Just Some Advice - Missoula,MT

wow, this is a really sad one..I would just tell him the truth..he's old enough to begin to understand..kids know a lot more at a young age than we give them cresit for..if i were in this position I would just tell him that his mommy is in heaven now and she's an angel and she's watching over him now and what not..let him keep something of hers with him too..it is a hard thing but there's really no way to sugar coat something as serious as this..

Hi L.!
Does this family know about Jesus? My father passed away in Jan. 05. We have little ones in the family and we explained it like this...He went to live with Jesus where he will always be happy and never hurt again. And someday, we'll be with him again. And when we are...we will NEVER have to say good-bye again! This worked for us. We also explained that is was ok to miss him, cry because we felt like it, and ok to talk about him. We got out pictures and homemade movies and cried and giggled and laughed out loud! The important thing is to talk about her. Keep her alive with memories. She will always be in their hearts and forever be with them, "right in there" then point to their heart. The more they talk about her, the better they are able to deal, even at age three and a half. Pictures take on a big role at that age, keeping her fresh in their minds, thus, their heart. And stories of all kinds help the little ones to deal with this. This is truly a sad time in their little life, but it can be time of healing as well. Just remember, God didn't take her away, He is not a mean God. He just loved her so much as to not want her to hurt anymore. It's always hard on the ones left behind. Jesus has His ever-loving arms stretched out to hold you. All you have to do is ask. Much love to you and my heart really is with you!!!

Just Me!
S.

L. I am so sorry for your loss and my heart aches for that child. Our grandpa passed away last year and I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 year old nephew. We told them that grandpa wouldn't be at their special days anymore but he would always bet here in their heart. We told my daughter that she could now have special time with Grandpa in her dreams and she can always talk to him, but you have to listen really hard to hear him. Also told them that we would always come and visit grandpa at his new home.
The special dream dates were what did it for my daughter, every now and again she will tell me that her and Grandpa Pete played last night. I know that this will be really hard but I think that it is really important to keep talking about the mom and having pictures and special things.

My heart aches for your cousin. My daughter lost her father the year she turned six. That was the hardest day of my life to tell her that her Daddy had gone to be with God in Heaven. She is older but I had told her that her Daddy had gone to Heaven and is an angel now, her Guardian Angel, watching over her all the time.

One thing we did was Hamilton Funeral Home here in Des Moines (IA) offers Childrens Grief Services. It is called Healing Hearts for children in grades 1st through sixth and Little Hand for children ages 3 - 6. It was AMAZING and may be something to check into in your area to see if something similar is offered.

I hope you find something that makes this difficult time easier for all of you. My thoughts are with you.

Whether you believe in angels or not, I think that is a really good way to explain death to small kids. My mother passed away when my son was about 3, and he didn't know what was going on. So I told him that she was going to heaven to be an angel to look over us. This was really helpful when we were at the funeral and he could 'see' her, but needed to know that she wasn't really there. I think it made it much less scary, and instead of crying when he went up to see her, he was happy for her because she got to be with God/Jesus. My 9 year old also liked this explanation. We also used the song, "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" to explain it. If you haven't heard it, it talks about the mom passing away, but still being around because when it rains, that's her crying because she's happy for them, but wishes she could be there. It did rain on the day we buried my mother and my 9 yo took comfort in that and smiled and said that she didn't want us to cry, she was telling us so by raining on us.

I know your out of state. But try this website. There's a section on there about death. The website is completechildrenshealth.com.

Hope this helps.

hi oh so sorry to hear that . i guess i could say is make sure thre are plenty of pictures of them together and of her and go that route it wont be to much longer that he will be asking and make a album of before and up to the date that she was last in his life. and just reasure him that she is watching him every day from a better place god bless and take care .

Tell him Mommy went to live with Jesus. I just had to go through this with my daughter and her grandma. At this age they don't understand death or forever, so it's going to be a constant battle of reminding, but one day it will sink in. Hope this helps

L. I just went through this with my kids... My brother died in a car accident... I told my boys that god needed a new star in the sky. I told them that the stars arent that bright so they needed a new one.. They look outside at night and see the stars my oldest replied to me and said mom uncle lee has alot of friends.. There is alot of stars out there. I said yea there are alot of stars cause god needed them so you arent the only one that has lost a loved one......
ITs a hard thing to do but you have to do something that they can look out and see point out the brightest star and tell him there is your mommy looking down on you and keeping you safe

My daughter lost her papa/best friend when she was only 4. He had cancer and lost the battle. We told her that he went to heaven to be with the angels. I dont know what your nephews momma died of. But I explained to my daughter that he was sick and god didnt want to see him suffer any more. We are not every sunday church people. But it made my daughter feel alittle bit better to know he was in a good place and that one day she will see him again. We had to tell her that he was not coming back but he was watching over her. We told her it was ok to be sad and mad. But on days she was happy that it was ok also. Cause he wouldnt want her to be sad all the time. Her heart was broken. I never knew a child that young could feel that kind of pain. He has to be told about his momma. He knows something isnt right. He will have alot of different feelings and everyone needs to be supportive. Because he doesnt know how to handle his feelings yet. Always remember to rell him that he was his mommas little mirical and she loved him more then anything in the whole world. Tell him all the time that she was and is proud of him. It is going to be hard for everyone but time will ease your pain and his. My daughter is 9 now and still has days were she will cry for her papa. But not very often. Just when she is sad, scared and confussed. I still to this day tell her how much he loved her and how proud he would be of her. We have pictures of him all over the house and one by her bed. This is what worked for us. I pray for you and your familey.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss in your family. It will be tough on that little guy, but you will be amazed by their actual understanding of things. My son lost a friend who was 3 at the time and he was 2. I had to tell him because we still hung out with his family and I didnt want him to be scared to go over to the house. He was very close to the mom too and I would have felt terrible if he was scared of her because his friend was missing. We also bought him something from a store for him to have to remember his friend. He knew his friend loved frogs, so we got a stuffed one. He cried. We didnt take him to the funeral, but he went to the reception afterwards. It was probably one of the hardest funerals I had to attend. My advice is to be 100% honest with the baby, because it will be scarier for him if he thinks his mom abanded him. And let him have something, if possible, of hers to keep by his bed, like her pillow or a shirt. Good Luck!

My husbands grand-ma passed away when our daughter was 4 and she seemed to be ok with, God needed her back and so now she works for him in heaven and you'll get to see her when it is your turn to go to heaven. Her only confusion was with why there was a "sleeping" grand-ma in the "bed" (coffin) we just told her those are the parts God doesn't need. She said ok. And that was it. The only problem we have is says she wants to go to heaven - now! So I guess a Christian explanation and keep it light. Good luck.
M.

Hello L.,
I used to work at a funeral home (took time off to be an at home mom!) and I have been asked this question many times. What we always told people was to just tell them the truth. Something like ''I have something very sad to tell you. Mommy has died and we won't be able to see her anymore. She went to heaven." Depending on the child, telling them that she is an Angel now may help. Maybe even buy an angel figurine to give the child in memory of Mommy. If the child will view Mommy in a casket, we never recommended telling the child that 'Mommy' is sleeping. This may give them a false perception that Mommy will wake up. It is OK to prepaire the child by telling them that it will look like Mommy is sleeping.

The funeral home that is taking care of arrangements should have some literature on this subject. Ask the funeral director for some Care notes or ask if they have a lending library.

Good luck and I will keep this family in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my mother when I was 2 1/2, and I remember asking where Mommy was. When I grew older, I found comfort in knowing that my Mommy was with Jesus and was watching over me all the time.

My Sympathies,
K.

I think you'd be surprised how much these little ones can understand. When my husband's grandpa passed away our then three-year-old had a crystal-clear understanding of what was going on. She told us after listening to much grown-up talk, I'm sure, that Grandpa Burt's heart stopped beating and that he went to live with God. No one put these words in her mouth. She simply analyzed the information she had heard and put it in her own words. She was sad, which is the normal reaction to death, but she worked through it. I'm so sorry for your loss. It will be hard, but children are amazingly resilient. As long as he knews his mommy loved him and he has people here on Earth that still love him, he will come out of this just fine.

hi,
my son was only 2 when my husband passed away. i believe your cousin should tell his son. my son only knows his dad by pictures but we still talk about him and how he is in heaven watching over us.

That is a hard situation to handle.
My neice was murdered several years ago in Boise
by her at the time boyfriend. He shot her in the head
just outside of the Toco Bell.
She left behind a little boy and ex-husband.

The only way I can think of telling any child is that the person
is now with God. Up there playing with the stars.

It really depends on the religion that they belong to.

Good Luck!

It hurts my heart to think about. All I would know what to say is that you mommy will always be with you in your heart and your dreams, but you won't be able to see her anymore because she is an angel watching over you from the sky. My prayers are with you.