4 Years+ Between Children

Closeness has nothing to do with the age and everything to do with the individual personalities and how they are raised.

I also had wanted my kids to be 3 years apart. They ended up being 4.5 years apart. While I don't have too much experience to speak of (they are 5 1/2 and 16 months right now) it seems like so far they are very close. The older one adores the younger one, though sometimes he is annoyed with him, and the younger one copies everything the older one does. They play together all the time. And they are still close enough to have sibling rivalry going on (especially the older one towards the younger one right now). I wouldn't worry.

My kids are 4 years apart.
They get along GREAT and are VERY close... and love each other dearly. They are like 2 shadows.... and they really look out for one another and care for each other.

We did not plan on it being 4 years apart... it just happened that way. I am very glad. Very glad.
My eldest child, my daughter, was old enough and mature enough when my son was born... to REALLY enjoy her baby brother when he was born. And she did not have any emotional hang ups about it or jealousy. It was good for her, maturity wise... and my girl and son get along so so fabulously. They are 2 peas in a pod and are such a 'team' together.

My Hubby and his brother are 4 years apart as well. And it was no problem.

None of my kids suffer because of the 4 year age gap. In fact, it is 'perfect' for them and us.

*Adding this: We also explained to our eldest child, about child development... in an age appropriate way... so that she "understood" her baby brother and "why" he can or cannot do what she does, and what age stages he goes through. That way, she was more understanding and sympathetic towards him when he is fussy etc. And we also explained that babies cry... anytime. But its normal.

All the best,
Susan

I agree with SH. My boys are 4.3 years apart and it couldn't be more perfect. The older one ADORES the little one (they are 5.8 years and 16 months now) and the baby can't get enough of his older brother. They crack one another up. Yes, the older one sometimes gets annoyed if the baby is crying when he's trying to listen to music in the car, and believe or not, the younger one will swat at the older one when he doesn't want to play with him, but all in all it is a perfect age difference. I bet these issues would come up even more often if they were closer in age!

From my perspective, as a working mom, it could not be better. The older one is able to take care of certain things himself when I need to tend to the little one.

Do not regret your circumstances AT ALL.

Best,
R.
(Mom to Jared and Xander)

Can't speak to the relationship but I'm sure your 3 year old would rather have a sibling than not, regardless of how far apart they are (I'm an only child)!

They can be close NO problem. My oldest two are 3 years apart and very close then my youngest is 9 years & 12 years younger then the two older ones they are all very close. MY oldest daughter is like a second mother to both my boys and the middle one is close to both as well. My youngest gets upset when either of the older is gone because he misses them so much. Its up to you to make them feel close. Invvolve them all together do things as a family. If I had it to do over I would love for them to all be 4 years apart. Congrats and good luck.

My older siblings and I are about 10 years apart and then my younger sister and I are 8 years apart. (My father had his children before he married my mom. Then my mom got remarried and had my sister.) It all really depends on how you raise your children. My mom raised my sister and I to respect one another and ya we still do picker every once in a while but that is all part of growing up. I'm close to my younger sister since we both grew up with each other. Just make sure that you spend one on one time with your little girl so that way she doesn't feel left out when the baby does arrive.

I agree on the jealousy point for sure. I have 2 that are 14 mos apart and our 3rd is 3 years younger than my second. That makes my son (who is my oldest) and my youngest daughter 4 yrs apart and I think it is great. While of course there will be a little bit of, "M., can you get her away from my ..." while your baby is a toddler, I think that they will still be able to have a great bond. My son was sooo excited when our baby began to "play" and just yesterday he told me that he was going to miss her when he starts school next week :( Plus it is really awesome to have one who is self sufficient while you have a newborn. Congrats!

I would not worry if I were you...My kiddos are approximately five years apart and my older two are very helpful and protective of the younger two...and the younger two are always trying to copy what the older two are doing. It's actually pretty cute. I look forward to the day when the are 10 and 5 years old instead of 1 and 6...but I really wouldn't have it any other way! (=
No matter when your next one comes along I think it'll be the RIGHT time...(= Take care,
A.

I personally feel that it is a matter of how children are raised, combined with their own personalities that will determine how well they get along. My hubby and his sister are 4.5 yrs apart and are not close at all. He resented her big time as a child and honestly, to this day I can see why. His parents didn't include him in on anything and it was all about her. Even now, it is still all about her. As an adult he no longer resents her, he just isn't close to her as a result of their childhood.

On another note, I have dear friends that have children 6 years apart and they are super close!!! Their oldest, now 10, loves her brother so much and they have a wonderful relationship even though he is only 4. I was really amazed at how well they get along.

I think the best thing you can do is talk to your daughter about having another baby around. Once the baby is born, include her in on everything that you possibly can. Let her bring you diapers, changes of clothes, etc. Tell her what a great big sister she is and she will remain interested in her new little sibling.

Remember, some children that are close in age don't get along well. I wouldn't let the age gap deter you from having another. So much of it is how they are raised.

Good Luck to you!

My kids are 11(almost 12), 7, and 2. They are all 4.5 years apart. My oldest liked the 7 year old until he was 2, and is liking him again. They both adore their little sister (and she loves to be with them). I think it all depends on their personality. I am also 4.5 years apart from my older and younger sisters. We are all very close. We had the typical sibling rivalry growing up. One thing that I really liked about having my kids 4.5 years apart, is that I had an opportunity to enjoy the baby time with each of them. My boys both started full day kindergarten just after I had a baby. There also isn't fighting over toys because they are at different developmental stages. It's nice because I can ask the older kids to help watch the little one while I'm home and they will play with her. I never planned to have kids so far apart, but I love it.

Hi
Mine are 3.5 years apart. I thnik it is a good gap as I only have one set of diapers to change, carry, clean up etc. They get along well for the most part. Big brother is very patient and understanding. I think that is due to his age. The only real issue I have is that the baby is still napping and the older one gets a little bored. But at least he gets my undivided attention for a few hours a day
Good luck