Lost My Desire

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L., that is SO normal, that happens and you will need the support and love of your husband. I went through the same thing for several...years. My husband was very patient, and he helped me to go through it. Find a moment for both of you and talk nicely and openly. You know best when to find your husband in a good mood. Marriage is a thing of two. Marriage needs both of you understand the needs of each other. I put aside for a long time my husband's needs because I was so into my kids, chores, kitchen, cleaning, errands etc. But there is a moment when you realize that you need to nurture your husband, listen, speak and take care of him as well, it is exactly all the same from your husband to yourself. Let him know this. How you take care of each other?, how you find the mood to make love again, how do you feel in love with him again? How may you help him to make you feel appreciated? :
Just being nice, sweet and warm yourself. Our husbands, most of the time, are our own mirrors. I know , for experience, It is hard after a long day raising kids and cleaning the house, cooking and everything to get in the mood, but one nice little thing brings another one and another one. There is no real happiness or contentment without a little sacrifice let's say.
SMILE when you r husband gets home, and ask him how was his day. Have for him something to eat, a snack he may like or whatever you know he will be pleased with or just a supper with a nice tablecloth and candles.
Before he gets home dress yourself nicely (not necessarily sexy), take a short shower if you feel like it (that will change your mode from mom to wife..), and put some perfume.
Do not complain every day about the kids or anything else (until laaaaterr or the next day). Talk something interesting to him (he likes golf, cars, any new, a book?...etc)
When you need something from him ask him nicely without complaining or whining or nagging. Ask him with a sweet voice and nice mood. Let him share with you some chores or things you need help with (take the little one to bed, take the garbage out, unload the dishwasher...etc) even if he doesn't do it the way you do it
Find a moment at night before going to bed to be both of you alone. It isn't necessary to make love or have sex (probably will lead to it and just enjoy it! If not, great too!). Or, just cuddle a little bit, hold hands, listen to music, speak softly.etc...
Keep yourself nice and attractive always.....
What I mean is that everything is a two way street and everything especially in marriage is a circle. You smile, he smiles, you get mad, he gets mad, you feel beautiful, he will see you beautiful. Let him touch you and hold you.
With the passing of days, you will feel better towards him because he will feel better towards you. He will get home and find an oasis, a place to be glad and relax, and he will be nicer and sweeter to you. I have been there, D. that..and I feel so in love with my husband and he feels so in love with me. We enjoy our time together even if we don't make love, we run together, we watch movies together, and we have fun (with the kids...we don't have babysitter nor close relatives in the state...)
Another thing, you are 40 you are still young. I am 46 and I feel wonderful. Find a sport you like (swimming, step, aerobic) and do it every single day just for 20 or 30 minutes (start slowly 3 times a week). Take vitamins and eat lots of fruits and vegetables, grains and lots of water.
That is my recipe, and I feel wonderfully energetic, my libido is up high, and I have no sore or ache in my body. It is hard to start (I have been there, believe me....) but it's so rewarding to feel good about myself and my husband says that I show it and that makes me more sexy and attractive than ever. I started doing what I said to you, at the beginning it wasn't easy at all, but I did it because I love my husband and my kids and I am sure that my attitude and efforts make my home a real home.
Good luck and work on that, you CAN do it!!!!

for 13 years I had the same issue...my OB/GYN told me it was because I was too tired....working mom with 2 kids and getting my MBA. I still didn't think it was normal, because my husband would ask me to even 'wake him up' if I ever got the urge....he was working 12 hr days on his feet and he was never too tired!!!
My friend told me about Arbonne's Prolief cream...an all natural Progesterone cream that is extremely safe and effective. You are most likely experiencing estrogen dominance and you need progesterone to level your hormones out. If you want more information, please let me know, or you can visit my website at www.liveahealthylife.myarbonne.com. I am telling you it changed my life, and my marriage. I only wish I would've known about this a lot sooner!
Blessings!

I just started reading "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It's excellent and gives wonderful insight on not only husbands, but how we as their wives treat them and how they in turn react to that. Its very interesting and I've learned alot so far and I've only gotten thru a few chapters! I think it may help you. Good luck!

Ask him to initiate it this time and it might help get you in the mood. As much as you might not "feel" like it, don' t refuse. Maybe going thru the motions will ignite the feelings again. Also having kids when closer to 40 seem to drain the life out of us. Check with your doctor to see if there's more going on. I know how you feel!

OMG! sounds a bit like me. Im 44 and have had tests done to show that im through menopause. Didnt even know I was going thru it. I was no where near starting it 18months ago. Get that checked out and then you have options to look at. Talk to your doctor or nurse. On the other hand try new things with your hubby, spice things up a bit. Send him suggestive messages during the day. Ask yourself what did you do before? Having a small child is very taxing on any mum and you need your nurturing too. Try and get your man to understand this. You are a new mum and he is a new dad, you need time together.....set up a romantic setting one night when your wee one is in bed. . Plus recheck you meds you are on..ido you need them? They may be causing the problem. I wish you all the best..

Try looking online for the symptoms of low thyroid hormone levels, one of which is loss of desire. If left untreated, it can also lead to high cholesterol levels in healthy people. If your going to have blood work done you might as well have the Dr. check for everything.

Are you on hormonal birth control? I noticed that when I went off the ring, our sex life totally changed. It went from pretending to be asleep to avoid it to now I am almost always interested if not initiating it. Needless to say my husband is thrilled. The other poster is right on target when she said the more you do it the more you'll want to do it. I've found that to be true as well. Good luck, with some effort this can change!

I would suggest you make an appointment with your OB/GYN or midwife. It is not too uncommon for hormones to shift as you reach your forties... and if it is physical, you healthcare provider can help.
Good luck.

After 10 years of marriage and 3 kids I've been feeling the same sort of way - zero interest in sex. I finally called the doc last week and she said it most likely a thyroid issue and is VERY common in women after having kids. But most people ignore it. As soon as the kids go back to school I'm having a doc appointment to do bloodwork to get it checked out.

I used a testosterone cream my OB-GYN prescribed for me. Just rub a few dabs into each wrist (on the underside), it works! Your very thin skin there absorbs it into your bloodstream. Works wonders. :)

good question, i have felt similar ways too. my therapist recently told me that healthy sex is key to a healthy marriage. sometimes i just have to force myself to do it even if i'm not in the mood, and once i get going i find that it is enjoyable and fun. but even if it's not, i remember that i want a healthy marriage and it's worth doing just for him, if not for me. it is how husbands connect with their wives emotionally... i think we as women want to connect emotionally before wanting sex, but men connect through sex... so when i realized that if i wanted my husband to think i'm beautiful and be connected emotionally i needed to have sex first and then expect him to think that i'm pretty, it helped me jump in bed and do it. also remember that men need it, and if they don't get it from you they might be tempted to look elsewhere. none of us want that!!!

Saw your post and thought I would recommend a couple books. Yes, meds can take away some of your zest but it also sounds like a hormone imbalance. As we get older (premenopause starts in your 30's) we don't produce as much progesterone and that is called estrogen dominance. All sorts of problems can arise causing us to feel 'off'.
The first book is: What your DR may not tell you about Premenopause-written by an OBGYN John L.. The other is Taking Charge of your Perimenopause by Ann Louise Gitttleman. Both will help you tune into your body and show you how to nurture it-something we neglect to do when it seems we are too busy.
Perhaps a healthier lifestyle with nutrition and more fresh air would help. Try to get more sleep too. I am 55 and feel very good but sure had some bumps in the road along the way. I am amazed at how the body can rejuvenate and recover. As the bible says ' We are fearfully and wonderfully made' God made us and He can help so don't forget to pray for a relationship with Him. He is instrumental in blessing my husband and I in our marriage.
Hope this helps. T.

There could be many underlying reasons for this. You mentioned medication -- did you start a new med recently? I know that many do affect sexual desire, especially antidepressants.
While only married 6 years, and well under the age of 40, I've had a time or 2 that persisted with the same issue. I dealt with it mainly through spiritual ways (prayer etc) and thankfully, the desire did return. But in the meantime, like some other women mentioned, I still engaged in it b/c it IS an important part of marriage, and I didn't want to give it up just b/c I didn't feel like doing it (I don't feel like doing dishes or laundry much of the time, but I still do it...ya know?!)
Regarding supplementation, some people have found one of my company's nutritional products to be of help. It's called "Reversage" and it actually reverses the aging process of our cells by helping the body to start making it's own human growth hormone again. It comes in a powdered form that you mix with water and take before you sleep. If you'd like me to send you more information on this, feel free to personal message me.
WIsh you the best, and good for you for reaching out for help!

It may be mild depression. Talk to your doctor. Something we do is watch a porno. It helps me honestly.