Twins: Do You Always Invite Both?

Just like you can invite one or more siblings, you can invite one or both twins. I would say for some things, go ahead and invite both once in a while but YES invite only the one when that is who you want to invite.

My son has twins in his class and the first couple of years we always invited both, but as they have gotten older we have started only inviting the boy because that is who my son is actually friends with.

I am a twin, and at that age, it was hard when my sister was invited to a party without me, when I knew the birthday girl. If you are doing something where you are inviting all of the girls in the class, and the unfriendly twin isn't part of that, I could see using that as the reason.

However, if you are just invite a set of girls willy nilly, it would be nice to include both or neither.

We too would argue, and it did get to the point where one mom said no more. That we both couldn't be at the house at the same time. My sister started getting invited over more than I did, even tho I was the friend first. To this day, 20+ years later they consider each other their best friend, and I'm just on the fringe.

Yes, you can definitely invite only one twin. They are siblings, not conjoined! And just as you would if a parent asked to send a younger sibling along, you merely reiterate that you are inviting the one child only. Hold your ground. You absolutely do not need to explain why (the difficult behavior of the other one), but merely that you are inviting the one child. Let their family sort out excuses and such.

Oh, and just for clarification, I do not have twins, but am one. :)

I would treat the twin the same as any other sibling...only invite the child that your child wishes to play with. You aren't providing child care for all of the other kids in the family.

It's definitely OK to invite one twin. Since you socialize with the mother I suggest you discuss this with her when you're not inviting anyone. Be kind and tell her your concerns.

My 11 yr daughter is good friends with a girl who has a twin. It's very similar to your story in that the twins are complete opposites, don't get along, and have their own friends. Their mother has always encouraged them to be their own people. They have always been in different classes etc...Their mother is totally fine with one twin being invited and not the other. I have no problems doing so, since my daughter isn't friends with the twin at all.

My daughter has friends, that happen to be twins. There are lots of twins, at my kids' school.
My daughter is now in 6th grade.
But throughout school since Kindergarten, she has invited, the twin, that she is friends with. Not both.
However, all of these twins that my daughter knows, they are very well adjusted, each twin has their own set of friends or interests, and the parents do not, push BOTH twins, being invited, onto the Host of any play date or party. The parents do not make, the Host, "responsible" for their twins social life or not.
Same for any play-dates, in which there are siblings... in the family.
Just because you invite one of the kids, who are friends with your kid... that does not mean you HAVE to invite ALL siblings, to your house or social, just because your child is friends with ONE of their, kids.

Twins or families with more than one kid in it, they just have to learn, that each kid has their own, friends and socials.
It just is.

HOWEVER, as a "Host" for whatever social you have, you also have to... speak up. Otherwise, you get roped into the "habit" of, inviting all of a family's kids, to your home for any play time or party.
AND, it is up to the parent of the kid, who is not invited, to explain "life" and invitations, to their kid.

Your daughter is now 10 years old.
You need to get used to, that by now... kids have their own friends and preferences, and sometimes, they just want their ONE friend, to come over and need their own time, together. Alone.
You can explain that to that Twin's Mom.....
And when/if she asks if the other twin can come... well, you have to explain to her, no.
That Mom maybe, just does not want to deal with the hassle of explaining to her other twin, that only one twin was invited.
So she then, puts it on, you to deal with.
You have to just speak up.

Both my kids, a girl and boy, have friends that have siblings their ages. We all know, each other and my kids know them and all their siblings too.
BUT when/if I have a play-date at my home for ONE of my kids... that does not mean, I then invite the WHOLE other family, too. I say "can Emily come over, my daughter wants to invite her over. Its just the girls today. Not the brothers...." and it is fine. The other Mom, understands. Or I just say, "I don't feel like having ALL the siblings over today. Just the boys. Or JUST the girls..." and it is FINE.
I say, my parameters, of any play-date, to the other family.
And it is, fine.
But SOMETIMES, I do invite the entire, bunch of siblings over, and then BOTH my kids, have a whole bunch of kids over.
But, that is up to me.

I have friends who are twins (not with each other). They both say that twins like to be their own people! They have always said, "Treat twins like siblings, not like a set."

Therefore, I suggest that you invite your daughter's friend. The sibling might be just as happy not to go - and it gives the mother the opening (whether she likes it or not) to have some one-on-one time with the other child.

I would hope the mother would not be so rude as to want both invited if one is, but you can always say the guest list is limited, I guess.

There might be other occasions on which you might invite both twins, and maybe the whole family.

Yes, you can invite one. If the mom asks, say something like "Three makes an awkward crowd for kids this age, and DD would really like some time just with Twin1. But maybe soon we can get together as entire families so all the kids can see each other."

You don't want to criticise the twin that is not invited, just say that your daugher prefers one-on-one activities.

And it one of the 'rules' of playdates that I've seen - kids get along better in groups of even numbers than odd. Groups of 3 kids are the least likely to get along, because someone almost always ends up feeling left out.

i'm surprised at the mom. most parents of twins i know encourage independent treatment.
i myself would not feel obliged to invite both. and if the mother pushed it, a simple 'rosemary has developed a friendship with annaleigh but not so much with isabella. we are inviting a limited number of guests, so it's close friends only.'
if she pushes it, don't invite either one.
khairete
S.

By age 10, I don't think you need to invite both girls anymore. Kids this age choose their own friends and shouldn't have to play with someone just because she's part of a package deal.

If she asks for the other one to come, you should try being honest. Say that your daughter has grown much closer with Twin A and that the twins don't always get along when they are at your house. If she persists, suggest meeting at a park or somewhere public where both you and the other mom are present. At least that way you don't have to deal with it when her girls fight. For a play date at your house though, you should not have to have both girls.

It makes sense when they are younger, but not once they are 10 years old.

No, I don't think at this stage, you need to invite a sibling (even a same aged one) who isn't really friends with your kid.

They are ten now. That's middle school age (at least, it was for my kids). Time to put the responsiblity on the kids. Have your daughter call to invite her friend over - they are old enough not to have moms setting up "play dates." "Mom, Kayla invited me over, can I go?" Less mom chat, less chance to ask. Also, it sounds like the sister isn't even being consulted about whether she wants to go, her mom just asks if she can - sounds like mom wants a kid free afternoon, rather than caring about whether the girls all get along nicely. That may be why she isn't nice when she comes over - she's been forced by her mom to tag along on her sister's playdate to hang out with a kid who isn't really her friend. The sister is past the age where mom should be making plans for her without asking her.

The kids are getting older and they'll find that they get along with some people more than others. Play dates should be fun. No I wouldn't feel bad about inviting 1 of the twins and not both. Explain to their mom that you'd prefer just to have 1 over because 'they fight with each other and it kind of defeats the whole invite a friend over for fun' thing.

I have twins and when 1 was invited to a play date or party I never asked if the other could attend. My twins were not a unit; they were individuals with their own likes and dislikes. My daughter had a friend who came over to play all the time. It wasn't until a while that I found out that she was a twin. The mom never mentioned it because she had the same thinking I did. Not a unit but 2 individuals who happened to be born one after the other.

Just invite the one you want to invite...their mom can then make the determination to accept your offer or decline it. You do not have to offer reason why.

You dont have to invite both. In fact the twins will likely appreciate being treated as individuals instead of a unit. Being twins does not mean they have to do all the exact same things with the exact same friends. Its healthly for them to have seperate "things" to do and friends that they dont have to share. Ignore the twins factor and treat them the same way you would treat any family with more than one child .

You know what this sounds like-the other twin wants to do their own thing and not have to go everywhere with the invited twin. At 10-they really should be encouraged to have their own identity. The twin is acting out and essentially begging to be left at home, just doesn't know how to articulate this to the parents-who clearly want them to live together beyond college. Good luck, I would talk to the twin and the mom.

Sorry but I would invite them both.

My daughter has a set of twins in her grade and is good friends with one, but not the other. The one she's friends with has been invited to our house alone and her mom never even *hinted* that her other daughter be invited along.

Despite sharing a birthday and being the same age, twins are still two different people with different personalities. I'd just invite the one your daughter is friends with and gently let the mom know that she and your daughter are closer friends.

You should do what you want for your daughter. If she wants one than she has one.

When I was about that age,I once invited a girl to stay with me and was informed that had to invite a second girl to come as well whom I had not extended the invitation. Needless to say, I didn't pursue the request to have either come to the house. I felt it was not fair to me or the first girl to have to have the second tag along when I didn't want her at my home. Perhaps it was because they were children of the state and the person caring for them felt it would be a nice gesture to have both spend time away.

You are in control of the situation and do what you feel is comfortable. Don't let the mom push you around over this -- stand your ground.

the other S.

Twins or not twins..I dont feel your obligated to invited both every single time...do you have more than 1 child? does she invite both of your children.
I am good friends with a women and my three children and her two kids are all friends. unfortuntatley she has come to except me to always extend the invitaton to both of her kids. When she rarely has my kids at her house. Her kids are well mannered all 5 kids get along very nicely.
However it is not always possible to invite both of her kids at the same time. I dont feel I think its rude it she is comfortable asking.

I would invite both, knowing that one may not decide to attend. However, if the one who is not as good of friends is a tag-along, the assumption would be that both would attend.

My son is friends with a set of twins. He does different things with each. They all do stuff together. But there are time when one is busy with another activity or other friends. It is a good balance as the boys are different personalities. My son is very diplomatic about the friendship and has impressed the twins parents as the boys work things out on their own.

Hi, Sally:

Isn't that what adults do? Help children learn to get along and play nice.

I think it would be hurtful for a child to be excluded and have a sibling included.

Have you ever been rejected?

It doesn't feel good as a child.
It's like the sibling is better than the one uninvited.

Please remember civility. Please teach civility to your child and those who come in contact with her.
Good luck.
D.

I would probably talk it over with your little one. Once she puts the one twin on the list, let her know that it is very possible the other one will come. Let her know the pros and cons. I am sure she already knows, but sometimes kids don't want to say or they don't think of all of that when they are thinking about their party.

Hopefully in the end, she can decide to invite them both or neither. In a few more years, I think it will be acceptable to only invite one and the other will likely have her own thing going on.

I would invite both. I hate it when friends come between siblings, at any age.