Looking for Words of Encouragement

Unfortunately, your problems are those of poor planning. I'm not trying to be hard on you, but you have to know that you did not have to marry a man who had prior minor children. That situation almost never works out well for the children or the second wife.

And, if you truly wanted to stay home with your children (which is the right thing to do), then you should not have gotten pregnant again when you cannot make it work. That said, many people claim they cannot afford to stay home but there is always a way if you want it badly enough. My husband makes very little money, but we make it work because we would not have it any other way. He works two jobs so I can stay home.

I suggest you tell him he needs to make it happen by the time you have your next child. I certainly wouldn't leave him over it (even worse for the children), but try to impress upon him how strongly you feel. If he is unwilling, then you just need to accept it and not make him miserable because you are resentful. The reality is that we all choose our situations, and there is no one to blame but ourselves. Making him miserable about it will only make your children miserable.

I have the same feelings to an extent... Yes, I have NO desire to be working and have my children with a sitter. But I beat myself up over why I can not stay at home, not my hubby... Reason, is we both put us in the situation where we could not live off of one income (even if it was the smaller one). WE did it to ourselves, by having the big house, the nice cars and everything under the roof... So what am I doing about it?

I am working torwards financial freedom and will get there by staying focused and paying off all of the STUPID Cusomer debt that we have. We are following the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. With this we should be debt free within 18 months and should be only another 6 months of saving my income where I can look at staying home.

So yes, the feelings are there, but look at your living situation, do you really have to keep up with the Jones's? No, you do not. So start looking at ways to pay off debt and get to a point where you are able to live off of his income and not using credit....

I am looking forward to the day I get to give notice and be at home with my children! I hope that you too can look at your life, redo some things and start torward the goal of being at home.

I think you need to look at the positives instead of the negatives.
You both have jobs and aren't laid off
You have a caring husband and father to your children
Your kids have 2 loving parents
You spend quality time with them when you aren't working
Your kids are healthy and happy

I guess unless your husband promised you before you got married that you would be able to stay at home I don't see how you can resent him. You knew what he made when you married him and that he had kids from a previous marraige to support. Could he stay home and take care of the kids on your salary? Should he resent you if he couldn't stay home with the kids? I think you take your situation and you do the best you can for your kids and there is nothing wrong with daycare contrary to a lot of people's beleifs.

M.

Hello! I am a stay at home mom of two. I really wanted to stay home when we had our first child, but I didn't see how it was financially possible so I compromised and went back to work part time. This turned into a blessing because we could see that we really could make it on a reduced income. I already had one foot out the door. I quit my job shortly thereafter. Now that we have a second child I couldn't imagine working right now, or how much we would be paying in childcare! Now, I will tell you the tough part. It isn't always easy. We don't save nearly as much money as I would like. We do without a lot of extras like cable tv, eating out frequently, and we are even careful about grocery shopping, opting for the generic brands and REALLY shopping around for the best prices on larger purchases and then even asking for a better deal. Many people may not agree with this but we can work harder and save more once the kids are in school and I have those hours to work to save for our family's future. This time we cannot get back. You need to not be resentful, as it doesn't help. You should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Maybe you can cut back some of your hours and do a "trial run" to see if you really can afford it. By the time you subtract child care, fuel costs, clothing costs (if you have to dress business professional as I did)work lunches out, etc. YOu may find that you are working for an obscenely low hourly wage! I believe that if you and your husband want to make it work you can! Good luck!

I just want to say that you have every right to feel this way and it's not fair to blame you for choosing a man you love over choosing a man who can afford to have you be home. If you want to blame anything, blame WWII and the women's rights movement that pushed women into the workforce and making our country into a double income standard. My mom was able to be home with us even though that meant my dad (who was a mailman) worked side jobs and they flipped houses and we only took 2 vacations growing up. It was important to them that she be home with us. Because of that, I feel the same way and want nothing more than to be home with our 18-mo-old DD. However, my husband's family was a little more materialistic and his mom did work when he was a kid, so he just assumed I would work. We argued about it for a long time, but while we could make ends meet if I stay home to a certain degree, we would have nothing to contribute to any kind of savings - for retirement, for our daughter's college fund, or for emergencies. We would live paycheck to paycheck. Because of that, I am working. Now, I believe that there are some areas we could cut back to be able to save if I wasn't working, but some of them are my husband's hobbies and to put a financial strain on us AND eliminate his fun, would most likely make him resent me. I had to weigh the happiness of my husband with my own and while I strongly believe I am the best choice to raise my child, I have found myself in a situation I never expected to be in and having to just find ways to deal with it. I wish I had a good answer for you, but all I can do is offer support and encouragement. I try to think about how it takes a village to raise a child and her life experience is enriched by being surrounded by more people who love her. Hang in there!!

Ask your husband if he wants you to stay home. Sit down together and number crunch if you can afford to stay home with the kiddos. Do not blame your husband for the amount of money he makes at his current job. If need be, offer to help him find another job or fix his resume. Bring these feelings up to your hubby he needs to be aware of everything. If you can't stay home, look on the positive side of things. You get to work during the day which means after work or before work you can spend quality time with your kids. My husband and I both work nights and our kids stay with my parents or my in laws when needed. We can't afford day care. I am going to start working part time since we just had a newborn this January. Another option you could consider would be to work part time or switch roles and have him stay home and you work full time. Once I find a better job my husband is going to be a stay at home daddy.
As for daycare, it is sometimes a healthy environment for children to learn. I went to preschool for two years, my mom was a single working mother. I learned a lot from daycare, I was behind in many things before I entered and came out of daycare knowing what I needed to know. Kids also get the chance to become socially connected to other kids in daycare too.

I can relate to you with this issue. I to was always arguing with my husband about me staying home with the kids we have two and one is in school now. Then last March I lost my job so I did become a stay at home mom and I watch my niece and I'm thinking about getting registered with the state to maybe watch some other kiddos at home. So maybe you could look into this also but with times so tough right now I know alot of people are losing there jobs but I would go ahead and get registered so you have it as a backup plan if you do stay home. You just have to cut corners where you can and save where you can in order to make it work!!!

If you believe in good health for everyone, believe in safe household cleaning products, like people, have a computer and would like to work from home with the sky the limit for income depending on how serious you are, send me an e-mail at ____@____.com and your phone number and I will tell you the details. Right now we are in a contest mode where one million dollars will be earned with work done before March 31. This is a top company 53 years old, that is built on the Golden Rule.

Personally, I have not had this probably but my SIL I know has had similar feelings. She wanted to be at home with her boys and felt guilty all the time b/c she never felt like she was giving them enough of her time. My brother has worked odd jobs that were mostly commission based for most of their marriage. He is now going to school but once he is done, he still will probably not be making a lot of money. Her solution was also to start an in home daycare so that she could be with her boys but still make money. However, I understand that this is not something that everyone is capable of doing and it can be very hit and miss sometimes when one child leaves and you are looking for another to fill it's place. Bottom line is that you have to do what is best for you and your family. If that means you have to work, then that is ok. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about doing what works for you. It is not an easy decision and obviously, you would be home if you could be. You are not a bad mom just because you work. Your husband is not a bad man because he is not making enough to support the family by himself. He is not just loafing around making you do it all yourself. He is working hard and trying his best. Be thankful for what you have and stop beating yourself up for the things that you don't have or can't do right now.