Hi moms, I am hoping to glean some ideas from you about morning routines you might be doing with your toddlers. My lovebug is 18 months old, and he comes to work with me on Mondays and Thursdays, then we have a nanny come in on Tues/Wed/Fri. He loves his nanny and they have playdates every day they are together with 2 other toddlers on my block. My baby is happy and thrilled to see me when I get home from work those days. However he's started exhibiting a pretty serious case of separation anxiety in the mornings when our nanny comes (it starts before she even gets there). He will follow me from room to room and every little thing is a large dramatic scene (if he accidentally trips or bumps into something, if he can't open something, etc.) and I know it's just that he's wanting my attention because he knows I will be leaving. I do spend time on those mornings playing and reading books to him, but I also have to get ready for work. I hate that I'm trying to put on mascara and he's crying for me to pick him up. It makes me feel so bad!! So I was wondering if implementing a morning routine with consistent activities might help him? I don't think that he feels unsafe when I leave, but obviously it's causing him quite a bit of stress. Also it should be noted that about 2 seconds after I leave (or in many cases once he settles in to an activity with the nanny in another room) he's perfectly happy. Any help with experience on this would be so much appreciated. I want the mornings with him to be as fun as the rest of the day!
Thank you to everyone who responded...you have helped me tremendously!!
Have you ever thought about paying the nanny to come earlier in the morning so that you can get ready in peace? That is what I have been doing and it works really well for us. Good luck...
J.
Hi A.,
I can't give you any suggestions about a morning routine but I can give you reassurance. I used to be a nanny and the kids (esp the younger of the two) would always go through an awful drama as soon as I walked in the door. Moonday morns are the worst bc they've been with mom and dad all weekend! The funny thing is that the kids adored me and we had great fun together. It was just that initial mom leaving that got them worked up. As bad as that mom felt about leaving, she should have seen them not 2 min after she left. Forgotten completely about mom and having a grand old time with me! Just know that your kid isn't sitting there after you leave inconsolable and feeling abandoned. Kids are troopers and they adapt and spring right back all the while looking forward to seeing you later. Hope this helps!
I remember those days...
The only thing I could do was to get up earlier (before my little one woke up) and get ready early (or at least get my shower in and get dressed), so when your toddler wakes up you have already spent time for yourself getting ready and you have time for only him until you go.
You probably already know to lay out your clothes night before (or even for the entire week on Sunday night after he's in bed).
Also, I used to sometimes carry my cosmetics in a bag and apply makeup in the restroom at work - or train station - or even at stops while driving. I even drove with curlers in my hair. In order to sit and read with my daughter in the mornings, I would put velcro rollers in my wet hair, use the heat vents in the car as a hair dryer, and them remove and brush out at stops. Depending on the length of your commute, you can do your nails the same way. Got a few looks with the rollers, but who cares if it allowed quality time with my little one before work. (and other Moms understand)
You might also find ways to simplify your morning routine - as long as you are clean and your clothes are neat, you're ahead of the game!! ditch the mascara except for weekends - you'll save money too.
hugs,
W.
Hello, A.! My name is L.. I hope I can be of some assistance with your inquiry?
My son is soon to be 33 YEARS old, but I vividly remember going through with him what you are experiencing now with your son. When it came time to get ready for work in the morning, I would put my son on the bathroom counter as I washed my face, after giving HIM a warm wash cloth so that he could 'wash' HIS face. We would brush our teeth together, he had his own little brush to do his hair with, and I would let him 'help me' pick out my makeup to wear that day! (I would select two eyeshadows, for instance, and let him pick out which one I should wear! He loved the fact that we were doing things 'together,' and 'helping mommy' get ready for work! On some days, I would let him help select lunch or snack items for me and allow HIM to put them in my lunch bag, even if I had NO plans on eating what he selected for me! I made a big fuss over what a GOOD snack or lunch I was going to be having that day, and he loved the fact that HE was the one who 'provided' it for me! Sometimes, I would let him pack his OWN bag of lunch or snack items for him to have that day, which he would keep in the refrigerator! Of course, when I had to leave to go to work, I got the same kind of reaction as your son is giving you, but the MAIN thing is, that you KNOW he is in good hands, and this behavior is to be quite expected. No little one, boy OR girl, wants to see mom or dad leave them, but the happiness he displays with his nanny should be most assuring in your eyes that you are doing an all right thing!
The extra 15 minutes early I got up every morning so I could do the morning routine with my son without having to worry about time was well worth it! Have fun! They grow up SO fast! Please let me know if you are finding success in which ever way you decide to address your issue, ok? Good luck! L.
Greetings!! Try putting together a basket of things for him to use to "get ready with mommy" The basket could include a hair brush, toothbrush, maybe a toy razor or powder brush (w/o the powder), etc. That way he can spend some quality time with you and you can still get ready for work. When you're both all done getting ready you could read a book or do something fun together. Your son will feel really grown up if he has things that he "needs" to use to get ready for the day too. It works pretty well with my 16 month old as long as I add new things every now and then.
Sounds like he's fine mommy. He's testing you to see if you will change your routine for him. Children always test us and some give up after a while, some keep testing to break you down. Don't feel bad. You're doing everything you can. If he's fine 5 minutes fter you leave, that says a lot.
This is perfectly normal. You need to get out of the house immediately when the nanny comes. Because you spend time getting ready and trying to take care of him too, your son thinks, on a very toddler level, that he can change your mind about going. Just get ready before and leave with no apologies or regrets, as calmly and quickly as possible.
Morning routines work WONDERS!!!! Try to get up about the same time and do things in the same order. This may mean you have to get up earlier so that you are dressed and ready except breakfast before he gets up. This will also help you down the road when potty training begins.
As for the 2 minute or less getaway. We have always let our son, now 3, watch us from the window as we leave so he can wave good-bye to us. Now he runs over there on his own as we leave, jumps up on the couch and waves good-bye.
Also remember that anywhere from age 16-20 months most kids go through a separation anxiety stage. His getting frustrated with the little things is the age of almost 2 and not being able to verbally communicate his wants and needs. If needed have him get a stuffed animal, or Elmo as my son has done get dressed in the morning while you do, brush the hair or even feed "Elmo". It makes us laugh, but we can get ready at the same time.
Best of luck and enjoy these days.
S.
wow... I'm looking for the same answer. my daughter is the exact smae way she is 3 though. She wakes up every morning asking "mommy, why do you ahve to go to work today?" I feel so bad and sad at times.
Hi-
I know it may not be the BEST idea, but how about putting on a little Einstein video for babies or something to capture his attention on the TV so you can calmly get ready and do what you need to do in the morning. Plus, it may distract him so you can get out the door without all the drama. Your nanny may have to listen to him cry for 2 minutes when and if he realizes you are not there, but it will make your day better not to have seen or heard it.....I know how it is to go through it. It almost makes it not worth leaving. But, let me assure you it gets better and your little toddler will some day be pushing you out the door because they end up bonding with their nanny and having tons of fun. Good luck. Do whatever you have to do.....a little TV for 30 minutes in the morning is just fine (in my opinion!) It has provided me with a little mommy time when I really needed it!!
J.
separation anxiety as this age is very normal and you'll be surprised that even my 9 year old little man still gets it when I am at the end of a project and putting in overtime, he gets very clingy.
A couple of things for morning routine. At his age he will not understand "mommy has to get ready for work" I agree with the other responses. Try getting up a little earlier or doing less so you have sometime to sit down and bond, maybe a story or just cuddling, before you leave. I also let my daughter wear a t-shirt of mine sprayed with my perfume. I read that we associate certain smells with feelings and people. My daughter is comforted by the smell of her mom when I'm not at home...she wears my t-shirt to bed. She even takes one with her to Nana's house for hte weekend if she stays (and she's 8!).
Also try on the days that you are running behind, have toys for him sitting wherever you get ready, work on colors with him, play "where's this body part" as you are putting on your mascara--Where's your eye, where's mommy's lips. That will keep him occupied enough to put on your face and teach him at the same time.
I know it's rough but it will get better! Good Luck
I agree to set special time aside for cuddling before you leave for the day, or at the beginning of the day. Five minutes of holding & rocking & singing when you first see baby in the morning will help him to understand that he is most important, and then direct him to toys or tv or play music so he can dance - Mom you can dance too - while getting ready. Then 5 more hugging minutes & its time for bye-bye.
Another thought is to have nanny come a few minutes early so transition time is smoother. And maybe let baby know that when Nanny comes, it's treat time...so Nanny becomes something to look forward too.
Good luck!
