Just Need Some Advice...

C.,
I am going to give you some advice that might be out of the ordinary, but I hope it will be thought provoking and provide some longer term help for you as you go through all of these decisions and transitions. It is the hard advice, it is the hard answer, it is the unpopular one, but I find that upholding truth, love and good moral charater to always be the best in the long run!!! God's Blessings to you.
Number 1. I suggest that before you move all the way across the ocean with your fiance, that you actually marry him. Maybe that is in the plan soon, but your daughter needs as much stability as you can give her and to live with another man that isn't compltetly yours (i.e. your husband) will not only teach her poor character about commitment, but could harm you as well if something were to not work out with him.

Number 2. Unless your daughter's father is a completely awful man and you don't plan on him ever seeing her again once you leave, you should put him and your daughter before yourself. It's very important for a girl to have a good relationship with her father and if he loves her and you want her to know him then it would be in all of your best interest to work hard at getting it sorted through before you run off with another guy far away. That's not to say that you aren't important and that you should let people walk all over you or that you shouldn't go to Hawaii sometime, but first get a good friend, family member or lawyer and work it out so you have something figured out that can bless your baby girl instead of hurt her. If you and her father are always fighting, always at odds over her, she WILL be effected negatively. Be gracious and do your best to get a mediator to help you two work things out.

Then, I think if you are married, and have at least somewhat of a compromise worked out so that your daughter can see her daddy and you, and feel loved, secure, not "fought over" then it would make sense for you to move and try to be a blessing to every one in your life. Being Selfish is not the answer, fighting over your child will hurt her and make you feel lousy, and living with a man who's not your husband will only lead to confusion in your daughter who needs to know that commitment is important and that CHildren are safest and best fit in a family that's not arguing over her! My Best wishes and prayers are with you. Uphold Good Character and seek wise council maybe from a pastor or councelor and the God of peace will be able to lead you through even the most murky of waters.

I know that if the child's father has any legal custody of your child, he has to give permission for the child to live in another state. There would have to be an agreement between the two of you in order for you to leave the state with the child. (my girlfriend just did this last year, and it was a long battle before she could leave). Best of luck with your move & all that goes with it.

I myself am trying to move out of state. And I know it will better for my daughter and she will have family that actually cares about her and supports us if we do so I know we would be better off. I can't sit here and think about the people will be leaving in Minnesota if we do or her dad. I have think about what's best for my daughter and I right now. Life's short and I'm not gonna settle for less or just be stuck here. That's what I keep telling myself. As far as transitioning if I go along with this I think so many more positive things will be happening that if anything my daughter will be happier. I hate to switch her schools and stuff but I'd rather do it while they're young.

Try asking someone from transition assistance in his unit to see if they can help. One thing you need to remember is that hawaii is very expensive. MY sis in law's sister and husband used to live in Hawaii (oahu) and the jobs sucked there and there was really nothing for them to do after a while because it is soo small and it is not like you can drive to a different state. Good luck!!

I think it's up to your daughter to decide what kind of relationship she wants with her father. Once she has control in establishing that then maybe the transition will go well.