave me a hearty laugh.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND YOUR FLOWERS. I wish I lived next door to several of you. I wish I could shake your hand and introduce you to my wife and kids. You have made my day several times. Good luck to you and yours.

It's not etiquette per se, but I think the political posts need to be curtailed as they only lead to divisive responses -- and some are flat-out darned rude.

Also, before clicking "send" -- re-read your response. Hiding behind this "but that's just how I am, blunt" mantra is really bunk. Think about how it comes across is what I'm trying to say, I guess. Civility is key!

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" (unless someone asks for your advice or opinion). But when I post my opinion and you don't like it, I don't need to get a PM from you telling me how stupid I am to think differently than you.

Personally, I wish mamapedia would stop censoring the posts due to one overly sensitive person that reports it. I have had posts/responses pulled and I DID adhere to the guidelines - someone just didn't like my response, so mamapedia pulled it. It seems mamapedia doesn't actually read the post or response they just react to the 'report' of the post. There can be some whiney women out there that get there knickers in a bind when they see something they don't like. I'm sure this response will get pulled too :)

I think the biggest thing to remember is that although Mamapedia is somewhat anonymous (I know we all get to know the regulars to a certain extent), it doesn't mean you get to go off on a person, say rude things and think that it's appropriate b/c they asked a question. I think that in a forum such as this it's easy to forget that the people asking the questions are truly looking for answers, may be hurting, confused, upset, or whatever, and being rude, or "blunt", isn't going to help anyone. I think that being blunt, in the definitive sense is fine, but sometimes people use that as a cover up for "I want to tell you you're an idiot!"

that if you don't like what someone else posted - don't jab at it and say "oh my word - that's hogwash"...or some other word....

If you don't like the question and KNOW you can't say something nice - then PRESS ON!! DO NOT REPORT!!! report if someone is being totally rude and uncalled for - swearing, cyber stalking, calling someone stupid, etc..

It's OKAY to give your OPINION - but just because it's YOUR opinion does NOT make it FACT...it's OKAY to disagree with a person - but you don't need to be rude and tell them that the site would be better off without them, etc. that's just uncalled for.

There are HOT topics - politics, religion and breast feeding v. Formula and if you can't be nice - DO NOT respond...skip it!

If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't put it in your post.

Read the question, make sure you understand the question, answer only if you have something useful to offer.

Please don't take the wording in an innocent question, twist it around, and then make it into a debate.

Please don't be overly critical, judgemental, & downright rude.

I really don't like it when people say "I'm sorry but that's just weird to me". I've seen this said a lot on this site!

I hate when people send flowers to rude responders.

Please update your whatever happened section.

Don't rush to report things that aren't worth reporting and then turn around and post that you reported the post....petty!

Hmm... Sometimes I think rude,innappropriate,out of line,ect...answers are a way of letting off some steam for some answer posters. You read their answer and think, "Geez! Bad day or what?" My etiquette wish is that people would think of how they would feel if someone blew up at them for no reason! It's the Golden Rule for gosh sakes: "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

One thing I would love for members to adhere to is : RESPECT. If you don't like what someone wrote, move on! You don't have to nit pick or answer every question. If you have helpful advice to give, great! Please share.... I would love for members to please stop asking the questions that are generally easy to figure out with a simple test. The main one being---DO YOU THINK I COULD BE PREGNANT??? Well, yes...if you had sex, unprotected sex or protected and it broke etc. lol. This one makes me laugh every time when its easy as one two three- go out and buy a test. If it comes out negative and you still feel like you could be preggers, go to the doctor for a blood test. Anyways, I come on here to help others and to ask my own questions too--I love being a member and love a lot of the mamas here. You are all wonderful in your own ways and personalities!!!!

M

Stop and think do I really know anything about this subject, before responding. I mean, think how you feel when someone without children tells you how to raise your kids. If you havent had step children or raised a teenager, dont think you have the best advise! I've never had a colicky baby, so I cant advise thought i feel sympathetic.
And when posting expect differences of opinions, we are not cookie cutter stepford wives we all have different opinions!

I get flowers from less than half the posters to whom I respond. That's okay – I don't expect everyone to agree with me, and would rather get flowers only if my answers are helpful. This helps me hone future answers. I don't think there should be any obligation to give a flower if a response doesn't resonate for you.

I love the flowers, thank you "flowerers"!

Try to avoid posting if you're in a rotten mood.

Leave your Jerry Springer shoes at the door before entering :) we all have it in us, but that's not what ANY of us want to experience on mamapedia!

Several people have mentioned to respond as if the person is in front of you.

Everyone needs love, give a little.

I'm pretty certain I've sent a flower to everyone that has answered my questions unless they answer way late and I havent gone back to look in awhile.
The main etiquette breach I notice is ~calling each other out with a whiny complaint~ about the answer they gave. Etiquette wise it should just be ignored. Giving praise for the answers you like and ignoring the ones you dont is the better way to go.

I do send a flower to each person for taking the time to reply to my post. I appreciate everyone's time is valuable and I do appreciate their perspective. I may not agree with it but there have been times that has made me step back a bit and try to look at it objectively. When I do that, I tend to learn a few things and actually start to see it differently. With that said, there are some replies I would love to send more than one flower because what they said really helped me. In those cases a pm would do the job. We are here to support one another, to encourage one another and to give different perspectives. For those that aren't nice, just plain rude, I will ignore because as I have said everyone's time is valuable and so is mine. I will not waste my time responding to them. By not responding to them, I take their power away. I do this in real life as much as I can. I agree with what others have said, do not report someone just because you don't agree with them. You are abusing that right. Reporting should only be used for those that are truely abusive in their language, stalking, etc. In other words, common sense needs to be utilized more. :)

To not answer a question with a judgement type tone or a are you serious answer...if you think the question is crazy then pass it up and go on to the next one.
I give flowers to all who take the time to answer even if I do not agree.

I havent read responses, but Im sure Im repeating.
I am here for advice. I asked a question. I value your opinion on my question, even if I dont agree with it. But, when you cannot give advice or answer the question, please move on. Dont waste your time or mine.

Its pretty simple really. Im not sure why some arent getting it.

When I first joined this site, I was much more sensitive about other people's responses. Instead of chuckling, "whoa, they sure are coming from a different context," or, "boy, I mustn't have worded my question with clarity, 'cause it doesn't seem like folks heard the content", or, "sheesh, that isn't the response *I* wanted to hear," I'd be angry and hurt. It's funny, now when I ask a question I'll still feel prickly sometimes. Then, I read the responses differently. *Why* did the responder answer this way? Are they trying to bring me down, or are they trying to help? Am *I* reading my own garbage in between the lines? Could it be that *I* am mishearing their voice/humor/fear/helpfulness?

A few months ago, I gave a stern answer to a woman who *I* had percieved as a debby dogooder / nosey neighbor type. She had tried to give help and support to a woman who was being mistreated by her partner, and her help was rejected. I thought, "what do YOU know of this? You clearly were being patronizing..."

Turns out, she had been in that position herself, and it took enormous strength to say anything in the first place. I apologized, and now she is my "pen" pal. We share a lot, and gain strength and openness from each other.

I realize, it's not so much other people's etiquette (though of COURSE there are rude responses on here/unhelpful (IMO) responses - and people (including myself) push their agendas), so much as a good practice in actually hearing what's behind a person's words. Instead of what I *think* they're saying, I can be open to what they're trying to give me - which usually comes from a kind (and/or hurt) place.

If you can't say something respectful or non judgemental then keep moving.

It appears that some mamas post responses just to rile others up with her response being very negative, etc.

Everyone has a right to their opinion but when you finish writing your response... before you press enter.......... RE-READ your response and think... would I really say this to this mom's face?

I've had my share of hate mail and I have occasionally slipped and posted something I should have thought twice about.. oops, I am not perfect either.

To not criticize other mamas for their advice when writing their own posts. Isn't that what makes us all unique, our different perspectives on things?

I could care less about flowers. I just try to help as many people as possible and don't expect anything in return. I don't respond if I don't like what someone is asking.

We are all here for the same reason. To get support when we don't know which way to turn. We are all human, we all have feelings and none of us are perfect. But we all deserve respect, despite our imperfections. Even when ones opinion is completely different, it can be told with respect, not in a disrespectful manner.

So I guess the short answer is respect and the desire to truly help someone in need.

I also agree with the whole, 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', but with such diverse people. I'm not sure it applies to all situations. Some people like teasing and being teased, other people don't.

#1 Read the question before you resond. Only respond to what is asked.

#2 IF you are venting/and or Tooting your own horn and don't really want to know what other people think make that clear. Especially if someone were to disagree with you.

#3 PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, be clear in your subject line, if you are asking about a dog, put that in the subject line. If it's a poop question or a hubby question, clue us in.

As far as, the flowers, they are nice but If these three etiquette suggestions were followed, I would be such a happy camper!!

to accept that we are each individuals & are entitled to have diverse opinions, without "flaming" in response.

I'm glad you asked this question, because I've had some thoughts rattling around in my head for the past day or two. What really drives me nuts is when people ask for an opinion on something (is it normal that my baby does xyz?), and I respond with, "Well, it could be normal, or also you could try abc and see if that helps" and the OP writes in the "so what happened" that they will never try that. Umm, then why did you ask for advice? If you just want a bunch of people to tell you that your baby is totally normal, and you don't care if there is something you can do about the problem you're experiencing, then don't waste everyone's time. Just pat yourself on the back and tell yourself how wonderfully normal your baby is, and leave me out of it. The whole point about a website like this is that we all act as a resource for each other. I'm so grateful to have had so many mamas take the time out of their busy day to respond and help me with issues I'm having, so I don't have to make the same mistakes everyone else has already made. It makes me a better mom to learn from moms who have been there and done that already! If you know that you're not going to change how you do things, and you are not willing to consider others' experiences, then why on earth would you ask?? It just seems a little rude to me when people do that.

I usually send a flower to EVERYONE who responds to my question--just for taking the time to do so.

What I really don't like is the people that NEVER update their "so what happened".....makes you wonder why they asked in the first place.

And to add what Cheryl said -- if the question is something like "have you ever used/done/seen/believed xyz" don't jump in with "Well what WE use have used/done/seen/believed is abc..." Ummm....that's NOT the question!

When I first started on here - a long time ago when it was Mamasource and you had to use your original name, etc., I don't think there were any flowers? Once I learned how to send them, I always send one to everyone who answers a question I posted EVEN IF I don't agree with their answer or have a differing opinion. They still took the time to give me their advice, and I respect their opinion. Sometimes it even makes me consider changing my opinion because they point out things that I hadn't thought of.

That being said, I really don't care if I get flowers or not, hopefully, my advice was helpful (that is my intent) and maybe they don't even realize how to send a flower in the first place.....

Oooh. Reading this reminded me I did not send flowers, and I wanted to, on a question I posted recently. Anyway, I feel that some people like to be snarky on purpose, and I feel that is immature. It's like it is their "thing" to be b*&^chy, and to them that's being cool. I think it's just immature. I do not like the nitpicky responses. For example, someone may be hurting over cheating, or bleeding while pregnant, and some people just post things like "you forgot a period at the end of two of your sentences" or "you should have made three paragraphs instead of two." To me, that's just rude. I believe decent grammar and spelling and such are needed, but some people just get a little inappropriate with the scoldings when a M. just needs someone to "listen."

LOL this makes me laugh because I was offended recently by some responses I had received. I have to say I have been a memeber for 6 years before the flowers and like. It always seemed to me a very supportive site where I find in recent times it has become more judgemental and has put me off asking. However a little tip of mine, when I get an answer I'm not too fond of, I look at that person's answers to other questions and even more interesting the questions they ask. I have to giggle at the ones who LOVE to give advise but never ask any questions - enough said:-)
But I also have to say that sometimes things can get lost in translation in the written form. I also recall upsetting someone with a response I gave and it was my never my intention at all, it was just the way it was read.
As for the one etiquette I wish people would follow, read others answers and if they have already given the one you planned on giving then don't say the same thing all, or keep it brief, save yourself and the reader time:-)

I agree with Tracy C, and sent her a flower too.

Im not fond of the way a question is asked, and I might be only the 2nd to start my advice or suggestion, but by the time I finish, and send,, there are a couple more comments, and the OP has already posted a reply of what happened and it changes the whole question and what I would have said.
I also know many of you say you want to know what happened, but sometimes, nothing happened. A few weeks back, I asked about pot growers as neighbors, and I have nothing new or different to report. I read every response and learned a lot about how others feel and even tho it isnt how I feel, it was good to read.

I don't really expect a flower from the OP when I post a response. I tend to assume (give the benefit of the doubt) that the OP is appreciative of receiving all sorts of opinions from everyone who bothers to post, so it seems redundant almost, to me. But then, I suppose I have seen where the OP does NOT seem so appreciative of SOME of the responses, lol.

I have only ever asked a couple of questions, and I didn't "flower" the responders... did I commit a faux pas? I WAS appreciative! ;)

I find the flowers a goofy feature and personal i dont care to receive them. However I enjoy the private messages from other mamasource moms.

I always wished that some of the moms did not send private messages to mothers ridiculing them about their mothering abilities. I know personally, I have had one set of messages that have told me I shouldn't have kept my son cause I wasn't married, I was causing medical harm to my son by donating his cord blood, and that I'm pretty much committing child neglect because I'm not a SAHM. I don't expect people to make the same choices as I did when it comes to raising their children or living their lives, but honestly, the private attacking messages when someone is OBVIOUSLY not the most terrible person on the planet, is just plane ignorant and rude.

More than anything, I get bothered when someone responds to a post with, "Please don't let your child watch/eat/read/wear xyz anymore!" I cannot fathom telling someone else how to raise their kid, it just doesn't make sense to me. It really irritates me especially if someone's question was along the lines of, "So the other day we were watching Sponge Bob while I folded laundry" just as some back story for why she doesn't like her MIL & the replies tell her not to let her kid watch tv. Seriously??? Just answer the question at hand & leave the rest alone.

I wish posters would proof read their posts for tone. Remember, with text, we can't "hear" emotion. Add it with emoticons or choose your words carefully.

Also, I wish those who ask questions would remember that there are multiple opinions out there and that mamas are passionate about parenting. If you don't want a variety of opinions, don't post your question! Take what works for you and ignore the rest.

I like your idea of sending a flower to everyone who responds to your question.

I don't worry so much about Mamapedia ettiquette, but I do get so concerned about postings about what may be serious health issues for either the poster or their children. I never post a rude answer, I simply don't respond. However, to all those of you who are writing things like "my infant has a raging fever and isn't breathing very well - do you think it could be croup, or do you think it could be bronchitis, etc., etc., or "I'm pregnant, and I'm bleeding profusely, do you think I could be having a miscarriage?" What I think is that you should get your yourself or your child to a doctor ASAP. Don't take the time to run your (perhaps serious) symptoms past a forum of lay people. Take care of yourselves and your kiddos!

Just answer the question without making assumptions. For example, when moms post about mothers and MILs babysitting and having concerns, the first thing people say is you ought to be happy they're babysitting, you're using them, it's grandma they're entitled to do as they please and break your parenting rules, and so on. LOL, just answer the question without making assumptions.

I never even noticed the whole 'send flower' thing...oops...sorry if you've answered a question of mine and didn't get one...it has nothing to do with me liking or not liking your answer!

There's nothing that really drives me totally crazy...however...I must agree...I do have to roll my eyes at the 'do you think I'm pregnant' question...but, again...if I have issues with a question...I just ignore it.

Sometimes, it seems like people misspell things on purpose...I mean, I'm no genius, I'm sure I have spelling and grammatical errors...but to say "ur", "mebbe", "u", "n", "boiz", "thea" etc. does seem kind of juvenile.

Occasionally I have to google uncommon acronyms...and it is somewhat of a nuisance.

But, all in all I love this site...when I get answers that ruffle my feathers a bit...I try to either see it in the light it was given, or shrug it off :). Heaven knows I'm not going to get all uptight over something someone (that I really don't even know) said :p.

Have a great weekend :)

I have to agree with Katie B! I don't care that you did this or that....don't put me down because i won't and have a different view. I didn't say it was wrong. I just say on certain things that I wouldn't do it.

I do try and give flowers to people that at least try to understand my question and I like it whether it agrees with my opinion or not, but I don't send flowers when they don't even try to understand what I'm asking. I never try to belittle or attack anyone.

I refuse to send flowers to mamapedia bullies, which I know people may think it's silly but there's 3 particular moms that I've noticed on posts that just try to dominate and be so rude to other opinions, it's like wow you know we can see your responses/questions and you aren't the perfect mom. I have never had an intention to disrespect or judge people, but do try to respect people and wish the overly aggressive people would to (seems like some are still in middle school or something honestly). It just seems like some people on here just go the extra mile to talk down to parent book readers or discipline that's different and those people I will not send a flower to.

It's not something I would wish everyone to adhere to, but wish everyone knew about it when they joined because it is a different take than the other parent forums.

I too hate when people send flowers to rude posters. Make me just feel like they are just enabling it too

I get annoyed with this one know-it-all mom who asks nothing and has deleted all her questions to where it is nothing but a period (.)