Hubby Thinks 2Nd Job Is Worthless, Behind on Mortgage and Bills.

A couple of weeks of you gone every night and he will change his tune real quick . . .

Otherwise I agree 100% with Scarlett.

You guys are a team not sibling rivals. He needs to grow up and quit slinging arrows at the person in the trenches with him. Sheesh.

Can you bake? Teachers would love to buy goodies if mom sent a flyer home for homemade holiday treats. Anyting in the garage that you can sale at a yard sale? Forgo Christmas this year.

You cannot MAKE hubby take a second job. He deserves rest. Downsize.

Many things going on in your post.

First, let's start with this. Only take advice from people whose financial approach/status you want to emulate. That being said, hubby and I are in a great financial situation thanks to many years of hard work, sacrificing and paying off debt. So I am nominating myself as someone who qualifies to give you said advice. =)

Secondly, you and your husband need to get on the same page and work as a team. Something deeper is going on that your husband's reaction to a second job is "no, bc you will be sitting at home doing nothing while I am out working" rather than "heck yes, let's attack this thing and make our family bettter!" I don't know what that issue is, but you need to find out. Does he feel as if you don't pull your weight currently, is he feeling unappreciated? Either way, he needs to man up and be part of the team - but you need to be sure you are as well.

Now, on to bankruptcy. WHY on earth would you file bankruptcy with less than 30k in debt? First, sell your cars! When you are considering filing bankruptcy, that means you don't have any money. People with no money shouldn't have 20k car debt. They should be driving 3k cars that get them where they need to go until they have no debt and can buy a better car. You can get a perfectly reliable and safe vehicle for 3k. We make well into six figures and we drive a 2005 and a 2007 - both paid off. Why don't we drive brand new cars, because clearly with our income we can afford it, right? Wrong! Car payments are not worth it. So unless I have cash to buy a new 30k vehicle, I drive my 2005!

Is part of your consumer debt credit cards? If yes, CUT THEM UP NOW. Don't use them ever again. It is never worth it. And trust me, I came from being broke in law school with no help and a small child to support. Some days I had to put diapers on a credit card, so I am not immune to having NEEDS. But, I can tell you with both you and hubby working, there is NOTHING you need to put on that credit card. Surely nothing thousands of dollars worth. If you can't pay cash for something (short of food and shelter), you don't buy it. Period. We haven't had credit card debt for many years because we changed our mindset. There is absolutely NOTHING worth incurring that debt.

Last, I would highly recommend seeking out the assistance of Dave Ramsey. Check his books out of the library for free. Listen to his daily radio show for free. He will help you and your husband through this mess.

You CAN do this. I promise you if you do this, your marriage will improve ten fold and you will never look back a day with regret.

Sell things on ebay
Have a yard sale
Start making your own laundry soap and cleaning products
Cut expenses
Visit the websites of many frugal homemakers/moms - the prudent homemaker, money saving moms, etc
Sell your cars and get beaters
Get extra jobs - sell Mary Kay, Scentsy, etc- easy ways to make money from home. You can do these things while hubby takes a second job.
Do not eat out. You shouldn't see the inside of a restaurant unless you are working there.
Pray
Get in a good church (even if you aren't religious, find a way to surround yourself with supportive people)
Eat healthy and think positively

I have a hard time with the idea of declaring bankruptcy when you are paying for scouts and extracurricular sports. I know that banruptcy is sometimes necessary, but the harsh reality is that bankruptcy is legalized stealing. Declaring bankruptcy means that someone else was owed money for a good or service that your received and now will not get re-paid what they are owed (or paid back at a rate slower than you promised or less than you promised). That is the cold, hard reality of bankruptcy, and it should be an absolute last resort. If your husband is able to get a 2nd job to pay off the family's financial obligations and ease the financial burden, then he should do so.

Truth is you need to get rid of your cars and get cars that you can afford. No you do not need to file bankruptcy. Husband needs to get a 2nd job and pay off the bills while driving an affordable car.

If he won't budge, then YOU go get that second job and let him see how much more sense it would make for you to cover at home while he works a measly 2 extra days a week and still has Sundays off. Make it hurt - tell him that he has to do laundry, cook, make lunches, check homework and do everything that you would normally do when you're home.

My husband's mindset is similar to your husband's. We had a perfect storm of financial mishaps a few years ago that really set us back and to me, the answer was clear - go out and bring in more money and pay down our debts like responsible people. Manage spending better. Tighten belts, etc. I'm the one who took on a second job (despite the fact that I already substantially out earn him with just our FT jobs), has paid down those credit card debts, am working on a re-fi, etc. I would definitely prefer to be at home each evening and every weekend, but the work that I found was actually pretty good (I tutor and teach SAT prep) and pays very well, so we decided that I would keep doing this and he would do more at home.

So I would show him that you're serious and perhaps a after a week or two of seeing how much harder his refusal to work more is making things on everyone, he'll come to his senses and add a couple of extra days to his week until you are in a better place financially.

I had to declare bankruptcy, so I can comment on that.

For me, it was the only option. I could have gotten a second job, and with that money I could have paid down the debt in 10 years. I could have worked my butt off for 10 years and paid down the debt! YES!

Or, declare bankruptcy and gotten a second job and used that money to save for my daughter's college.

One thing that people fail to realize is the credit trap. If you took the money that I originally borrowed, minus all the fees and interest, I would have paid it back and then some. BUT, when you add in all the fees, interest, penalties--it felt like a trap I could not get out of. The credit cards wanted their money NOW. Funny, I couldn't make the minimum payments because I lost my job and so their solution is to call in the entire amount due? REALLY??

I was upside down on the mortgage, upside down on my car, I had student loans, debt from the lawyer from my divorce, debt on credit cards and I had lost my good-paying job. I know $25k in debt is worse than yours.

I did declare bankruptcy, I got to keep my house and my car. Yes, the blemish is on my record forever, but you know, a lot of people declare bankruptcy and it's not the end of the world. If I could have avoided it, I would have. But the way the terms were being laid out by the credit card companies, that were UNWILLING to negotiate a payment plan I could do, bankruptcy was the best option. In 10-years my daughter would be ready for college, and I would have nothing for her, having just worked my tushie off for 10 years just to break even.

If you can check out Dave Ramsay's stuff, do it. If you can get another job and pay off the debt, do it.

But if you can't, declaring bankruptcy is NOT the end of the world.

I would get the 2nd job. In fact I tried to get a 2nd job a few years ago when we were in the same boat, bigger debt. I couldn't find a job. Several contacted me and said I was overqualified. Overqualified to hang up clothes in a dept. store? Really?

Now is a good time to find a job. Many stores - Toys R Us, Kohls, Macy's are hiring seasonal help. Maybe if you approach it that way, just from now until the new year, he will be more receptive to one of you getting a job. I would also have both of you apply. Better odds of getting something.

First of all you are going to be hard pressed to find that job, most employers do not want a very part time person only available for a limited time. The other thing to consider is the tax consequences, if that 15,000 a year bumps you up a tax bracket I can almost guarantee it will be gone in taxes alone. Then you will be still broke but exhausted. I don't know how much you make but figure on 5% if it bumps you a bracket, that is not just an addition 5% on that 15,000 but 5% off of your current household income.

Just something to look at.

I would see if there is anything you missed in the budget. If you son can find a job that would be a good idea too. Both my older kids started working at 14. The beauty of it is their income is so low it isn't taxed.

I think you are right - you need to work on your budget and then stick to it. I highly recommend using the envelope system. You put cash into your budget envelopes (food, gas, extras, etc) then when the cash is gone - it is gone.

Next, do you pay daycare or aftercare? If it is aftercare, can your teenager provide aftercare? I was the aftercare for my 5 year old (kindergarten) sister and my 7 year old (second grader) brother from the time I was in 6th grade. I walked to their school from mine, picked them up, walked them home and supervised them until my mom got home - gave snacks and kept them out of trouble.

If your teenager can't do this, can teen work and help out with bills? Not ideal but might help you get up to date on mortgage or at least pay for teen's own expenses. Or cut out sports - they cost money at least here in Florida!

Try refi again - there were changes to HARP a few months ago that may allow you to qualify.

Consider holiday jobs for you and hubby. They are hiring now and will only go until the end of the year. Both you and he could do almost anything for 6 weeks. Have teenager provide babysitting if you work at night.

Try to negotiate on the medical bills. See if you can come up with a payment plan - any bonus for cash payments?

Another option - post yourself on sittercity.com and see what you can earn. Babysitters here cost $10-$15/hour.

Good luck! C.

There are a lot if factors in play.

- How much do you pay in daycare? PLEASE tell me that you aren't paying more in daycare than the lowest earner makes. If so, QUIT. This happen in our area so frequently its mind blowing. SIMILARLY: its an awful schedule, but nixing daycare by working opposite / overlapping shifts with your husband will often save more money than adding more hours of work. Just be careful that everyone gets to sleep. Watching children all day, then working all night does NOT work. Nor does adding another job that added daycare will eat up any profit in it. Most SAHPs in our area don't stay at home by "choice", but because daycare costs more than they make, or they break even. The worst example I know of was the fam paying 3k per month to work, and the saddest was the fam who was making less than $100 a month after paying daycare & taxes (When dad quit to stay home, the got an extra 30k per year in nixing childcare and dropping a tax bracket).

- How close are you to the next tax bracket? Be VERY careful you don't go over too little... Or you won't profit at all (in fact, like daycare, can be paying to work instead of the other way around).

- Cars are EXPENSIVE. Even if paid off, do you know your monthly gas/parking/Maintenance costs? We saved $800 a month by simply not driving the Jeep. (Paid off). $400 in gas, $200 in Maint. $200 in parking. When both can seriously restrict driving, even better. When there's a payment involved... Selling one (or tradibg in on a cheap little car, or leaae similaf car) can bring the total saved up higher.

- As a teen I worked by barter. Meaning, I traded working for lessons & equipment. Then I also worked fir pay at a restaurant. My parents weee SUPER encouraging of our sports and hobbies... but we had to help out. They helped us figure out how. I think it meant more to us older ones (my parents came into money for the younger ones). This may be something your son can look into if he's 12 and up. Barter work is awesome! Because you're still "in the field". I learned more working than I did before when I just played. But there's other work designed for kids: lawn mowing, snow shoveling, pet walking... Under the table "kid" jobs that will ease the strain. My brother, to pay for hockey, got a rink job.

- Creditor shuffle: as in lowering your monthly bills just by calling and asking what you can do to lower your bills. Sometimes this means new packages: i mow have faster internet AND tv (havent had tv for 8 years) for $20 less per month. A new phone package saved us $100 per month ages ago, and I called in during my divorce, and now pay less than $50 per month for 2 cells. Others are income specific: My water bill I just got cut in half. Ditto electric. Reduced lunches is saving me $15 per week (with only 1 kid). $75 a month on average is awesome. Plus that reduces my grocery costs.

... Point being... You may be right. Or your husband may be. Or you could both need to seriously look at the math.

JB's advice is great! Sarah&RobertE brings up a good point that the bankruptcy will be on your record for years - you have a teenage son, if you were planning to help him with college loans your bankruptcy could greatly affect that. Mention that to hubby and see if it helps sway him.

First you need to understand Bankruptcy and what it will do and won't do.

Chapter 13 will not wipe away debt, it will restructure your debt. For some who are way over their heads or have unexpected trauma in their lives, this allows them enough breathing room to get their payment plan in order and start paying back. It goes onto your credit record for 5-7 yrs. You are REQUIRED to submit a plan to payback you debt to THE COURT SYSTEM. They monitor your progress and make sure you do so. The mark on your credit record will make it very difficult to get any kind of loan in the near future if you need it.

A better option it to find a free debt counselor in your area. They will help you find doable solutions. You may be eligible for a mortgage rework, to renegotiate your credit cards, or even you car loans. A part time or seasonal job would help as long as you actually apply the earning to your debt. Mostly you need to identify the habits that are causing the debt in the first place, also a service of a debt counselor.

P.S. instead of looking for a second job, can you look for better paying job.

Get Financial Peace or The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsay.
You need a plan and a budget ASAP!
Cut lifestyle, cut out all necessary extras.
You have too much debt, including the cars and the "consumer debt" (which I know is part medic bold but I assume also credit card debt.)
The credit cards need to be cut up TODAY.
No more.
Do an emergency sell off of some things to get out of this immediate need for cash.
He needs to take that 2nd job. Yesterday.
Otherwise, the debt will continue to climb and you'll get farther behind.
If he WON't, I guess you'll have to do the extra hours.
The car loans need to be gone. Millionaires don't have car payments.
Sell the outright and but two cash cars--NO payments on cars!
You don't list net monthly income vs. payments, but it's very likely that its the car payments and consumer debt is killing you.
Work a debt snowball after you're even and pay off everything smallest to largest, O. at a time.
NO bankruptcy! I believe, like you, that if you make a mess , you clean it up!
I question your husbands judgement on money. Who willingly ruins their own credit when there IS a solution? Probably better if YOU handle the money from here on our. He sounds (sorry) like an avoider.

ETA: if you're upside down on the cars, YOU take a loan for the balance owed. Still better than 2 larger payments!!

Do you have any extra in your budget right now? Before adding any extra jobs? You mentioned in your title that you're behind on your mortgage, but don't mention it specifically in your list of debt... so it kinda makes it harder to see a big picture.
If you are routinely in the red every month, just paying roof over your head and groceries, then you HAVE to do something different. And not necessarily filing bankruptcy. If you are not in the red every single month (income vs. monthly bills) then you can work within where you are. It just can take a long time. If you are multiple months behind on your mortgage, that definitely affects the bigger picture.

I would try my darnedest to figure out something that doesn't involve your husband having to work both Sat and Sunday. No matter the money. 4 ten hour days in a row is draining. And increases his risks for health issues. If you then only give him ONE day off, then he will end up sick, I almost guarantee it. Can you guys afford him using sick days? Are his sick days paid? Does he have a huge pile of sick days accumulated that you would be comfortable with him "wasting"? My husband tries to keep the maximum number of sick days he can without losing them... b/c God forbid something serious happened and he had to be out of work for weeks at a time (a car accident or something), he'd need all those paid sick days.

Is there a way he could do one day on the weekends? Or alternating 1 day/2 day weekends, so that EVERY .Single.Week. he isn't getting only the one day off to recoup?

There are other ways to close the gap financially, too. How is that $18k distributed? Is most of it on one of your cars? Could you sell that car and get something less expensive, so you could have the car debt gone faster? What kind of consumer debt at what rate? Credit card debt at 18% interest? Can you take out a personal loan at a lower rate, or refi your house at a lower rate in roll the cc debt into it, pay off the credit card debt in full, and only have a house payment (that may be the same or less than you are currently paying)?

ETA: If you get rid of the basic cable, 2 things: 1) you have a little bit more money for other debt/things, and 2) Husband will be bored sitting at home, and probably more willing to work extra on some of his days off.
Is it possible that your husband just doesn't see the NEED as much as you do? Are you doing your bills together, or are you the one saddled with the worry and stress over it all by yourself? I don't see a reason in your post to consider bankruptcy, personally.
Yes, check out Dave Ramsey's financial peace series.
And yes, if you present it as temporary (as in seasonal, like until Christmas is over) then he might be more accepting. Maybe your older son (you didn't say how old the others are) could step up a little more around the house and you and husband could both get seasonal part-time...

I've seen bankruptcy from the other side. We were owned money by a guy that filed for bankruptcy. End of story, he never had to pay and our family has had to struggle because we REALLY could have used the money he STOLE from us.

A second job would not be worthless. But there are some other things you can do also. Trade off the cars you have now to cars yu can pay for in full. They would be older cars but if youkeep them maintained they should run just fine. That would save you a lot of money each month. If one of you were to get a job in retail working weekends you would not only have exra money coming in but have an employee discount to buy what you need. If one of you could find a job at a store where you like to purchase necessities such as clothes and shes for your family you could watch for sales and clearance and still get the discount. Your kids are growing and will always need clothes and shoes bonus if you get an employee discount on them.