Kids,stay at Home mom,Father Does Not Interact with His Kids Much ,Self Absorbed

There are two things that I can do that will almost immediately make my husband spend his time elsewhere - they are 1)nag and 2)be disrespectful. Sometimes this is hard when I am stressed out and I believe that he is deserving of both; however, I find that when I appreciate him for what he does and am respectful when I speak to him - not only do I feel more love for him, but he also acts more loving towards me.

Also, you might want to look up the five love languages. He might be showing you love, but not in the way that you need to receive it and vice versa.

Hi C.,
What do you mean, your son is not allowed to play with cushions and blankets??!! That's un-American! LOL My son (6-1/2) still loves to build forts & tunnels out of that stuff. Yeah, it's a pain in the butt, but he's old enough to help clean up. (Does that drive your DH nuts?! LOL)
I think that being a SAHM makes it harder to get things done around the house and to keep it that way! It's like O. day can quickly melt into the next and there are no, real hard & fast deadlines or due dates. I find that the busier I am, the more efficiently I use my time around the house. Try to approach running your house like you would a job. Have a list and a plan for everyday. Sure, you'll know it's got a lot of flex built in there, but I think it's good to start out each day with some kind of a plan. Check out flylady.net for some great tips on organization. Once you get a grip on your time (and with two little ones, that IS really hard), you'll find more time to carve out for yourself.

Another idea I had was to plan a family activity/outing/whatever once per week OUT of the house. It will be a period of time that he will HAVE to devote to and focus on his family!

Maybe your husband probably feels a lot of pressure at being the bread winner for a family of four. And yes, his job is vital and important, but we (moms) know OUR job is even more important. An organized, clean, efficient house goes a long way toward family peace and enjoyment. That sounds kind of cliché, but I think it really IS true. When the home fires are efficiently burning, there is more stress free time for play, enjoyment and fun!
Hang in there. Good luck to you!

I know where you are coming from. Same with me. Hubby works in Philly and he usually stays in town with his buddies from work 2, sometimes 3 nights a week and isn't home until anywhere from 10pm to 2am! It's always been like this, don't like it but am used to it. And what makes it worse for me is my car is dead, so I have been without transportation now since the beginning of August. I borrow my parents car when they stop by in the afternoon to visit the baby (he's 20 months old) so I go get groceries or whatever. And when hubby is home, he parks himself on the couch with TV on and laptop in hand. Now, he'll pay attention with our son, I just wish he would get down on the floor and engage in activity or play blocks. Right now he's mommy's boy because I'm home with him all day and we play and do everything together so he wants to be by my side even when daddy is home. I don't have any advice (altho, I do like some that you got and might use myself), but just know you are not alone. Oh, and I do EVERYTHING around the house... no help whatsoever at all... except for $. I have my day on a schedule and I stick to it. Feel free to message me if you need to chat.

Hi, C.:

1.first of all, get you an appointment book with 4 columns.
Put in the routine for each person in each column.

2. Consult with your husband about the time for you both for intimacy.

3. Consult with him about time he can make for his children.

4. Check the web for meetup groups for moms and find a group for your emotional support.

5. Find a co-dependence anonymous support group to help you cope with your frustrations.

www.coda.org

Good luck. D.

Sounds like it might be time for some professional help. You might need to get some marriage counseling or help from your minister. He may be protecting his feelings because of the babies illness. Spacing himself from the family to not get hurt if anything, God forbid, were to happen to the baby he would have protected his feelings. A hyperactive 5 yo is hard to handle after a day a work for most men. Some counseling will help both of you see each other's mindset and help the family come together tremendously. Good Luck!

I completely get where u are coming from. U really do need to make time for urself even its only a few minutes. Ur hubby needs a reality check ! Just remember ur doing a great job n if u want to talk u can msg me I'm a non snobby mom to :D

Oh C. -
I truly feel for you. I agree with the other post that your hubby may be trying to "protect" himself...unfortunately it is at the expense of his family. Try organizing a special family night (play board games, watch a movie). It may sound a little "cheesey" and you may think your hubby may not be interested - but TRY it. We have some of our best family moments during those types of nights in my house. We don't have them every week....but I think we should. I admit - sometimes I am the one that needs a break and "tunes out" from the family. These special family nights helps me remember what really is important....family :) All the best to you!

I agree that professional help would be best, but I am guessing that you won't be able to get your husband in there. I don't exactly know how to advise you in this, but I do know that most men do better when presented a rational problem to solve. Maybe you can approach him sometime you aren't feeling too overwhelmed and calmly explain to him that you need X, X, and X. How can he help you get this fixed? Could he take them on Saturday mornings so you can go to the gym? Etc.

I'd also recommend finding a Mother's Morning Out place. They exist of a reason!

I am a stay at home mom also. I think that the husbands feel that when they are the sole provider they are working harder. They have no idea what it takes to run the house. My husband loves to poke at me and say that i have it easy. I don't think there is a simple solution. As long as we know that what we do is also vital to the household we will feel better about ourselves. I have heard another mom say to make it a loving house. She is correct! I have a happier husband when the house is clean, dinner is on the table and he is being paid attention to. Yes, it does sound sexist but it works. Men sometimes seem to be about them. We have better days here when it is easier on daddy. Which means lots of hot baths for me and the occasional glass of wine.

I would love to atlk if you would like to message me. You
really are not alone. I think they get moodier than we do!