hi, i am the mother of a wonderful 3 year old boy. he has been experiencing sleep difficulties since April. I have found soltions for the sleep and they work wonders however, my husband is reluctant to follow the routine and he claims i make him fell like he never does anything right? he gets my son all riled up even when he knows it is suppose to be quiet time. He lets him jump on him and roll around the floor while trying to engage in puzzles or quiet time pre-bed activities. with no redirection. SO i have to jump in and tell him to stop and calm down etc. It is like he has learned to just sit back and follow my lead. How do I get him to take the intitative again and follow through. HELP, frustrated and tired
thank you everyone for the advice! I still put him to bed however, my husband is more understanding about quiet time after dinner. Because no matter how you cut it my son wants me to read stories and put him to bed. I have become the routine! which is fine I love it. we get snuggle time. and he know goes to sleep w/in 10 minutes! once the lighta are out. As long as i put him to bed.
It seems as if he doesn't want to be the bad guy. You should take some time out just the two of you and explain the situation to him and let him know how you feel. Try to make him see how getting your son all wired up affects him. I hope this is of some help. Good Luck, Best Wishes to You and Your Family
My advice is similar to 2 already posted. It sounds like your husband is looking for fun time with your son. Try to find things with your husband that he and your son can do that are fun yet not quite so active. Also if he tends to do chores when he gets home from work and then want to play as my husband does try suggesting he puts those off until your son is in bed so rough housing etc can be done earlier and not right before bed.
Sounds like you need to go away for a few days and let Dad take care of things. And then he may learn to appreciate you routine. I know my husband has been the same way. He gets home from a long day and just wants to play. Good luck, I am sure it will all work itself out.
hi , i know how you feel, this happen to me with my son. the best thing i have learn to do is to stop taking part in his bed time routine, let his dad do his routine of putting him to bed for a few days and you will see how fast it will change. take time for yourself , leave the house if you must or try very hard if you stay in to tune it out , but it will work for you . all the best. let me know how this works for you thanks.
char
C., This may sound harsh, but let your husband reap what he sows. If he's going to get your son all hyped up before bedtime, let him follow through with putting him down for the night. After a few times, I'm sure he'll begin to understand the importance of quiet-time before bedtime! Good luck, T.
Hi C.~I've been trying to catch myself b/f I tell my hubby, in front of the children, that we need to do something different from what he started-it's hard! Maybe you & your husband can talk about a schedule for the post dinner, pre-bedtime events in advance. ie: play w/dad for 1/2 hour, when the clock says xx time, we brush teeth & wash face, get in jams, etc. If your son knows what to expect he might even help to keep dad on the routine. Good luck!
C.,
I know you are frustrated, and it sounds like your husband is too, and I understand. But I do want to say you are lucky that you have a husband who wants to iteract with his son, and does spend time like that with him. That being said, I want to explain that that is how boys interact. That is how fathers interact with their sons specifically. Your husband probably works all day, comes home and needs his time to "decompress" from work, then he wants to play with his son. I know it is frustrating, but maybe you should move quiet time back half an hour so that your husband and your son have "male bonding" time together. Men often hear a different message than we are sending, and the same goes for women. It is the way are brains are wired (aka Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus). My suggestion with him, is to talk to him using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. What I mean is "I feel like . . . " "I need your help with . . ." not "you don't do this . . ." "you make me feel . . ." Does that make sense? My husband is the same way that way, I say one thing and he hears that he is the worst husband in the world.
I know it is hard, but he and your son do need that rough housing time together, so maybe in addition to speaking with him, comprimise by moving the quiet time back, or agree on an activity that will fit with the bedtime routine, like a book, or something.
I wish you luck.
L.
Hi C.
I agree with the first post...it sounds like your husband is needing that special active time with your son. Maybe you can help him to find a way to have that active busy time by shifting the schedule slightly. It's tough when they don't get home from work until late. I know mine sometimes barely makes dinner and our kids (3 and 18 months) go to bed between 7-8. So there are plenty of nights when he hardly gets to see them or play. Maybe your son could handle shifting quiet time and betime back even 15 minutes. Then you can help to ensure that extra time is set aside for your son and husband to really enjoy wrestling and playing hard. If that doesn't work, maybe you can arrange a time over the weekend when you go do something and the 2 of them have special very active time. Send them to the park or just out in the back yard to run and chase and play. Hope that help
H.
Hello C.,
Your husband has to be on the same page when it comes to your child's routine and there is just no getting around that (in my opinion of course). I tend to handle all of the parenting needs in my home, I am a perfectionist by nature, but have realized that I did shut my husband out. My girls are 7 1/2 and 5 1/2 now and I have finally begun to let him deal with some of the parenting. Perhaps you need to step back and let your husband try getting your son to bed after he gets him all riled up. go to the grocery store or out for a walk and perhaps he will see that play time is best earlier in the evening.
Good luck
Sarah
Some Dads dont understand that there is a time for play and a time to calm down.
I would explain this in a way he can understand (maybe make him run around or drink a Red Bull and have him jump into bed) so that he can see what happens when you get all riled up before bed.
If he continues just make him get up and do the daily routine when the child is tired. He will catch on as to why we have "Quiet Time" before bed.
www.MomsBargainBasement.com
Buy/Sell/Trade New and Gently Used Childrens Items for FREE!
Hand the task over to your dh to put to bed. Let him do the routine and find the routine that works best for him. My dh has been putting the kdis to bed for years. He LOVES the time w/ the kids. It wouldn't be the way I do it, but it works for him and the kids. They have a special bonding time and I have time to clean up w/o kiddos at my feet.
Your husband thinks you're putting him down when really you aren't. Your son needs to go to bed. Your husband wants to rough-house with his son, because finally he's unwound enough and wants some quality time with his boy. Why not sidestep the whole issue? Start a bedtime routine, quietly, without comment, without saying it's to help the sleep issue, where you give your three-year-old a bath. AFTER the roughhousing and rolling around on the floor, and the blatting on the tummy. In fact, you could join in. It would make your husband happy, and your son would get tired out.
The bath really calms down some kids -- especially if you wash their hair. It helps their body cool down subtly, which they need to help them sleep. And that would be the dividing time between rough-house time and sleep time. Especially if you do it every night.
HTH
