I've been married now for 8 months..but we've known each other a little over a year. He has 5 children..his daughter (12) accused me of being mean to her and putting my hands on her..well neither occurred..I was really hurt that she would make up such a lie. She told her mother these things. I was upset at first but now I honestly don't know what to do. The girls haven't visited since and my husband won't allow them to until she apoligizes to me for lieing and tell the truth..so as you can see there is a dilema here and I really believe she just wants more attention from her father. I even talked with their mother to assure her I would never be mean intentionally but I will not tolerate disrespect...of course she said well I don't believe my daughter is lieing. so it was a no win situation..and I left it alone. I honestly don't know what else I can possibly do. Any suggestions
I want to thank everyone for their input on this matter. We all sat down and talked. I let them know how dissappointed I was about the lying...but I forgave them (actually just the one. the oldest said she didn't say that). I told her I understand she wants to spend time with her daddy and she loves him but I love him to so therefore we will have to share...and she smiled and said ok..so we hugged. and I told her I would leave it up to her to be honest with her mother and tell her the truth...and I left it at that..God is good all the time!
Hey C.,
I married a man with 2 children. I have none. Be thankful he is standing his ground and trust you. 2ndly, there is nothing that can be done. Either the daughter will apologize or she will not. usually these are signs of a daughter that wants her momma and daddy to be together. Give it more time. It will get better. Otherwise counseling or a mediator, is a great option.
I don't know the age of his kiddos but the same thing happened to me. It was truly a no-win situation. The mother was so manipulative, it actually hurt my husband's children more when we did see them! She hounded them and they HAD to tell bad things had happened for the mother to be happy. Unfortunately, we didn't realize it until the damage had been done.
This would be a hard decision and we did it a little too late but my advice would be to not see them. It could be more damaging even though dad may be severely hurt.
HUGS
K.
I am truly sorry you are dealing with this. I have 5 stepsons. The second oldest was 11 when I married my husband. He cried and tried to get his parents back together. He is now 18 and very accepting of me and our marriage. I tried to be his friend before his step mom. I had to realize my role in their life, as a parent when they need one and a friend always. I suggest the 2 households sitting down and talking with the girls, dropping the situation and starting over. The daughter whoaccused you may really be hurting inside and her mother does not want to see it. Your husband is to me being a little too hard which makes the daughter more defiant. She has to know she has a place with her Dad. He has to let them come over again in order to heal. She just may apologize after that. Take them out to the park if the house is uncomfortable. Put a nanny cam in the house to prove you are great with them. Put the effort out there that you care about them.
I would be willing to bet it has something to do with something the child has heard the mother say. Children are funny like that. She could believe you are the reason her parents will never get back together. Even if they were divorced years before you came into the picture. My husband has 2 daughters from his 1st marriage. I have one son from mine. When I found out I was pregnant with my son with my current husband his ex-wife would say things where the girls could hear, things like, now that he has a son on the way he will forget he has daughters. She would also say, now there is no chance we will ever get back together. As a result of that the girls would not come to visit their dad or their brother. It is now 20 years later and one of the girls has realized it was not true and she has lost out on valuable time with her dad and brother. She has 3 children of her own and wants her dad and brother in their lives. As for the other one we just keep praying for her to realize her dad loves her too.
Hi C., Let your husband lead! If your husband is taking your side(which is the way God would want it)then let him handle it and pray. Because if the child is lieing there is a deeper issue. And she will have to understand that no matter what she does it will not make you leave and that you are going to be apart of her life because you are staying with her father. Hope this helps. God Bless R.
give it time i would say give it time my ex who has my two older girls has them hating me and put so much hate and fifthy stories in thier mind just about all i can is is prayer and give it time aand one day im hoping theyll trun ard and come and find me i huereveryday just pray nd in his time im hoping will be alright hope i helped a little srry for rmablingg srry
I think you did the right thing in this situation. Leave it alone. Any more involvement or explaining just drags it out and makes you look guilty and even feel guilty when you are not. Take the high ground. If the child comes back around or the mom calls (and you bet she eventually WILL)and asks can she come over act as if nothing happened. This is difficult to bite your tongue but if you really want family harmony, you must.
As a child of divorce, this situation sounds familiar. I am now 30 but can remember trying anything to get my dad's attention. The only thing that would work would be the kind that was negative. It sounds like the child and father need to have a day where it's just them and noone else. It took my dad from when I was 9 until 21 that all I needed was his undivided attention. He didn't realize this until he was needing me. So, maybe talk to your husband and see if there's a middle ground he would take to just visit with his daughter. He's doing exactly what the daughter is expecting he would do. She needs a reason to be mad and hurt by him and unfortunately you're an easy target because it's not him. Yet, you're his wife so she knows what strings to pull. I don't know if this is any help but I felt obligated to tell you my story. Good luck and just remember, she'll grow up and out of this soon.
C., I am raising my 12 y/o step-daughter along with my husband. I have been in her life since she was 4y/o and she is still pulling this he said/she said game between her mom and Us. She told her mom that I called her a few chioice names over the holidays and she tells her mom what she wants to hear and us what she thinks we want to hear. Of corse, I didn't say any of the things she accused me of but it is an easy way to get her mom on her SIDE. My husband and I sat down with both of them and HE layed down tha law. This wasn't going to be tolerated and the GAMES would stop here and now. If something needed to be decided that would affect all of us, we got on a 3 way call and handeled it right then so all could here the correct conversation. Your HUSBAND/her FATHER needs to be handeling this not YOU.....Remember that in her moms eyes, you are the enemy and she is looking for anything you do to for amo.....Talk to your husband and he needs to be the one defending you....not only to his ex but his daughter. She will see that he stands by you and that is what she is testing.....it is always a test to see who daddy is behind...it needs to be you...Hope this helps..
C., what your husband had decided to do is probably the best thing you can do. Basically her plan backfired. She wanted more of Daddy's attention, but she's learned that telling lies about you isn't going to get her his attention. It will have an impact on her. There's not much you can do. Until she apologizes and sets things right with her father. Then maybe having a talk with her and your hubby might be a good thing.
