I like My Life as It Is

It's better to be alone than to be wishing you were.
If you are happy as you are - you are doing something right!

I think you're smarter than most!

Remember: sometimes you have to live like no O. else so you can live like no O. else!

My good friend made the choice no to date at ALL until recently (her son was about 4 when she divorced her husband). Her son is now 17 and she started "seeing" someone she works with. He knows her son comes first, there are no overnights when her son is home,, etc. She has NO regrets.

I hear ya --- people are sooooo intimated by strong independant women. You get the 'what do you mean you don't need a man looks all the time'

I am 46, been a single mother my son's entire life (15 years). Last man I dated was about 5 years ago. I just don't have the interest in "coddling" another human. My friends who are married, or serial daters, don't get it. They think that I should be dating, or at least have an interest in dating. I don't rule it out, but I have not met anyone that remotely interests me. Or, the men I meet are married and think that since I am mid 40s and single I must be desperate enough to have an affair with them. Really??!!

I am content with my life as it is. I often find that I have to explain that to others. And they often don't understand. Ah well. At least my friends have stopped inviting random men to our occasional get togethers.

Let's raise a toast to each other and enjoy our lives just the way they are.

Cheers

my aunt has always been single and likes it. She doesnt care what other people think and I think that's awesome if that's what you want. Dont let society and Disney make you feel like you arent complete and cant live "happily ever after" without a man.

You do what's right for you. It sounds like your head, heart and life are in the right place. You are spending your time on your son and yourself. It works for you. If family asks, say you're taking a break from dating to focus your time on your son and yourself. You'll share your time with the person that makes you WANT to share your time.

Anyone who wants to go out with you will not just be dating YOU, they will have to understand that there are more than 2 people in the relationship. You can be social and have fun, but Dating for you, since you have a child, is serious business because the goal is to become a family.

Enjoy this time alone. It's your life :)

Eh, you just haven't found the right one yet. And you're right, what's the big deal?

Really your life sounds just as it should be. You should be GIVING advice to all the moms here wanting to settle, not asking for it.

You Go Girl!

:)

You sound smart to me . . .

I think you sound really emotionally healthy. There's absolutely nothing wrong at all with wanting not to share! =)

For those intrusive family members and 'well-meaning' friends, just do the eyeroll and shake your head and say, "I think I'm taking a break from the dating life for a while." You don't need to explain, the knowing eyeroll will pretty much say it all.

I am married with kids and I am happy that way. But you sound perfectly happy also. As long as your happy live life the way you want and ignore societies pressures. Your not doing anyone any harm, Live it up.

You go girl! If that's what floats you boat then sail, sail away!

If you enjoy your life as it is, by all means enjoy it.
I used to feel just like you did for 20 years.
I was happy. No scratch that....I was blissful!!! :)
I had my friends, freedom, peace of mind, hobbies etc.
What's different now? I finally got married and had a child. (he's the light of my life).
But your life sounds great! Have fun & enjoy it. Don't let society dictate what you should do or how you should feel.
If someone asks you if you're dating anyone, you can come up w/any canned answer:
-wouldn't you like to know?
-wink, smile and walk away.

Well, the divorce rate is 50%. There are harsh break-ups and unhappy couples all over the place. Society doesn't always know best, for a lot of people. You are happy, who cares what other people think? I have a friend who was in a marriage similar to yours. She has been single for 7 years and has chosen to stay that way. She is very happy, and a wonderful mother and friend. She lives a very fulfilling life. She now tells people, "I am very happy, and I plan to stay single."

Just do as you need to.
When you are ready, then life will naturally, segue to other things in life.
No biggie.

You were a compromised and controlled /abused woman.
Now you are not.
Now you are finding yourself and have, and are happy.
No biggie.

I have a relative like that. We do NOT... ask her about her 'dating' life or relationships. Because, she is very feisty. She will bite off anyone's head for asking such personal, questions. That is her. So no one, asks her anything. But she is fine. She has a life that she wants and is happy.

Just tell your relatives, you don't discuss personal things.
"Society" doesn't expect these things of you.
It is great, you have a life that you want.
And a son.
And you are happy.
That is good.
You seem to know yourself very well.
And might I add... you are 'lucky' that you have had so many suitors.
I mean, I have a friend, that for years and years, did not even have 1 date. She is single/divorced.

Keep true to yourself.
At least you know, that at this juncture of life, you are 'bad' at dating.
It just it not your time yet.
Its okay.

Good for you for knowing what you want. If you want to stay single now, go for it. Society/family always wants something from you. If you were dating, it will be when are you getting married? If you are married, it is when are you having a baby? Then you have one and they want another. Stay strong and if being single makes you happy, stay single :-)

I was in similar spot years back. I lived alone with my kids and started dating about a year after my divorce becuase everyone said I should. I dated alot for awhile, but I nevet really liked it. I found it to be stressful, annoying and demanding of time and energy I wasnt wanting to invest. I decided to stop dating and settle into life as a single woman and mommy. Thirty days later I met my husband and less than a year after that we were married.

AMEN! Single is the new thing. Love it. Want it to last forever. With two boys I dont have time for all the drama of dating. If it happens it happens but I am not going to go and look for it. My life is great just the way it is.

Oh my gosh, I felt like I was reading MY OWN WORDS. Yes, I am in the exact place as you are and I, too, get the "are you dating anyone" all the time. People simply cannot believe I am REALLY content and even if I have still a couple of things to "fix", those are goals that I chose for myself and i am working towards, feeling empowered and stronger in the process because i am doing it by myself. I too find dating bothersone at some point when guys ask for more time or committment...so annoying to have them push to change my views and decisions on MY OWN life. I completely understand you, girl. You have a "twin" sister-soul on the other hand of the globe. That's me. How funny, I thought I was really the only one around. Do people also give you the "poor girl" look when you show up with your kid/kids without husband (or any man) at parties or school meetings or recitals? I hate that...but I LOVE the look on the faces of the people who actually have the gut to ask me how I am doing and I can say "really GREAT, thank you for asking, I am such a lucky and fulfilled person" with a genuine, open smile on my face.Can't fake that!

I, too,enjoy being alone! Now saying that -I am married, but I require a lot of alone time. I've often thought if we divorced or my husband passed away that I wouldn't date. I may once in awhile, but I never really enjoy dating before, so why would I force myself to deal with it again? I would tell people straight up -"Hey, I'm not interested and it's not because I'm depressed or frigid or anything -I just enjoy being on my on and I don't enjoy dating." And as far as getting any "itches" scratched -well -I'm pretty good at scratching my own itches, but I could see a tawdry hookup now and then when the boys were staying somewhere else for the night ;-)

Another HUGE part of why I wouldn't get involved until they were at least finishing high school is that so many men appear nice but are A**HOLES to women's kids -and often it's when mom isn't around. There are also pedo-pervs who insert themselves in situations so they can take advantage. Not worth it to me!

The happily-married-live-till-we-are-old-and-gray-life isnt for everyone. Some people are content and happy and do just fine all on their own. You are one of them. Good for you! I married when I was 19. I am still married to him and its been nearly 38 years. We are still happy and have fun and enjoy eachothers company. BUT... I have known for a long long time, that if it was to be over, for what ever reason, I probably wouldnt date, or marry again. He worked out of town enough of the last 38 years to give me a chance to be on my own, responsible for myself, and kids, and handle all the household stuff. I didnt have a job outside the home so I know how to spend hours and days home by myself and do well being alone. I do enjoy having him here but I know I could do this without him. I make myself happy and content. he just adds to it and brings his own happiness. Others dont "get it" , and they want to see you just like them. And if most couples looked hard at their lives, they arent all that happy having to depend on, count on, rely on, wait for, consider their spouses time, feelings, and needs, and compromise all the time.
And, as for those who say, "you just havent met the right guy" thats an insult I feel. You may run across someone some day who clicks just right, but you arent running all over looking for him, and arent sitting back with life on hold waiting. You dont need a guy to make your life terrific and complete.

"Are you dating anyone?" Usually translates to: "Are you happy? I want you to be happy. Lets talk about something that makes you smile and lets me know that you're happy."

AKA the end run around that conversation is to out and out get a big smile and tell them how happy you are and go on in detail about your life.

my sister has been single about 7 yrs now after a bad divorce from a verbal abuser, controller. left a bad taste in her mouth so-to-speak about men in general. the ones she does meet, they want to be sexual right away so that even makes her want to be single even more. her co-workers always bugging her to date and get chummy with those that have money. she tells me shes really content, her body aches for a man, but she can control it.

she really enjoys not answering to no one. only downside is she has a 15yr daughter whom she dotes over and doesnt really discipline her.

I have a divorced friend who hasn't dated in years and she's young. She says she's not going to have parade of men in her kids'
Iives and she'll date when they're grown. I think that's great and I bet her kids have benefitted. She also is totally fine alone and content. I'd tell people I'm happy and focused on my child. Good for you!

I think it's just fine to be happy being single, but yes, you will constantly get comments from other people about it. I just wanted to say I felt the exact same way waaaay back when I met my hubby. I was very independent. When he'd hang around for a while when we were dating I'd start feeling annoyed. I needed space. I needed my own time. Lucky for me he is a guy who gets that and is not at all controlling or clingy! He respects that in a person.

Good for you and go for it! So many people fall into a trap of loneliness after a bad break and find themselves in unhealthy relationships just to avoid being alone. You are LUCKY not to be one of them!!! Maybe those who are asking you about if you are dating are the kind of people who couldn't imagine being alone for any long length themselves. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to enjoy the closeness of a relationship, but its definitely okay to be happy by yourself too! If there really is some special someone out there who fits you and your lifestyle, you'll know!

My ex-husband has thrown himself into relationship after relationship since we split over 5 years ago and still isn't happy. Whereas I waited for over a year to date and then took it slow to make sure it was what I wanted before getting too serious. I've been with the same guy ever since, over 4 years, and it's a MUCH healthier relationship. Being single for over year was hard in some ways, but very freeing in others, and like you, I learned to be much more self reliant and confident in that time. Do what feels right to you and enjoy!

10 yrs here since my last relationship-love it,,,3 dogs a cat and a fish..kids are grown-my life is mine to do as i please-if you want to stay single-who cares what society says..its your life-live it an be happy...;)

I haven't read the other responses, but BRAVO to you my dear!!!! We don't need a sig other to complete us. If I ever got divorced I vowed never to date again and I mean that. I don't want to try and figure out someone and learn what their issues are. It's never smooth. Just wouldn't want to go through that. When my husband and I were having problems I thought wow if I just got rid of you all my problems would go away and I'd be content. Well we got through them and we're fine now, but like I said if I were single I would be content and not think twice about it. Forget about what society thinks. When you lay your head down at night "society" isn't there with you. You need to feel comfortable in your life. Who cares if everyone else is uncomfortable cause you aren't dating.

Kudo's to you!!!

I haven't read any of the other responses, but YOU do it YOUR way - why go around pretending to date, inconveniencing yourself and hurting these men, just because of "society" or your family's expectations!?

I think you sound fine and well adjusted. If you are not lonely and don't feel like you need or want a partner at this time, then I agree, dating is just a waste of your time and the guys time, since thye are probably assuming you ARE looking for a relationship, given that you are on a date, and that is what most ppl dating are looking for.

I have a great aunt, my mom's aunt, who has never dated in the last 30 years. She is a great lady, well educated, well traveled, speaks 3 languages, and has been a teacher for years. She also raised a very intelligent and wonderful daughter who she adopted from South America, 30 some years ago, and now she has a grandaughter and son in law through her wonderful daughter.

And if the questions about are you dating anyone at family stuff, are bugging you, just tell them it is none of their business, or tell them that you are not, and tell them why. You shouldn't have to explain about your personal life to anyone, unless it is affecting them in some way.

I think if there were more confident independant single women out there, like you, willing to go their own way, rather than finding a man, just because society thinks they should, there would bemany less failed marriages and many happier people out there, because they are following what thye really want, rther than marrying just becasue they "should".

When I was a young single mom of 2 girls, man, I felt the pressure from my family and friends and coworkers and my room mate and everyone else to date. It was awful having all those people down my throat all the time! I didn't have the time, energy, or money to date. I didn't date for over 2 years (then my husband fell into my lap, but that's another story). My point is, like you, I loved being single and independent and not having to answer to anyone or focus on anyone other than being myself and the best parent I could be. I'm not saying there weren't times when I wasn't lonely and wished I had someone to share life with... but my heart and head just weren't in the right place. I needed to do 'me' before I added someone else to my priority list. Follow your head and heart... I think the people who pushed me to date (ditto for the people pushing you) just want us to be happy, but they don't understand that we didn't (you don't) need anyone else to make us happy. We create our own happiness, and if you decide you'd like to share that with someone special down the line, GREAT! If not, that's a wonderful thing too :)

You know what you want and that is great! When and if you meet someone you want to 'sacrifice' for, you will. The timing and the right person has not come along yet..... Don't worry, be happy :)

I was like that for 10 years :) those days were very happy & peaceful for me. I dated, but to me theres 2 types of dating; serious & fun. I had 10 years of fun.

Now I am mostly happily married & only can reminisce.

When I was asked if I was *dating* anyone my response was nope & I am having fun..........

live your life for you, happiness is within, & sounds like you found it

screw what society thinks. If you don't want to date, then don't date. The people who really love you for you will understand and support your decision. However i don't think you should swear off dating forever, because you might change your mind one day, or you might meet someone who respects your boundaries and treats you the way you deserve.

I have an Aunt who has been married twice, no children, and has been single for 35 years. She enjoys her private life, as well as her social life. She told me that the only person she really wants to spend the rest of her life with is herself. She had two abusive husbands, that were very controlling of her. She is an independent women, has traveled all over the world, had two dogs, and two Master's degrees. She dates sporadically, but often gets tired of the men. She has wonderful hobbies, as well as owns many properties. Their is nothing wrong with her life our how she chooses to live it. Enjoy, embrace, and be happy!

I was quite content being a single mom, I hated the struggle financially though. That part was really exhausting. I ended up working so much that I let my parenting lack and then I struggled wtih my son. I was told by anyone and everyone I needed to have a man in my sons life- so we joined Taekwondo- and got Female instructors, I begged at church looking for a male mentor, and had no results. I was TIRED, and even called my ex to see if I could come home. Then I caved to the pressure. I ran into an old friend, we dated and married- I love him, but there are lots of days that I can't help but think that I only married him to make my life easier- and in MANY ways it has, and he loves me totally, but still some days I wonder if I made the right decision.

I would NOT date or remarry if I was in your shoes.
If I am ever widowed, I will say the same thing.
I would focus on my child and taking care of me, which is not selfish but it feels like it is. :0)

NO you are not being selfish! If you are content, ALL the more power to you!
To many people jump into relationship and drag their children through guy after guy
You just keep doing what you are doing, and if something happens and you fall head over heals and head down a different path...so, be it....
however, be thankful that you are sound and secure in who you are! That is rare and it is a GREAT thing!