Moms with Experience in Getting Legal Custody of Baby in California

I would say you need to go down the list of attorneys in the phone book and see if any of them do free 30 minute consultations.

You can move anywhere in the world taking your biodaughter UNTIL custody papers are filed. So can he. Neither of you has to consent, UNTIL those papers go in. But that only takes a couple hours down at the courthouse to file an 'emergency order of custody' that will put the breaks on everything. It can take months to get the final arrangement down, but just a single day for an emergency order.

Married or single ANY biological parent can take their child with them anywhere until the MOMENT the courts get involved.

Were I you, I would go home to "visit" family with your daughter.

But don't forget NEVER deal with the legal system without a lawyer!!!

I do have some experience with this.
First of all, you may not realize this, but because you and the baby's father are not married, technically, your child is a ward of the state. Neither you or the father have actual legal custody of your child.
Sadly, many women assume that because they are the mothers, they have some automatic custody. You merely have possession of your child.

I fear you will have an uphill battle taking the baby to Hawaii. I can promise you that even IF they allow you to take her, you will be responsible for all transportation, including costs, for her to have regular visits with her father.
By regular visits, I mean every Easter, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas and every summer because she is with you the rest of the time and obviously every other weekend would be too hard on the child at that distance.

Your daughter's father is correct in that he can file papers in Los Angeles that will prevent you from leaving at least until the court case is settled. And, every court hearing after that will be in the jurisdiction of Los Angeles County.

I'm not trying to upset you. I understand you wanting to be near your family for help and financial support, etc, but the court will not see what that has to do with the baby having to be away from her father. They could give him custody and let you go on your merry way with what they consider liberal visitation for you during the summer and on holidays.
I think you have to realize that you aren't just moving out of state. It's not like you want to go to Nevada. You want to go across the ocean to a completely different time zone.

Being a single mother is hard. For the last 15 years, I've raised two kids by myself here in California. I don't have a Master's Degree in anything, but I've managed.
I've been offered really good jobs just in other counties and my choice was to move without my kids or spend so much time travelling back and forth that I would actually go in the hole financially by missing work and providing all transportation. It wasn't worth it.
My daughter is 24 and on her own. My son is a Junior in high school. Once he graduates, I am free to go anywhere in the world I want. In the meantime, my son has a very close relationship with his father and for that reason, I can't say I've regretted not being able to go where I please.

You live in L.A. There are lots and lots of opportunities there. You may have to resolve yourself to finding a way to make things work out where you are.

I wish you the very best. I really do.

I divorced when my daughter was four years old, she is eighteen now...there is no way in the world I would have considered taking her away from her dad, I know you didn't want to hear that but I consider my daughter and how we handled it a success. My daughter and her dad having a relationship was extremely important to both of us. I obviously wasn't happy in my marriage but I knew a child, especially a daughter, needs to have a relationship with her father. Not just on summer vacations either so I live less than a mile away from her dad. She spent a lot of time with him, we were both involved in school activities, sports and parenting together. Sure, it was difficult at first with our issues but I truly feel it is in the best interest of my daughter to have access and close relationships to both parents - I owed her that. He wasn't a murderer abuser, we just had our stuff.

You don't have to be financially dependent on your fiance, I'm not (not dismissing child support from your fiance). You are educated and can find a career in many areas. I didn't accept that the economy was an excuse to not find a job this past April when I was laid off after 13 years. There are jobs and those who are qualified and truly spend their time searching for a job as if it were a job will get one.

I hope you reconsider keeping access to her father open for your daughter. My daughter is very well adjusted, high achieving, has a great outlook on men/fathers and appreciates more than anything how we handled it (even if we didn't stay married).

After your edit: I was alone! I had no help from family. Moving away WOULD keep your daughter away from her father.

I don't know the laws in California. I do know it can be quick or it can be lengthily. It all depends on how much he wants to fight you on it. In the end you most likely will be able to take her back to Hawaii. Think about it this way if no one was allowed by the court to take their child to where they find housing and work there would be a lot of homeless unemployed moms.

Hi. I am originally from NY & live in Los Angeles. Although I love it here, when my ex-hubby & I split, my plan was to go back to NY to be closer to family. When I told him I was leaving that week because I had noone in CA, he ran as fast as he could to the courthouse & served me with divorce papers which inevitibly forced me to stay in LA. I couldn't believe he did that to me. Myself & three year old ended up in a hotel for a month because I had no where to go. I found a job & found us a place to live. Went back to school & recently graduated from UCLA. It was tough doing it alone, but doable. Check this out...he legally forced me to stay in LA but in the end remarried & moved back to his hometown in Ohio. Bastard! As long as you leave before he serves you with papers, he has no legal ground to keep you in LA. But once papers are filed, yes you are stuck to fight the legal battle unfortunately. Hope that helps! Good luck sweetie!

Updated

Oh and there's a program that I used called Connections for Children in Santa Monica to help with the offset of childcare when you work. Like I said, it's doable. If you need more info...let me know...you'll be fine.

I don't live in CA. I'd check with a family lawyer or family court in Hawaii as well as CA. Specifically, find out if you move there how long you need to be there to be considered a resident of that state (so he would have to file for custody in Hawaii not CA). It may be that if you move and he files custody papers in CA immediately you would have to either stay or come back for court dates. You may also be able to get information on custody in CA by checking with the family court in your county.

Hi A.L.,

I think Kisha and Shane make some excellent points. I know it seems so hard now, but I think it is easier in the long run to raise your daughter near her dad.

I was in the same place you are, and moved closer to family. It turned out to be a nightmare. I didn't have the support I thought I would (they had the best intentions really but they were busy with their own lives), and the distance made it hard for her dad to visit. Basically it was all on me anyway. So I moved back, within 10 minutes of him, and it has been great. He doesn't help always as much as I would like but they have a wonderful relationship. I think this will serve her well as she matures and begins dating.

I've seen the other side of things with my new husband and my stepdaughter: we do not live close and I think this is less than ideal for her. I worry about her. Similarly, my niece and my husband's ex-wife live far from him, and I can tell you during my last visit I was shocked at how she craved attention from men, any man. Not saying this will always be the case, but it sure made me glad I had made the choices I did : (

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck! I know it's hard right now, but believe me it DOES get better...

Kisha has it right......Legally, he cannot keep you from moving to Hawaii UNTIL paperwork has been filed and signed by a judge. With no paperwork right now, you both have equal rights as a parent, especially if you were to already have a job in Hawaii once the paperwork begins. The judge will probably reduce the Father's child support to make it easier for visitation costs he will have to endure, or whatever type of visitation agreement you both agree on. It wil be difficult, especially with Holidays, birthdays, etc. to agree on something that you are both happy with, but if you have no other choice in supporting yourself and your child, then I'm sure you guys will figure it out and may even be able to work something out where he pays a little more in support so you are able to stay here and make it easier for him to see his child.

Good luck and the best to you both =o )