1.5 Year Old Wont Go to Bed!!!!

Oh yeah, she just doesn't need the sleep! My son is just a bit older. Try putting her to bed at 9p or cutting shorter her nap time. :)

Also, if the problem continues with the later bed time, try offering her a sip of water. She just might be thirsty.

With my first son we didn't have much of a routine. With my 1.5 year old, he knows the routine but still sometimes cries. But almost never more than 10 minutes. If he cries longer than that I go to him.

I am an attachment parent, but I'm sure you have heard of that and made a conscious decision to put your child in her own room. I respect that as well. Many of the "cry it out" methods that I have skimmed state that the crying should stop in 1 to 3 days... ideally. So, if this has been going on longer than that I would not let it go on.

Does she give you 'yes' and 'no' responses yet? Have you tried asking her what it is that she doesn't like? Go down a list... Are you lonely? Are you scared? What's bothering you? Could it be you are expecting too much sleep time? Do you have the flexibility to let her stay up an hour later at night?

My son is 24 mos and I've always let him "lead" his sleep times, but I'm a stay at home mom so we have that luxury. Our nighttime routine is simply story time. I don't put pressure on my child to sleep. He takes a nap when he wants and when we get in bed at night, if he doesn't go to sleep after being in bed for 45 minutes, I'll let him get up for a while.

Hi A.,

No, you aren't a bad parent! Just put that right out of your head. :)

Are you in a new phase of sleep training? Has she always cried for an hour, or is this new? How long has this been happening? Those are all questions that may guide you in this process.

I was thinking similar thoughts to what Jennifer suggested a couple responses down...perhaps she is just up too long before bedtime. I know at our house, if we are out late for some reason, my daughter (22 mo.) can take a LONG time to fall asleep because she's too wired. Can you try moving her nap a tad later and move her bedtime a little earlier? Most advocates of sleep "routines" suggest a bedtime between 6-8pm, but all say earlier is better. Maybe that would help her. Do you have a bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, etc.)? That may help her too. I know you said she thinks it's playtime if you read outside of her room...can you read to her IN her room, or is it the same problem?

Hope this is helpful...I know I put more new questions than answers, but hopefully that will just help give some new ideas. Hope you're all sleepin' well soon!

R. G.

No... You NOT a bad mum... but an hour is a really, really long time to be crying. <grinning> and we couldn't do story-time either, when my son was that young, books were WAY too exciting. We did start the habit of night time poetry (no book), but that's us.

I'd try a few things:

1) What's the bedtime routine? A nice long soothing bath will really help get their system to start slowing down. <grinning> Even if bathtime is a major adventure in playtime, and she comes out in full giggle, her muscles will be more relaxed. My son, until four spent about 1/2 an hour in the bath every night. We'd have to add hot periodically to keep it warm. It was his last "playtime" of the night, and we'd start running the bath about 45 minutes before we wanted him in bed.

2) Full bellies promote sleep in wee ones. You can try a big sippy cup of warm milk (warm milk is also a notorious sleep aid, even in adults).

3) Moving bedtime earlier or later. If a child is oversleepy they will NOT sleep 9 times out of 10. So try bumping bedtime earlier by about half an hour to an hour earlier (first), easiest check. Because missing that window of "tired enough to sleep, but not so tired I'm going to fight it is crucial. Same token, some kids are later sleepers. If it works for your family, there's no reason not to have bedtime at 9 or 930.

A.,
How long has she been doing this? Does she nap?
I have a really great book called The Sleep Sense Program" and it is on-line. It really gave me the tools to help my daughter sleep through the night. Please email me at ____@____.com and I will shoot it your way (and anyone else who might need it) It really worked for my family. It showed me what I was doing wrong and made me see that I was enabling her bad habits,even creating some for her. After discovering this, I felt like I was a bad mom. But, I fixed the problems, and at age 2 1/2 she is sleeping from 7:30pm to 6:30 am (roughly) I can't ask for anything better.
So I hope to hear from you soon!
M.

Dear A.,

I think an hour is too long to be crying..for either of you. I agree with methods to wind down. I know when I have done a poor job in providing a calming environment for bed for my daughter ( now 3)...I bite the bullet then and stay up until she's ready to sleep. I keep offering, until she accepts help to get to sleep.
Imitating twighlight (with low and/or amber/yellow lighting) can help anyone get sleepy. Harsh lights and blue wavelengths in regular lights stimulate the pineal gland and INHIBIT melatonin production...not what you want.
My home has regular lighting and bug and amber lights separate for evening! Even amber nightlights.

No, of course you are not a bad Mom! Just trying to figure things out, like all the rest of us.

I think others have mentioned it, but the most notable thing in your post is the bedtime. An 8pm bedtime is pretty late for a toddler. You may find that bedtime is easier if you adjust to a bedtime closer to 7pm. Most of the sleep experts and research suggest earlier bedtimes work better for babies' circadian rhythms.

Earlier bedtimes can be hard if one or more parents works, but it's worth striving for. I've managed to balance at a 7:30pm bedtime for my 2-year old, but if it gets much later than that them bedtime becomes more difficult and her sleep is more disrupted.

Good luck and I hope that the crying starts to shorten up!

It sounds to me like you've just got a night owl and you're putting her to bed too early. She is getting a TON of sleep. 13 hours at night is a very long time especially when combined with a 3 hour nap. Normal for this age is 12 hours TOTAL sleep between night and day. Most agree that getting a kid to sleep 12 hours at night is pretty incredible, most sleep between 10 and 11 at night. Congrats on having a baby that sleeps till 9AM, I'm totally jealous. If she's sleeping through the night till 9AM, try pushing the bed time back to 9PM. keep it there for one week and if still having issues try 9:30pm.

Also, you should do a very consistent and calming night time routine inside her bedroom, not outside. I really think your problem is just a too early bedtime though, she's simply not tired yet because she's had SO MUCH sleep at that point. I think once she's more tired it won't seem like play time. Here is what Ferber says - no TV before bed, and no energetic play (tickles, chasing around the house, running games, etc) an hour before bed. Don't make the bedtime routine too long (common mistake) 30 minutes is how long it should take. It doesn't really matter what you do as long as it is calming, consistent and ends inside her room, but most people start with a bath, then maybe saying good night to daddy or the dog or whatever, then pajamas inside her room, then never leave the room, turn down the lights (a good sleep signal), and the read books calmly in her bed or rocking chair, sing quiet calming songs, etc. What matters most is that it is the same order every single night. You are giving her a countdown to going to sleep. As she gets used to it she will get sleepy at the end of the routine (provided she is reasonably tired) Again, I really think you're just putting her to bed too early based on when she wakes up. If she does 12 hours at night and 2 hours in the day she's already 2 hours ahead of normal for sleep (which is great) but you can't reasonably hope for more than that. 9PM should be earliest bed time, but could even be as late as 10 if she keeps waking up at 9AM, sleeps through the night and keeps up those long naps.

If she's crying, I say you should go to her and hold her. She probably just wants to be close to you and there is nothing wrong with that. SHE IS STILL JUST A BABY!!!!! Try putting her in bed with you so you can BOTH get the sleep you need. I really and truly feel that Dr. Sears has the best way to handle these scenarios in the way of attachment parenting - http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sleep-Book-Complete-Parenting/...
It makes me sad that your baby is left to cry it out... She won't be a baby for much longer and when she's older you're gonna wish you could hold her and rock her to sleep again. I say you savor and enjoy this time and hold her, rock her, soothe her as much as she needs. It will help build her sense of self worth and esteem because she will always know that you will be there for her. ALWAYS. I also suggest you stick with a consistent bedtime routine.

Hi A.,
You sound like a great parent. Your daughter is just at that phase where she would rather play than sleep. But as we all know, a tired toddler is a cranky and obstinate toddler.
One thought, if you aren't already planning active activities in the later afternoon, this might help get out some of that extra energy out of her and allow her to get to sleep sooner. Additionally, about an hour before she goes to bed try to quiet the house down by giving her a bath, reading her a bedtime story, putting on quiet music, but absolutely no television or rough housing. Some children are very stimulated by their environment, and this could help to reduce some of the stimuli that wires her up before bed time.

try moving her bedtime up an hour to 7pm. she may already be too tired and that makes it harder for them to go to bed at night. My son has always been a HORRIBLE sleeper so I have tried just about everything. An hour is too long, IMO, to let her cry it out so a change needs to be made. you want to aim for about 5 hours of wakefulness between naps/bed. My son's schedule is 7am wake... 12-3 nap and 8pm bed. It has taken me many moons to find his right time (not mine). So try that and see what happens. try adjusting in about 20 minute increment for the morning nap so that you are closer to the bed time as well.. maybe 7:30 bed time with 11:30 - 2:30 nap?

I would try putting her down a little bit later if she's not waking up until 9am.

Good luck!

Hello, Of course this does not make you a bad parent. You sound like a caring person. Does your daughter have a night light? Do you close the door and leave it dark? I would crack the door so that she doesn't have it too dark. Our 15 month old grandaughter gets so upset in the car when it is dark. If I am along, I ride in the back with her, then she is much calmer. I am just thinking that since your daughter goes down okay at nap time, she might just be scared of the dark.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

Hi. I didn't see this in your responses, but your daughter could just be going thru that 18-month old regression. When my daughter was 18 months we started having sleeping problems we hadn't had for almost a year (trouble going to sleep at night, waking in the middle of the night repeatedly). It sounds like your daughter gets lots of sleep between nighttime and naptime. If this isn't just that 18-month phase that might last a couple weeks, maybe you could try the sleeping earlier in the evening. That never worked for us (my daughter is 2.5) because of my husband's work schedule.. Maybe even more important, though, is to cut back her daytime nap slightly in length - so that by bedtime she really is ready to sleep.

Hi A.,
I think your daughter's nap is too late. Try making it earlier so she's more tired at bedtime. By the time my son was 2 I had to get rid of all naps because he would not go to sleep. You can also try moving bedtime to 8:30. Please keep reading to your daughter at bedtime though. It's a great way to build her vocabulary.

Good luck! Hope this helps!

I would try to develop a routine to bedtime, like bath, book, bedtime. It will take some time to develop because you are starting a bit late, but it sets them up to know what is in store for the evening. I don't like CIO method personally. I have read that it makes children insecure. Just think how you would feel if someone left you to cry for an hour without comforting you. Just my opinion, but there are other ways. My dd took a while to adjust and she always pushes the limits by asking for another book, but it works out. It is more work for us as parents, but isn't that what being a parent is all about?? : ) Good luck and hope it gets easier for you.