Yes, he should do more! Is your name June and his name Ward? Nope. I can tell you how he got that 50s mentality. You allowed it to happen. I bet the story goes that when you got married you wanted to be a good wife and the moment you became a SAHM you wanted to put your best foot forward and wanted to take care of your family, including your husband. Meanwhile, your husband saw this, loved this, and took advantage of this. Now that you've come to your senses and realize that this is not equal or fair, you want to change things and he does not. Of course he doesn't! He's got it easy so why should he change a thing?
I'm telling you now, change things NOW. The longer you wait the harder it will be later. And you DO want to set a good example to your children. You don't want sons being lazy and taking their wives for granted. You don't want your daughters being taken advantage of by male chauvinist pigs either.
Yes, he works outside the home. You work in the home. Difference? He gets money as payment. You get... "satisfaction" as payment, and tired and worn out and taken for granted.
First step, stop doing anything for him. He's got 2 hands. He does his OWN laundry. He can turn on and manipulate a 2000 lb vehicle and run a lawn mower without injury. I'm sure he can toss his clothes in a washer and push the ON button.
He will pick up after himself in the house completely. His dirty dish after meals, anything around the house he leaves. (I leave things laying for days for those who will not pick up after themselves in my house) If you cook every meal, he does the dishes. Why should he be able to clock out but you can't? I started some years ago by sitting on my butt when hubby got home just like he did and let everything go, to his confusion. And I'd ask him "What's for dinner?" Same with weekends. He sat, I sat. Nothing got done. And our house was a wreck for weeks. Then enough was enough and I laid out chores for him, me and the kids to share. You're a family, a team! You work together!
He should cook twice a week, at the very least. Who ever cooks, the other does the dishes. One does the baths, one reads the book. He picks! You wash and take care of your own clothes. Wash the kids clothes. Fold them and put them in baskets and leave them. Dad puts them away. Or if that's too confusing let him fold while he watches TV and you put away. Share the yard work, equally. Make a list! He takes out the garbage and takes it to the road. School activities are shared! He shows up to everything that his job will permit. Why did he have kids? Just to check it off his list of "things I should do in life"? Get married, check. Have kids, check. Buy house, check. Get dog, check. Ridiculous!
Make a chores list of things that he will do daily to help you out. He can sweep after dinner. Dishes. If he doesn't sweep, don't sweep until he does! If he refuses to do dishes, don't do them until he does! And that means every dish in the house filthy and only wash what you need for you and the kids. Make dinner for you and the kids ONLY. Let him fend for himself. If it takes hardball then do it! I've helped many wives over the years learn how to become a partner rather than a doormat. You can do this! And don't ever let him try to tell you that he doesn't know how or you do it better. Seriously? He's intelligent enough to hold down a job, drive a 2000lb vehicle, manipulate a lawn mower, manage not to get killed in traffic and even handle the remote control on the TV. He can handle anything you throw at him.
On top of this, your children are 7 and 5. They are well old enough to pitch in as well with chores. The home much run with ALL members helping out, period! You're a team and the family needs to start acting like it or you will end up burning out and exploding!
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
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