Just Had Newborn and I Seem to Better Annoyed and Irritated with Older Daughter

My two little ones (both still under 3) are only 14 months apart, so I totally get it. And she was a handful and the little guy was so laid back so I felt the same way. Look, it's rough at that age and it'll be rought for a while, but the others are right. Try to be in her shoes and always make a point to carve out time for her. It does get easier...may be a little while but it will get better.

You just had a new baby, your life has changed in many ways and her entire universe just got tossed upside down! I would be whiney and fussy and pissy with you for "no reason at all" for sure! Is there any way your 14 month old can go to a child care facility for a few hours a day - to get away from the annoying baby and give her special time w/out baby daily. There will be a lot of baby/sister time but there needs to be ample big sister time. In addition I would suggest you get your older one a doll or something simmilar to have her take care of her doll (other item) while you are taking care of the new baby. Oh and if the feelings escalate or become overwhelming I would talk to your doctor about it - it could be more than what it seems.

Totally normal. Here's the deal: Your 14 month old is really still a baby with a lot of needs. In addition she's not really able to express what she needs or wants because her vocal abilities aren't really developed yet. Add in that she's trying to be more independent and then mommy brought home a new baby who is taking a lot of time.

You on the other hand are now a mom to 2 very little children who need you to do everything. But when you have a new baby in the house you suddenly expect the older one to grow up a little and be more independent because your time is now split between 2 little ones. It's a hard balance but it'll work it's way out.

Try to get some time to yourself where you can rest and center yourself. If you have a friend or relative who can take your older child for a couple hours that would work out well.

I think what you're going through is completely normal, especially since she is so young. She can't possibly understand why she is not the center of attention anymore; her world is upside down. It's also very normal for you to be absolutely enthralled with your newborn, how else would newborns survive?! You didn't mention having a spouse or other family/friends support. This would be a great time for them to step up and give extra 1:1 attention to your daughter. Maybe ask someone to come over every day for a play date with your daughter and ask that they don't make a huge fuss over the newborn since your daughter is the one who is having a hard time.

My oldest was almost 20 months old when #2 was born.... I still remember thinking, as I changed my oldest daughter's diaper... "This is crazy.... I shouldn't have to still be changing her diaper... she's old enough to know better!" Of course... that was really silly/stupid... she was only 20 months old! It just shows how irrational OUR thoughts can be at times.....

It's normal for your older daughter to regress, to whine and try to compete for your attention. If you can find ways to spend time one on one with her, get Dad or Grandmom or a best friend to spend time with your infant, Your infant won't care, the babysitter will LOVE spending time with your precious bundle, you will reconnect with what you love about your oldest (IF you can relax and know your little one is in good hands) and the one on one with Mom will improve her behavior.

Congrats on your baby! I don't have answers, but wanted you to know you are not alone and you are normal. I felt this way about my son after my daughter was born. I can't remember how long it lasted, but I am convinced it was completely hormone related. You will get through it and the dust will settle and it will all be a distant memory. Do you have any help? Someone to take your daughter for a few hours? That may help. Good luck. Btw, I'm due with baby #3 this week, so I guess this time around I will have 2 kids to annoy me, lol. ;)

Totally normal! I have 2 boys that are now 4 1/2yr & 11mo. I still find myself more "irritated" or easily annoyed with my oldest than my youngest. I feel he knows better and should be listening and shouldn't be doing things he knows not to do. But I try to remember, along with it being an age thing, he's gone through a major changes with having a baby brother in the past almost year now. It's hard for the older sibling to adjust. My youngest was a very fussy baby and is still "high maintenance", but like I said, I still find myself more easily annoyed with the oldest than the youngest. Try to find a little bit of time to spend alone with your oldest if you can, even if it's just snuggling on the couch relaxing or watching TV or reading a book. Good luck and congrats!

yes its tough now!!! and I experienced it too....son 17 months old when baby girl born. Just try your best to be there for her. And give her extra attention...she needs it. And once baby can sit up and laugh they will start playing!!! easier at crawling stage like 8 months and on. And now my girl is 15 months and boy 2 1/2 and they are best playmates! Try to be fair and yes she really is still a baby. Put newborn down whenever you can and shower her with attention . Good luck!!!!!

Your words, not mine: "Sometimes I don't spend enough time with her but when I try to make time she is just fussy the whole time and it makes me not even want to try".

She is still just a baby too and her life is completely changed. Maybe dad or grandma can help out so you can still have special time with your older baby.

Good luck, it has to be stressful.

Ok, I went through the same thing with my son. He was 2-1/2 when my daughter was born. I found I just kept on getting annoyed with him over everything. then I stopped and thought I had to change my way of thinking. I started calling him my sweetie, baby--sweet names. And that has changed my thinking. Now, your older daughter could be jelous of the new baby. It's understandable--first she's the baby and now there is a new baby and she's not the baby any more. You should include you oldest daughter in caring for her baby sister--have big sister hold little sister, feed little sister, watch over the baby (while your there, of course). And always shower you oldest with lots of love and encouragement. This is a change for your girl. Try spending time with both girls.

hope that works!

You are tired and stressed. Your babies are only 13 months apart, two sets of diapers to change, two mouths to feed, two nap schedules to manage, I'm getting overwhelmed just thinking about it!
I've never been in your situation because mine were 30 months and 42 months apart, and I never had two in diapers at the same time. I can imagine it's going to be hard for a while. Is there anyone who can take the baby sometime, at least for a few hours so you can just spend some time one on one with your older one?
And don't forget to give yourself a break as well. When mine were that small I would save my grocery shopping and other local errands for the evening hours when my husband was home. Walking though the grocery store all by myself: what bliss! And I went for a walk every Saturday morning with my bff, followed by coffee and a bagel, kid free.
Take good care of YOURSELF and you will have more patience and ultimately be a better mom :)

I was just reading about this phenomenon in Adventures in Tandem nursing. It happens, it's normal and it won't last. The exact reason why, I can't remember (although instinct tells me it is instinctual - for protecting the newborn) - I'll send you an email if I get a chance to leaf through the book again.

I had the hardest time NOT being hard on my son when I had my daughter. He was 26mos at the time, and in my head, since I'd had all that time with him, he should *know* how to do a lot of things that he wouldn't need my help with.
I still have to remind myself that he's only 3. He still needs my help with a lot of things, as well as cuddles. And it's hard - with a newborn - to see what all of tha whining is about.
When you first have 2, you have to learn how to balance the attention between the two of them, and that's difficult. Give yourself some time to adjust, and try to remember to be patient with your oldest. She's still little and needs mommy just as much as the baby, just in different ways.

You'll settle into a routine in time. Relax a bit, this is normal!

you are just to tired but not fair to toddler get some help

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time of it. The thing is, your "older" daughter is a baby! Just because you've had another baby a year later doesn't make her a "big girl." She is acting like a baby because she IS a baby. Please still treat her as one. She can't understand why you are less available to her or what this other baby is doing there. If you're not spending enough time with her, then get some help at home so that you can spend more time with her. Get someone to hold the baby for a while so you can spend time with the bigger baby. Let the baby fuss a bit while you tend to the bigger one, so that she knows that sometimes she comes first for you. She may be well cared for, but she needs you.

What you are feeling is normal, high stress causes more annoyances- and her regression is normal too. She's no longer the baby and she wants it back. Nature has required you to put more of your nurturing effort into the one who needs it the most, your baby.

Take time each day for your oldest and only her, it could be 30 minutes of " her" time. It will help.