Letting 11 Year Old Son Go to Another Country for Couple Weeks

You both go, or he doesn't go. There are too many negatives re. communication, etc. That just won't work.

I have let my daughter travel all over...El Salvador would not be on the short list!

My daughter's boyfriend's grandmother lives in El Salvador, all of her children are here. She doesn't even want her own grandchildren to visit (and they are much older), she comes here twice per year for extended visits. The grandma is a tough cookie and if she says "no", I believe it!!

Wow! Foreign country raises some concerns. El Salvador really really raises some concerns. Add in your son not speaking Spanish and you're not married to his father whose family will be taking him and it all sounds like way too much. I'd think twice about a close relative taking my 11 year old to some place like England. I would think this would be too much for your son too. He doesn't know the people well. No - I would not let him go...

No, absolutely not. I wouldn't send my child anywhere for a few weeks with people that she doesn't know well and who do not speak her language. Besides the obvious red flags of potentially not returning your child, he might get sick, hurt or just be horribly homesick. If you can go with, then perhaps consoder it. Otherwise, the risks seem to greatly ourtweigh the rewards.

There is a problem with letting children travel alone to patrilineal societies when you're the mom... Getting them back if dad decides to keep them.

Even if you go WITH your son, you need to speak with the state dept ahead of time, because in many countries, once you've willingly taken your child there, you can't leave with them if dad wants them to stay. You can leave, and be made to leave (deported), but you can't bring your child back with you.

Unless you know these people VERY well (including grandparents, because in many countries grandparent rights SUPERCEDE parental rights), I wouldn't do it until highschool graduation.

No way, no how would I let my 11 year old go somewhere like El Salvador! What happens if they don't bring him back? Are there agreements in place between our country and theirs as far as respecting custody orders?

I just don't think I could let him go. Maybe when he's 14 or 15, a bit more mature and independent but definitely not at 11.

Sure--let him go--as long as you're going too!

In other words, Hell to the No!

I would not do it . . . if I even thought of doing it I would check with a qualified attorney first (someone who has experience in family law and international law).

I cannot even imagine what it takes to get a child back from El Salvador should ANYTHING go wrong.

At the very least, what if he becomes ill?

I would not want my son to glamourize his dad's side of the family (because he rarely sees them) but on the other hand, I just could not take the chance without a very high degree of certainty that he would be returned and that he would be in highly capable, competent, comfortable hands while he was there.

JMO.

Do you (and your son) have a good relationship with his father?

I'm not sure what the legalities are.... in some countries we have an agreement with them that if there are any custodial issues - they will side with the US..... but in some countries (Like Brazil) we don't...... so if your son's father gets him to El Salvador and doesn't send him back....... what will happen?

Here is my $0.02.

IF AND ONLY IF you feel confident that this is not a way for your son's father to gain custody..... then I think it would be a FABULOUS experience for him to go and get to know his father, that side of the family as well as get some first hand knowledge of his heritage.

Could you go with him?

If his father going to be with him during the entire trip?
What does your son think about going?
I know that at the same age my son was nervous about going cross country in the US, with his father, to visit that side of the family.

check out
http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_1109.htm...

for information on El Salvador

Consider medical care, emergencies, ease of contact, where the embassy is, could your son navigate in a country where he doesn't speak the language, passports/visas, etc. etc.

Good Luck

I agree with Riley --- find out about your rights as his mother in a foreign country.
I realize we are not talking a Middle Eastern country but watching Not Without My Daughter with Sally Field just once would answer that question for me. NO not until he is a LEGAL ADULT in that country with his own passport and knows how to contact the US State Department or Embassy in that country.

The language issue alone would be enough to make me say a resounding no. If the child cannot speak the local language, how would he possibly react if he were stranded somewhere alone? If he were told to go somewhere to meet someone and missed a bus and didn't know what to do? If someone claimed "Come with me, I can help you" in English, would you son be so relieved he'd go with that person--even if it were a total stranger? Too many "Ifs" with potentially unhappy outcomes.

This also does not pass the "smell test." If dad wants to see him, dad should come to the U.S. This is a good setup for someone who wants to hang onto a kid. That may not be the intention at all, of course, and everyone could mean well, but you cannot know for sure -- and it sounds like you and the dad probably have little real contact?.....

Also, go to travel.state.gov online and search for information on El Salvador. This is the U.S. State Department's site for profiles and travel warnings. Two things they say about El Salvador currently:

"There are a few private hospitals with an environment that would be acceptable to visiting U.S. citizens. The Embassy recommends that these hospitals be used only for emergency care" [and that US citizens get home to the US for any further treatment needed]

"Most travelers to El Salvador experience no safety or security problems, but the criminal threat in El Salvador is critical. Random and organized violent crime is endemic throughout El Salvador."

Makes you think. Time for dad to get a plane ticket.

Since the father has chosen to live in another country, so far away from his son, then it's the father's responsibility to come to the child, IMO. Why should your son be put through all of that when he has an able bodied father who could just as easily get on a plane & visit him?

It would be different if it was within the US. And even, then, I'd still be escorting him for the visit.

You already have 7 no's. I'm giving you number 8.
This just isn't a good idea.
He's only 11. Tell them when the boy is an adult he can make the decision for himself.

If I understand correctly, your son and his biological grandmother would be traveling together to a foreign country, and your son would be unable to communicate with his grandmother. NO WAY. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

My MIL has similar dreams which I will never let her act on. I adore her, she is fluent in English and Spanish. I'm still never letting her take my kids out of the country without me. I went to France with my parents and sister when I was 16. I had studied the language for 2 years and thought I could get by. I could not keep up with what anyone was saying. It gave me headaches just to try. If my bilingual sister had not been with me I would have been very lonely, despite the beautiful sites all around me and despite the fact that we visited some English speaking friends at times.

It really could be a wonderful experience for him and he would likely return bilingual, however, the thought would scare me!

I'm with all the other moms on here...Absolutely not. When he's out of school (18) and decides for himself, sure.

The risk of him not coming back, the unbelievable trauma for him to not be able to communicate ANYTHING to ANYONE for anything from "I need to use the bathroom" to "I've been kidnapped" to "I'm homesick and want to go home" is WAY too great. The odds of it being a wonderful experience for him at this time in his life are minimal at best.
For your son's sake, do not do it, and for your peace of mind, do not let him go.
If that side of his family wants to see him, they can come here or wait seven more years.

So his grandmother, who he doesn't really know and can't communicate with, wants to take him out of the country by herself?

No. If his dad was going too, that would be different.

I personally think he is too young. I would wait until he is older and has taken spanish or taught it by his family. I would only let him go with someone he knows or go with him.

That is not a reasonable request. Shame on them for asking!! If they want to see your son at all, they should first get to know him - start out slowly, gain your trust and his.

Can you go with him and stay in a hotel while he spends time with dad. That way if things don't work out he has you to turn to?