My 6 Year Old Already Doesn't like School!

I agree with Suz and Nervy Girl.

Don't pay her complaining much attention. She's got at least 12 more years of it ahead of her, so she'd better get used to it. (And after that, 40+ more years of getting up to take care of kids, go to work, etc. And then she'll die. That's life.)

Is she happy AT school? Is she making friends?

My thought would be to reach out to some of the other moms in the class and try to set up playdates. That's often what motivates young kids to get out the door and get going -- they can't wait to play with so-and-so. Contrary-wise, if other kids are teasing her, or if she just feels like the odd girl out, she'll do anything she can to avoid the school day.

Hi G.,

When I was a nanny, it was often the case that kids *hated* having to do all of those tasks in order to leave the house to go to....well, just about anywhere. One of the kids I cared for did half-day (afternoon) kindergarten and still had a lot of digging in her heels going on during that 'time to get ready' transition.

First, just know that your kid IS in a sort of 'habit' of being upset about this. I would back off from giving too much discussion and just give a short empathetic response "yep, you'd like to stay home and play".... and keep the morning moving.

Some things which made life easier:
Keep the TV off in the mornings. I can't tell you how much this can derail a kid's attention. NO tv time until after school. They will not die.

Schedule 10 minutes of bathroom time as 'together' time in the morning. Get your girl a sensible haircut (I endured hearing years of screaming as a nanny.... I feel your pain) that doesn't need much other than a brush. A cute bob works on nearly every kid. Also, brush their hair at bedtime the night before because it will work out any of that day's tangles.

Brush her teeth with her, while you sing a song or tell a joke, just get it done.

Have getting dressed take place before breakfast. Want food? Get dressed. Lay clothes out the night before. Some kids might choose to sleep in what they would wear to school the next day. Unconventional, but it solves a lot of problems if your kid isn't a sweaty sleeper. Even if it's tomorrow's t shirt and a pair of pj pants... if everything else is ready to, so much the better.

Every day she does well, no complaining, makes an effort-- heap on the praise. Be specific: thanks for coming to the table all dressed; you were so helpful in holding still while we got your hair brushed....

Remember, that the morning transition is all about her separating from you and doing something she might partly enjoy but feel conflicted over. So, there's bound to be some reticence on her part. Whenever you can, give her lots of personal positive physical touch-- a squeeze on her shoulder, a kiss on her head-- a lot of these can help because they give her the powerful, nonverbal message that you see her, value her, love her, just for who she is.

If you need to, consider waking 20 minutes earlier; you might need an earlier bedtime if the kids are dragging. It IS a long day, so be sure she's getting the opportunity to sleep at least 10 hours or so.

Hang in there!

i totally agree with nervy on not over-analyzing it. many many kids dislike the process of getting ready for school (i was always one of them) but like school just fine. pfffffttttt to her 'need to be entertained.' that's a cop-out. if you remove screens from children and leave them to their own (reasonably overseen) devices, they figure out how not to be bored. bored kids are a direct result of over-fussy parenting.
i totally disagree with the suggestion to keep getting her up earlier. it's a myth that rising early teaches someone to rise early. i got up early every day of my school years, bitching and moaning, and was a great student, and never once during an off day do i rise early despite all those years of 'training.' my homeschooled boys got up whenever they wanted, and both have jobs and did great at college, having no issues with really really tough demanding schedules.
i would take some of the practical steps suggested about haircuts, clothing laid out the night before, simple breakfasts and getting up earlier enough to make time for everything. but i would not 'talk about school in a more positive light' per se, i'd keep discussions short and matter-of-fact. 'kinda crabby this morning, huh? i'm that way some mornings too, honey. brush your teeth.'
sometimes kids need carrots, and sometimes they need sticks. sometimes they just need to move along and figure it out.
khairete
S.

Here's what worked for me and my kids:

I kept the mornings as mellow as possible. I didn't even wake my kids until 30 minutes before it was time to leave. They'd get dressed and head downstairs.

Breakfast was/is whatever they wanted- cerial, a turkey sandwich, leftovers from dinner. It didn't have to be "breakfast" food. Sometimes they would drink a Boost protein shake if they weren't hungry. They just needed to get something in their stomachs.

I kept toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush and scrunchies in our downstairs bathroom. Shoes are in the laundry room so there was no searching at the last minute.

Backpacks are packed and set by the door the night before. Snacks for school were prepared the night before and put into their backpacks.

Finally, I didn't fling open the door, flip on the light and howl to get out of bed. About 5 minutes before they needed to wake, I would open their doors, light kiss on the head and say "you need to think about waking up" and left the room with the door open. This one little thing made such a difference and kind of helped to ease them into their day.

Good luck- some days are harder than others. Some days flow and some days, not so much. Sometimes, you just gotta do your best and call it a day!

Here is the thing, we ALL hate "having" to do stuff we don't want to do. We ALL complain our "work" day is too long. We ALL don't want to floss our teeth (yes, you too!!!). We ALL hate paper work. We ALL hate getting out of our warm cozy bed in the morning.

Now that we have established that your daughter is "normal" what strategies can you use?
1. Don't make a big deal. If she doesn't want to brush her teeth, don't. If she doesn't want to brush her hair, don't. The other kids will notice, say something to her, and she will choose whether it is worth doing or not. Sooner or later she will do it based on pure "ickyness".

2. Make it a game. I used to put a timer in the room when my daughter got dressed. She had 1 min to choose her clothes and 1 min to put them on. If she failed her mission - she wore whatever she was wearing. After a while, got dressed BEFORE I even set the alarm, it because her habit.

3. School is boring, it is long, there is too much paper work. So what is fun about it? Friends? Play time? etc. Use your home as an example. No one likes to clean the kitchen, but isn't it nice to eat off of clean dishes? No on likes to do the laundry, but isn't it nice to wear clean clothes? Stuff like that.

I used to tell my kids that if they didn't like something, they had the power to change it, either physically or mentally. My youngest still is not a fan of school (she is in the 9th grade). Just last night she told me all the reason why school us useless. And then I asked her what she likes about it. She went on for another 5 minutes and NONE of it had to do with 'work" it was about friends and connections.

Let's be honest, if I asked you about your "work" would you LOVE every aspect of it? Your daughter is real. Let her express and you teach her the harmony in life.

B.

Young kids, often hate being rushed.
When rushed, they actually take LONGER to do anything.
Meanwhile, it irks Mommy.

GET your kiddo, up earlier. Pad the whole get-ready-schedule and timing, with 1/2 hour leeway.
THEN, tell her that if she gets ready "earlier" and nicely... she can just relax and hang out or watch 10 minutes of some show.
THEN it is IN THE CAR.
Or have her HELP YOU... "get ready." "After you get ready, you can help Mommy! put your things by the door to put in the car...." sort of thing.

Getting ready is just not fun. Often times. Even for adults!
And realistically, we can't make it fun and games every darn morning.
So, be matter of fact. Get her up and ready, EARLIER and have more leeway in the timing.
Then you all don't have to, rush.

And teach her, that she can vent, but not "complain."
Give her 2 minutes. Then tell her to put on her happy attitude... to LEARN how to, CHOOSE, that. Perspective. Practice it. Don't cater to it.
Because, this is only Kindergarten.

And teach her how to be self-able... in the morning.
Once my kids were in Kindergarten, they mostly were able to get themselves, ready for school. They dressed themselves. They did their routines or eating/brushing teeth... I helped with putting on shoes and tying it... BUT I told them, that these things has to be done, AHEAD of time. Or we will be late. And being late to school, means a TARDY SLIP.
They need to learn that.

I work at a school.
EVERYDAY, there are certain kids, the SAME ones, who are habitually late... to... school.... and... tardy. And after awhile, it is not excusable. And it goes on their school attendance record.

My son is like this every morning. Many mornings we can snap him out of it. This morning was pretty good, but it was different, as the kids are at daycare and not school. Snowday!

For my son, it isn't actually school that's the problem. Sure that's what he says when he doesn't want to get up. But really it's because he's not a morning person.

We have to leave the house around 7:30. If the kids are up and getting dressed by 7:00 we're good. But I've found that our 7 year old needs to be woken up by 6:45. So I wake him at 6:45, talk to him again around 6:50 or 6:55, and make sure he's out of bed at 7:00. We tried waking him at 7:00, and we tried waking him at 6:30. This works best for him, so we're sticking with it.

You might have to try a few things, but I'd be willing to bet this has more to do with getting out of bed in the morning than with school itself.

Keep getting her up earlier and earlier until she can get into a schedule to fit what she needs to get up and be ready. Just because she has gotten up at 6:30, she may need to start getting up at 6:00 for a while till she can get it together.,

She may be bored because the work is too easy. Just mention to the teacher that your daughter is starting to complain about school, so you are wondering what she is observing.

It has also been a cold and dark winter up there. I bet she misses all of the running around she used to be able to do. Make sure she gets some really active play once she is out of school in the afternoons.

To get her moving? We used to have races. Who could get dressed the fastest in the mornings.. And mom, sometimes, put on 2 different shoes or mess up the buttons on your sweater or jacket. Accidentally put on dads pants.. It will crack her up.

Who could brush their hair the fastest.

Put on some really loud dance music and when she comes looking for you, dance real crazy, like "Flashdance". Have her join you.. She will think you have lost your mind, but at least she will be awake and her attention captured.

Sometimes, I used to make a morning date with our daughter." If we get up really early tomorrow, I will take you for breakfast at The bakery! "

While driving I would allow our daughter to tell me directions on how to get to school. Sometimes, she would send us straight there and sometimes, we would go around the block..

Dress the baby funny so big sister will notice.

Unfortunately, school is non-negotiable. It is part of life . However, try getting her up earlier in the morning. Set a timer for 10 minutes before you have to leave. If she does not brush her hair or brush her teeth so be it. Sometimes you just have to get tough, if cajoling does not work.

Is it too late to consider half day? Some kids can't do full day even at 6. And maybe over the summer, she'll be ready.

Where was she previously? A preschool with play curriculum? An academic preschool? That can help set the tone.

My younger kid was in Academic preschool at 3. She doesn't love worksheets, but understands that her teacher needs to do spelling tests and math quizzes in order to help her measure her learning.

One tip is that if you can, brush your daughter's hair the night before and braid it (French braids if short and Heidi braids if longer). You can skip a step that way. I know plenty of families whose kids take a bath the night before and sleep in sweats --which they wear to school if needed.

You might talk to her teacher so the two of you can create a "link" between home and school. Her teacher can greet her with very positive words, "I'm so glad you're here today because I need you to help me _______"(fill in the blank) Then as she is leaving the teacher says, I'm so looking forward to tomorrow because we are going to do ____________ and I'll need your help and smiling face. I'll let your mom know about tomorrow. Then she sends a short note to you (pre-printed is fine). Then you say, Mrs. Smith said you really helped her in school today, and she needs you there tomorrow. etc. Build a brifge or link from one day to the next.

Does she have a cute sticker chart? You can print them for free. After she brushes her teeth she gets a cute sticker in that space, gets dressed another sticker, hair another sticker. At first it may seem like more work for you but the routine gets going she will hopefully be independent. Most K's do not "get" time as in this day is longer than her day last year. Make sure you are not using that language in front of her, saying it's a long day. Never say that, it's just school. I always did the race thing that someone else suggested, and i always let him win! "Can you brush your teeth faster than I can get dressed?" "Get dressed before I get out of the shower?" Remember, This could also be about attention, is the preschooler getting her hair brushed, teeth brushed, help getting dressed while the Kindergartner is asked to be more independent? Whining may just mean, stop being busy with little sibling and pay attention to me! Have her bring her clothes into your room and get dressed together, all brush your teeth together, whatever to keep you all physically close.
Ask the teacher if she seems to enjoy school once she is there, and if not what does teacher think is the problem?

Be the parent and say "School is your job, you have to go to school. I have my job, it's xxx, dd, and nnn....dad's job is sss, ee, and ooo so we all have our jobs and yours is to go to school".

Many many many school districts don't even offer half day options. Most people have jobs and parents cannot get child care for a half day child so they don't even offer half day anywhere.

I think she'll be fine. If you change her schedule now she'll want the same thing next year. I'd simply tell her it's school and she can't pick her own hours.

My 8 year old is the one that hates to get up. He would sleep until noon every day if he could. I have a morning sitter since I leave the house over an hour before the kids need to get up, but my sitter told me how she got around him not liking to wake up. She simply asks him if he needs more time. She gets him up 45 minutes before it is time to go, and if he needs more time, she gives him 10 more minutes. Then he has to rush to get everything done, but that makes a big difference for him. And the TV MUST be off for him. Otherwise he gets distracted way too easily.

The shorter her hair is the less brushing/fussing it needs.
Bummer about hating to brush her teeth but there's really no alternative for that - it and flossing needs to be done twice per day.
Pick out clothes for the next day the night before and no changing minds about the outfit the next morning.
Make sure she's in bed early enough in the evening so that she's well rested in the morning.
I used the tv in the morning to get my son going.
If I told him he was going to miss his show he'd be up in a flash to use the bathroom and then get in front of the tv.
While the show was on was when he'd eat breakfast and as soon as it finished the tv went off and it was time to brush teeth.
We changed into clothes after that (so we didn't have toothpaste over everything) and I tried to be ready with 15 min to spare so we could read a small story before we left the house (he LOVED story time any time he could get it so we read when ever we had to wait for anything).
If he was running late there would be no time for a story and he hated missing it (only happened once) so it was great incentive for him to stay on track.