Lifestyle

Smile more?

I'm actually serious about this suggestion. Sometimes I think I don't smile enough. I laugh a lot, but I don't think I smile that much. And I'm actually pretty content most of the time. I think not smiling gives people the wrong impression.

huh,
Is there some other Lifestyle he is suggeting you would rather have?? Clubbing in Miami? Climbing a mountain in Tibet?

Is it that you don't like hanging out with his friends??

If you are anything like me you are totally exhausted and when you aren't working have mush for brains because you are pretty much just interacting with a 10 month old.

All i can think of is to compliment your husband on what a great job he is doing at xyz so that he feels like you are happy with him, ask him lovingly to help out with chores and with night time stuff so you can get some rest and just put an extra big smile on for his friends.

I hear that I don't look happy and well meaning people sometimes tell me not to let someone steal my joy or to try to be happy? As though I'm not. I'm actually very grateful for my family, my job, my life. I have to reassure my honey that this is what happy looks like for me. Just because I don't giggle all day - I mean damn - I work alot, I'm tired. But, then my lady pastor gave a sermon on attitude and I understood. It's not that I'm not happy. I'm not making the people around me happy. I'm no fun to be around because I'm pretty irritable. My attitude is shining through just in my facial expression or the way I sigh heavily. She explained that attitude is the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves. I walk through the house thinking I wish his butt would get up and help. Well, that shows on my face and he feels it. I don't mean to. Even at work - I have an internal dialogue that tells me I work harder than my coworkers. I guess it shines through because they don't think I'm happy either. Her suggestion was to change the internal tape. Whenever you find yourself looking at something negatively - stop, rewind, change your thought to something positive and that will come shining through and people will see how happy you are. I am not that good at this, but I'm working on it. Hope this helps.

ok, first I am not in ANY way saying your hubby is right....BUT one thing you need to remember is men are BIG babies. They get jealous of the attention that the baby gets, and when we are working and have a new baby, sometimes the first thing we neglect is either Our appearance or our spouse. Even if you think he is off his rocker...make one night a week a date night, you do not have to go out, you do not have to spend extra money, Heck...you do not even have to Tell him...just make sure that one night a week you do your hair, make up, dress for him, and try and be attentive, ask him how his day was, ask what movie he would like to watch...it may help= ) Wishing you happiness! I have been a mom 3 times now...so I have kind of been through this before ; )

With your husband saying he thinks you don't care for your lifestyle, you need to just sit down with him and ask him exactly why he feels that way. If he says that other people tell him, then tell him you need him to be more specific since other people can sometimes talk out of jealousy or misunderstanding. Sometimes people just don't understand that everyone has different ideas of what happiness is.

My only thought on this is did your husband try to say he is concerned that you aren't getting enough enjoyment out of life and just really botch it up?? One thing I have learned is that men and women communicate differently!! It could be he is missing the bright and happy woman he married and is worried that because you just don't have all that care free time you might resent the life you two have together. If you love your life and are fulfilled, just tell him to stop worrying about you, your fine!! If he thinks you look mopey, he can look elsewhere!!:) If deep down he is right, you are just enduring and not enjoying life, maybe it is time to think on something special just for you to be a special little bright spot in life. I mean heck, if he is going to call attention to the fact your life has no play time, maybe it is time for you to say "Honey, your right, I would love for you to stay with the baby on Friday, I want to catch a movie with my gal pal and I'll be out late so if you could get up with the baby in the morning, that would be great!!"LOL Seriously, whenever my hubs thinks I am seeming miserable I think on something I would like that he can help out with, makes him feel better and I love to get stuff! Last time it was red and blonde streaks in my hair. Sometimes it is a day out with the girls, just whatever I need to recharge my batteries!!! So I say even if you are lovin' life, get some mileage out of all these comments!!! Take care:D

Just read your post just want to make sure you do things for yourself that gives you and only you joy, like reading, walking or taking pictures ect..things that you can do alone that will bring a smile to your face. You may just be exhausted of the same ol same ol.

Oh geez.... so it sounds like your Husband goes around TELLING other people this.... BECAUSE, other people, out of manners, don't usually just go around critiquing someone else's Wife... unless the Husband already did so... and so then the others (HIS friends in this case), then feel at liberty... to tell him this too.
See what I mean?
I think... it is your HUSBAND... that is the one... that has a "problem" with this and he is gossiping/critiquing YOU to others.
And after all.... the "other's" in this case... is HIS friends. So, birds of a feather....

Sorry, but you have a busy life and I don't blame you for not being the life of a party. Geez... for your Husband to insinuate that you then "don't care for this lifestyle...." is SO ignorant!
The nerve of him!

My Husband a few times told me "You're not cut out to be a Mommy are you?" and I said WHY do you think that? And he said "Because you get so frazzled and rush around all the time and then can't even relax..."
UM... yah, right. I do that, while HE just sits around doing his man things like sitting down and watching TV and watching ME rush around. Dear me dear... thanks for helping!

No... your Husband, to me... is going around to HIS friends, airing his criticisms of you, to others. To HIS friends. Note that. HIS friends... whom all agree with him... as he told you.

TELL your Husband... just because he "thinks" something... it DOES.NOT.MAKE.IT.FACT.
Unless... he is a super uber fortune telling genius.

all the best,
Susan

Hi! Does your husband help w/house work/chores/the baby? It sounds like he has friends, does he go out often? All of those things contribute to how you feel about your situation. (You didn't mention those things in your post.) If he is getting his down time, and you are not, that would lead to a lot of frustration! I'm not sure what hours you work. Would you be able to go to a mothers group? I met 4 of my very best friends that way. I knew no one when we moved. I was lonley and wanted friends who had children. There is a group called MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Mom's w/children of all ages, new born to age 5, go to these groups. Everyone was so friendly, and because they were all moms, they really got it! You can search them on the net and find a group close to you. If not MOPs, you can search mothers groups. You should be able to find something in your area. I know it really helped me to make friends and was a real life saver!
Another suggestion would be date night (or lunch, afternoon, when ever works!) w/your husband. Can you get a sitter and go out, just the two of you? Even if you don't do it often, it really helps!
Maybe your husband could watch the baby and you could meet your friend some where in the middle of your two areas and spend an afternoon together, once a month or so? At the very least maybe you could spend an afternoon by yourself? Get out and do something you like. See a movie, go shopping, the spa?
Wishing you the best!

wow, I just read all of the responses, and I feel that we women are overworked, stressed and irritated. I also noticed that the men are always out and about doing there thing when they get the chance, while we're home or at work slaving away. Once I saw my hubby when we're suppossed to spend the weekends with the kids, walking out with the golf clubs, and I said where the he-- do you think you're going? He said I'm going out to play with the guys. I said, Yeah right, you do that and don't think about coming home afterwards. He put on his pouty face and returned his stuff back. I need my hubby on the weekends. After all I hadly see him on weekdays, I need him to help with the cooking, playing with the kids, and spending time with me. It helps me to get most of the house work done through the morning. Then we spend the rest of the day outdoors with the children. That is our family bonding. He may not like it and I sure as heck am not thrilled being with the kids 24-7, but it's something that was planned between us, and we will stick it through until they get older so we can play golf or whatever sport together hopefully as a family. If not, we will have to come to a decision on how to handle each others hobbies or interests when the time comes.

If his friends are telling him that, then they are rude and he shouldn't be discussing you with them. Have they (including hubby) never seen someone who was BUSY? Do none of the friends have busy working wives or have none of them including your husband ever seen one? Are they expecting you to be a stepford wife? I think you need to not worry about the friends, and increase the husband's understanding of your lifestyle and what it is really like. Spend a week observing, and document how much time in hours you vs he spend on housework and childcare, and on "free' time. Does he expect you to go around with a smile plastered to your face while you scrub the bathroom? Geez.

Have you thought about seeking out a therapist to diagnose (post-partum) depression? I suffered from it terribly with my first, but could not see it myself until years later. My doctor then told me it is very hard to self-diagnose. So maybe the people in your life are trying to give you a helpful tip you need to heed. After all, happy mommies make happy babies and we always serve as an example to our kids, whether good or bad.

Tell them all to mind their own business and look at their lives. Obviously, they have nothing better to do than look at your life and analyze it, they should get busy! I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm a full time mom, love being home with my husband and my 2-yr old, and don't care much for a lot of friends, or socializing. I like being with my family, but to me too many friends/social events equals problems and gossip. Even when I go shopping, I like to go alone, or just with my husband and daughter. Not to say I'm anti-social, I'm very outgoing and deal with people all the time in my job, but I'm also busy. And you sound the same, busy and have your priorities straight. So just ignore them and tell your husband to listen to you more and not his friends. He is married to YOU after all. Best of luck.

Girl you are tired like myself. Men dont care or understand that we have a lot to do in the day and need help. I am just going through the phase where i am working too hard and need held. Its only today i interviewed someone to come to my house once every week to clean, dust, bathrooms, wash press..(and am paying for it) i felt as if i am physically unable to continue. I have a fulltime job (teacher), two kids 2 yrs 6 months and an eight months old like yourself. My husbands says he will do it--lol. well if he thinks you dont care or cant manage tell him to get someone to help you. Forgive your husband and his friends they are idiots--i love my husband but he is too so i ignore him and do what i have to do to be sane. be happy with yousef and dont argue with you husband--you will be wasting you time...don't forget to go to the hairdresser.

Dear Tiffany, First, I don't think you have to explain yourself. Your job is not easy. You could try forcing a smile and say you are "fine"!! You could also ask for some help in the house. Then you could have some time to enjoy! Grandma Mary

If that many people are telling you the same thing, then it is time to look at it. Often when I do something for a long enough time, it feels 'normal' even when it is unhealthy. So, it sounds like you need to make some girl friends and make time to have fun with your husband. It doesn't have to be huge expensive and out of town.

I recommend reading an easy book, The 5 Love Languages, to help figure out how you feel loved - it's been really helpful for me to understand my children, husband, friends and myself.

Sounds like you need to find a mommy group or join a play space and socialize more. You need some friends who are in the same boat as yourself & can relate to those oh so little annoyances that parenting brings up.
I'd also either find a hobby or go back to one. Give yourself permission & daddy time to bond with baby and do something for yourself. Whatever it is- get out of the house 1x a week and have fun.
It's a big shift having a baby & will take time too so don't beat yourself up! Just do something for your happiness.

Good luck!