Listening and Follow Directions

I don't do rewards charts. They don't work in the long term, and the fact is they aren't a realistic reflection of life. Nobody in this world is going to be putting gold star stickers on a chart and giving you a prize at the end.

I give my kids directions, and, if I'm getting the vibe that they aren't hearing me or don't fully understand, I'll ask that they repeat them back to me. "Do you understand? What did I just ask you to do?" And then send them on their way. "Okay, go do it. Come back and ask me if you get confused."

Refusal to do something, like cleaning up a room, doesn't result in a star not added to a sheet (big whoop dee doo)....I just tell them, "You have to complete this task before you can go do what you want to do."

That's a real life consequence. And that's what you should be using if you want anything to get done and directions to be followed.

Good luck!

Kids respond to the combination of body language, tone of voice, and facial expression, not so much the words themselves. Adding charts just further complicates an issue that needs to be simplified.

If you need a child to HEAR you, stop what you're doing, get down to his eye level, get close, look him in the eye, be sure he is looking you in the eye, say what you need to say, then ask him to repeat it to you.

One direction at a time. This will be the end of "not listening/following directions". Eventually, you will only need ONE of the actions listed above to have his complete attention and cooperation.

:)

When you give an instruction or direction you stop, look at the child in his eyes and make sure they are also looking at you. If they are in another room, you go to them to give the instruction.

If you need to reinforce this direction or request you put your hand on their shoulder, look them in the eyes and you say their name. " Sam, go to your room and put all of your toys away where they belong" "Sam, tell me what I just said."

Or you can say, Sam, listen with your ears. Then give them the direction.

Never yell a direction across the house. Go to the child and look at them in the eyes. This way you know they heard the direction. If they seem distracted, have them repeat it back to you.

Do this often enough and it will break the habit of them ignoring or forgetting.

Never did reward charts. Just expected age appropriate results. How hard is it to say, Billy you need to put your books away now, or Sally, you have five minutes to clean up your toys before dinner? Make sure they hear you and understand, and don't move to the next activity (like turning on the TV) until the request is met.

What Laurie A said!!!

You just need to give them simple directions.
Get down on their level.
Use as few words as possible.
Make sure you have their attention. Don't talk to their backs or say
something in passing or while they are watching cartoons.

Say simple things like-
"get your shoes on"
"toys in your room"
"let's clean up"
"time to go"
"wash your hands"

Try giving 3-5 word commands. What that does is get their attention & does not clutter their minds w/extraneous, flowery words.

Also, be patient. They are kids after all. They do not have the growth we do and should not be expected to behave as we do.

I give them simple directions, if they are followed I will say something like "thank you for listening so well" or "great job", if they don't listen they get in trouble, like reduced tv time. I don't see the need for special rewards for this, a child needs to know how to follow simple instructions. Just keep them short and simple.

In our home, listening and following directions are part and parcel of living together as a family.

We only do any sort of 'reward' chart acknowledgment when we are impressed with a cheerful attitude, quick follow-through, or when our 6 yr old son does his tasks without being asked.

We have a sticker chart with 100 dots on it. He may receive stickers for behavior which makes life easier/a pleasure for us. Getting the table set without being asked might earn you a sticker. Being gracious in helping out when asked gets acknowledged. Just doing your daily jobs? Dude, they are your daily jobs, they are just a part of life. We don't get rewards for what we are *supposed to be doing*. But if you are being pleasant and helpful or jumping up from playing *right away* to help out with something? We do acknowledge that.

When the chart is full, then we go do something fun as a family. A trip to the nickel arcade, maybe having a family movie time with popcorn... the last time the chart filled, we took our son to a museum exhibit he was excited about, a collection of samurai warrior armor and clothing. No presents, toys or tangible gifts are earned via the chart. It's really about being pleasant together as a family and based solely on positive attitude.

ETA: really agree with Christy Lee, Laurie A and Theresa N pointed out. I also want to add that the chart we have is really about US as the adult staying positively focused and remembering to give that feedback. We find that when we use this system, we are also more actively looking to acknowledge positive behavior than we might otherwise be. It keeps the number of positives-to-negatives in check.

We have a bucket system at home because that is what our school system uses. I give clear direction and any child that doesn't follow them correctly gets a reminder of the direction so they can identify what they missed and why the didn't get the reward (a star in the bucket that leads to an agreed upon reward for the family when full).
This works for ours because it coincides with the school program that they get excited about.

My dd is great at school (listening and following directions)....but bad at home. It always gets down to, "if I have to ask again, something is going away".