Letter from Heaven?

Two things: One, gah! Tears at work. Beautiful idea! Two, it's time to find another place for counseling.

I love it!!
I didn't read all the responses but someone wrote about Freddie the Leaf. Great book and I highly recommend it!

I think that sounds like a great idea. He can keep the letter close to him at all times & hold it & read it when he needs comfort. Maybe send him a package, with a small stuffed angel or small stuffed toy that would resemble something special to the two of them.

I wouldn't write the letter...he will at some point realize it's impossible to have come from his grandfather and then the lines of trust between you may be shattered.

Try to find available counseling for him now. And do consider a support group for grieving children, here are some in LA:

Children’s Bereavement Program
Jewish Big Brothers of Los Angeles
Los Angeles CA
###-###-####
www.jbbbsla.org

Our House
Los Angeles CA
###-###-####
Hilary Cohen
Executive Director
www.ourhouse-grief.org
Also offers Camp Erin.

Sand Castles Grief Support Program
Los Angeles CA
###-###-####
www.aboutsandcastles.org

The Center for Grief and Loss/Los Angeles
Los Angeles CA
###-###-####
www.griefcenterforchildren.org

Here are some books for grieving children you might consider for your son:
http://astore.amazon.com/asmama-20?_encoding=UTF8&nod...

These are books aimed at helping adults help grieving children:
http://astore.amazon.com/asmama-20?_encoding=UTF8&nod...

It is very sad to see a child grieving for a loved one. Our family is losing my father, he is doing in-home hospice, and my 10 year old nephew is already being affected by his coming loss, so much so that his principal has agreed to allow him to do independent study. Hugs to you as you help your son through this.

At some point he'll realize that the letter(s) did not come from his grandpa or heaven. Then he'll know you lied to him and lessen his trust in what you say.

Instead of a letter, I'd talk with him and tell him the same things coming from you remembering them.

Healing from grief takes time. If you don't already, try talking often about Grandpa and how you miss him too. Encourage remembering and story telling. Perhaps sometimes ask what would Grandpa say or do in some situations Keep him alive in your memories. This will help him let go of the grief which will be transformed into good memories.

No, I don't think so.

While I truly believe your heart is in the perfectly right place (and your abundant love for your son is obvious), I don't think it's a good idea. No matter the love and intent behind the letter, it's toying with a child's emotions. I don't believe false replacements and tangibles, are a healthy way to facilitate grieving.
I think you should find a place that would accept your child NOW. Even a month is too long.

I'm sorry for your loss....but, I've gotta be honest here...while I'm sure that's what his pap would say exactly....too creepy to get a letter from Heaven.

My son was much younger when he lost HIS pap--BFF as well. What we did was explain the life cycle, explain that heaven was forever, but also explained that after he has lived a very full life, he will again see Pap. And there won't be a limit on their days together ever again. We explained that there is no "sick", no "cancer" no "not feeling good" in heaven and that we can be happy that Pap was pain free and healtyhy and waiting for us.

Life Times is a very good children's book about the natural aspect of life and death and life cycles.

My husband took our son to pick a special balloon, helped him to write a letter and let him release it.

In my town, the Children's Hospital has an entire program to help kids deal with loss....do you have something like that?

We also explained that as long as he remembered his Pap in his heart, Pap would live forever with him, in a way. So we talk a LOT about him, what they did together/said to each other/special things. All the time. Kids need to talk about it to remember.

All the best.

This is just me, but I don't think I would take that approach. It's very sweet, and it might provide temporary relief, but on the whole, I think you're setting your son up for more disappointment, sadness, and questions. I know everyone has a different way of coping with grief and loss, but honesty is really important. And as well intended as this letter is, it isn't honest in its presentation. Have you considered writing the letter from yourself to your son and telling him "if your grandpa were here, he'd tell you..."?

I'm sure you've taken time to talk to your son about life and death since the passing of his grandpa. But maybe you could also develop some kind of tradition (a birthday celebration, special dinner, a memorial plant/garden for grandpa, etc.) that would help your son commemorate his grandfather and celebrate him. I think it would give your son a healthier outlet in the long run.

My son lost both his Grandpas (my Father and Uncle) within months of each other when he was 2.5. We explained that his Pawpaws were up in heaven watching over him and that they were happy and with God.

He missed them horribly - he had spent weeks at a time since birth with my Uncle and Aunt and the adjustment to his PawPaw not being there when he went to visit was painful.

While your letter is beautiful, I don't think the letter from Grandpa is a good idea. Your son is 6 now - he is old enough to begin to understand death and old enough to honor the memory of his loves ones in healthier ways.

Counseling is definitely a good idea to help him through - grief does not recognize age. Have you checked with his school's counseling office? They may be able to begin talking with him while you wait for the counseling appointment. Also, talk to your pediatrician.

Put together a memory book of photos for your son - my son, even at 2.5/3 years old loved going through and talking about photos of himself with his PawPaws. Heck, at 15, he still enjoys it. My Father and Uncle are still integral parts of our lives - we talk about them, tell stories, and keep them with us every day even though they are physically not here with us.

No, I would not send a pretend letter from heaven. He is six, and needs to understand that death is permanent. Even if there is a heaven, dead people do not write letters from there. Please don't pretend. Yes, after over two years, if your son is still crying over this, he does need professional assistance. I was two when my own father died and my mother was very matter of fact about it, even when other people tried to feed me a fantasy. Your son is already having trouble accepting reality, please do not exacerbate the problem. I know that you mean well, but this is not the way to go.

I would be worry a kid in school would tease him and tell him is not true, then he would come to you and you would have to lie more, and when he founds out, if he is too young to understand you meant well, it would only cause more pain and he may not trust you =*(
I don't have advice, my heart hurt reading your post, I am sorry your little one is going through this.
Continue listening to him and share your feelings with him, both, the sad and the happy ones. Tell him what you wrote in here, I mean not that he send a letter, but that he told you all this, and that he love him so much and that you believe he can hear him, etc.
Hope he feels better soon.

I have never heard of a fake letter from heaven, nor do I think it is appropriate.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Since you are not religious, then a "letter from heaven", would just be more confusing. Hopefully his next "best friend" will be someone in his own age group.

Talking with him in a positive manner about grandpa is one thing, I'm not so sure about a letter.

2 1/2 years and your child is on a "wait list" for counseling? That is just wrong. Something more is going on with this little boy. If there is no father in the picture, perhaps you can look into the big brother program and/or get him involved in a youth program at church. An educated youth minister would be able to talk with him about how he's feeling about his grandfather and would have been available long before 2 1/2 years went by.

A child his age should not be crying this long. Has someone else, and adult been crying alot in front of your son? He really needs some outside help.

Blessings...

I feel for you and your son. Even though this is a beautiful letter I wouldn't recommend doing it. It may make matters worse.
I know what you are feeling right now. My husbands grandfather passed away in 2004. My daughter was born in 2008. She never got to meet him but lately she has been crying and telling me that she misses him. She also tells me that she wants to get on a plane and go get him. We tell her that we wish that we could cause we would be on the first plane out to get him but we can't. That he is with God now and his wife. We show her pictures of him and she carries a picture of him in her wallet. We are working on getting his house and we asked her what room she wanted. We never told her which one was his. She walked around upstairs and she choose his room to be hers. I know that its hard but all you can do is take one day at a time until he can get help. It's hard when you loose someone close at such a young age. I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you and him. :)

OK since so many moms thinks this is inappropriate (yet we lie to them about the tooth fairy, santa, the easter bunny etc. and they all seem to grow up just fine) I strongly suggest that you go to the book store and let him pick one book HE likes then get another book that talks about death since counseling is a ways off. NEVER tell him that he went to sleep, closed his eyes and went to sleep, or got sick and died as your son might assume that might happen to him. Good luck I hear and feel your pain

Oh, how sweet! That is a beautiful letter......

I'm sorry your son is going through this.... I hope you can figure out how to help him. I would hope a letter like that would help, but I haven't had to deal with something like that.

Maybe if he could write "notes" to grandpa and send them to heaven on a balloon?

Oh, poor thing! Death is so hard and so final, ugh. I have to be honest and say I just don't think this is the best thing. It seems like a really sweet idea, but I think it would cause great confusion. There are many great books out there to address this issue with children. Do you have a trusted minister/pastor or maybe consult with a child psychologist for a suggestion. So sorry for your loss!

Please do not send a balloon into the air - that kills birds - they try to eat them and they get caught in their air ways and suffocate or get tangled in the string. I think it depends on you religion if the letter would be appropriate, personally it kinda creeps me out - not sure why, I have a whole different spin on the life/death/heaven thing than most and it shouldn't. I guess I think it might give him a false hope that he will see him again before it is time, you know. Plus if it ever comes out that YOU wrote it - OHHHHH the pain you will have brought upon your self and him. I agree with counciling and I think you just need to talk to him about it all. I would even ask him if he would like to volunteer at a senoir rec center or a nursing home to visit some people and read to them. He may just need another elder in his life that he can connect with.

on something like this.....we bring our children up not to lie but yet we lie to them....i think talking to your son and counseling is the answer. why are you on a waiting list? i would find someone else at least for the time being until you can get into the one you want. sending a letter from heaven just isn't right....

P.,

I am so sorry for your family's loss. I don't think the letter from grandpa is a good idea. Your son will find out one day that it was made by you and he won't trust you anymore. I would instead, call every day to the counseling place and see if they have any cancelations/openings etc. for your son. Persistence is key and you will get some relief as soon as they realize you aren't letting up. Have you seen the pediatrician about this? Can they send a referral for a psychologist? Best wishes and hope this helps!

M

I'm a little concerned about the confusion and long-term effects, since obviously it's not true that dead people can write letters and correspond. I would have a hard time giving my child hope in something that isn't true. I mean what if you die (heaven forbid) and he's waiting around for your letter and is crushed that you never sent it and didn't choose him to be the recipient of your one letter? But I know that pretend and fantasy are a part of child development, so maybe it wouldn't be harmful.

I would ask a professional their advice, like a counselor that specializes in grief. They could answer your question better than any of us can. Another thing you can do is ask an advice columnist such as Dear Prudie (from slate.com). They often have access to people we don't and can ask professionals for their advice regarding your specific situation and relay that advice and other suggested resources back to you. Just an idea.

I am so sorry your son is going through this. I also lost my grandmother at that age and still think of her often 50 years later.
I would recommend that you find a grief counselor. Stephen Ministry has an excellent program.

Omg, I am crying. Yes send the letter I'm not sure if this will cause problems later if he finds out you sent the letter. But i guess you could explain it easier when he is older.

What a beautiful letter! I am balling! As a parent that lost her 12 1/2 yr old to heart failure - my letter was to St. Peter [for my own healing]. You may not be religious but you have faith! Beautiful!

Many moms have already given you excellent advice. I too am surprised your child has gone so long with no counseling.

Repetition is the best for grief, recounting stories, memories [as another mom has already advised].

Best of luck to you!

What about getting a blanket with image of the two of them. They do those at Costco and other photo places online. You just upload a picture and they make a blanket out of the picture. It could be something he could sleep with or other times when comfort is needed.

"Freddie the Fallen Leaf" helped me deal with the death of my GGM, when I was a child. See if your local library has it?

Hello, I think your letter is not only a very good idea, but I would not change any of the wording. This is an excellent idea. Also, you might allow him to write a letter to Grandpa. Then put it in a helium filled balloon (Party City or a similar place can help with this), then let him go to a place he used to spend time with Grandpa and release it.
I lost my husband almost two years ago. I have several grandchildren. One grandson, who was seven at the time took it very hard (they all did, but he was more visibal). We had just lost a wonderful Aunt a month before (she was like a mother to me). When we had gone to go through things at my aunt's, he chose two stuffed animals. He named one Aunt Mary and the other Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was Aunt Mary's husband and had passed away before this grandson could remember him. Anyway, when my husband passed away, I went out and found a very cuddly stuffed rabbit and gave it to my grandson. At age nine, he still takes those stuffed animals to bed with him.
Also, the night of my husband's death, I found a penny in my pocket. I had had my hands in my pockets earlier and there was nothing there. When I found it, I told myself to put it in the "Pennies from Heaven" jar I had at home (we had all been finding change after my brother's death). When I got home that evening, I went to put the penny in the jar. As I walked around my bed to the light, I told myself to look at the date. I said if it was a 1967 penny, I would know that my husband was okay. I turned on the light and looked. I couldn't have been more surprised to find out that the penny was a 1967. If I hadn't believed in life after death already, that would have been the thing which would have pushed my to believe. I have to add that my husband and I were married in 1967.
Encourage your son to talk about his precious Grandpa and how much he misses him. He is going to be alright. You are a wonderful Mommy.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

Fabulous letter! I think it is a great idea - maybe it will help him to express his feelings for this grandfather and get them out.

Also, you need not belong to a church to seek counseling from them, generally at not cost. You say you are not religious, but you obviously have faith stemmed in a Judeo-Christian background as you believe in Heaven and believe your son will reunite with this grandfather etc.. I think turning to God in these times is the most comforting thing to do. Try a non denominational church near you, explain to them that your son needs help coping with this loss -- I am sure they will help you. (Non denominational church examples: Calvary Chapel, Mariners, Cottonwood etc.)

Good luck to you and your precious son. May God bless you both.

I don't know you, your son or his grandpa, but that letter has me bawling! Agh! So beautiful!!

Hi, I didnt read all your other responses, but I am crying as I write this. What a beautiful letter!!! I think its a wonderful idea. Im sure you have heard of the pennies from Heaven story. Maybe every time he finds a penny you could tell him its a penny from Heaven. When my sister passed I was told she would be sending me dimes as a special way to say thinking of you. Dims are so rare to find, yet, I find them in the most unusual places and usually when I need them most. You are a very special Mom. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story and I hope your son finds peace. So sorry for your loss.
T.

I think that is the sweetest and gentlest way to comfort your child to help him move on. Your letter is heartwarming, loving and supportive. I truly believe that this will help your son feel that no matter what, his grandpa is looking out for him and most importantly, loving him in spite of the fact that he can't be there with him in person.
You are a terrific Mom to want to help your son that way and he is one lucky little guy. My deepest condolences to you and your family in your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers. Hug.

Good letter, and after you give it to your son you should have it framed so he can see it always.
Julia L.

not sure about th letter but i would find a church near you and ask for counceling.Every church i ve been to offers it for free.

Your letter is so beautiful. I am torn. I am so very sorry. Even if you dont send it, can you save it? You can show him, when he is older, what you wanted to do for him. Grief is so hard :(

I think its perfect!